A world which accepts neuro diversity

It would be a dream come true if the world at large was able to embrace neurodiversity.  One where people who think outside the square that have unique talents and abilities are accepted and not discriminated against.  A world where non Autistic persons could provide the hand of friendship to Autistic persons and finally say in the words of Martin Luther King "Free at last, Free at last, Lord Almighty we're free at last!".  This would be a much kinder option than persons on the Autism Spectrum confronting apartheid.  Most if not all of us can still not get a job and our condition holds us back and we confront an ever flowing tide of discrimination and often poor treatment.  Just like Martin Luther King spoke of freedom in civil rights in August 1963, persons with Autism are now confronting this within the cotton fields of the wider community.  Many are sitting on disability pensions, welfare, and in poor quality housing by the fact that employers simply will not give them a chance in a job!

As I stated before, Autism spreads across the whole globe and embraces every town and community.  Many are simply surviving as second rate citizens often being largely overlooked and facing the ever growing apartheid of ignorance and discrimination.  Why is this so?  The reason I believe is because Autistic persons are disadvantaged by an inability in having the essential and necessary social skills to help get them or us by in society.  Why then is neuro diversity not embraced?  People seem to have a fear of what they do not understand.  Throughout my life I simply have just wanted a friend or friends.  To be accepted and not feel that every time I try to communicate with people or try to enter relationships that I feel a sense of total rejection and deflation.  I don't care how old the persons are it would be nice to just feel included for once and accepted for the person I am.  I cannot change into some artificial person just for the sake of fitting in but it would be good to have people say hello, and if possible just be kinder and not so abrupt or hostile in terms of reciprocating often what little words are exchanged.

It is hard to constantly argue and stand up to people when in the first instance they are critical of the words and expectations which I may want.  If people could have better people skills also rather than reactive it would also make for a better world.  It just requires more awareness and understanding.  I often look at the speeches made by Martin Luther King on civil rights and implement the word Autism.  I see parallels with Autism when I still see high unemployment, social isolation, and discrimination.  The list sadly goes on.  Also how many women are willing to give an Aspie man a go in a relationship or friendship without the fear of treading carefully to avoid minefields within the communication process.  There is just no help in this area and every step with limbs feeling like they are blown off just makes you weary of treading any field where you may suspect you will walk away with no arms or legs until you can grow these back again and then lose them as there is still insufficient help and guidance to help you.

What is wrong with neuro diversity?  Why do people fear it?  Wouldn't the world be a boring place if everyone watched rugby league, drank beer and just didn't think?!  Ask yourself shouldn't the world have more time to embrace neuro diversity to make for a better world more so than fears of homophobia etc?   

Happy Memories in the 1980's

Life wasn't always so tough for me.  The times I enjoyed the most were the early 1980's.  At the time I lived in Kenmore in the western suburbs of Brisbane.  I did have some friends who used to visit.  One friend lived up the road with his bike and English Shephard dog.  In 1984, I also had a birthday party, and I had about 11 friends turn up. I knew some other people around my own age and sometimes they did visit.

In 1983, my parents were concerned about my lack of performance in school and after consulting with a school guidance counsellor, it was suggested that I have my eyes checked.  Before this period, I lived in a blurry underwater vision world.  Everything became clearer when I put on glasses and the blurred world all became sharp and better visioned.  At the optometrist in 1983, my response was when putting on a pair of glasses "how come I can now see black lines?".  You see everything before this was blurry for me.  Within a few days I was riding a push bike and would often explore around the neighborhood which was a lot safer back then.

Primary school also brought back memories of 1980's music and rotary telephones.  I used to ring up number combinations on the old phones back in the days of Telstra.  I also remember a few friends would play cricket on the top of the street and I never fitted in because I was clumsy at sport.  I also remember the Halloween trick or treat and watching Happy Days.  Back then Kenmore was a somewhat well to do suburb with a kind of New Zealand feel about it.  I remember one friend coming from there.1985 was the turning point as Grade 7 was the last year of primary school.  Everybody was changing around me and I did my best to adjust.

Having reflected on the memories I have and despite connecting with some people I remember on Facebook and knowing one person who sadly passed in 2000! I wonder why people don't wish to reconnect.  We were different back then and we are all older now? Thoughts and feelings have moved on.  I really don't want to know what happened to people I knew in the past as I could not bare any more sad stories.  I have moved forward a lot of ways emotionally and beginning to understand why people have boundaries.  We all evolve as people and we change in our lives.

When I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome  in 1998,I finally could understand why I was different.  Before this time the word Autism was uttered only once by my Late grandmother before her death in 1990. I never understood why I annoyed people and seemed to live in my own world.  The reformation began in 1998 to try and work on overcoming my faults.  I am learning all the time still.  I am trying to work on communication with some people I know.  I still remember other people who weren't all bad in both primary and high school, and some are on my Facebook. 
I remember some good people though but sadly friendships were never nurtured nor did teachers understand.  Where are these people now apart from the ones I remember?  I have learned humility, pain and tolerance as well as humility.  There is still however a long way for me to go.  Every dream supposedly opens up another Neuro pathway and I wish I could control the AS more which seems to control me.  I struggle with reading and concentration but manage to get by.  I won't be checking any cemetery records either as I don't want to feel sad about people who are no longer with us.  I may seem somewhat depressed to you but I am more so emotional.  I am grateful for having other Aspie friends on Facebook and would like to thank everyone for support me.  I know my way of communication may not be easy for others to understand but I appreciate others who are tolerant.
I have my own beliefs and I know that God is always around.  Thanks once again.  I am getting better
I think but I always appreciate the friendships and support I receive.  I also am trying not to still take
things literally or seeing things one dimensional.  It's hard work but I am trying to continue to get
help despite the difficult challenges and road ahead.
Over the last week I have found more Neuro pathways have opened up.  Hopefully this will help me grow.

A time of over thinking and some mental exhaustion

For some reason I find myself in some form of mourning again.  Last night I had a look at the Brisbane Cemetery Records http://www.brisbane.qld.gov.au/community/community-support/funeral-planning-and-grave-search/grave-location-search/index.htm just out of interest as I wanted to find out if a person I once knew was still alive.  At looking at the record I found that he died in June of this year 2012.  I also wanted to check on some people I knew from my primary school days and found sadly that one person I knew died at the age of 27 in 2000.  This being in the western suburbs of  Brisbane.  His cause of death is unknown.  It makes you realise when you see some of your contempories passed on, that you see life as precious.  It saddens me that  27 is just such a young age.  I turn 40 this year which is an achievement but what will the parents of this deceased person think when their deceased sons 40th birthday would have been on 1st December this year?  Perhaps they do not want to think about it?  Although I went to school with this person, it makes me realise that turning 40 is in itself an achievement.  I still have good health but with some anxiety and misunderstanding from others.  I know a few other people my own age and know one already who has hit the 40 mark.

I wonder to myself what will life be like from now?  Will things get better?  I am trying again at a very slow pace online dating.  I have shared a few emails back and forth but my head is gripped with some anxiety and emotion.  I don't know how to go, where things may lead or whether I am just putting myself through emotional torture.  I just try hard to not look for expectations.  I have the Facebook community and I at least have a job!  I also have support.  Reaching 40 well almost is a milestone for me as an Aspie because every year forward just gets harder and harder.  Trying to communicate and be understood by others is not easy.  Often the difficulty stems from the fact that people cannot understand or relate to what I go through and experience.

The life expectancy of an Aspie is unfortunately lower than that of non Aspies.  People don't realise understand us and we have to work harder at trying to coexist in a world that doesn't always get it.  As I go through this period of over thinking and some mental exhaustion, I know that I am moving forward ever so slightly.  This is better but it does take its toll.  

Brisbane Asperger Adults

I have some great news to inform you of Brisbane Asperger Adults.  This group has met for the second time and now attracts over 6 people, not that the numbers really matter anyway.  The group meets on weekends and it also provides adults with a real opportunity of paving the way to better support and hopefully improved services.

The group meets for coffee in Indoorrpilly in Brisbane's western suburbs on a Saturday and as well as enjoying a coffee, we also play board games such as scrabble and do other things which please members.  I am in the process of trying to find out about every member's individual interest to organise a group outing to make it possible for Aspies to establish real friendships and hopefully some interaction.  It is also pleasing that the adults attending would also be interested in software testing.  As I run the group meetings, I encourage other adults to work together without pressure which is in all honesty going well.  If only we could get software testing or adults into the library sector, I do believe it is possible that I can work with them to allow for a means of production.  It's just a matter of when software testing can reach the Brisbane market?

The group also operates within a non threatening environment and also I try to allow for grater turnout more so than just wanting more numbers.  Please stay tuned for further updates

Why writing is a release

Here it is Friday afternoon and the end of another working week.  I look ahead to the weekend but I also wonder how I can again write something in my blog in the attempt of not sounding obsessive or wanting the world to suddenly understand me more.  I take some comfort in knowing that I am getting more support but I still want to try and help those who follow in my footsteps.

The world is a confusing and yet overwhelming place but if you're an Aspie it's doubly so!  Just trying to make sense of those around you and to find inclusion is like climbing Mt Everst with loose sandals.  The more you climb the more the sandals may break apart but you know you have to keep climbing otherwise you'll never get to the top.  You will never be able to see that which you have left behind you in every step you make.

I draw comfort in the increasing and stable support I have on both Facebook, twitter and in my networks.  Without it I am a lone rock just weathering away in time.  I write to release the stress which builds in my body within my awareness of Autism in adults crusade.  By writing it provides me with a literary release but the thought of publishing remains a present volcano waiting to erupt.  I struggle with reading due to poor vision, concentration and attention but fortunately I can write!

I am currently lying on my back in my home office typing this post with one finger and my thoughts coming with the finger tapping.  Tomorrow the adult group meets in Brisbane and I am also in communication with others around me on Facebook.  It is truly awesome to see the many Facebook accounts, you tube videos and blogs that exist in cyberspace.  It is great to see more adults expressing themselves and as the adults and the new coming Aspies follow, I just hope thar the world will be a better place for us!  A world where inclusion becomes a reality and rejection a word of the past.  Where tribalists can stop trying to change Aspies and acceptance can become a reality.

Are Aspies born worriers?

Within the Aspie adult population I wonder how many of us are worriers or have a mutual understanding of our own concerns and issues?  As you may be aware I am in regular contact with Aspies from around the world.  I see that in the Aspie world there are often no boundaries or rules etc.  Some Aspies are in employment while others are not.  I am aware of the many issues which arise such as unemployment and increased levels of anxiety but there is often little that I and other advocates can do when we are in another country or in areas where there are a lack of services.

I take comfort in knowing that Autism and Asperger Syndrome are now known more about.  Back when I was diagnosed by Dr Tony Attwood, having people pronounce the word "Asperger" system often meant with ignorant responses like for instance "I didn't know someone could be allergic to Asparagus" or "what the hell is that!".  I have been concerned by recent unfounded comments notably from Joe Scarborough and some others portraying Aspies as violent people which we are not. If we are violent people then how come there has been such a concerned response from adults within the Autism Community of being likened to the mass murder James Holmes?  As Aspies most of us if not all want inclusion and better understanding in society more so than further exclusion and rejection?   Time and time again there are comments which can arise from within the media and it takes strong and active advocates to contact those media persons concerned to ask them to retract unfounded comments.  After all the Autism Community doesn't want to step back in time.

Advocacy work often feels at times like it is unrewarding and a thankless job.  There are some adults on the Autism Spectrum that despise me and the advocacy work which I do.  You cannot please everyone.  It is just a pity that more Aspies cannot work together more so than cause or create division.  Quite simply this is not helping our cause.  I am concerned for Aspies and I am a born worrier when I witness Aspies whom I believe may fall into the concern or even possible risk of suicide category.  The finger can't be pointed at the Aspie adult all the time but more so the fingers from the Adult Autism Community need to be held out or more so from the non Aspies to try and encourage inclusion.  It would be good to live in a world that does not carry stigmas, labels etc.  A world which would acknowledge that the Autism Spectrum in adults is a reality and that instead of hostility or reactive responses that these would be replaced by more accommodating ones.  I am not say that all people are like this but there are some and it doesn't really help the Autism cause.

I would suggest that Aspies are natural worriers and I think our minds constantly ruminate about certain feelings and thoughts. Some comments which may be shrugged off by others may be instead for an Aspie something we may not always understand or agree with.  I just hope that attitudes do change and that younger and all people allow Aspies into their worlds.  We can only hope.