Younger Days and obssessions

Apparently only a handful of people ever really reach their potential or acquire the job they want in their lives. For me, I like other people and with all modesty taken into account, have still not been able to find and utilise my full potential. As a child, my interests and obsessions were very specialised. I had a fascination with death and cemeteries not in a morbid way but why people put other people into boxes and lowered them into the ground. I can remember visiting my Paternal Great Grandmothers Grave in Caboolture and wondered why more than one person was below a gravestone and furthermore if the persons below the ground looked like those that I saw in the flesh around me. I was so perplexed with death at an early age, that my mind tried to work out what the process was all about and whether God was this man in White Satin with a long beard that allowed those who were good to pass through the Pearly Gates and those who were not granted denial. I also wondered if deceased persons turned into a star and as you can imagine my childhood obsessions did not go over well around other people and also at a dinner side table. I also had very eccentric interests, I was interested in why men had chains on their waste coats in the past century later to find that these fitted onto a pocket watch. I tried to make my own pocket watch with an old watch face and a chain to replicate the real watch itself and my parents bought me a watch which I still have to this day which once wound works for a day and then needs to be rewound again. I thought why does a watch need a chain and why could only pocket watches be worn in a man's waist coat. I also had an active imagination as a child turning a dull surrounding into a living reality. When I was younger, I used to visit the Sunshine Coast with my Grandma, cousin and aunt. Back then Mudjimba consisted of the "Blue Rinse" clique who as a child I could not understand why Grannies put colours in their hair and why Mudjimba was so backward. The only high rise in those days was Surf Air which was the highest building on the coastal strip and the beaches used to have tidal coffee rock which sometimes was apparent and endemic on Sunshine Coast beaches and other times hidden beneath the sand. These rocks used to be carved out with mother natures hand into small rock pools and when waves washed into them you sometimes had mini blow holes or washing machine type affects in the rocks with the water penetrating or flowing through the gapes or holes within the rock itself. If you got the rock and grinded it, you could make an artifical coffee and sand cakes which my brother showed me with three types of sand. Firstly you would get the wet sand and make it into a cake, then mix the drier sand in with it and then complete the cake of sand with dry sand. These sand cakes had several uses in that they could be used as ammunition or catapulted long distances. Furthermore, sand castles could be made by moulding sand a long the edges of the sea and wet sand could mould steeple like affects onto the sand castle. My imagination got me through a lot of turbulent and difficult times when I was younger. I had no friends but I had an imagination and could write good stories about the sea, and escaping to some island and encountering another world. I still have to this day an active imagination and this is more so evident when walking along the beach and noticing the moon above the calm water of the ocean. I used to think of sea monsters or pirates upon the sea and early sea explorers. Also beaches used to have a collection of shells and the cone type shells with the yellow and brown in them made for interesting observation also. I remember collecting Hermit Crabs and Frogs but being cruel to them not realising I had to let them go after I caught them. I had a bucket of Hermit Crabs which I once collected and took them home only to realise next morning they were all dead because they lacked the necessary oxygen and requirements necessary to survive. I was fascinated with the way the Hermit Crab dug into the wet sand and hid under it's surface and how Frogs lived in the nearby creek but when I spotted a Cane Toad swimming in the creek that was the end of visits to the creek to catch frogs. As a kid I always thought frogs were always green and toads brown. I realised that some brown what I suspected were toads were actually frogs and some of these brown frogs could jump long distances. The brown frogs with longer legs could jump over a metre or so if disturbed and the more distance the frog could jump the more I wanted to catch one. I also had an interest in collecting different coloured butterflies and trying to work out which coloured butterfly corresponded to which particular bush. A lot of people were concerned or irritated by my behaviours but I could escape into my own world and not be disturbed. Nobody could hassle me with my butterfly collecting, or frog spotting and collecting. If people were cruel or ignored me then I had my imagination and nobody could penetrate that as I could rely on my intelligence to escape fights but could not escape teasing which did occur and that I couldn't control. I had many obsessions that were peculiar but my interest in orchids and certain flower species was another fascination. My Grandmother's next door neighbour had orchids and I was fascinated with how these flowering plants could grow on tree trunks. This neighbour was stingy though and despite my constant nagging for Orchid Runners and small plants, I just couldn't get any from him. I remember though sneaking some runners from over the fence and this neighbour always had an eye on his orchids in case an unsuspecting kid crept in and pinched some but I began to purchase my own orchids and when I had the right conditions was able to grow them very well. I went to orchid shows and over the years collected my own species. I have lost a lot of interests now for over the years my interests were never nurtured and I didn't realise that I was annoying people by constantly talking on and on about them. Unfortunately I cannot have orchids now or grow them properly as I still live with my parents and because they are getting older, I am unable to look after them properly because the requirements needed are hard to install. Sometimes you just have to take the cards that you are dealt. I was able to ride a push bike and learned surprisingly fast. I used to go for long rides as a teenager but up until a couple of years ago had a serious accident breaking my wrist and cutting my jaw open. I went into the MP"s office with blood streaming out and people looking at me as I was some kind of freak. I lost quite a bit of blood apparently but at least someone was there to help. I could go on but this is only a glimpse of my life as a younger person.

Why Australians needs to open their minds and their hearts

Compared to other countries of the world, Australia is a very lucky country but traveling to and from Australia requires a person to travel such long distances. Australia seems also to suffer from an isolation complex and when reaching its shores, many Australians seem reserved and isolated from the rest of the world. Luckily the internet has made the world smaller but does Australia need to open its doors to allow for an increase in immigration and furthermore a means of creating a more open minded society? I know there are many people who think that Australian immigration should curb and that we should be turning away boat people from our shores. The question is why and should people who are coming from countries where their quality of life is below or escaping persecution be confronted with unfair treatment? There is no simple answer to the solution but I do believe Australia could be doing a great deal more than it is at present. If migrants are allowed to enter Australia and given the opportunity to work, more infrastructure, more technology and greater production could occur. For instance you see before you how long it takes for roads to be fixed, infrastructure lacking and competition barely existent. With an increase in immigration and assimilation, more cultures allow people in Australia to see other cultures and thankfully the White Australia Policy no longer exists where people from other nationalities were excluded because of their race and skin. Having traveled the world myself, I think Australians who have unfortunately not traveled widely do not realise how lucky they are to be living in this country. How many countries do you see grown men and women playing sport and let alone getting paid for it occurring. I think the biggest problem in any society is when people have closed minds and not open to competition and furthermore eccentricity. I get sick and tired of people who have a narrow field of vision and because of this display often a high level of intolerance. I think Australia unlike other countries has been fortunate to have not directly confronted an attack from another country or experienced civil wars. Within the world, other countries have been in theatres of war because they have had to protect their boarders but Australia only experienced an attack on Darwin and some possible submarine attacks on strategic points along its east coast. I think isolation tends to make Australians different to other nations in the rest of the world. Perhaps this creates complacency also? I find some Australians very defensive and when trying to engage in conversation or present some form of information, rather than being open minded and perhaps tolerant, they seem to be on the attack. They seem quick to dismiss anything that is new to them and furthermore try to conform others into some kind of tribalism. As a person on the Autistic Spectrum rather than understood, people seem to be more critical, dismissive and defensive when trying to converse with them. If you don't share an interest in sport, more so Rugby League, you often receive the comment "Mate if you don't follow Rugby League then you're not Aussie". What people don't realise is how much the media actually brain washes and controls their lives. It is scary to think that people are not thinking for themselves anymore and the mass media is taking over people's minds and influencing their lives. I find the social world very harsh and sometimes very cruel. You often feel pushed around and criticised just for the way you think which you cannot always control and yet people seem to be defensive or dismissive. If you are eccentric you tend to stand out and not be expected as in the case if you are in the United Kingdom. Society really needs to start becoming more open minded and things are improving but they need to continue more so. I have been pleased by Australia's involvement in the last Football World Cup but I would be disappointed if Australia gives up too easily. As a nation we need to compete more and see ourselves as being part of the world despite our isolation. We need to open our minds to people who are different rather than dismiss them and more importantly Australians need to understand the Autistic Spectrum Disorder more and not expect everything to be one way. I am often criticised or misunderstood myself by some sectors of society but if people or persons would just sit down or try to listen to my way of thinking then they would understand the difficulties, challenges and different ways of seeing things which I possess. Too often people dismiss someone too early rather than giving them a chance to express themselves and make themselves known. This is something clearly evident to someone on the Autistic Spectrum. I think Australia needs to go a long way to understand Asperger Syndrome and Autism to match countries like the United Kingdom and some parts of the United States and hopefully in time this will happen soon. I cannot cruscade as one person alone in trying to make things happen and nor am I high profile to help get the message out there more, but simply expressing myself in this blog will hopefully begin to make acceptance and tolerance happen. I am tired of having to try and conform to other people's expectations and be exposed to their criticisms. I think as Australians we need to take our place on the world stage and not be coy too easily with competition and isolation from the rest of the world. Open mindedness creates room for tolerance in inclusion as opposed to exclusion and rejection. Hopefully one day more understanding of Autism and inclusion of other persons will happen but sadly it is going to take time unless people start to open their minds more.

Desperate times call for desperate measures when no one seems to be able to understand

Dear United Nations I am an adult with Asperger Syndrome and I currently live in Australia. I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome in July 1998, and I am currently working part time in the University of Queensland Social Sciences Library in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. What I would like to bring to your attention is the inability of governments and the general community in understanding Asperger Syndrome in Adults. As an adult I find that despite there being Disability Discrimination Acts and support within the work environment that in the general community there is not a real clear understanding of Asperger Syndrome being on the Autistic Spectrum. Governments seem unable to act and understand and the community in general don't really seem to be able to exactly fathom how Asperger Syndrome affects you as an adult. I am currently Staff Representative on the University of Queensland Disability Sub Committee as per my signature below and I have helped form an Asperger Syndrome Support Group for both staff and students at the University of Queensland. This group presently meets once a week and fortunately the university is beginning to recognise Asperger Syndrome as a disability but as you can imagine there are many roads and bridges that still need to be crossed. I know of adults who are being exploited in the workplace, not given adequate work breaks and over looked in areas of employment even with some employers bearing Anti Discrimination laws. In my spare time I promote a lot of advocacy in Australia and in the global community on Asperger Syndrome as an adult. I have met with politicians, employers and spoken to members within the Asperger Syndrome Community about the needs and support that are lacking in the Australian Community. This has occurred since diagnosis in 1998 and up until the present. Many children are unable to obtain support at an early age, and there seems to be no real acknowledgment of just how important early intervention is and furthermore the transition into adulthood. Asperger Syndrome was re-discovered in 1981 by Lorna Wing from Hans Asperger an Austrian Pediatrician who highlighted the difficulties of children in being able to socialise, understand and adjust to the world around them. As more awareness is trying to be raised in the community, there are still many adults and children within the community that are still not aware of Asperger Syndrome as a condition and it seems to me that the government just wants to sweep this important issue under the carpet. Recently the United Kingdom passed an Autism Bill to recognise Autism as a disability but Australia is sadly lagging behind the United Kingdom in terms of awareness. I am fortunate that I work in a supportive work environment but I know of other adults who are simply unable to obtain employment and live a lower quality of life than the main stream. The issues of high unemployment, social isolation, depression, anxiety are some of the pressing issues which confront them and as an adult I feel adults with Asperger Syndrome are just in some kind of backwash with no clear understanding or solutions. In my spare time, I undertake a lot of advocacy and have linked adults with Asperger Syndrome to other adults with Asperger Syndrome on a global scale via skype. The group now has a counselor who is able to talk online with them as I know all too well of the difficulties of social isolation and depression and how such negative effects cripple a person socially and anxiety wise. I write this email as I feel that the Autistic Spectrum needs more attention within the Australian Community and as an adult I am concerned for my own future and for other people affected by Autism in the Australian Community. Many are living below a normal quality of life and this is a serious issue. I hope one day that an Autism Bill is introduced into Australia but when or if this is going to happen is just an anxious wait. I am tired of governments saying they will address Autism with money and support not going to essential services and a means of promoting more awareness. I often feel like I am treading water and I know of a lot of other adults within the same position. If Asperger Syndrome could be highlighted more and acknowledged more within the United Nations, then a global acceptance will hopefully occur. I hope when you read my email that hopefully you will see my case for acknowledging and supporting Asperger Syndrome as a disability and a reality. Below are some of the inequalities at present in relation to Asperger Syndrome in Australia which I have experienced at first hand: 1. Inability of employment agencies to assist adults with Asperger Syndrome find employment 2. Lack of on the job support for adults currently employed and who need assistance with staff/career development 3. More acknowledgment of Autism within the Disability Discrimination Act 4. Support for Accommodation to allow adults with Asperger Syndrome independent accommodation to take the strain of parents and families (some adults in their 30s - 60's still living at home with parents) 5. lack of funding to vital organisations such as Asperger Services Australia to provide services to adults and children and to pay essential staff members within this organisation. The list goes on but these are some essential services There are many families and people aching on the Autistic Spectrum to obtain support but all we can do is be patient and hope that change will happen soon. As I get older myself now at 37 years of age, I am beginning to see vital services and support fading away. I find it hard to obtain a relationship and find networks within the community because I lack the necessary social skills and understanding to be able to find these. All I can do is promote awareness and hope that one day support will reach those in need but all I can do at present is be patient and wait. It makes me personally sad when I see in the United Kingdom an Autism Bill providing support and services to adults and finding nothing exists here in Australia. What are people affected by Autism expected to do? I am aware that there are Autism Agencies in Australia but more needs to happen and greater funding needs to go to vital services and organisations who will deliver to those in need on the Autistic Spectrum I look forward to hearing from you and hope that my email provides some awareness of a serious situation. I know there are other more important needs which require attention but Autism also should be looked into Some important links UK Autism Bill http://services.parliament.uk/bills/2008-09/autism.html Asperger Services Australia (which needs vital funding) http://www.asperger.asn.au/Home.aspx Dr Tony Attwood (based in Australia) http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/ my blog also exists on Tony's website by going to Support Groups in Brisbane Kind regards Mr Garry Burge

Exercise Program for Aspies

There are a lot of benefits to regular exercise with the one major benefit being a significant reduction in anxiety levels. As I go now to UQ gym 3 times a week starting at 6.50am or 7am, I follow a program which helps to burn calories and increase my cardio vascular. As I am on the Disability Sub Committee at UQ, I have run by the School of Human Movements, a look or a means of structuring exercises for adults on the spectrum. No response has been received as of yet so I am going at it alone. Exercise helps with breathing also and encourages breathing where it is needed and this in itself causes I believe muscles to relax and to ensure deep breathing which also assists with sleep. Aspies have a lot of anxiety issues and perhaps this is because of the wiring in the brain continually causing electrical activity with the brain finding it hard to shut down where this is needed, particularly sleep. Perhaps a regular exercise and better sleep management ensures that the difficulties of executive function are less. Running I believe is also good exercise but an exercise pattern for adults with AS is perhaps a good way to prevent mental health issues. Last night I watched the Insight Program on SBS which showed Mental Health. What and why does mental health affect so many people? Are we pushing ourselves harder and interacting less as social creatures? I have been in touch briefly with Professor Patrick McGorry and informing him that we should be medicating people less which he agrees with. I just wish he also had an interest in Autism but I guess not but you never know what may happen in the future. Anyhow exercise seems like a good way to significantly reduce anxiety levels and should not be over looked too quickly. You don't need to go to the gym to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger but more so keep fit.

Asperger Syndrome in Adults the realities

As I continue to write posts on my blog, I may perhaps appear obsessed with my blog posts but I feel frustrated in the lack of services available to myself and other adults as well as the lack of understanding. As I reach out to more and more adults with Asperger Syndrome, I hear continually the fact that they still rely often on their parents to live with, they are on a low quality of life, some are unable to obtain employment and more importantly some are depressed and socially isolated. I just cannot understand why governments continue to turn a blind eye to the issues of Autism. In reality I think more and more people have to begin to understand how exactly being on the Autistic Spectrum affects a person's life and those around them. Amongst the Aspie community more and more adults with AS are disadvantaged by unemployment. Furthermore the important distinction which a lot of emphasis is that mobility impairment is different to cognitive impairment. When I mean this I am not saying the person is brain damaged or suffers from mental illness but more so the individual affected sees the world differently to others and interprets, events, people, communication, around them differently. Some adults have a great deal of wealth and experience and knowledge but often this is overlooked with some adults unemployed and simply unable to find employment. What really needs to be addressed is that amongst Aspies unemployment is at it highest peak and without an income, many adults confront a poor quality of life. They are unable to fund their interests, afford to get counseling and access to vital services and living in a world they don't always understand, they are the mercy of breakdowns or severe burnout. I know many adults with Asperger Syndrome who vary from case to case and AS affects them differently but yet they suffer anxiety, social isolation and find it hard to make friends and be understood fully by people around them. Not having friendships and social networks also means that the possibility of relationships and finding employment is a real issue. I often speak to other adults on Skype, some are more routine bound and others unable to find a relationship or employment. People with Asperger Syndrome are not like other groups of people in that they are not actively noisy for as you can imagine we lack social queues and networks and often because of this we suffer in silence. Many Asperger Adults are afraid to seek diagnosis or come out of the wood work for fear of persecution or rejection and indeed some adults are not aware they have Asperger Syndrome which is why information needs to get out there and more and more people need to become aware of the existence of Asperger Syndrome to help others who may not realise they are on the Autistic Spectrum. I do a lot of advocacy myself and often you feel like you are an Ant trying to push up an elephant but you realise that the more you push and the more other ants who push the elephant, the more the elephant will eventually move. As I continue to be an advocate for Asperger Syndrome I am happy to talk at conferences and functions and even in parliament if it this is required to get the message out there. More needs to be done and hopefully more adults will once more awareness is out there come forward and realise others will accept AS rather than be behind a veil of ignorance. We can only keep our fingers crossed.

People who try and force you to be Neuro Typical

One of the things that really annoys me is people who insist on trying to make you think and act like a Neuro Typical Person when your wiring is different. Sometimes parents can get into the habit of feeling hurt or saying you are somehow cruel when you don't respond to affections and hugs. People with Autism tend to find such interaction as intruding on their personal space and sadly because people don't understand Autism, people can make rather cruel insinuations themselves. Perhaps the person is incapable of loving, they are cold because they cannot show emotions or lack empathy etc. I find living around people who think and act Neuro Typical feels like suffocation. You cannot be yourself and you constantly have to carry some kind of guilt for thinking and feeling the way you do. You are often betrayed as some kind of cold human being and having to bare their criticisms further lowers your self esteem. People often think I am incapable and somehow need to be babied constantly but they don't realise that I am independent and capable of doing things on my own. I am and learn to be independent and I don't want sympathy from people or for them to feel sorry for me. Look at other people who are worse off who may be sick, missing a limb, unable to walk, see or talk. I don't need to be pitied or treated like one girl said "It's amazing you get out!". I am not a cripple and I have achieved a lot in my life. I have learned to be independent and I really don't want people to feel sorry for me. I like my space, I don't like my space encroached on and if people think I am a cold person well in this world you cannot please everyone. People on the Autistic Spectrum survive as best they can and we are not crippled people, we just see and interpret things around us differently than you do. Please don't make assertions or judgments about us as we don't need them. All we ask for is tolerance and understanding. I am tired of having to carry guilt and feelings that NT people enforce upon me. I have a hard time interpreting such feelings and people need to understand Autism more. Some people with Autism hate being hugged or touched and this is due to sensory issues. We are like cats for cats sometimes get over stimulated easily with being touched and react by sticking their coats up. I get tired of people saying "You can be so cruel sometimes". I don't understand how I am being cruel when I simply state what I can and cannot handle. Often the tolerance and understanding has to come from siblings who have to begin to understand that the person on the Autistic Spectrum cannot help be the way they are and surely isolating or criticizing them from a distance is not the answer. Tolerance and understanding need to come from talking to the person themselves. If the Autistic Person is cruel then surely rejection and intolerance are cruel also? It cannot be all one way.

How much do we really know about James Dean?

In 1955, a 24 year old actor was killed on a highway in California. His name was James Dean and he had just finished the final close of his movie "Giant". James Dean was a short term actor who made 3 movies in his life, "East of Eden" , "Rebel Without A Cause" and "Giant". What I am going to talk about here may give my personal account of James Dean and his troubled life. James Dean was born in Fairmont Indiana in 1931 which was a small town in the United States. He lived his early years in Fairmont and in his latter years became involved in Basket Ball and acting. He first made a break in a 1955 Pepsi Commercial which earned him a ride to Hollywood. Despite being an up and coming actor, James Dean struggled personally with the death of his mother when he was 9 years old. I remember reading about James Dean and how when his mother died, the young James Dean would check at every station from Hollywood to Fairmont to ensure her coffee was still on the train and how he would cry beside his mother's grave wondering why she died when he was about 9 years of age. I believe James Dean and Marilyn Monroe lived troubled lives. Back in their day, mental illness was hushed up and people needed to be strong. Also James Dean may have been bi sexual and struggled with being like this. In his last movie "Giant" he worked a long Rock Hudson so perhaps some kind of activity may have happened but I don't really want to go there. I think James Dean wrestled with loneliness and perhaps may have had bipolar. He lead an unconventional life, he was known to have insomnia and furthermore he had mood swings and was difficult to work with on a movie set often telling Directors what they should do more so than him obeying their directions and commands. What we need to remember is that with his death in Salinas, James Dean was not speeding. In fact it was the error of the other driver who caused Dean's death by James Dean swerving to miss the car which ultimately caused the 24 year's old death. James Dean had a cat called Marcus which was given to him by the young Elizabeth Taylor and his Porsche Spider was supposedly cursed with his friend of the time Alec Guiness warning him not to drive the car. There was an Australian also in the movie set "Giant", Rod Taylor. I think James Dean wrestled a lot with his personal issues in life and often spent most of his time car racing. While not on movie sets, James Dean was fulfilling his passion of being a speedcar driver in California. Sadly with the death of James Dean at the age of 24 on September 30 1955, we knew very little about him fully and his life as a person. He is remembered as the rebel in Rebel Without A Cause and perhaps invented the collar up appearance in young adults today and the flick knife fight at the observatory. Will we find out more about James Dean as time goes by to really understand whether he had bipolar or not? Perhaps we may never know?

Could the origins of Asperger Syndrome be from Austria?

I know some people may not understand what I am on about here or others either, but I have often wondered if Asperger Syndrome can be traced from Austria and also around Bavaria in Germany? Most of us are aware of Hans Asperger the Austrian Pediatrician who first observed the traits of Asperger Syndrome in children in 1944. However, what I have noticed is that a lot of eccentric people came from Austria in the musical world and of course Sigmund Freud. Musical eccentricity is deeply entrenched in Vienna and perhaps Vienna itself may have a high report of Asperger Syndrome cases or diagnosis? I am only assuming this but of course there have been many eccentrics who were born in Austria, including Mozart. What question needs to be asked is why was Asperger Syndrome discovered in Austria and although not all Aspies have Austrian blood, perhaps one could assume Austria to be a hotbed of Aspieness. I don't think Asperger Syndrome can be tied down to one area but with the birth of eccentric people baring the Aspie traits, perhaps their eccentricity and behaviours brought other Aspies out of the woodwork or by being close to Austria perhaps eccentricity was tolerated and accepted in certain countries. I have visited Vienna myself and no doubt you can recall the musical abilities and eccentricity which comes out of the place. Also did Hans Asperger Syndrome have Asperger Syndrome himself to notice the behaviours in children he observed? A lot of questions can be answered. Also if you notice some Austrian customs perhaps you can draw a conclusion of where you can or may see some Aspie tendencies. What leads me to possibly conclude that Austria is a hotbed of Aspieness is that the place is full of eccentrics. There are musical eccentrics and musicians who are wrapped up in their talents but portray very little social skills and some lead solitary lives. Also Violin Timber comes from Austria and some notable musical instruments were developed there. The very extreme of Austism but not really a good example is the birth of Adolf Hitler in Austria, but not a name one would like to associate with the Autistic Spectrum. Whether or not Austria is a hotbed of Aspieness needs further research but I see a lot of eccentricity coming out of Austria and the question needs to be asked is why it was an Austrian Pediatrician who noticed Asperger traits in children with Asperger Syndrome. I cannot with accuracy say that what I am suggesting in this post can be given full credibility or proof but further investigation would be needed to actually look at the genetics of some Austrians to investigate the ratio of Asperger Syndrome cases and whether or not Austria has a higher statistic of Asperger Syndrome within its population. Also the Austrians live very rigid lifestyles and are routine bound and perhaps this says something also but again research is needed to prove or dispel what I am suggesting in my post.

The government needs to listen

In my meetings with a lot of politicians and key groups in society, I constantly point out as best I can the challenges and difficulties adults on the Autistic Spectrum confront. These issues being high unemployment, social isolation and the list can go on. I constantly here of funding to certain areas within the community but sadly the Autistic Spectrum receives little mention or funding. If for instance Asperger Services Australia were successful in setting up a grant and obtaining funding from the government, hopefully key support and services would become available to adults. We could see the following and I hope one day this becomes a reality: 1. Employment Agencies to provide job placements and career development for adults 2. Central location building in a capital city i.e Brisbane where adults can go to if they need help with counseling, employment, making friends, overcoming social isolation, advice etc 3. Improvement in housing so adults on the Autistic Spectrum can live independently and not be discriminated against rent 4. Minds and Hearts to make it easier for adults to obtain medicare rebate and cheaper consultation fees so those on lower incomes can obtain support and advice 5. Governments seeing Autistic Spectrum as a reality and to see invisible (unseen) disabilities as a reality. Just because a person on the Autistic Spectrum looks like everyone else does not mean they don't need help or struggle. 6. The introduction of an Autism Spectrum Bill or awareness at a federal level in parliament. Australia has 22 million people surely this is not hard to organise and implement? Hopefully in time more and more awareness of the Autistic Spectrum will become evident and vital services and support will become available not only to children but more importantly when they make the transition to adulthood and current adults. We can only wait and hope politicians will stop twiddling their thumbs. There are a lot of families and individuals aching for support out there. I also devote a lot of my free and spare time to Asperger Syndrome advocacy and often feel I don't get anywhere with reaching out to certain organisations but being on the Disability Subcommittee of a University is at least one major achievement. Please consider the following questions for more reassurance 1. What would you do if your child was unable to adjust to mainstream education and people kept saying "your child has behaviour issues and is naughty"?". 2. You as an adult were unable to obtain or hold down a job and lived below the mainstream quality of life? 3. You are socially isolated and because you may be eccentric or odd, people may say things about you or you confront some areas of discrimination in your life? 4. You are socially isolated and find it hard to access the community because you need help with social skills and people to understand why it is difficult. 5. Looking like everyone else but the disability or condition you have is largely unseen and you struggle internally and nobody knows or sees your struggles?

The reality stakes for Aspie Adults

As many people are aware, Asperger Syndrome covers a broad spectrum and effects each individual differently. However, what I cannot understand is why people are unable to accept Asperger Syndrome as a disability as well as some sectors of the medical fraternity. If adults with Asperger Syndrome represent the highest unemployment stakes and some are unable to enter or find relationships or suffer social isolation, then what account do closed minded people have to explain Asperger Syndrome as not being a disability or a cognitive impairment. I constantly find the world around me is often not understanding of my situation. Being the much used label word "Single", I find friends around me and some areas of the socialisation process coy and excluding of my as an individual. If you keep to yourself, society seems to portray you as some kind of deviant or dysfunctional human being and as one ignoramus put it, "Do you think you would enter a gay relationship?". What is it with people and why do they have to try and put people into boxes when they don't understand that Asperger Syndrome is a reality and people like myself are looking around for services. We live in a very cruel and conforming world where the mass media pumps out make believe and false images of success and those of us who are single, especially Aspie would like a relationship with someone of the opposite sex but it is all too much in the hard basket. I know of some adults who actually pay for sex because they are unable to know the social queues and games which need to be played to enter a relationship. I like many other Aspies have had ignorant people act on their false assumptions of thinking that a single person who is Aspie must be gay or entering the priesthood or have some other label if they are not in a relationship. I often find the world has more of an issue with me not being in a relationship than I think myself. There is nothing wrong with certain groups of people and the ones above mentioned have contributed a great wealth of talent and incentive into the world despite their different wiring. Some of those who perhaps want to persecute them have a fear of not accepting their deep down insecurities themselves and feel it useful to vent their anger on others. I think people don't realise who controlled they are by the television and media around them. The mechanisms which were once in place that were considered socially acceptable are fast breaking down themselves and nobody seems to know what to do about them. Life is not always fair but you need to make a go of things no matter how difficult these can be. I find I have to continually work on my flaws and try to conform to the NT world which I don't find easy. I struggle with chit chat and making small talk, I am serious a lot but I have had to organise my life to be where I am today. I have had to reinvent and jettison some of my Aspie traits because when I was younger, I said things straight out with thinking about them. I was punished wrongly and misunderstood in a school which sought to punish sensory issues. For instance in one instance I had to sit close to a door in the classroom as I had a phobia and I was reprimanded by a teacher for choosing to sit there despite her own neurosis of wanting children to sit on the other side of the room. I thought my actions were justified as there were chairs there and I thought I was in a classroom and had the right to sit on one. Anyhow, people need to change as the world cannot be all one way. NT people have to realise that Aspies cannot always try to be NT as sometimes the scales need to tilt the other way in understanding. I know some people may choose to disagree with what I am saying but please try to understand that Asperger Syndrome is a reality and it cannot continue to be swept under the carpet or ignored.

I am starting to feel better in myself

I am now starting my gym program and starting to feel better about myself. I am doing 10 mins on the bike, lat pull downs, bench presses, leg curls, sit ups and treadmill exercises. I am starting to feel less anxiety controlled and feel my performance levels are on the rise. I still find it hard to look at myself in the mirror. I hate wearing glasses and wish I could have my eyes treated with lazer so I could not have to wear glasses anymore but I am fearful of damaging them, so I will hold off for the moment I think. I can remember going back to the gym some months back and vomiting after a session I did. I knew I must have pushed myself too much and started to feel sick when I left the gym. As I got in the car I could feel it coming on and the consequences showed some time later and I had to lie down in the front car seats until I could get myself back into a feeling of normality. I have come to the realisation that I have to do things on my own and despite the challenges, I have to be strong. I am feeling though with gym exercises that hopefully my performance levels will increase and anxiety levels drop. Only time will tell. I also am going to look at doing cerebellum exercises and perhaps other Aspies may benefit from Cerebellum exercises which help to improve the cerebellum located near the brain which I worked on when I did the Dore Program. The media did its best to discredit this program and many adults with AS could have benefited from it. This afternoon I met with local member and showed her Autism Alert Card and information about Autism UK. Hopefully Asperger Services Australia will soon obtain funding.

More advocacy

This afternoon I met with a standing member within my electorate regarding Asperger Syndrome as an adult. I discussed the implementation of the Autism Bill within the United Kingdom, the recent employment seminar held at Asperger Services Australia, an Adult Autism Alert Card and the vision for improved services for adults with Asperger Syndrome in Australia. The meeting went well and I had coffee with the person concerned and provided them with information on Asperger Syndrome and hopefully funding to organisations like Asperger Services Australia which have an army of volunteers and certain key people within the organsiation who are not obtaining funding to improve services. Hopefully soon a grant will be presented to address the needs and requirements of adults and children and hopefully time will tell. I have another meeting tomorrow with a member of parliament in the cabinet regarding recent funding to disability services. I have been involved a lot in advocacy and hopefully breaking down more barriers within the community. I am hoping that more adults in Brisbane will start to reach out and strengthen and improve interaction to overcome social isolation and depression. It is also hoped that one day support will be available in this city to support the needs of adults but this is only a dream at the moment but hopefully things will change. Support for adults in finding employment, support, friendship and advocacy. We can only hope at this stage. More updates later.

My early years as an adult at Lorraine Martin College

In 1991, I enrolled at a college in Brisbane as my parents were concerned about my limited skills and abilities in relation to employment. Back in the past if you were not able to get a job you had to register with Social Security and then join CES. For me going on the Dole was no fun. I found the programs back then to support you were extremely limited and furthermore you were grouped in with people, some of whom did not want to work when you wanted to work but found finding a job and obtaining one very difficult. In 1991, I enrolled in a 19 week Business and Administration Course in Brisbane City. In those days, I was rather eccentric dressing up in sports coats, flash ties, leather shoes in a sub tropical climate. I struggled a lot in this course but I remember the touch typing classes of 10 minute duration where you would have to touch type a document which was worded like "the brown fox was hungry and not knowing what to eat saw some hens and decided to see if they were tasty". Well you know what I mean as different letters were used to demonstrate touch typing ability. The famous line which uses all letters "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" was a perfect example. I found this course was challenging but I did have a go at Bookkeeping also and found myself staying up to the late hours of the night balancing figures and working out why they couldn't balance. I found at the end of the course that I was still unemployable but am grateful for touch typing like I can today. It helped me write university assignments and helped me to write like I can today. I also learned that putting a person on hold was no longer than 30 seconds unlike today and I learned reception duties and writing cheques. Back then I could handle with struggle an 8am to 5pm working day which was only for a couple of weeks with the hours being rotated. I took things literally and I remembered getting a lot of help with bookkeeping which other students found easy and for me sensory issues which were not known back then were difficult. My teacher was Stella a lady from New Zealand and she helped me as best she could to understand basic bookkeeping. One of my first purchases was an electric typewriter which I purchased for $430 and it consisted of 2 daisy wheels. It could remember typed documents and word processors on computers were in their infancy.

Perseverance sometimes pays off

I am currently looking at undertaking speech pathology by recommendation of the counselor at Minds and Hearts. Apparently my monotone voice needs improvement as well as expression. Furthermore, it is hoped that I can obtain assistance with social skills and reading social queues and body language. I have also received positive news about my house sits but I am finding the awareness and advocacy of Asperger Syndrome a bit draining. I just feel I am not getting anywhere unless I have magic letters after my name. Anyhow all I can really do is keep the ball rolling and hope one day that more people will understand Asperger Syndrome than they do at present. Not being understood and seeing other adults below a reasonable quality of life is something that is not good and hopefully this will change.

What I could do if I get myself fit

I have now booked into gym sessions with the hope of getting my 37 soon to be 38 year old body into shape. I realise the importance of maintaining good health to not only keep fit but to control and reduce anxiety levels. As I have no commitments, I often think about the possibilities of mountain climbing overseas. Perhaps just a dream or a challenge but I often think about South America, New Zealand or somewhere around the Himalayas which are slightly ambitious. I also contemplate doing a walk perhaps Milford Track in New Zealand or the Cradle Mountain Walk in Tasmania. I do like to be totally free and free of the chains of expectations and regulations of Brisbane suburbia. Perhaps I can only think about and ponder such challenges but life is what you make of it and if you keep looking at doom and gloom, the road may not lead somewhere. I have been to Europe on my own, the United States and much closer to home, New Zealand and Tasmania. Getting fit though and having a challenge is also good to look forward too. Over the coming months starting from this Thursday, I will be starting the gym program so as to keep myself out of the health problem vacuum that begins in men as they start to hit the 40 period. I guess you can only dream but dreams are what keep you alive and looking forward with your life whether some succeed and others may not.

Escape to rural abyss

This weekend I am in Stanthorpe and I like to go here to avoid the rat race and trappings of Brisbane. Having recently been overseas, I look at the surrounds and they seem different with the ubiquitious eycalpyts and Granite Rocks that come into view once you climb the second Stanthorpe Range. This morning I drove to nearby Storm Creek Dam and then went into Stanthorpe to visit Sentimental Rocks and the creek which flows through the town centre. Last night, well this morning the temperature dropped to 0 degrees celcius and a light frost descended on the landscape around me. I have just had 2 vegemite sandwiches for lunch and a piece of date loaf. Although I can eat more, I hope to have something more soon. As I write this the Prime Minister has announced an election and it will be interesting to see how things unfold. She mentioned Autism, well if she can help out people with Autism, this would be greatly appreciated. I like the solitude of Stanthorpe and the sounds of birds and the wind in the trees. I often get tired of feeling I need to conform to some kind of regulated, closed minded way of thinking but being eccentric I usually be myself at any rate. Abyss is something an Aspie treasures more so than others I think.

My interest in History

One of the things I do enjoy and have a good memory for is dates in history. I cannot study just one area of history as I like to know about everything I can. I do have a stronger knowledge base and interest in some aspects of European History, American and Australian. When I repeated my Senior Certificate in 1993, I studied both Ancient and Modern History and obtained high marks in History assignments but found Ancient History more difficult. Ancient History relies heavily on primary sources and people like Tacitus, Plivy and Thucydides who wrote accounts of this early time. What we need to remember is that the further back you go, the more need for primary rather than secondary sources for information. There are very few accounts or information we can easily access at the time on say Pisistratus. Very few people would know who Pisistratus was and his contribution to history. When you think of his name you think perhaps of someone from the Latin period, perhaps he was some radical Roman or he existed in Greece. When researching someone like him there are very few accounts and secondary sources written around his time. If it weren't for Plutarch or other ancient scholars, we would know very little. One culture of interest is the Egyptians. They are to me very primitive or perhaps more I say mysterious in some of their customs and ways. When you see early statues and figurines, they show images of people with big wide 'spiritual' looking eyes and you wonder why their eyes were portrayed like this. Why did they build pyramids and furthermore have images of human figures with dog's heads or animal heads? There is so much we don't know but we can rely on primary sources of information to shed a light on the past. I look on youtube to find out about history and sometimes you get frustrated when you may pull up a link on Socrates and you hear some rock band music in the background or some other sound, when you want to hear information about the person. I would like to attend lectures or presentations where people are thinking about the subjects being discussed but to enrol as a non assessed student at UQ it is $400. Why pay such an amount when at the time of Plato and Aristotle people could attend the Academia to hear free presentations. When I focus on a specific topic of history, I like to know the finer detail. For instance if it relates to Slavs in Russia, I want to know how they got there, what their involvement was in relation to Russian history. If I visit an historical sight for which there were many in Europe. You get the Tourist presentation but what about the actual deep down fact? For instance a tourist goes to the Vatican, sees St Peter's Square but what about the statues that surround it and the historical significance of the square? Why did Michelangelo get so obsessed with painting Muriel and ceilings etc? I guess I think and analyse things too much but there is nothing wrong with wanting to find out and get your information wrong so long as you can further your knowledge.

Got to keep myself busy

Well with it being a cold well coolish Winter afternoon in Brisbane, I thought I would update my blog. I have looked into teaching English overseas but feel it necessary to get some experience prior to making a study commitment. Quite simply I am not able to afford the fees and furthermore the pressures of study at the moment. The study would involve for the TESOL Certificate, 2 nights a week 5 to 9pm and every 6th Saturday 9am to 4pm. I think teaching overseas would be awesome but I have to sort my priorities out at the moment. I also had a go at a Wi Game today, having a bash at Table Tennis. I am not really well cordinated at this game but I did manage to win some points in the Wi Game. Next week will be busy for me. I have meetings all week. First, speech therapy help, second Tesol learning, UQ Gym, local MP. So I am busy. I have caught up with some friends, one of whom lives in Redcliffe, another in Coorparoo, and one who has returned from Vanuatu. I am looking forward to catching up with another friend who is returning from Spain hopefully very soon. This weekend I am going to Stanthorpe for the weekend. I relish cold weather and I hope to get some cold weather prior to Australia coming back into summer soon. I like to get out of Brisbane as I find it a bit regulated and you often feel trapped by suburbia. Anyhow a change is always welcome. Well more details later and I hope everyone I know is well and others are well also. Life is always on the move.

Does the socialisation process exclude people on the Autistic Spectrum?

In Australia and some western countries, it could be argued that the socialisation process does exclude people on the spectrum in some ways. For instance, most Aspies don't follow the conventional means of evolution from childhood to adolescence to adulthood. Because an Aspie thinks and is wired differently most people do not understand and the effects of socialisation in a negative way can perhaps elevate depression and in the worst instances suicide rates. People especially in Queensland are heavily socialised and influenced by the media. You only have to turn on your television set, pick up the latest magazine or see images in the print and electronic media to realise just how controlled and influenced people are by such mediums. Furthermore, I believe personally that the school system is designed as a means of conditioning children for adulthood. As I have said earlier, children are sexualised and conditioned early in their lives by being exposed to a lot of the visual images around them compared to a person on the Autistic Spectrum who is influenced or interested in a narrow perspective or eccentric obsession. Just imagine regular life like sausages going through a factory. Firstly the sausage has to consist of a certain texture and be a certain size for show and eventual consumption. As people like to ensure people and things around them follow some form or type of evolutionary process if this makes sense, then they too are conditioned for adulthood. Perhaps it is a mark of evolution and genetics that a person with Asperger Syndrome remains in a rather solitude and isolated situation? Society doesn't know how to cope or understand Autism. Parents of children tell of stories where friends around them continually question whether the child's habits need to be medicated or whether the child is being naughty or not. In my case, I was punished or more so admonished for exhibiting eccentric behaviour when I was younger. Having issues with sensory overload, I did not speak at the time as I knew people around me could not understand what I was going through so I thought suffering in silence was the only way. I think the socialisation process really hits hard on Aspies because Aspies struggle with the social queues, the signs and the necessary nuances that others find easy. As we think and act differently we are often precluded from living a regular life. Some of us may struggle with relationships or just may not be interested. In my own opinion I think AS men have it tough in this area because we find it hard to perhaps veneer social skills and society sees men as having to be providers more and innovators. Aspie men from what I can see have quite often low self esteem and struggle with this and the inability to glorify one's standing at a job interview or when around women. Society doesn't really know how to deal with eccentricity or difference and where I live in Queensland, Australia. People are hopefully coming out of the dark years of the Bjelke Peterson controlling government to find others around them who are more open minded and less intolerant. I detested the schooling I had and the TE Score stamped to someone's head after they completed 12 years of schooling. As if a magic number would determine a person's career path and future direction. The school was so fixated on these numbers that people in my generation were probably or most likely prevented from doing what they wanted to in their lives. I think a regular person perhaps picks up 80% to 80% of visual queues compared to an Aspie who probably manages 15% to 30% on the most. Some Aspies can be sociable but they do struggle but become Chameleons as best they can.

The legacy of Henry VIII

I have recently been watching "The Tudors" which depicts the life of King Henry VIII and his six wives. The time of Henry VIII was a very turbulent one indeed for there were murders, innocent people were killed and religion was played in the theatre of uncertainty and barbarity. Henry VIII seemed like an unstable man who was determined to find a male heir but in the process, Britain was dragged through a merciless period. In Yorkshire innocent people were killed who refused to side with Henry VIII and earlier Sir Thomas Moore had his head cut off for refusing to accept the Henry's divorce to Katherine of Aragon. It was the birth of her daughter Elizabeth whom quarreled later with Queen Elizabeth I to ascend to the throne. Henry VIII seemed to trust very few people and even the innocent found themselves sent to the Tower of London with their life hanging in the balance or death soon a reality. These were such perilous times. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5f4myAIpY8&feature=related and Mary Tudor http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5E3GUlf755c

How I see and interpret the world.

I often find it difficult to read a lot but I am fortunate in being able to write. I have difficulty with processing some pieces of information, and in general constant interaction with others tends to burn me out or I get over stimulated. I sometimes feel like I am pushed around or not accepted or advised by others as to how to live life when being myself is not difficult. Even when I am myself, I feel misunderstood and avoided for it seems that people are weary of men who are on their own. Perhaps they think of you as being a cereal killer, or axe murderer or something? As I grow older, I tend to not worry too much about what other people think of me. I just find the constant focus from the media that I need to live up to a materialistic means as difficult. I do enjoy history and beauty but in terms of a neuro typical sense where I need to study or learn it this way, I find I stumble terribly. I have never really been good at anything but I don't really want to as it doesn't allow me to have a broadening of my interests or to be open minded to the world around me. Often you feel at a loss to know how to adapt to the world around you but you try your best to do the best you can and when everything else gets difficult, then you need something to turn your mind too.

The traveling eye

As I write this entry and after spending the day or well some of it at Asperger Services Australia for its BBQ. I was informed by a friend on a cool Brisbane winter afternoon of a show on the ABC 1 on travel through Germany. I have been fortunate to have traveled to many countries overseas. I have been to the United States, Canada, New Zealand, England, Scotland, France, Belgium, Czech Republic, Austria, Germany, Italy, Switzerland, Singapore and Norfolk Island. Traveling is a great way to broadening your mind and furthermore expanding your knowledge of the world around you. I enjoyed both Cosmos Tours to North America and to Europe. Traveling through so many countries and places as in the case of Europe within 15 days was certainly a lot to take in. As you passed through Europe and saw the green pastures of Germany and France in particular, you saw a deep green which you don't really see in Australia. You see ruins and castles that have been around for centuries and you partake in customs that you never knew existed before. I can remember while in Belgium drinking Crek Beer which from what I remember was a Cherry Beer and eating Frogs Legs and Fried Duck in France. I remember staying in the German town of Wurzburg and seeing Nuremburg. Nuremburg everybody remembers as the place for the Nazi trials but the true Germany has a picturesque and interesting history. In Nuremburg there is a castle, there is a square and cobbled streets which you feel like you are in another century and I felt privileged to walk on. I remember seeing the French countryside but sadly no other cities beside Paris except Calais but you don't see much of Calais as it is bypassed almost with the channel crossing to Dover. I always feel a sense of sadness when leaving Brisbane as my eccentricity and weird Aspie traits are more tolerated. I feel a connection to England and wondered why our ancestors ever left there but when you think of the cold gray skies in winter and the condensed housing in England, then you wonder why. When I arrived in London from a long plane trip, I felt the cool British moist air hit my face and the feel of the 5am London 5 degrees chill. I remember I couldn't sleep and I needed to not confuse 5am with 5pm. From the airport, I caught the shuttle to the hotel and having checked in, I got myself on board a tour of London. I went to St Pauls, I saw central London, I saw Buckingham Palace and the Grenadiers. I felt a connection to Australia's mother land. My passport was stamped for 6 months in the United Kingdom prior to leaving the airport. I felt the sense of freedom from convention, restraints, and being trapped by life's pressures. It is good to be free and be privileged to have the opportunity of traveling. I remember the late sunsets in England of about 9.30pm in summer. I am glad the world is different and people are open minded overseas. Often people would ask me what part of England I was from. I guess my accent sounded British. When you look at London it tells a story. You look at Westminster and you think of when the River Thames, you think of the Great Fire in 1666 and you think of history. When you go to Europe, you see small countries, you see historical ones and you see scenic ones. I think traveling is great but it can be hair raising at times. When I was at Heathrow Airport, I was on the plane for 3 hours due to German Radar being out of service. When I finally got to Singapore, I had to find my way to the Hotel. The Shuttle Bus Driver couldn't speak English too well and he almost dropped me off at the wrong hotel because luckily I saw the sign postage earlier. I can remember the steam on the doors in Singapore and the food which was expensive. It cost me $15 to have a continental breakfast at the hotel and a $25 Singapore Trip to the Airport. I did so much, saw so much and it was good to open your eyes to the world around you. It is a pity more people don't travel as there were many Australians in England and Europe when I was there.

Learning to deal with what you have and to make the most of life.

As I have now finished my recent house sit and wait to start the next one in the first week of August, I hope that I receive some more positive feedback than the last one. In the last one the dog was neurotic and the occupant asked the agent "Why take on someone with a disability?". I think such a comment is incredibly narrow minded and reflects the need for people in Queensland and Australia to open their minds more to people who may be different or eccentric in their wiring. I am looking at the possibility of house sitting overseas but I need to build up my credentials before I begin such a task. Yesterday I attended the meeting of the Disability Committee and felt frustrated and overlooked. The University of Queensland is an incredibly rigid place to work in and to try and make a niche for yourself. Within the committee, my concerns and needs for adults with Asperger Syndrome within the University environment were ignored and being a mere pleb, I may as well just bide my time until someone else who has a Phd or some other letter to their name can make a positive contribution. I question my advocacy in terms of promoting awareness of Asperger Syndrome in the community as you need to be someone with credentials or qualifications. Just merely having Asperger Syndrome is just not enough it seems and perhaps my energies are better served in trying to find a cure or to see if I can get a brain transplant to make me neuro typical which for me is a struggle. I feel the best thing for me to do is to live my life and enjoy life where I can. I feel constantly like I am worn down by events which are so difficult to accomplish. I tried to immigrate to the USA, this didn't work, I try for promotion this doesn't work, I try for a Phd and this doesn't work so I feel perhaps it is best to just not try at all and merely plod a long. I find nobody understands me at all and all I can really do is get counseling to help me overcome the challenges and difficulties I confront from day to day. I don't understand NT conventions and I find socialising with people challenging as I need a lot of help with this. I also believe that Minds and Hearts should offer social skills courses for Aspies because this is our major downfall. We, well most of us find it difficult to chit chat and to engage in small talk. We often get burned out easily. I have tried endlessly to publish information and to promote awareness on an international scale to find my efforts wasted. There has been some interest in the adult group at UQ but not much else. I find approaching politicians a waste of time and I may as well just sit in their office and whistle Dixie. I just wonder if people and society will ever change to accept Autism or will families and individuals concerned just always have to battle? Will Autism be included in the Disability Discrimination Act as their is support for this? In conclusion, I and other adults with AS just plod a long with our lives as best we can. We walk through mind fields and make mistakes. People don't always understand us and we don't ask the world to want us to change and we don't ask the world to change for us but surely, greater understanding and an acceptance of eccentricity and neuro diversity is not too difficult to do? I think services are improving but I believe people need to open their hearts and minds more. I feel like pulling back from advocacy for some in the Asperger Community do not always understand me easily and there are some critics in Aspie circles. The world just seems to be full of tin pot soldiers who have their own opinions but how many of us, especially Asperger Services Australia are willing to approach government and to find more services and support for adults? Yes children are important but children become adults and it seems that adults are just left to defend for themselves. All you can do is simply survive and to try and get help where you can from counseling in order to navigate the neuro typical world! Perhaps I should see a shrink and take Neuro Typical Pills so I can exist in this confusing world which is medicating Aspies. My post may appear as negative but Aspies are known to talk and speak their minds.

My current situation

As I write this blog, I am about to complete my second house sit with an agency that assists with house sitting. I am still in my current employment but applying for other positions seem to get me nowhere. I am a person who is intelligent and possesses a lot of knowledge but yet my skills and usefulness are confined to a base grade level position within a library of shelving library books. I am starting to feel undervalued as I could do so much more and so could other adults with AS. It just seems to be so difficult to be able to prove and demonstrate your abilities and for them to be utilised. For people who say I have an easy life, well my answer is you try advocating for a cause that you firmly believe in and you see others suffer to find yourself confronting a wave of ignorance. The walls are coming down but still you hear comments, especially from the medical fraternity that the only answer is to medicate people who are seen as having behavioural problems or difficulties in fitting into the conventional world. Having Asperger Syndrome often feels like a solitary sentence. You go forth in the world and you face some people who understand, some who are critical and some who basically don't give a shit. It isn't easy but you try your best and help those and try to make the most of life yourself. I know the world cannot be changed and I am not asking this but I do hope that one day adults with Asperger Syndrome will be able to find employment and understanding from within the community. I am deeply concerned about children and their evolutionary phases through the socialisation process to adulthood. A lot of my goals in the NT world just seem to fail. Promotion or advancement never happens, I am not able to study a Phd or Masters because of the lack of support available to me and whenever I try to foster awareness, this just seems to fall on death ears or governments refuse to do anything. I just feel at times like giving up because government doesn't want to listen. We have adults and children who need support and services but where are these and will they ever happen? Why should adults be heaped onto the unemployment piles simply because employers are unwilling or not understanding of Autism? Surely there should be support in terms of placement and skills enhancement for adults with Asperger Syndrome rather than being forced into solitude and giving up? All you can do is to try and if people don't listen just hope that one day a door may open and people will understand. I constantly find I am misunderstood and writing is the only way I can express myself so people understand me more and know what I stand for. Just because a person doesn't think the same way you do doesn't mean you reject or ignore them. It means you have to try and help and understand where you can as the person may need your help just that they show and need help in their own way. We need to change people from being closed minded to open minded and hopefully in Australia and especially Queensland this may one day happen. We can only hope??! In times of difficulty I always turn to my interest in history. Of note was Prince Albert of Saxes Coburg Gotha. He married Queen Victoria and entered an establishment where he was at odds with many critics and furthermore he did things to upset people but his changes made a drastic improvement on the House of Hanover. Prince Albert was a compassionate, caring and warm man but being German made him open to criticism and misunderstanding. He injected much needed change within his capacity to make much needed change.

Closet Aspies

As it is evening in Brisbane and a couple of days until I finish my house sit, I thought I would bring to mention a new definition known as a Closet Aspie. A closet Aspie is an Aspie who knows or believes they have Asperger Syndrome but are too afraid to come forward, for fear of misunderstandings and social persecutions from others around them. Life can be difficult for a closet Aspie because they try hard to conform but it is difficult for them to be themselves. As I deal with adults, I have come into contact with some Closet Aspies who are simply afraid of letting others know they have Asperger Syndrome and to see diagnosis. I have my own problems to deal with for I am acting on the advice of the Psychologist at Minds and Hearts (Aspie Clinic) to obtain speech pathology, join a Toastmasters Club on top of my own desire to join a gym and work on exercises to deal with anxiety and to improve executive and performance function. I often find that I get stressed with the modern world as the tangle of bureaucracy often means I am unable to get things done and obtain a sense of accomplishment. I am currently looking at forming a Toastmasters Club at the University of Queensland with some others who have a desire for such a club to improve public speaking, confidence and speech and tone moderation. A lot of Aspies suffer from monotone and a voice that has no variation in terms of audio delivery. Some Aspies and others have voices that show no mood or feeling and I believe the counselor whom I see at Minds and Hearts is wanting me to improve on my elocution in order to show more emphasis rather than having a so called flat voice. Getting back to closet Aspies though. Why is it difficult for them to come forward? I know of a few whom are afraid because they feel they will be misunderstood in society. They have perhaps been bullied and teased and seeing masking as best they can the difficulties they confront so as to ensure they are not an easy target. Perhaps their job may be affected, their marriage and their standing with friends so denial is the only answer for such persons? I am not able to diagnose but hopefully my notes and experiences may help other adults. This is what I try to set out and achieve. The gradual and eventual acceptance of Aspies in the community rather than rejection and ignorance. Some adults with AS do not know they may have it and others suspect they do but nothing can be done except hopefully realising they have AS and to accept it in their lives. What I would also like to do is learn social skills and being able to handle social situations with more ease than less anxiety. Surely rather than medicating people, such goals can be reached and Asperger Syndrome excepted within the community at large?

The Silent Struggle

The world is so confusing as people tell you one thing and you hear another and you never know what you are supposed to think. You break boundaries and you don't know why and when you break a convention, you are admonished when you never really know what you have done in the first place. Making friends can be difficult but more so keeping them, and people around you don't understand you and yet you try your best to get help and people still don't want to understand or believe that you have struggles and see things differently. I am told that everyone has struggles but do they get a lot of anxiety? Does their mind turn over and over and do they get windups when they are frustrated or stressed by a process they are unable to understand? The one thing I find annoying about Minds and Hearts is that the Medicare Claim cannot be done in the Clinic which means you have to go to the Medicare Office to claim, when other clinics just lodge the application once payment is received. I often feel confused about people and the world around me and I put a great deal of time into Asperger Syndrome advocacy. I find that people just don't get me at all and although I look like everyone, I just see things differently to them. Some people don't believe in Asperger Syndrome and others seem to think that you are wearing or displaying some kind of bluff or putting it on. I find that people don't like to be hassled and often when I contact people, I never or sometimes hear back from them but how exactly are you supposed to communicate nowadays? Sadly there still exists a lot of misunderstanding from certain people, siblings and family members. Often they are unable to deal with or handle Autism and the Autistic person is left to their own devices. Having Asperger Syndrome is a stand alone disability for as I have mentioned repeatedly it affects a person's way of thinking rather than physical impairment. A person in a wheel chair cannot confront mobility impairment but they have an NT mind, whereas depending on the severity of the disability, a person is able to get support where necessary. An Aspie looks like others in terms of appearance but the mind thinks differently. The Aspie copes with the world around them as best they can despite others not always understand the struggles and difficulties. Furthermore, the conditioning and socialisation of people can sadly bring upon and reflect negative comments against Aspies which is why certain movement is being considered to include Autism in the Discrimination Act. All people struggle but some more so than others and for Aspies we have to use our intelligence to overcome difficulties and challenges. We find a lighter side difficult and furthermore socialising over whelming but we try our best to communicate wherever and whenever possible. The world around us is becoming more stressful and multi tasked. There is high unemployment and some Aspies are socially isolated in their homes when all they want is for some purpose in their lives. They just want a job that provides them with money but the world seems to want to casualise employment and do away with jobs which once existed. If only people would give Aspies a chance rather than to put aside as we have a great deal of wealth and integrity to opportunity those and the world around us.

Wearing blinkers while others wear sunglasses

Throughout my life I have never really understood why I think the way I do. I see things more deeply and my mind analysis information more thoroughly and when I talk to people, I am often at a loss as to why they don't delve into subjects more deeply. It seems experts and eccentrics often reap out an existence within our academic institutions and some of the others exist in menial jobs where their minds are not put to work or never made good use of in society. While I was growing up, the world existed around me but I always felt I was in some kind of role where everything around me existed like a stage and someone or something was behind it directing it without me knowing who or what they were. At an early age, I was known to have spoken very clearly and I existed in a body which I often didn't feel a connection with. I didn't know why I behaved the way I did and furthermore in some instances have a superior knowledge of particular places and events that were ahead of my generation. For instance in primary school, I sometimes used to write trivial questions about history and events that few people knew the answers for without consulting an encyclopedia or dictionary. I just didn't know why my mind worked the way it did. I also used to have trouble sleeping and would listen to radio talk back programs late into the night and early into the morning. I existed in a world where nobody understood Autism and me as a person. Back then and still sadly today, children who were different were considered naughty and sadly as in my case often punished for displaying sensory issues. Some situations were so numbing that when you try to avoid them you often got into trouble or ridiculed. I used to suffer anxiety as a child as I can remember going into trance like stages where my mind would switch off and go into coping stage. It was like physically walking into a trance like state and in this state my functioning ability went from awareness to coping or rather surviving as best you could. I found it hard to make friends and I often spent large periods of time in social isolation and within the library. In the Library I could escape sensory issues and bullies who tried to make my life difficult. Furthermore, I now look back and see that schooling is a conditional and socialisation process for children. In Australia, there is a strong emphasis on a child or adolescent to play or follow sport. I can remember teaching insisting that I learn how to play Australian Rules Football, Cricket or swimming. Lacking co-ordination, I was often teased and chosen last on a sporting team and despite my insistence of trying to get out of such activities and quietly read a book on trains, orchids or the history of castles, there was no way out of it. I often felt like I wore blinkers as I think people with AS process very little information or objects around them. This is why we have difficulty I believe in being able to pick up social and visual queues. I despised schooling altogether and if I had a choice, I wish I had gone to an independent school which in Bjelke Peterson Queensland was then called a Special School. I think school is a means of socialisation, conformity and conditioning for children. Visual stimuli and conformity prepare and condition them for adult hood and Aspies being out of sync struggle and when they reach adult hood they confront instantly the inability to find employment and lack self esteem. I once thought I was the only person who had and possessed the symptoms of AS but when I found and met other adults and even children with it, I no longer felt alone. I know there are some people who refuse to believe AS exists but with the medical fraternity in particular, what needs to be remembered is that medicine and training has existed the way it has at present and changing minds and terminology is going to meet with resistance and criticism. I am aware that there are Aspies who are probably surgeons, Doctors who have Bi-Polar Disorder, Pharmacists who have a mental illness and you wonder why certain persons are not willing to come out in the case of Asperger Syndrome and admit they have it. I can remember meeting an Aspie who was a Prosthesis (person who makes artificial limbs) and it would be interesting to know where he is today, I have also met Aspies who are Lawyers, Teachers and IT Managers. More and more is becoming known about Asperger Syndrome but is the inability to adjust to the socialisation process the means by which a large percentage of Aspies are unable to find employment. Having low self esteem, an inability to adhere to office politics and socialise an excluding factor? Who knows the answer to this question but hopefully in time more and more ignorance will be broken down because it is tiring when you come across people who don't understand and make false assumptions when they really don't know themselves what it is like to have AS.

Aspie guys and international women

Some of us Aspies wonder whether or not that with our inability to find relationships whether we are able to find women from overseas? For instance a poor woman living in the Ukrane or some other pretty Russian girl living in the poorer parts of Russia may be wanting to find a partner or husband to live with. Perhaps another culture may be more tolerant of Asperger Syndrome and the pressures of adjusting to the western woman's expectations less of a problem. Some Aspies have been known to have found love abroad but sadly immigration shoots this down and makes it impossible. I for one did find romance abroad but immigration made it difficult and due to many restrictions and conditions required in immigration, this relationship made the transition to a friendship. Perhaps women from another culture can understand Aspie guys better. They can understand our eccentricity, realise our struggles and be comforting perhaps in areas we find difficult which is mainly being confident and knowing the necessary queues and expectations of western women. Some Aspies have wondered if a woman living in the Ukrane, a woman from Poland, or a woman from Russia or some other non western countries could make potential or ideal partners. Aspies tend to be loyal and accommodating in what we want in a relationship but with the unrealistic emphasis placed upon us in western society, we are unable to withstand the competition, deal with the pressures of being mindful of social status, and furthermore aware of the confidence and mechanisms required to enter a relationship. If perhaps a dating website could be constructed to allow legally the opportunity of men with Asperger Syndrome to meet women from other cultures then would our lives be made all the better? Women with Asperger Syndrome have their issues too but in my opinion it is easier to be a woman with Asperger Syndrome than a man. A man has more expectations, more pressure and has to be confident and self conscious of status. This may be a generalisation but amongst Aspie men being single is much higher and most of us want a quality relationship with commitment and loyalty but also beauty but I guess times may change in the future? Aspie relationships are in interesting phenomena and currently research is being carried out to find out the differences and the issues encountered in such relationships.

What can be done about discrimination of Asperger Syndrome?

Currently there is some motivation to try and include anti discrimination of Autism within the Australian Disability Act. Sadly there has been little action taken in this regard and furthermore some adults with Asperger Syndrome who are fortunate to have employment are being discriminated against in their workplace. One adult I am aware of is currently working in a company and is not being granted sufficient meal breaks and is being exposed to Work Place Health and Safety Hazards. Currently there is no protection to ensure that such bad practises and behaviours cease to exist. Furthermore, Unions are ignoring Asperger Syndrome leaving the employee without any real protection, support and assistance within the workplace. The individual mentioned earlier has tried to appeal to his union to stand up for his rights, finding his efforts wasted and his job security threatened. What is he to do and what support is available to ensure his protection and job security within the work envrionment? In my own opinion, Autism should also be included within the Disability Act because Autism is a cognitive impairment compared to a mobility impairment. Pretending to believe Autism does not exist and further exposing adults and individuals to no protection seriously undermines their rights and standing within the community. I hear time and time again of bullying, discrimination and exploitation within workplaces and nothing seems to be happening and support seems unavailable. I am growing tired of governments failing to act and I firmly believe it is time to get Autism recognised at a federal level. We need to implement an act similar to that of the UK and need to do this as soon as possible. The government is soon to face an election and Autism needs to be brought to the attention of government and necessary services provided and action implemented. Let us think seriously about Autism!