Today was a very special day for me in that I met a very nice woman through the dating website RSVP. Face to face is hard for anyone, especially two people but for me it was even more of a challenge as I really didn't know what to think and expect. I don't want to divulge too much information but this will be the second relationship if everything continues to go smoothly in my life since my first one back in 2008 and which was in another country.
For any man on the Autism Spectrum I wouldn't rule out ever finding that special someone but I think and do believe that this needs to be done at a comfortable pace. The lady I am seeing knows about my Asperger Syndrome and wants to find out more but to remain within due bounds, I feel it necessary just to focus on my experience at the moment. I am using Skype to communicate and having skyped now for about a month, and not meeting in person, today it finally happened. I also wore jeans which I rarely do and we met in the city gardens. I am still coming to terms with the many boundaries which may exist around me and more importantly, I am trying to deal with the expectations which if pushed too much will cause me stress and anxiety. The good thing is that the lady I am communicating with knows that I have Asperger Syndrome and is happy to assist and know me more which is great.
I am currently trying to keep a low profile although I am not sure how aware the social media may be by reading this blog of what I am currently experiencing, but it is just between both of us for now. I would also like to provide hope and inspiration if it is desired for other men on the Autism Spectrum to know that finding a connection is possible. I think it is important to focus on a pace which works for both people concerned and more importantly to find a means of communication which works best. I don't always think that sex or intimacy are needed on the first date but more importantly communication as this is the essential foundation in any relationship. I was advised recently to ensure that communication is 50/50. I find Skype is good for communicating where face to face can be a bit daunting as I just confront mind blindness. This simply meaning that I cannot see facial gestures and boundaries etc that may exist which I am not aware of.
I think that although Internet dating may be daunting that it can work if approached with a formula. More importantly there needs to be someone who is willing and tolerant to actually love you and see having Asperger Syndrome as only being part of you. I don't want to boast in this post but more so enlighten and educate as relationships are not for everyone. I feel energised and very happy at the moment but I don't want to rush into things too quickly. I just want to take things at a steady pace and provide encouragement for future generations of Aspies that there is always hope and not despair.
We are going to continue communicating and over time just see where things lead. I turn 42 years old this year and things can become both hard and easy at the same time. I would like to have more friends but in a way that people understand me. I would like for RSVP to take note that there are people who like me have a story to tell to inspire others. It would also be good to educate and enlighten other people. So there are good times ahead.
I am now going to rest and try to deal with what is ahead of me as well as see if I can get some assistance with trying to navigate the NT world as an Aspie. I have also contacted Professor Tony Attwood whom I haven't heard from as of late. He has been interested in my progress and I have emailed him to let him know about my travels. I just hope that the future looks even brighter, especially having someone special to share it with. Perhaps my journey may see other Aspies if they are interested see Internet Dating as one way to go in terms of having a relationship if they so choose.
I will provide more updates soon. I am also putting together a contribution with assistance in terms of referencing to an Autism Academic project based in Italy.
For any man on the Autism Spectrum I wouldn't rule out ever finding that special someone but I think and do believe that this needs to be done at a comfortable pace. The lady I am seeing knows about my Asperger Syndrome and wants to find out more but to remain within due bounds, I feel it necessary just to focus on my experience at the moment. I am using Skype to communicate and having skyped now for about a month, and not meeting in person, today it finally happened. I also wore jeans which I rarely do and we met in the city gardens. I am still coming to terms with the many boundaries which may exist around me and more importantly, I am trying to deal with the expectations which if pushed too much will cause me stress and anxiety. The good thing is that the lady I am communicating with knows that I have Asperger Syndrome and is happy to assist and know me more which is great.
I am currently trying to keep a low profile although I am not sure how aware the social media may be by reading this blog of what I am currently experiencing, but it is just between both of us for now. I would also like to provide hope and inspiration if it is desired for other men on the Autism Spectrum to know that finding a connection is possible. I think it is important to focus on a pace which works for both people concerned and more importantly to find a means of communication which works best. I don't always think that sex or intimacy are needed on the first date but more importantly communication as this is the essential foundation in any relationship. I was advised recently to ensure that communication is 50/50. I find Skype is good for communicating where face to face can be a bit daunting as I just confront mind blindness. This simply meaning that I cannot see facial gestures and boundaries etc that may exist which I am not aware of.
I think that although Internet dating may be daunting that it can work if approached with a formula. More importantly there needs to be someone who is willing and tolerant to actually love you and see having Asperger Syndrome as only being part of you. I don't want to boast in this post but more so enlighten and educate as relationships are not for everyone. I feel energised and very happy at the moment but I don't want to rush into things too quickly. I just want to take things at a steady pace and provide encouragement for future generations of Aspies that there is always hope and not despair.
We are going to continue communicating and over time just see where things lead. I turn 42 years old this year and things can become both hard and easy at the same time. I would like to have more friends but in a way that people understand me. I would like for RSVP to take note that there are people who like me have a story to tell to inspire others. It would also be good to educate and enlighten other people. So there are good times ahead.
I am now going to rest and try to deal with what is ahead of me as well as see if I can get some assistance with trying to navigate the NT world as an Aspie. I have also contacted Professor Tony Attwood whom I haven't heard from as of late. He has been interested in my progress and I have emailed him to let him know about my travels. I just hope that the future looks even brighter, especially having someone special to share it with. Perhaps my journey may see other Aspies if they are interested see Internet Dating as one way to go in terms of having a relationship if they so choose.
I will provide more updates soon. I am also putting together a contribution with assistance in terms of referencing to an Autism Academic project based in Italy.
Good to get some advice straight from one of my peers as I find that this I can relate more to this. Good luck Garry, you are still doing so much great work and are a great mentor for those on the spectrum.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ben you're doing great work also :)
DeleteI hope all works out well with you two. Dating is for discovery and if it doesn't all work out, just remember you can continue the discovery and search for a more suitable match. You sound confident and I'm sure for good reason. I just don't want you to suffer through a melt-down.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work and I truly hope it works out for you.
I met my wife through RSVP and being blind does pose some challenges re facial expressions and body language.
Dale.
Thanks for your feedback Dale.
ReplyDelete