My Aspie Checklist

I have now compiled a check list of questions of which I need to provide responses from questions people have asked me.

1. Q. How come you are not married?
A. Because I never found the right person and marriage is not for everyone.

2. Q. How come you don't have any children?
A. Because I didn't want any nor could I afford to have them

3. Q. Are you gay?
A. Yes I am gay, I have never been happier in my life in terms of getting a job and traveling the world when and where I can.

4. Q. You seem angry a lot are you unhappy?
A. I am perfectly fine as my health is good, and I try and do my best to help raise awareness of the Autism Spectrum

5. Q. How come you don't seem to have many friends?
A. I don't know as it seems other people have issues with me than I do with them

6. Q. Why do you advocate so strongly for Autism?
A. Because my life was difficult when I was younger and nobody really understood

7. Q. Why are you a militant advocate?
A. Do you think I conceal a weapon of some kind and start a war?

8. Q. Why are you so critical of Australia?
A. I am critical of Australia for I believe Australia and Australians can do more

9. Q. What are your interests and what do you enjoy?
A. I am old fashioned I guess. I like people to stand for common decency, provide community and take the time out to have respect in themselves and others.

10. Q. Do you think you are unrealistic in your goals?
A. I believe I am doing what God wants me to do. If it means I will not make change now at least I have documented it where I have and done my best.

11. Q. Are you interested in a relationship and women?
A. I do give it some thought but I have been hurt by rejection and women simply do not understand me. I keep an open door but I try and also get on with other things which are also more important in my life

12. Q. What exactly is Asperger Syndrome?
A. Asperger Syndrome is a neurological disorder and it affects a person socially. Asperger Syndrome has provided some very innovative people in this world and also some others who are unique in their own ways.

13. Q. What kind of disease is that (referring to AS)?
A. Asperger Syndrome is not a disease it is a neurological disorder.

Above are some questions I have been asked and these are some responses that I have/would provide.

Its always on other people's terms

All societies have their own way of interacting with each other but I find Australia notorious for having acquaintances more so than friends. It seems to me that interaction is always on the other person's terms more so than your own and when and where are friends when you need them? I have always felt like a wog in Australia with a different way of thinking and acting to other people around me. When I was much younger I used to say I was born in England as I found myself more English than Australian. I was not good at sport, I had my own obsessions and like then and now I am largely misunderstood.

I think the problem with Australia is its remoteness. It is isolated from the rest of the world and unlike other countries, it is far removed from other countries and does not share any borders. In Europe for instance, there is more close proximity to other countries. This may also allow for more competition and interaction. I am not sure but this is what I have observed. For a country comprising nearly 23 million, Australia seems to ride on the back of minerals more so than compete on a world stage. It also seems that Football known in Australia as Soccer, does not really reach Australian shores on a national or a world level. How many countries does Australia compete with on the sporting field on a regular basis?

Having arrived back in Australia, I am overwhelmed by the vast distances between major cities and towns. Not many places can be obtained in under 3 hours and those that are more likely to be Sydney or Melbourne. Spending 5 weeks in Europe is a big adjustment upon return here. Weekends are almost dead in terms of activities and Australia would need an additional 22 million people to match it with world standards. Again I am only speculating.

I don't really care if the majority of people cannot stand a bar of as quite frankly I have all the immunity to survive on my own at any rate. I speak my mind and I often cannot understand why other people cannot see things more clearly around them? If Australia wants to improve then it has to produce more, it has to be seen as part of the world stage and people need to start changing their attitudes. We need to unite as people and work together and the reason why I am angry as I just don't think enough is happening. I hear from families, adults, parents aching and wanting things to change. What am I to do if no media attention or government support is going to become available? People just please try and understand as all it takes is just some changes in attitude and understanding.

Panic attacks are terrifying.

Today I had a terrifying experience in that I almost experienced having a panic attack. The anxiety was so bad that I felt like the walls were caving in and I didn't know where I was and what to do. This happened while shelf reading in the library. I felt everything was becoming overwhelming and I tried to rely on deep breathing exercises to slow me down. I felt my insides turn into knots and I wondered how long I would last.

I kept saying to myself in my head "Look at what you have achieved!" and "You have done an awesome lot in the past 5 weeks". I find Australia has higher rates of mental illness because people do not communicate enough and look out for others who simply need some comfort or more importantly just someone to talk to. Why is it just so hard for someone to simply listen when you are stressed? It really helps just to have someone listen, and try and understand.

I am still experiencing somewhat of a culture shock since my return overseas. I am going back to the gym and trying my hardest to do cardio vascular work to increase my serotonin levels. Panic attacks are no fun and for the person that experiences one they can be debilitating. I hope that things return to normal soon but when nobody listens or even bothers to put out a hand of friendship or support I just feel alone. I am also going to start getting some counseling sessions in CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) at UQ and will try and look into meditation as a means of controlling anxiety.

The Impenetrable bubble

Being in this world reminds me of being in an Impenetrable Bubble. I exist somehow as a human being but yet I largely exist within some kind of bubble where I can see and hear things around me but yet communicating with other people is an impossible task. People just don't get it. They fail to see how shallow their very existence is when they strive for things that just seem unobtainable or near impossible.

For some reason people don't seem to be able to handle what they don't want to handle. Either they have to destroy it, reject it or try and convert it. Now is this really what you would term 'man kind'? Also is it necessary for people to say "oh it is unfortunate that you were born with that, it must really affect you badly". I am beginning to understand that it is not me with the problem but other people who have the problem. They do not want to learn from Aspies but more so ignore or have nothing to do with us. It is their loss really. They are spineless and gutless not to try and understand that which they seem unable to comprehend.

As an Aspie increased social isolation is not healthy. It raises anxiety levels and furthermore it causes a greater fear amongst other people. It can be difficult to trust and often self talk can tend to create a further barrier between people with Autism and those who do not have it. Some years back I experienced severe meltdown. Nobody could see it but yet the anxiety was paralyzing. I honestly thought that death or being sedated would be the only way to cope. I could not walk properly as I was experiencing severe anxiety and people just remained cold and allusive. They just didn't seem to care!

We live in a world that is becoming smaller but yet we fail to acknowledge other people around us and sadly conversation and intelligent conversation seems something to avoid. People just seem afraid to stand out or think assertively for fear of attack or ridicule. Why is this happening?

I begin to question what is defined by 'insanity'. Perhaps the world at large is becoming insane and it is the Aspies who remain defiant and with our literal way of thinking we tend to avoid falling into the status quo. Why then should a person be ashamed to be an Aspie? I find some Aspies are really awesome to have as friends. It is like they are genuine and honest friends. They are reliable, say what they think and engage in meaningful conversation. With a non Aspie it seems that the impenetrable bubble exists. Most non Aspies you can never really understand, why they talk about insignificant things and what is the point of small talk? Aspies can roll off facts like a walking encyclopedia and I think this is awesome. How else can you find out about the latest statistics or the update collection of pencil sharpeners? What is it with non Autistics that they strive for a cure or want to change people to boring non Aspies? Can't Aspies not exist in Impenetrable Bubbles for heavens sake!

I wonder about Australia I really do. I think will things change here or am I just going around in circles? Perhaps I am mad and sometimes I wouldn't mind being in a monastery just to escape this confusing world. At least words and unclear communication would not be so confusing. Another Aspie is hoping to live in Australia and I hope that this becomes a reality. We need support here for adults to penetrate this complacent society. I wonder how many Aspies live in Impenetrable Bubbles?

The world is a mess

You don't have to be Aspie to realise that this world is in a mess. People have become increasingly selfish and community exists no more. Just take a look around the average suburb for instance and wonder how well you know or don't know your neighbours. Furthermore, how often do family members care about their parents, siblings etc?

What is happening is that anti social behaviour and people becoming more selfish and communicating through mobile phones and gadgets is causing a depersonalization within themselves and other people around them. How often do year hear people say "Sorry I am busy?". What they really mean is I really couldn't be bothered talking to you so please go away.

Ever since I have returned from overseas very few people have expressed any interest in the places I have been. I have largely spent the whole weekend within my own company using the computer as the only means of communication. It is not a healthy existence but what else can I do apart from walking around on my own talking to strangers and people not really understanding when I come from. The way I cope with things is to think that this is the way Australia and the rest of the world seem to be. Nobody gives a shit about anyone else anymore and people are weary of others trying to befriend them as trust and confidence have been breached.

People need a wake up call and a hard kick up their backsides to realise their place in the world and also to be given a reality check. Things in my opinion are getting worse and it is not only Aspies that are suffering it is this very selfish and insular world that abounds us. Society in my opinion is just losing the plot and Aspies are seen as the ones with problems. People take a look at this world and ask yourself do you really think Aspies are the ones with the problem?!

Australia and New Zealand and the United Kingdom

When you examine very closely Australia and New Zealand I begin to wonder where both countries stand in the world. Perhaps their geographical isolation makes them stronger in retaining some kind of attachment with the motherland.

I have traveled to the United Kingdom a few times now and I wonder if Australia and New Zealand do have an identity or do both countries still remain parts of the Commonwealth with the often rumblings of republicanism or a sense of autonomy from Britain?

From what I see and I may be wrong in my observations, the Irish seem to be more in Australia or Australia perhaps has some more Irish influence. New Zealand on the other hand seems to have more British people. I guess this is because New Zealand tends to have more of a British kind of field with green hills and cold climate etc. Both Australia and New Zealand are in a geographic disadvantage on the world stage as both countries require a long haul flight to reach or a great deal many months at sea to land on their shores. The north of Australia is close but how much colonisation is there in North Australia?

With the recent wedding of William and Kate, resurgence seemed to occur from around the globe in the English monarchy. Not everyone was interested but the English pomp and ceremony was something that the British Commonwealth seemed to be able to acknowledge. When watching the footage the Americans seemed to foam at the mouth and longed for something which they jettisoned under the command of General George Washington in 1776. Forgive my ignorance if this date is not correct. Australians in the past have always devoted their allegiance to the British in the Boer and Great War and somewhat in the Second World War until Singapore fell to the Japanese. Whether you like the current Queen or not, she has devoted some of her reign to both Australia and New Zealand. The Queen will also be visiting Australia this year for the CHOGM (Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting). How many republics actually work also? What will be the future of the English monarchy?

Living in Australia makes you aware of a sense of isolation. To travel to any other country other than New Zealand takes several hours by plane. Are both countries therefore set in their ways of thinking by remoteness? How much has Australia and New Zealand changed from the traditional English ways of thinking? It seems there are still some ties remaining with the United Kingdom and even though people may not like the current system of government in Australia changes to become a republic would be massive. More importantly are they necessary? The coins will need to be changed, the parliamentary system changed, the titles of various positions changed. Can you imagine how much work would need to be carried out?

When people stare

I find when people stare at me it really makes me annoyed. This has happened on plane travel to where it seems younger children and sometimes even adults stare at me. It can also happen within the general public. I have also heard of families with children on the Autism Spectrum having people stare at them when their child has meltdown or displays some reaction to a certain situation.

Rather than people stare at someone just because they made be odd or differently why don't people try and help? Please watch the above youtube video on the National Autistic Society's Train Advertisement for more information.

I frankly get sick of people who stare as I find it rude and invasive. Quite recently when I was traveling back from the United Kingdom to Australia, I had an unfortunate experience with Emirates Airline. As I find traveling difficult when it comes to passport checks and customs control, I felt I needed help when arriving at Dubai Airport. Once the plane landed in Dubai, and having recently informed the cabin crew that I needed help which I obtain to some degree earlier in Newcastle, England, I found myself stranded and with little support. I went to the front of the plane and informed the cabin crew member on the second occasion that I needed the "Meet and Assist" and as usual was told "Sir are you needing a wheelchair?". Pushing further I showed the cabin crew member concerned my Autism Alert Card. She said that she would phone through to the airport and inform them that I needed help. She also replied "Sir you are very brave to travel on your own you don't get much help here in Dubai". As there were people waiting on the bus and I seemed the last person to get on the bus for the transfer to the airport I was that mad I would have spoken in front of all person concerned "What is it with you people, do you not know what Autism is do I need to wear bloody shackles or a horn on my head for you to see that I have difficulties?". Of course when I finally got to the airport there was no one there. I was on my own and nobody helped me. It was 12.45am and I had to ask people where there was help and to try and get through passport control. I felt literally like I was going to have a heart attack. I felt frustrated, angry and annoyed! I finally got to my hotel room where I had only 3 hours sleep assisted by taking a Valium to board a flight to Brisbane at 10.20am. I felt like if I have to go through all of this again is it really all worth it? Airlines need a greater understanding of people traveling alone especially if they need some assistance!

Everyday functioning as an Aspie

I find that I live my life in a routine. Every morning I seem to have the same breakfast, lunch is around 12pm and dinner around 6pm. My other time is usually spent largely on the computer and going to work and trying to cope as best I can. I find a great deal of my communication is through the computer and I often talk to other Aspies either on Facebook or through Skype.

I find Australian society largely unaware of how to relate to the Autism Spectrum. I find a continual push to say "you have something wrong with you is there a cure?". Another such response is just to avoid you as a person with AS and hope that one day I will conform to society's expectations. People just don't seem to get it.

Support in the UK seems to be better but it is still far from perfect. In the United Kingdom for instance there is more support for employment and some areas of services greatly assist in dealing with social isolation and day to day functioning.

In Brisbane we have Dr Tony Attwood but we still have a population of roughly 22 million people and surely with this containable size awareness should be made more available concerning Autism?

Often the simple things in life can be like a major struggle. Communicating with people, getting from one place to the other and just trying to be better understood is just about impossible. People seem to want a cure or a fix to what they consider a problem than to actually try and understand it better. There also seems to be pressure on a person with Autism to comply or conform to society otherwise they are not worth bothering with nor the effort. This is what I find mostly in my own situation. I feel the need to keep writing and raising awareness so that people will better understand. There are a range of different issues concerning different people in society but people need to understand that Autism is a different mindset. An Aspie thinks differently and this should not make us an outcast or to be avoided. Why not try and understand us better and learn from us. We don't expect you to change so why ask us to do so?

People really just don't get me at all. They are often critical of what I have to say or feel it necessary to have nothing to do with me. This is their choice but I seriously think they have the problem and not me. Australians need to be more open minded not just to Autism but to the world around them. Although Australia is remote from the rest of the world it needs to look beyond its shores to other countries. Why not be more accommodating to other nationalities? You may learn from them if you actually take the time to get to know them better. I find Australia has a serious problem with its focus on drinking and sport. What is defined as an alcoholic? What other interests are there beyond sport also? One of the things I find boring about Australia is the constant focus on Rugby League which one friend described as a game for failed Soccer players. People need to open their minds more. I watched the show "Go Back From Where You Came From" and I have to admit that Australia needs to be more open minded to immigration. Why not let the people in who really want to work than to retain the lazy ones or the ones who do not want to work? Surely such a move would greatly increase infrastructure and productivity?

Try to be more tolerant of Aspies rather than ignoring or rejecting us. This applies to the 26-50 generation whom I believe need to exercise more tolerance and acceptance of the Autism Spectrum.

Having expectations is sole destroying

I have come to the realisation that having expectations and goals is just soul destroying and not worth the effort. I really don't know what my purpose is in life and I just feel like I am in "No Man's Land". I just don't feel I am good at anything apart from traveling the world and trying my best to raise awareness of the Autism Spectrum.

I have really tried my hardest to push the book which I have self published and I feel that lacking the means of being able to network with people and utilise social skills which I do not have is just beyond me. I am investing my own money, energy and time into raising awareness and I don't want fame nor glory. I could not live with myself existing in a selfish existence at any rate.

Speaking events seem a rarity in this country and all I can do is to just keep writing. I feel that nobody really understands me and the visual leprosy still remains until barriers of ignorance can be broken down. At times I feel alone and isolated from others and simply opening my mouth at times is just so energy consuming to speak to other people. No matter how hard I try and I find difficulty in carrying a conversation or become confused by people who just don't seem to make any sense! Non Autistic people just seem to banter words around like the winds of change.

I draw comfort in that I have more friends on the Autism Spectrum but things are grinding painfully slow. I don't always know the procedures to get on with people, or to canvass the right channels to make progress. In self publishing my book it just seems that I hit a brick wall when it comes to the mass media or the political landscape. There seems to be more news if a person commits a crime than there is for someone who tries their hardest to enlighten and educate more people!

As I am approaching 40 I am beginning to see that my life is already determined or predestined. Perhaps in generations to come people will respond more to what I write about and the investment of my energy into raising awareness. Personally the Leprosy Syndrome occurs with my own peer group and that slightly older. They just cannot see or fail to comprehend. I hope that things will change for the better!

I find emotions hard to handle as I feel I am often void of emotions. What a non Autistic person defines as happiness to me just seems artificial. I just do my best to cope despite the circumstances surrounding me. Perhaps I expect more to happen too soon but all I can do is hope. It is too late to turn back now and the only way is forward. In the words of Dr Martin Luther King "I have a Dream".

Helping others advocacy and taking Autism Advocacy Abroad

On my recent trip to the United Kingdom, I was fortunate to have met with some other adults on the Autism Spectrum. It was a good feeling to know and hear comments from other adults that I was the first person they met who also had Asperger Syndrome. What was also good was to hear comments that I am a friend to them compared to the reality of social isolation. I suffer social isolation myself largely as a result of finding day to day living taxing at times as well as the vast amounts of mental energy required just to try and communicate and be understood by people around me.

Settling back into Australia is not currently easy. I still find it difficult to overcome a great deal of social isolation and making friends is just about impossible. This is as a result of people with their conditioning not really understanding my own wiring. I can try harder as people say but will it really get me anywhere? Perhaps just into another meltdown or anxious state.

It is going to take several generations it seems to change the way people think and understand Autism. I have been in touch with Cheryl Gillan MP and contacted some Australian politicians in the hope that the Autism Bill passed by Cheryl Gillan may happen one day in this country. I think the NT population are obsessed at times with cures for Autism but never really take the time to get to know an Aspie. Why should we be treated like Lepers just because people don't always understand us? It is not entirely fair. Surely a mutual understanding between Aspie and Non Aspie is possible?

Going abroad has helped me by meeting other adults on the Autism Spectrum and to greatly alleviate to some extent social isolation. The problem still exists however of intolerance and ignorance. Hopefully things and times will change? I have encouraged some Aspies to visit Australia and in August I hope to be hosting an Aspie when he arrives here. Travel is good for Aspies as it makes us grow and jettison some of our introspection but there is still a long way to go before people understand us better. I would like to see some of the common perceptions removed and a greater understanding of the Autism Spectrum for now and the years to come.

Trying to adjust back to the status quo

When you have been overseas for 5 weeks the pace of life is different especially when you are in Europe. To get from one place to another is often a short distance not to mention the amount of people in such areas. Returning back to Australia is literally like stepping onto another planet. The distances to and from are much longer and the pace of life is much slower. One thing I notice is the quietness and the slower pace of life.

I achieved some successes today in that I sold another book and I managed to get some refunds on the stuff up with car hire in Belfast and hopefully the large mobile phone bill which I apparently accrued while in Europe. Even though I used wifi wherever possible, it still seems that I was hit with massive charges.

This weekend will be quiet I think. I have to get the timing belt replaced on the car after 140 000 kilometres.

I am not sure what is happening with the UQ Asperger Group but I am starting to look into informal meetings with other adults on the Autism Spectrum. Our plan is to meet over coffee and discuss our interests and some of the difficulties we experience in our lives. Hopefully by meeting with each other that we can build upon a foundation at UQ to ensure that we have support. I met with two Aspies today. One met me in the UQ Library and the other is doing his PhD at UQ. I am going to remain optimistic that things will get better.

Making money out of Autism

It really saddens me when I see people wanting to make money out of Autism and not invest valuable time and energy into finding solutions to assist those affected. I believe that more strategies and coping techniques should be implemented for both adults and children. Sadly there are too many Autism associations and advocates just chasing a buck or wanting to make a business out of Autism more so than really trying to assist those persons affected.

My own Autism advocacy is largely unpaid. I have paid for my own website, I seldom if at all am invited to attend workshops and more importantly any publications have been self published. I have traveled the world where I can largely at my own expense and have met other adults on the Autism Spectrum who like me have their own struggles, challenges and difficulties.

Sadly too little attention is provided to individuals with Autism who are fortunate to be in employment and may not possess what I call magic letters after their names. We need as a community to draw on the wealth and experience of the few adults who are in employment as their experiences can greatly help and assist others. There seems to be too much of a focus of finding grants and obtaining funding bids which can also exasperate situations to make them more difficult and precarious.

I think Dr Tony Attwood does try and help where he can but I think he needs to find ways to assist adults and those affected by Autism to acquire coping strategies. For anyone recently or obtaining a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome or Autism, there needs to be a method of transition into society. A person can be diagnosed but the what now factor needs to be addressed. To often necessary services are not meeting the requirements of diagnosis and this is an area I feel is a major concern. Speaking and presenting at seminars does have its merits but sometimes these can be short term solutions. People can attend conferences only to walk away afterward confronting other distractions in their lives. What is needed is a continual stream of education and awareness that has the ability to change the way people think and perceive Autism. This can only be done by getting the message out there and penetrating areas where awareness is required. I am sure you can think of many places within the community that can assist in this area?

I believe Autism associations need to work more closely together. There needs to be support and essential services to both children and adults. This needs to happen fast for diagnosis is happening more and more. There needs to be an end to buck chasing and money making as a sole means of obtaining support and strategies need implementation. Autism associations need to work together rather than splinter themselves from one another. I also think there are too many money making exercises happening when really a clear and concise focus is required on dealing with and educating the general public about Autism. Dr Tony Attwood should not only be addressing the French Senate but as far as I am concerned as many parliaments in the world as possible, especially Australia where his home town is based. I am trying my hardest to raise awareness of the Autism Spectrum within Australia and other areas of the world and all of us and I stress all of us within the Autism advocacy need to work together! What does it matter if a person self publishes? Who gives a crap about whether or not a person should be taken seriously? The story is from the heart isn't it? Don't people have a heart and put aside their narrow mindedness? Publishers seem only interested in making money also and turn away many valuable manuscripts that could be based on merit and personal experience which may prove valuable to others. Also the mass media seems interested in capitalizing on the misfortunes of others when in fact it should be bringing the issues of Autism and other matters to the public's attention. This needs to happen more!

What is it like being Aspie?

I am going to answer the question above from my own personal experience. For me having Asperger Syndrome is kind of a one dimensional existence. Things are either logical or require some kind of pattern or routine otherwise what is ahead of me remains precarious. I often feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster and when anxiety becomes more severe, my need for routine becomes a necessity.

I find myself often looking for patterns in everything around me and my time also spent in wondering why the world exists as it does. Why people tend to put unnecessary pressures and stress on themselves and more importantly why people think the way they do and not always say things which they mean. I find my way of thinking is often black and white and finding gray areas is often a difficult challenge.

What I have found refreshing about being an Aspie is that often other adults on the Autism Spectrum tend to be good mind readers. It is like Aspies can relate to each other instantly and more importantly we can sense and often understand when the world around us can cause pressures, heighten anxiety and not really understand us. I have met many adults with Autism. I have found that only meeting them once or for the first time that they are like life long friends. Mostly Aspies make good friends because we have to work harder at implementing social skills and securing friendships. I often find that within the NT population that there are more gray areas with friendships. There are more hoops to pass through and often areas of confusion and uncertainty. NT's just don't seem to get us. We often speak our minds and tend to see small talk as wasted words but instead of people taking the time to listen to us, we tend to remain mostly in social isolation. As an Aspie I like my solitude. It helps me to recharge my batteries from over stimulation and sensory issues. For an NT times of silence are seen as often needing to be around people whereas being an Aspie I tend to find I need space not as a means of not liking people but more so a means of recovering my energy and replenishing my cognitive skills i.e social skills.

When I feel down or sleep deprived I feel the need to be around colours. I also find certain fabrics irritating and I find clothing which has a stiffness to it like Denim in Jeans or Wool are clothes to avoid. They seem to drive me into sensory overload which is why I cannot wear them. I also find that within social settings that I cannot understand why when people start to talk the level of music increases. This makes it harder for me to rely on my hearing skills and because my ears are super sensitive, I am driven into sensory overload very quickly. It is like the ceiling is caving in on me and I need to get out!

I find a lot of foods which are enjoyable can often irritate me later. I find I have problems with digestion at times and furthermore small tasks become larger. When anxiety takes hold I find myself unable to move. It is like I virtually freeze up. I have had anxiety attacks so bad that I have had to rely on all energy possible to escape stressful situations. Can you imagine what it is like being in a traffic jam or a lift?

Some Aspies want to jettison their Aspieness but I more so wish that society as a whole would learn to understand and accept Aspies for who we are as people. I constantly argue that the world should not be one way but to be fair Aspies should not have to become NT just to fit in. We need more understanding and acceptance of our uniqueness more so than ignorance and rejection. People can learn from us and we can learn from others. To just write us off is not the best form of action and we are human and as Dr Attwood says we don't lack empathy. We just express it in a different way than others.

Some Aspies are affected more than others and sadly this can affect their quality of life. I write a lot because I struggle with conversing. With some Aspies I can talk a lot as well as others. The greatest skill for anyone to have is to listen to another person. Everyone likes someone to listen to them. It is just the problem that most if not all of us don't have the time to listen. I am constantly trying to overcome the difficulties I have and I describe myself far from perfect. Over time I will write more about what it is like being Aspie but I hope that this post can shed some light on what it is actually like being an Aspie.

The hardwork rolls on

Yesterday I contacted the Department of Employment Education and Training to see if I could provide them with a copy of my book. More importantly I wanted to speak to a representative of this department or the Minister concerned within the Australian Federal Government. I found my efforts wasted with me being informed that I should send in a copy of my book. I decided that this was not a wise cause of action as it would only sit or possibly be binned within this government department, even if it got there in the first place.

I also spoke to an Independent MP's Office concerning this member of parliament contacting Cheryl Gillan MP from the United Kingdom. I found this Independent's office was somewhat interested and I have emailed Cheryl Gillan to hopefully start some form of communication. I can only do my best.

At times I feel like I am going insane. I feel as though not enough is happening or more importantly my very actions and words are just falling in the wayside. I do believe that chipping away even if it is slow seems to be the only answer. Things are slowly getting better than worse and I think it is essential to remain optomistic. I will also contact Open Leaves Bookshop again in Brisbane to see if they are interested in stocking my book. All I can do is try.

I am deeply concerned about Gillard's welflare reforms in Australia to those most disadvantaged. In fact when I contacted Centrelink to inform them of my book regarding the Profit and Loss Statement, the representative from Centrelink was interested in my website and my book so every little bit counts. I am deeply concerned about adults on the Autism Spectrum experiencing heightened anxiety with undue pressure being applied to them. Hopefully things will change and we need to remain united and keep our fingers crossed. I am refreshed and starting to resume my Autism advocacy again even if this may be slow. I just hope that the UQ Asperger Adults Group starts up again also which seems currently in danger of folding as nobody seems to be able to run it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Aspie mindset

Why are people nasty, cruel, dismissive or ignorant when your mind thinks differently to theirs? People just don't see the struggles and the hardships because they see only that which are on the exterior.

I find that often my emotional state is like a violin string and when I become more stressed this violin string can become tighter. More importantly when I am stressed my need for routine and predictability is required more. When I was traveling through Europe, especially Ireland I wondered if I was pushing the envelope. I remember thinking while in Galway am I doing too much in the limited time I had in Ireland to drive down as far as Waterford? This distance was just over 140km. I also wondered if I would complete the task of crossing Ireland in the 5 days I had with the least amount of anxiety. On my last night in Galway I felt anxiety starting to come on. I felt it starting to control me and my mobility become affected as a result. What if I experience anxiety and unable to drive the car etc? I took a bath and also was more aware than ever of not slipping on the bathroom floor like I did previously. When I am also stressed I start to become really hard on myself. I doubt my abilities and start to think negatively of myself. I dismiss ignorance as dislike and sense people cannot be trusted. I talk to myself to reassure me that people cannot be changed. I just have to accept who I am and try my best. I feel often like I am pushing an envelope and with little support and understanding, something may happen to me. However, after crossing Ireland and controlling my anxiety I looked at my achievements and said to myself "I have done what I set out to do?". Why is there also the evil ingredient of envy in people who should more so praise more so than criticize?

In Ireland I was comforted to have met two Aspies. Stephen in Belfast and David in Dublin. Stephen helped me around Belfast when I arrived at the airport and David showed me a sensory free restaurant in Dublin. Like with most Aspies I meet, I feel a sense of comfort straight away as like me they to have their own struggles and challenges. Of all the Aspies I met, we all think differently to others around us and people get us wrong in thinking that we want to be better than them etc This is not the case. We just communicate differently and often our minds cannot help the way we think. People need to give us a chance and not judge us too quickly. We have mind blindness and struggle with some aspects which you may find easy.

I am working very hard to connect more adults in Australia and around the world together. Some unfortunately on the Autism Spectrum may not always agree with what I am doing but I just see how the Autism effects them and I try to be patient. I believe that adults are starting to slowly connect but it is taking time. What I hope to see is some kind of global meeting where adults from around the world can come together and talk about their experiences. This is but one way to overcome social isolation and loneliness. I have worked hard to further reduce some of the barriers concerning adults on the Autism Spectrum but there is still a long way to go. I am trying my best. I have friends now who are Aspie and it is a real privilege to know all about cameras, and other special interests. Some Aspies are just survivors and work really hard just to hold down a single job. The working day involves processing information, trying to understand people, and also deal with large amounts of mental energy in order to carry out such tasks.

Aspies are not after glory or prestige but from personal experience I think we just want people to understand us better and to not dismiss us as we have something to say. We cannot help our mindsets and we just ask you to be tolerant and to give us a chance.

I almost broke my leg in Portugal

When I was in Oporto, Portugal I was staying in the nearby hotel. It was here that after having a shower that after returning to brush my teeth that I almost had an accident. As there was water on the floor in the bathroom, the tiles became wet and as I went into the basin to start brushing my teeth I found suddenly that my legs began to give way. They went in all directions and I luckily held onto the basin to prevent myself from encountering any further injuries. Luckily I did this otherwise I would have gone home in a wheel chair.

The pain was very intense and as I was on my own, I went and lay on the bed and took an Aspirin. I was asking myself if I had broken any bones or what damage had I encountered? I was concerned that being in a foreign speaking country that communicating my experience may have lead to further complications. What if my leg were amputated? Well this being the worst instance. Also what could I have done if I was not able to walk properly?

I told the tour guide and walked as best I could. I remember thinking that I needed a walking stick just to take the weight off my leg. I also found very little support or concern from amongst fellow travellers apart from the tour guide concerning my situation. I felt that people would have complained that I disrupted the holiday by limping around as best I could to get from one place to another. To my credit I was able to get around despite the pain.

Yesterday I received a very high mobile phone bill. The amount of $1089 to be precise. I am not sure how I will pay the bill but I could not believe it was so high despite me mostly using wifi. It is crippling and being on a low income it will take me time paying this off. I have rung Optus and they have reduced it to around $600 but I guess I am not very bright. It seems that I am useless at any rate as I cant do more in employment as I fail in the interview and selection process. Society's institutions determine me as incapable and long after I am dead may the work I am doing be recognised if it ever is???

Again I am a leper to be avoided. Oh and I must be gay also or have something severely wrong with me as I am not married and kept being asked why I don't have children. Why do people not mind their own business? I don't ask them personal questions!

My leg is better now thankfully but I felt while overseas that I was losing circulation in my arm. I think it was due to tiredness. Oh people think I am well off and envious also? People just don't get it and often most people are a pain in the butt to be honest. This is not my problem but their own. They have to start opening their minds more rather than quickly assuming things which are incorrect. I am sick and tired at times of having to defend myself. I wouldn't want to get married any way. It is not for me and I also could not handle the stress of being around a person 24/7! I have also been disappointed by some so called friends or 'mates' not purchasing the book I wrote. I think it is somewhat pathetic that they showed no interest in purchasing it. I am not after money but more so awareness. Oh well their problem and not mine.

It's not always that I need to try harder

It can be difficult when people say "you need to try harder" when meeting people or trying to go out on a date etc. This is not always the answer as I can try a lot harder and yet people still may not always understand and as a result I am left on the outer or find myself leaving a situation feeling depressed.

I believe that there needs to be more of an awareness of the Autism Spectrum. I have been asked by some people "Do you feel it necessary that you should always raise awareness?". In answer to this question yes I do otherwise attitudes will never change. The result will be greater mental health issues and social isolation and withdrawal if I do nothing about trying to rectify this problem.

In order to overcome the difficulties a greater means of raising awareness is required. This needs to be in the form of any information possibly to greatly raise awareness within the community. Telling a person with Autism that they should try harder can further worsen their self esteem and make them more self conscious of rejection and social isolation. A strategy may be for a friend or some other person to actually chat with the Autistic person to try and help or to discuss strategies. This is not always easy but it is but one solution.

A lot of people treat me like a leper I find and this is not my problem but theirs. I have done all I can and it is like hitting a glass wall. If they refuse to try and listen then the glass wall remains. Aspies need not exist in bubbles but more so as ordinary people in the community where support works both ways.

Aspies and health issues

I remember Dr Attwood describing that Aspies feel and experience pain differently to others. I also remember reading somewhere that certain pains and symptoms can be overlooked leading to sometimes serious consequences. It is important I believe for a person on the Autism Spectrum to acknowledge when and where they should seek medical attention for any pain which they may be experiencing. If for instance the pain is constant then it may be necessary to determine whether medical treatment may be required. For instance if there is continual pain in the abdomen or in any other part of the body medical attention should be sought.

I think some Aspies have Doctor phobias. Going to the doctor may evoke fear. What if I have cancer? What if I need to go to hospital or have an operation? These very thoughts can often be anxiety provoking for everyone and especially for Aspies. Some adults living alone may not have friends or family in times of medical emergency and this is very sad and unfortunate. This is why the need for services is required to ensure that the person with Autism is not left on their own and may obtain comfort and support where necessary.

In my own situation I cannot determine how long my health will continue. I need and I know that I have to reduce anxiety and stress levels. I know that the future may be unknown and I have come to the conclusion that should my circumstances not change for the future that at least I would go to some form of institution so if I kick the bucket at least I wont die in some dwelling on my own. Well I hope not at any rate? It is often something that I think about. What will my future be like? What will that of other adults with Autism be like? What will be their situation when their parents have passed on and they have nobody around to care and support them. It is something that governments need to think about. It is something that seems to be swept under the carpet and this should not be happening.

Life is never certain and sometimes I am afraid to think about the future. I am concerned of being totally on my own without any support and something happening to me. While other people are in marriages and relationships for which I struggle and find difficulty in, they have a companion at least on the lookout for them. What though of those of us who remain independent? I guess circumstances may vary from individual to individual.

Sometimes I become so annoyed at humanity when it simply shrugs off Autism as being a make believe disorder. This is not true and people need to walk in the shoes of an Aspie before they make such assumptions. Health of Aspies is just as important as NT's and the medical profession in particular need to be made aware of health issues that concern the Autism population and this needs to happen fast!

I must be mad as I still think ABBA is awesome!

I can remember from my younger days when ABBA were all the rage in Australia. I can remember hearing Waterloo and used to think it sounded "Waterloo how does it feel to do Rock and Roll" but as I became older I knew that it meant "Won the War". I have always liked ABBA as they have a clear sound and their European sounds have always intrigued me. Unfortunately I think people get the wrong impression of ABBA but they were fine musicians. Some of the songs I liked were when I was younger were "The King Kong Song" and many others.

As a band ABBA were very vibrant and the "King Kong Song" was one I played a lot as a vinyl when I was younger.

In the late 70's in Australia the ABBA fashion was evident as some people dressed like them and played their vinyls over and over again on the turntable of their houses, apartments etc. I am not sure what has happened to the band nowadays but some of their songs are still awesome and I think more people should play some of them as at least you could hear the words and the songs could convey feelings. Perhaps I am old fashioned but they had some interesting costumes.

The Leper in the NT colony

I have been fortunate to have traveled in my life. Experiencing different cultures and seeing the ways other people think abroad makes for an interesting world. However, when I have attended some tour groups I feel like I am a Leper. I feel that rather than try and understand that the majority of people seem to avoid me even if I do or do not disclose I have Asperger Syndrome.

In a recent tour I did last year through Europe. One of the persons in the group decided after 12 months that it was a good idea to send an email to group members. Having responded and showing interest, I found I did not receive a response. What is it with people? What is their issue? I feel at times like blasting them and saying 'What the hell is your problem?".

I find some people to be extremely shallow and spineless. They seem to be gutless in wanting to accommodate change or try and begin to understand something they are unable to fathom. Instead of being treated like a Leper people should be more open minded. I find myself talking to myself on tours because the majority of people are not interested in history or opening their eyes to the sights around them.

Recently I had a bad experience with Emirates Airline. I asked for help on the plane but found that there was confusion with getting me mixed up with someone else. Despite having to say repeatedly "I need help!" and receiving a response "You are very brave to be traveling on your own", I had to wait on the plane while the Air Stewardess phoned through to the airport that I needed help. Outside there were people on buses waiting to be transferred to the airport terminal and I was prepared to give a speech to all concerned saying "What is it with you people do you not know what Autism is?!". Once arriving at the airport terminal of course the person who was supposed to be there waiting was not. I get fed up and angry with people. They are lazy! They do not do their job properly! People are selfish and do not give a shit about other people! The future of the world remains precarious with the future generations and I fear for my life as a senior citizen as we all have to bury ourselves nowadays.

Life should not be spent as a leper and people have to put aside their issues and start to address the issues concerning Autism.

Trying to do the right thing and coping crap as a result

Within employment I see many flaws within Equal Opportunity and Anti Discrimination. For instance if there is equal opportunity how come it is the people who do the wrong thing that always get away with their actions? For instance if you come to work, take very few or no sick days that you are treated like everyone else? Also how come if you show incentive within a hierarchical structure that you virtually feel like you are beating your head against a brick wall.

Within any work place there are always unsavory people and sadly there are also pricks. These people can be extremely difficult to get on with and can drive your stress levels through the ceiling. Their very actions debilitate your existence within the work environment and if you experience bullying, this in itself can raise anxiety levels and in some instances cause you to take stress leave.

I find conventional employment a means of bullshit. A person has to use a great deal of social ability to be able to obtain advancement within employment. Such people can manifest an ability to bullshit at a job interview only to be found later to be highly unproductive or manipulate certain people skills to allow for little productivity within a work environment. The job interview in itself seems to be a selling process where an applicant uses all techniques to get their foot in the door but whether the application process relies on productivity is another matter.

With employment being supposedly 70% social and 30% practical you can begin to understand why Aspies tend to not do well in the interview process. The interview process relies on a person's social skills in order for them to communicate but it seems that the practical and solving skills come later. Aspies I believe and again speaking from personal experience are the opposite with them being 70% practical and 30% sociable.

I can never understand in employment why I am often thrown in with everyone else. If I can work on my own and require minimal supervision, why then do I need to report to some supervisor to obtain direction? If I know the work which I am required to do which is largely routine based, then having to take orders from hierarchy should not have to be necessary. It seems that the NT population require direction and supervision whereas the Aspie is more self sufficient requiring minimal supervision once the routine is in place. I believe that in conventional employment that Aspies struggle with the social skills required to get around a work place. If you examine a work environment closely you can see how much work is practical and the other social. If you pull apart the work required in an average work day you would be able to analyse social time with practical time. How often does talk time inhibit a job? What if a timesheet was dissected could you split it into talk time, practical time etc?

When I have undertaken any form of employment I find the biggest challenge and difficulty has been the need to get on with the supervisory figure. If you struggle to communicate with this person then you are not able to get anywhere. Sometimes there also seems to be a level of control implemented by this person and if they do not like you or you fail to get on with them, then you are some kind of threat. If you want to come in and just do the work then you are seen as a possible threat because the NT supervisor or other staff members think you want to be better than them in the job.

I find some lazy people use talking as a means of covering up incompetency or lack of interest in their job. Sadly these people make it impossible for other people to step in their shoes and do the job better. Again it boils down to promotion and the interview process. These talking skills can be used as a tool to allow the NT applicant a means of getting past the interview process but once in employment their inability or lack of interest in performing the task expected of them can be covered up by implementing social skills to mask incompetency.

In my opinion the NT population are fearful of Aspies because Aspies make very good employees once they settle into employment and establish a routine of performing at a job. The social skills difficulties can be seen as a possible threat I believe because the Aspie is seen as focused on the tasks at hand. This I believe is because minimal energy is required in performing or carrying out the routine than on the social aspect. The social aspect is overwhelming because it is unknown, non evident and not immediately apparent. In employment the Aspie is susceptible to bullying because NT co-workers see the Aspie as not wanting to engage in social chit chat when in fact the Aspie finds this very draining. Furthermore the Aspie is seen as aloof and disinterested when again the Aspie is focusing all mental energy on surviving within the work environment.

Now if you examine equal opportunity you can begin to see where the Aspie is at a disadvantage. The Aspie has different wiring to those around him/her. Equal Opportunity in itself is geared to provide support to an NT but for an Aspie with different wiring the process tends to alienate them. On the whole a work place needs to be aware of how to relate to an Aspie more so than distance them. There needs to be greater awareness and understanding to make things better.

Returning to Australia

On Thursday 17th June 2011 I left Newcastle, England for the second time. I caught the metro from Seaburn to Newcastle Airport to catch my flight from Newcastle to Brisbane, Australia via Dubai. As you can imagine I was sick of airports spending the day previously in Belfast Airport. What happened on my last day in Belfast was the GPS decided to give up. Being afraid of missing my flight and being totally burned out and frustrated with the real prospect of getting lost, I thought it would be a good idea to get back to the airport early so that I could reduce this anxiety.

While at Newcastle Airport I asked for assistance on the plane. Everything was fine in England but upon the route home, things were not as good. In Dubai communication was so poor they thought I was another person who required assistance also. Furthermore, when reaching the airport terminal at Dubai, I found myself waiting in a queue for approximately 2 hours at 12.30am in the morning. Finally I was able to get a few hours sleep before boarding the next flight to Australia at 10.25am which was a 13 hour flight. On the whole Emirates are not a bad airline but they need to review their support for passengers requiring assistance. A wheel chair is not always required. Just some reassurance when navigating the airport terminals and getting through the stress of customs and passport control.

Now that I am back in Australia it is back to business as usual. I need to replace timing belt in the car and work on profit and loss statement for the book I published. Furthermore, I have to be prepared for idiots and ignoramuses who are going to be quick to criticise or make life difficult where they can. Relying on intelligence is one way to try and tackle such a problem.

Next year I will look at doing another trip but for now it is business as usual.

Adhering to routine

No matter where I go I find responding to routine helps me to control anxiety. I find that I under estimate my abilities mainly through past criticisms and lack of awareness when younger. I think too much emphasis is measured in terms of a person's success than on their own achievements. I grow tired of people who try and want to confor
my ways of thinking into an NT framework. I am not self conscious of what material possessions I have but more so on what challenges lay ahead.

Anxiety can be crippling for anyone but as an Aspie measures are required in order to control it. This can be done by adherence to routine. Often people can be too quick to judge but not always see anxiety in the individual affected by it. I feel a sense of belonging that within the world there are other adults with Autism and people need to take the time to understand us. We are not allergic to Asparagus and we have many fine qualities which may be quickly over looked.

As I return to Australia little notice may have occurred of my achievements and frankly I am not out for publicity but more so a common understanding for people to understand us better.

I appear in UQ Semper

Thank you Mitchell for writing the feature which appears on page 10. It is with your help that further awareness can be raised.

As I travel around Ireland, it is awesome to see the Irish culture. It is so different from England in that there seems to be more colour than
Architecture.

Tomorrow I am off to Waterford which should be interesting to see. I am on the last leg of my tour in the gray and cold British isles and Ireland but it has been an awesome 5 weeks away. Galway is an interesting place and weather permitting I hope to do a cruise this afternoon

I can see what you are doing and saying but I don't know what you mean

It is challenging when a person says something but often it is difficult to know why they say it and not do it. Often I find I have mind blindness. By this I mean I cannot work out a person's actions or motives. I also find relationships confusing. When I was younger I day dreamed a lot and within school in Grade 1 I often fell asleep at my desk.

I cannot understand why a person feels it necessary for me to conform to their way of thinking and if I am unable to that rejection seems to be their only response. I guess it is easier to reject than to try and understand?

Relationships are not for everyone and I find them too overwhelming to think about. I find it draining to be around a person all the time. I also get annoyed with the response of some western women that because I may not want to comply with wanting to compete with them that I have to take their crap in return. I have often thought about immigrating to eastern Europe where perhaps the attitude of some women is less competitive. It is only a thought at thus stage.

Setting foot in Ireland

This morning I flew out of Newcastle for Belfast. The flight was in a propelled aircraft and it took only 40 mins. As the English countryside disappeared gradually below me to when I crossed the Irish Sea, I started to make my way into Belfast. I realized that my hire car was in an airport 30 miles away, and luckily I caught up with my friend Stephen. He was able to help me negiotate Belfast streets and before long I was to meet with him at his place before a guided tour by him of Belfast city. He showed me Belfast castle and the famous shipyard "Harlan and Wolffe" where the Titanic was built. A museum to commemorate the ship is being started.

It takes enormous courage to meet another person like myself who shares the same struggles. Meeting and making another friend was a good feeling. I hope that Stephen one day comes to
Australia?

Luckily I have GPS in the car but I am learning fast to drive a manual again. I am also learning the impatience of Irish drivers as I try to find my way around Ireland with them zooming past me. I am in no rush! I have tried to find an ancestral castle to no avail nearby and tomorrow I set off for the 189 mm trip to Galway. Updates soon

Getting to know the real me

Here are some questions and answers that I hope will help people understand me better?

1. Do I have interests beside Autism advocacy?
Yes I do but my interests are specialized and usually bore people or others find not interesting

2. How am I able to travel overseas?
I save money and because my parents are supportive this helps me to save where I can

3. Why am I arrogant and cold to some people? I think differently and process information differently. I often struggle with verbal communication for long periods and become mentally drained easily.

4. Am I looking for fame? No, I am wanting people to understand me better. I would like to have friends and a social life but often struggle keeping up

5. Why am I not married? That's none of anyone else's business

6. Do I think the world needs to become Aspie? No but I do believe there needs to be a common ground between those with and without Autism]

7. People may not always agree with my views or comments? I see things through my own eyes and some people may not always agree with the views or comments I express

8. Why am I often angry or frustrated? I get frustrated like other people when I do not see things happening the way I should. I would like to do more in my life in terms of my skills and abilities but feel held back by an employment application and interview process that works against me in terms of difficulty with my social queues and limited understanding in body language.

9. Do I think the world should become all one way? No I believe though that there needs to be a common ground between both person with and without Autism

10. Why do I campaign so strongly for Autism? I find it hard to exist in a world where people do not always understand the way I think, feel and react to events and situations around me.

The silence and need for action

Yesterday I met with Peter MacDonald from Autism Works and fellow Aspie, Chris Mitchell. Despite Australia enduring the tyranny of distance, unity can happen with the click of a mouse button. Peter assured me that I can assist Autism Works which I endeavor to do.

I personally am fed up with silence and a lack of awareness and understanding and more importantly that I am some kind of selfish arrogant arsehole who thinks little about the world around him. If only such cynics may read my book rather than judge or make assumptions based on limited knowledge about me. I belive that the age group for which I exist needs a wake up call! I am also fed up with the little response or lack of action by politicians and governments doing little to understand or acknowledge awareness. Something needs to be done to create action and to overcome the mental health issues associated with Autism. I can say that the voice of Autism is one of many.

There are some spineless individuals who may not always afford you the support in breaking down the barriers of ignorance but penetrating the areas of ignorance is but one of many ways to bring upon change. I intend to self publish more books to bring about this if necessary!

Meeting with Peter MacDonald Autism Works

Today I met with Peter MacDonald from Autism Works. Both he and Chris Mitchell work in a small office on a Georgian Street (Grey Street) in Sunderland, United Kingdom. I was able to view the funding bid created by both Chris and Peter for necessary funding to ensure Autism Works continues with its employment. I will be uploading a video very shortly which can be found on my Facebook page in which interviews are given with Peter, Chris and Dan from Autism Works.

I was fortunate to have had lunch with Peter to discuss the work that Autism Works undertake and it is indeed very positive the future direction in which this organisation is moving. I have asked Peter if I can assist with the good work which they are doing from Australia, and I have assured Peter that I am willing to help where necessary.

Autism Works focuses specifically on the strengths and abilities of adults on the Autism Spectrum and the organsiation does a way with the selection and interview process which seem to work against adults on the Autism Spectrum. It was indeed a pleasure to have met with Peter and should I be able to upload the videos these will be viewed on my Facebook page. Please visit my website which has links to both Autism Works and to my Facebook page.

I would encourage anyone reading this blog post to keep an eye on the work being undertaken by Autism Works over the coming months. Let us remain positive and look forward to much optimism in creating employment for adults on the Autism Spectrum and to help them find meaningful employment!

Coming up to dead ends

It just seems frustrating at times when people do not always understand. No matter how hard you may try, you are either seen as some kind of odd ball or even freak. I also get infuriated by people who are envious as they really need to look and understand much harder before they can judge. Why aren't you married Garry? I was asked yesterday. Well because I think marriage is not for everyone. By being insane I guess and having a horn on my head makes me feel a sense of fulfillment to break societies stupid mold.

I feel that my very existence alone is perhaps some freakish event which carries with it a sense of liberation from the wretched chains of conformity. How such chains define a person in our decaying society. Poor wretched souls looking for happiness and a sense of fulfillment and never feeling a sense of satisfaction and self worth. Visiting Wordsworth tomb yesterday was a historic moment but for younger generations perhaps a mere slab of cement with words on it has no meaning. Just imagine all those ensconced in the churchyard planking over the centuries. I cannot understand what is so creative about planking as to me it has about as much creativity as a person walking down the street.

I say to humanity sod off and learn to accept that your conforming ways are just your own selfish delusion. You are going down the tube and unless you do not mend your ways where will you be in the years to come? What a boring world we live in if not for eccentrics.

To Holland and back

The distances in Europe are amazing. You can be anywhere in less than 3 hours. This morning I arrived in Holland after leaving Newcastle the following evening. Arriving at the Dutch capital was in itself interesting but the trip over was in itself an interesting experience. Despite the ferry sometimes rocking, managing to get some sleep was a difficult task. As the water was sometimes rough, and the noise of rowdy passengers even
more annoying, the journey was in itself something difficult. Understanding Dutch can be hard compared to German.

I am now returning to England before I head to Ireland for the final leg of my trip.

Leaving for the United Kingdom

As I left Spain I found the airport in Madrid a bit confusing. Not very many people spoke English and they seemed to be largely Spainish or German. Eventually I was to make it onto the plane and head for Dusseldorf in Germany. I had 4 hours in Dusseldorf and sadly not enough time to see Dusseldorf itself. The German people seem very organised and methodical in what they do. It is no wonder they are known for their reliablity and attention do detail. After traveling some hours, I just felt tired being at the airport and found myself just wanting to rest or rather lie down on one of the seat in the airport. I was able to manage and soon boarded my flight to England. When I arrived into England I could see the north sea below the plane and England can be sometimes tricky weather wise as the weather changes here quite a lot. The maxiumum summer temperature here in Newcastle for instance is 23 celcuis.

Europe is a fascinating place as everything is so close. I am visiting Amsterdam on Saturday which is an overnight cruise and then visiting Edinburgh tomorrow. Chris and his family are wonderful people. They to know what it is like being on the Autism Spectrum and if were not for them, getting around would be much harder. Next Wednesday I will be visiting Autism Works which should be interesting. Today I will be visiting Rothbury which is near the Scottish border. England is a great place to be in and I wonder why people left here to live in Australia? Perhaps the English winters added to the transportation of convicts. More updates soon.