Losing things and concerns for Autistic adults

I often find if things are moved around in my room or papers are thrown out that I become very agitated and irritated. The whole process just really causes me to feel annoyed. This afternoon I have been trying to look for my flights overseas and I cannot find them. I do not remember shredding them and despite looking through all of my files and paperwork, I could not find these documents. When things are out of place, I just become stressed and confused.

At the moment a lot of things are happening. I am multi tasking a lot more than what is normal and I have information coming at me left, right and centre. I have to do my best. I try not to bother other people as I know they are busy. So I cope as best I can.

I often try to help other Aspies but I cannot always help them as I have to look after myself at times and make sure I am on track. I am confused about people at times and the thought of being pressured into a relationship just causes me breaking point. I am starting to think that relationships are beyond me. I just don't have the emotional wiring to deal with them.

I am looking forward to going overseas but with my temporary travel documents lost, I am a bit confused tonight as to how they became lost. I am usually very well organised. Everything has to be a routine. If it is not a routine then the uncertainty and unpredictability causes me grief.

I remember Chris who is friend and fellow Aspie in the UK telling me about a female who sadly took her life due to really high levels of anxiety and wanting to help other Aspies. I just wish people would take the time to see how we are getting on rather than just assume we are ok. We need a vast improvement in services as things get harder as you get older. If anyone is interested in the story concerning this female on the Autism Spectrum please double click on the title of this post. Her loss is very sad and I ask anyone who is reading her story to understand the seriousness of suicide in the Autism community. It is a reality and there are high levels in adults on the Autism Spectrum. It is not something to take lightly so please if you know of anyone on the Autism Spectrum please make sure you take the time to help them where you can. I know people are busy but person on the Autism Spectrum are important also.

When people change

I find it very difficult when things around me change. When I build up an interaction with a person and then I find this has changed, I feel frustrated and often confused. A lot has happened this year. The changes at the University library have been constant. I am finding it very challenging as I am having to learn new information and instead of having one supervisor to assist me with any issues I have, I now have several people and this in itself can be confusing.

Also the travel agent whom I used to go to who was very good at her job has left. The new person does not understand Asperger Syndrome as well as she did so I am not sure if I will be able to get the level of support which I obtain before. Things can be very challenging. I have to do my best.

Next Monday one of my parents is having an operation. I really have nobody I can talk to or friends that I can confide in. I just have to cope as best I can. I feel on my own at times. A lot of things are happening. The book is due to be published soon and obtaining a further high profile image can also in itself be anxiety provoking. I am having to manage anxiety or more so monitor it more so that these anxiety levels do not become too high. I know I have to move forward but if I push myself too hard then I am in danger of falling in a heap.

The stress in my job was causing me very high levels of anxiety a few weeks ago. I was so stressed out that the union representative actually called me as I said 'I don't think I can handle the anxiety any longer'. I had no intention of ending my life but I was crying out for help and people don't always see it. They think you are ok but they don't really know what you are experiencing inside. It can be difficult. When you are in a difficult situation it can be difficult to explain yourself. People don't see what you are going through.

I am delivering a teleconference at the Australian Productivity Commission on Monday 11th April at 9.00am in the morning for 10mins. I hope I can make change as at times I wonder where I am heading and what help I may require. I just wish people would understand more and I know a lot of people are worse off than I am. I am currently concerned about my parents. I hope that my parent who is going into hospital for an operation will be ok? I pray to God that things will be ok. Next Monday will be very challenging and as an adult with Asperger Syndrome services need to be implemented fast. Many adults on the Autism Spectrum need services to help them in their lives. We are all different but we are not incapable. Please take the time to listen to us and look out for us. Some of us cannot help the way we think and feel. We need support like other people and although we may not react in ways that other people do does not mean we do not care. I know I am trying to do my best. A lot of people have helped me in my life for me to get to where I am today. I am thankful for the friends I have. Without support it would be very lonely and I wonder at times if I would be able to cope. I really hope and keep my fingers crossed that my presentation at the Productivity Commission into disability will help raise awareness for myself and other adults on the Autism Spectrum! Please I ask for your support as I continue with this very important and precarious period I am going through.

The emotional rollercoaster

My brain feels like a volcano sometimes. Sometimes I can feel like I am just coping and other days I feel quite good. Some days I feel down and wonder if I have any friends or who I am exactly. I can only rely on my strength and search deep down for the anchor that keeps me tied to reality.

I am in contact with other adults on the spectrum and some do keep in touch and others keep to themselves like stray cats. As I said before Aspies are like cats in that around people they are kind of reclusive I guess but when in their own space they tend to come out of themselves more. Well I know I do!

I find as an adult on the Autism Spectrum that emotions are sometimes hard to grasp. Sometimes I struggle to feel excitement or to experience loss or sadness. I just do my best.

Emotions I think for Aspies are like erupting volcanoes and I think our brains are wired differently in that we feel pain in our own way or deal with other aspects in our lives in our ways. Sometimes I feel like helping other Autistic adults but they seem independent. They quite often want to be left alone. I just have to accept it and try and understand. Perhaps I am a borderline Asperger adult now? I have had people who have helped me to understand the other world. Some adults can be helped but some adults choose to just remain who they are and not try and change. Anxiety can sometimes be a problem. The thing is with adults on the Autism Spectrum that Autism effects each and everyone one of us differently.

We shall overcome!

I thought of this song sung by Joan Baez "We Shall Overcome" as persons on the Autism Spectrum. An end to inequality, bullying, discrimination and unemployment. People may not like it but I find the words resonate.

The denial factor

Sometimes I come into persons who are afraid of disclosing they have Asperger Syndrome or Autism to people around them. While this is a person decision, please do watch the video associated with this post by double clicking on the title post. In this video Dr Tony Attwood talks about the difficulties and frustrations associated with not coming to terms with diagnosis.

While it is the decision of the adult concerned, I can say that from my own personal experience, knowing you have Asperger Syndrome makes you aware of who you are but it should not always be the defining factor. I think it is sad that persons on the spectrum have to hide or close the door on a part of who they are as people. It is so sad when their eccentricities and special interests cannot become part of their persona.

It is really a personal decision as to whether disclosure is important or not but coming to terms with diagnosis can also be important rather than feeling angry and second rate.

Responding better to routine

I find myself responding better to routine. When my routines are upset or broken I find anxiety levels rise. I think the problem with people and socializing is that people are not always predictable. You never know what they are going to say, think or feel.

Today I was talking to a friend who is a Doctor and he informed me that someone he works with has Asperger Syndrome. This person is in their 50's and as you can imagine such a late diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome may not be easy to handle.

I find that constantly socialising is for me draining. It is not that I don't want to do it, it is just that I cannot keep up with conversing and block out all of the sensory stimuli around me. I find myself increasingly using Facebook or talking to people I know on skype. It just seems so much easier than dealing with the added burdens of driving to the location, meeting the person and then using mental energy to talk to them when everything you think and do requires a large percentage of your thought process.

I can multi task but not for too long. As you can imagine, I need to multi task a lot with the advocacy work I do in terms of raising awareness of the Autism Spectrum. Everything I seem to do and the way I live my life seems to follow some kind of routine as it is predictable. I do not handle uncertainty well and acquiring patience is a real challenge. I am not sure about other Aspies but adherence to routine seems easier than unpredictability.

The electoral landscape

Last night I watched the New South Wales election on ABC 24/7. What I saw was a government which was politically decimated. It will be interested to see how newly elected Premier, Barry O'Farrell will perform. Will he deliver on his promises and more importantly how will the issue of Autism be addressed and dealt with in the state of New South Wales? I will be watching with interest over the coming months to see any unfolding developments.

I am very concerned about the current situation in Queensland. I feel Premier Anna Bligh is ignoring Autism. Recently a funding proposal was submitted to Julie Attwood Parliamentary Secretary for the Minister of Disabilities. This proposal has virtually died in the wind. I am also concerned that the state of Queensland is really lacking in both leadership and direction. I think people want to see a strong government lacking in incompetent ministers who all they wish to do is mud sling and not provide strong leadership. I believe Premier Anna Bligh did very well in terms of the floods but I feel in other areas she has let people down. As a person on the Autism Spectrum I have lost faith in her government and feel that persons with Autism are abandoned and more importantly Education Queensland is not making early intervention of Autism a top priority.

I do not know where Campbell Newman stands but I do hope that he is able to move the state of Queensland out of complacency. I am sick and tired of hearing things that cannot be done or roads and infrastructure that cannot be improved or fixed. I am sick and tired of nothing being done concerning support and vital funding for services especially disability. While I do not hold anything against Premier Bligh personally, I am afraid of a government being re-elected who will again only stagnate in another term of office. I would like to see in Australia fixed political terms like New South Wales where there are four year terms with set election dates. This call an election when we feel the time is right simply needs to change. More importantly there needs to be more accountability in the state of Queensland and of consideration is the re-introduction of the Legislative Council (Upper House). Governments can ran rough shod in doing whatever they like with no accountability. This seems to be happening here.

I would be interested to see over the coming months exactly where Campbell Newman stands. I would like to see his policies on Autism and what he will do amongst other things to help improve infrastructure and provide good government in Queensland. The lessons of New South Wales are clearly evident in that if political parties do not listen to the electorates then they will confront the consequences. When I look at the federal scenario, I believe that enough head kicking or mud slinging has to stop. I too will be watching the federal landscape with interest over the coming months. My own political views I hold personal but I would like to see good government and hard work to make things better. I would like to see a lot of things change and more importantly a means of restoring pride and confidence. I am disgusted to hear of senior citizens feeling unsafe in the community and I would like to see reforms in education. Bullying needs to stop and things need to improve. So the political landscape as it unfolds will be interesting.

The dangers of the us and them mentality

I believe it is very unhealthy to have an us and them mentality when it comes to the Autism Spectrum. Although people on the Autism Spectrum like myself have our own issues and different ways of thinking, the Autism Spectrum should not be used to allow for dysfunctional or inappropriate behaviour. Furthermore it should not be an excuse to do something just because you are on the Autism Spectrum. It is important to be totally honest and know what you can and cannot handle and as I stated before there needs to be a mutual understanding.

I think existing in I have Asperger Syndrome and I am not going to be NT is not a very good label to carry. Mainly this is because it isolates you as a person on the Autism Spectrum and furthermore it may severely raise anxiety levels and lead to depression. The most important thing is that we need to raise more awareness of the Autism Spectrum into the community. Like other issues, we have our distinct set of requirements and needs. Too often anger can be exhibited by persons on the Autism Spectrum in wanting the world to be all one way. In reality this is not possible. It is not fair on either party.

I do not see society at fault for not being aware of the Autism Spectrum but more so the lack of awareness and sadly early intervention which is required. Too often out of ignorance a person may react against a person on the Autism Spectrum in an inappropriate manner or make a situation difficult. Awareness of the Autism Spectrum needs to occur and this has to happen fast. We need to ensure that persons with Autism are not prone to bullying, exploitation or more importantly predatory behaviour.

We need to raise awareness of the Autism Spectrum to levels so that most if not all of the community understand that the Autism Spectrum exists and can provide acceptance, understanding and support. We all need to work together and having a line of division I believe is wrong. It creates or more so seeds deviant and in the worst cases anti social behaviour or mental illness issues. Some people may be difficult to handle but we need to find those within the population who will listen, support and understand. Some adults with Autism including myself need to learn to be more flexible in our ways of thinking but we cannot continue to adopt an us and them mentality. It is just dangerous and going to make matters worse. As mentioned earlier we need to raise levels of awareness so that more tolerance and support can be made available.

As an adult on the Autism Spectrum I have occasionally browsed posts in "Wrong Planet". While I support the work of this website, I have been concerned about some posts which reflect negative attitudes towards the "NT" population. As adults and persons on the Autism Spectrum, we need to work together as a whole community. We cannot allow ourselves to harness attitudes which only fuel an us and them mentality. I believe that perhaps more moderation is required in this website community to ensure that healthy attitudes exist. There are certain sectors of the Autism Community who may wish to carry the us and them mentality but personally I try to avoid it. I have had a lot of help from NT's and simply saying negative things about them is like spitting in their face. Dr Temple Grandin also has been supportive and as adults in the Autism Community we need to set a good example and be truly representative of who we are and what we can achieve. I believe there are changes required but to make out NT's are responsible is just clearly inappropriate. I am also somewhat concerned about splinter groups of persons with Autism that may perhaps be harboring negative views and again this needs to be examined very carefully. We need to remember that some "NT" people also try to help us and it is important that we try to realise this. We cannot always overcome our difficulties but we need to work hard to ensure we improve our standing in the community and set a good example.

The Autism advocacy roles on

An end to another week and things are really starting to move a long at Aspergers@UQ. As the group is starting to attract more members, we are now taking signatures to have the group recognised and more importantly receive funding from the University of Queensland. As I was staff representative of the University of Queensland Disability Sub Committee last year 2010, I hope that the group will begin to become an entrenched reality at UQ

In a few weeks I will be interviewed for the UQ Student magazine and in this interview I hope to raise awareness of the group and more importantly it existence on campus. We have a diversity of people that attend the general Asperger Group and we also have a PhD on the Autism Spectrum doing his PhD on adolescents with Autism so we have a lot of things going for the group.

The group and the awareness I do is not about me. It is about us. It is about raising awareness of the Autism Spectrum in both adults and children and ensuring that future generations of persons with Autism are understood better.

In the group today one of our newest members was discussing his issues of being unemployed as an adult with Asperger Syndrome. He is without employment and more importantly not obtaining the job support and more importantly necessary awareness to help him with job placement. This is something that needs to be changed. The interview process is discriminating against adults on the Autism Spectrum as the many benefits of employing a person with Autism are simply overlooked.

In the coming weeks, you will see more. I am determined to do my best to raise awareness of the Autism Spectrum and help break down the barriers of ignorance. I ask you please to support me on Facebook by liking my page. It is not about me, it is about raising awareness and your click of the mouse button in liking my page does go a long way. I look forward to updating you more on unfolding developments. I have also heard from Dr Tony Attwood as he will be sending the Foreword to my soon to be published book which I wrote in a week by the end of next week. Please be assured you will be kept up to date. That's all for now.

Australia and the rest of the world need to come on board with Specialisterne

Email sent to me from Mr Thorkil Sonne CEO of Specialsterne

Dear Friend,

I am writing to you because I believe that this may be of
interest to you.
We have been inundated with enquiries about how to start up
businesses similar to our Specialisterne model – that is
matchmaking companies and people with ASD. In fact, the
interest has been so great that we have decided to host a
conference in Copenhagen on May 10-11 2011, where we can share
our knowledge, experiences and successes - from how to get
funding, to practical day-to-day management, to what it's like
to run this kind of business.

We also hope that this conference will provide a forum for
like-minded people to share their experiences, where we can
talk about how best we can remove the divide between specialist
people (our term for high functioning people with ASD and
similar challenges and the labour market), and where we can take
positive steps towards achieving our goal of enabling one
million jobs around the world.

We've put together a really exciting program that includes very
inspirational guest speakers, as well as the chance to do some
networking with people who share the passion for making a
difference.

I've travelled to a lot of different countries this past year,
and I've met a lot of great inspirational people with whom I
feel connected. I'd like to share some of those experiences
with you at the conference.
I hope you will join our knowledge share and collaboration
conference and take part in the vision of making societies
globally respect and accommodate specialist people.
You can read more about the event here:

http://www.conferencemanager.dk/specialistpeopleconference
I hope to see you there.

Kind regards

Thorkil Sonne
+45 2020 0008
Founder
Specialisterne
Specialist People Foundation
Blog: http://thorkilsjourney.specialistpeople.com/

The interview process and applicaiton process for Autistic Adults

The interview and application process can be daunting and overwhelming for anyone but if you are an Autistic Adult, the process can be especially difficult. After I graduated from the University of New England in Armidale in 1999, I really did not know what work I was suitable in. I was diagnosed with residual Asperger Syndrome earlier, and I was going to start a new chapter in my life, looking for employment. The years from 1999 onwards were very draining, depressing and often demoralising. I submitted numerous job applications and furthermore I registered with disability employment agencies to assist me in finding employment.

I went through a constant struggle to wonder whether I should disclose or not disclose my diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. I also submitted numerous job applications, addressed selection criteria and attended very few job interviews with no success. I remember thinking what is the purpose to life if I cannot be employed or meaningful in employment? Will I ever get anywhere in life or am I destined for the scrap heap. Eventually after a lot of perseverance, I got to where I am today.

In all honesty things have changed little somewhat over the last few years but Autistic adults seem to be largely unemployed and the high figures of unemployment are certainly cause for concern. I know of some adults with Autism who choose not to disclose their diagnosis but very few if any seem to survive in employment. The majority either become stressed, or resign due to a lack of awareness or understanding. The book I have just written is called "I Want To Work - An Asperger Story". This book highlights my own struggles in finding employment as an adult with Asperger Syndrome. I am not sure how it will go but I am concerned about Asperger adults and their future. Society seems to be largely unaware of Asperger Syndrome and added to this, very few employers it seems have the time and support necessary to ensure job placement and support. What then can be done? We need to raise more awareness and support. I was fortunate to disclose my diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome in employment but some applications have ended up in the reject pile as a result of ignorance and a lack of awareness. It is also surprises me that a friend and fellow Aspie, who has worked very hard to be accepted into the UQ Department of Psychology to undertake research on Autism in adolescents did not even have his story published in "The Sunday Mail". I ask why and for what reasons? Surely this would have been a good story to run with?

I am unhappy that changes are not occurring and fast. We need to see more adults with Autism have success in employment. This needs to happen soon and more importantly support needs to be available for future adults. The interview process seems to be especially difficult for Autistic adults. This is because we lack the necessary social skills and visual queues in order to be able to do well in them. Also the stress of contract renewal and not hearing back about an interview or job application can be especially debilitating.

What makes a person a celebrity?

I have always wondered why some people become celebrity and attract all media attention. Take for instance the wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton. If you have the money and name behind you, then everyone is interested. If however you are a silent achiever, nobody really seems to give a crap. Nobody wants to know about the 85 year-old man who has provided a service to the community, or to the person who has battled as best they can to survive. Some stories however are written but never make it to publication and some do and people may read them or let them settle dust.

When I was in a relationship with a female on the Autism Spectrum a couple of years ago, I remember this person being reassured by her mother that 'you just have to accept things the way they are, and life is not always going to be fair'. When this relationship ended, I had no counseling and despite her moving onto another relationship, I just had to and now have to suppress all the emotions and experiences I had and take them with me to the grave when I eventually die. Nobody can really understand what it is like and my relationship was indeed very unconventional in that it was an immigration issue. For reasons of privacy I feel it best to not write more about it. I still have the many love letters and other memories but apart from that I guess a lot of me has moved on.

Now that my book has been written and in the hands of Dr Tony Attwood for him to write the Foreword. I feel it best to not have a book launch and the copies I have of this book will be sent at my own discretion to libraries and associations that I feel will be interested in them. My fear is that a book launch will be a lot of worked simply wasted. It wont attract large crowds not that I am after publicity anyway, and I just do not have the social networks and people who can assist me. I would ask for anyone who may be interested in reading my book to visit my website and send your interest through this domain.

I feel as an adult on the Autism Spectrum that my life is taking a different direction to that of others. I realise that certain things I have to come to terms with and I also know that like other adults on the Autism Spectrum, I have difficulty with relationships. As much as I would like to help other adults on the Autism Spectrum, I know that I cannot as this will trigger increased stress and anxiety. It is hard to help them with their difficulties and all I can really do is write of my own experiences and hope that someday they may be able to help other people to find acceptance.

I am not sure I could handle a lot of fame at any rate as the stress, responsibility and meeting groups and attending functions would probably cause me severe meltdown. I do ask for your support and I particularly ask for support from other Asperger adults. Without them, changes will not happen and the work I will do will take longer and be harder to implement.

Daily routines

Every morning from Tuesday to Friday I need to get up at 5.30am. As I start work at UQ at 9.15am, the Western Road is a carpark. Congestion is so bad even at 6.45am that I need to go early to get through it in order to get to UQ

I go to the gym 3 days a week to mainly do a cardio vascular work out and to try and reduce unnecessary flab. As I have accrued some fat in the stomach area, I would like to burn it off so I am all round healthy.

I am also currently working on my second book which is almost 10 000 words. This book is called "Crikey I'm Eccentric". I am not sure if one day I will be a successful author as finding a publisher is proving to be almost impossible. With my first book I am self publishing but just need to be patient as Dr Tony Attwood writes the Foreword to it.

More "Aspies" seem to be slowly connecting in Brisbane but it seems the software testing proposal has died in the wind. I have tried on several occasions to contact the person involved to find my efforts unsuccessful.

One of the things which really annoys me is workplace bullying. Yesterday afternoon for instance, I experienced this when some staff member decided to keep on sending trolleys up from the Loans Desk Area to the various floors expecting me to clear them. I complained about it because I found such behaviour inappropriate given I was the only person on the floor. Oh and by the way, I am doing a job for a person in Grade 10 of High School. Even though I hold a university degree and have certain skills, like the very few Aspies in employment, I am doing a base grade position.

Hopefully Brisbane will start to get cooler soon but in a sub tropical climate that is anyone's guess. Humidity tends to knock me around a bit and I am not a fan of it.

The wheels of progress turn ever so slowly

One of my weakest virtues is that I am not patient. Today has not been a really good day. Things are not working out or they are going too slow. I was supposed to start a house sit on Sunday but this has been changed and possibly canceled. I am still awaiting the Foreword to my book from Dr Attwood and I am not sure that I have got this job I applied for which I had an interview last Monday.

Last night I spoke to friend and fellow Aspie, Chris Mitchell. I am looking forward to visiting Chris in June 2011. Chris informs me that the recession is hitting hard in the United Kingdom and many people, especially those on the Autism Spectrum are being affected. He will be going to South America though for a holiday in a couple of weeks.

As I wait for this book to be published. I really don't know how I will market it. My intention is to send a copy to each capital city in Australia main university library. Then other copies will be available for purchase and some other copies sent to the United States and to the United Kingdom. I am new to publishing and I have to work out the best strategy to get my message out there.

The book I hope will raise more awareness of Asperger Syndrome and to provide hope for other adults and children. It is just a major stumbling block when you have to do everything on your own without the funding and support necessary to advocate on a wider scale. I can only do my best.

I really don't feel good about myself. I feel like a failure in terms of employ-ability prospects and feel that I will spend the rest of my life working in the UQ Social Sciences Library until I eventually retire. I just don't cut it like other people do and I do not really have a lot of self esteem in being able to bullshit about supposed skills and abilities which I really don't have. I have reached the stage where I do not want to apply for jobs as the anxiety in waiting to hear how I went or the fact I was unsuccessful is all too much. It seems like everything is all too much and the weekend just gone I experienced such high levels of anxiety that I just could not function properly. Maybe I am having myself on. Maybe I should just take medication and zombie myself to a world that is never going to change or try to understand. If I do not get help from other adults on the Autism Spectrum soon, I feel all efforts to move forward are just going to prove fruitless. I need to find a means of meditation so that through stressful and uncertain periods I can switch off and not worry or agonize over things. Just exactly what am I good at and what is the point of life if you keep beating your head against a brick-wall. I guess I need to be patient but people please say what you mean rather than say something and then someone like myself takes it literally. The world is a confusing place. I hope change does happen one day and in the words of Martin Luther King "I have a Dream"!

When siblings and family members do not understand

I have come to the conclusion and realisation that trying to tell siblings and family members about me having Asperger Syndrome is a waste of time. They simply do not want to care, understand or listen!. I am fed up with being told that I talk too much about Asperger Syndrome or that the anxiety I experience is all in my mind and that I am expected to put up with life the way they want me to be or expect. I don't think they realise just how difficult it can be having Asperger Syndrome. I have also been informed or feel like that some of the tensions that exist in a situation are my own fault. If they do not want to listen then I close the door on me then I need to find people who do listen and understand.

It has been tough for my parents and they try and support me to the best of my ability. Some of my relatives do understand but others are once again critical. Some comments I have received are "you just have to try harder" or "everyone goes through what you experience". It is indeed unfortunate that they do not always want to listen. I also have been informed that I talk too much about Asperger Syndrome. Well I am sorry I cannot please everyone. I am trying to live my life the best way I can. I am a human being and I have flaws just as other people do.

I think the problem with siblings is that they refuse to believe or acknowledge that a family member is on the Autism Spectrum. They are afraid of other people's perceptions and what views they may hold. Personally I do not care what people think of me when I disclose I have Asperger Syndrome to other people. People should try reading Dr Tony Attwood's book "The Complete Guide to Asperger Syndrome" to understand better.

In families sadly there is denial or refusal of other family members to understand and this places the person on the Autism Spectrum in more of an anxious and unhappy situation. Rather than be critical, why not try to understand, support or listen? Surely it is not too hard to do? Sometimes all that is required is some understanding and support which can go a long way.

People who may read this post may just say oh well he's just obsessed with Asperger Syndrome as this is part of the condition. Please be advised that this is not the case. I believe more awareness is needed which is why I am an advocate.

My adult dilemma

As I was not diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome earlier in my life, I feel I am in a dilemma. This is because rather than receive support and coping mechanisms to equip me in adult life from the schooling process, I instead received bullying and ignorance.

Early intervention assists a great deal in ensuring support and guidance equips the person on the Autism Spectrum when they make the transition into adulthood. This intervention should ensure that the person on the Autism Spectrum has effective coping skills when they encounter difficult situations.

For me early intervention did not occur at an early stage. I find that as an adult, I am not really understood and finding counseling to assist me with coping better in society, I am instead struggling to find support that can help me. I have had people say, 'well you need to try harder' or 'you need to get out more'. Such comments are not really helpful as you can try and get out and do more but without the essential coping mechanisms you are again going to make the same mistakes and repeat the process over and over again.

I know that for the rest of my life, I will have to battle as best I can. I will make mistakes and find it hard to obtain support. Minds and Hearts for instance should be teaching adults like myself coping mechanisms more so than me receiving comments 'what is the point of you coming to these sessions if you do not get anything out of them?" I just do not think there is enough awareness in the adult population. I have also encountered people who say 'everyone feels like this or experience that'. I am aware of this but the point is other people may have more effective coping mechanisms than what I do to deal with difficult situations.

I feel largely alone as an an adult and misunderstood. I find it difficult being a male on the Autism Spectrum as I find the expectations are just too high. I don't always have the energy to fit into the male stereotype. These being that I need to be interested in women, I need to continually compete, I always have to make the first move or be expected to make decisions. The list goes on! In some ways I wish I was born a female if I had to be on the Autism Spectrum because perhaps it is more acceptable for a female to be nurturing than it is for a male to exhibit the same personality traits. I am tired of people who continually assume me to be homosexual or somehow odd. I am just constantly tired with having to defend myself all of the time. It is just so hard to be yourself and for people to accept you rather than make comments. Sometimes I just wish I could live in total solitude from humanity and that people would just leave me alone. Also anxiety can be very crippling, especially if it is at constant high levels. I know of some persons on the Autism Spectrum who could no longer handle the constant high levels of anxiety and sadly they took their own lives. Why do I constantly need the feel to defend myself all of the time and more importantly why do people have to make false assumptions like they do? Can they just not try and understand?!

I find relationships and dating all neuro typical connotations. They have too many expectations on them and as an Asperger adult, I just don't want to become involved with such. I just find relationships and the thought of them too overwhelming and in all honesty, I do not think I have the energy to handle them anyhow. Can't you just be friends with females and have platonic friendships without people saying or expecting you to enter a relationship? I have several female friends on the Autism Spectrum. Also why do people insist on you becoming the butt of homosexual or virgin jokes? Can't a person on the Autism Spectrum just be left alone and not bullied?

Australia's poor disability record

I am not sure why Australia scored so poorly in the Geneva Convention for disability support but it does make you feel concerned. When I began my appointment on the University of Queensland Disability Sub-Committee as Staff Representative, it surprised me that across the university there seems to be very little or no adequate representation of staff members with a disability. Although this is concerning, I wonder about Australia nation wide. I have observed buildings with poor wheelchair access, and other issues when I have traveled around the country. It makes me think that should I or anyone I know encounter issues with mobility that how accessibility to the community would be possible. Very few buses, trains or other providers of mobility seem to have very little in the way of support. Added to this, amenities and other facilities seem to also be in need of a major upgrade.

I believe Australia has an appalling service for persons with a disability of any kind. Mental illness for instance is seen as a person's own problem. Added to this mobility impairments and the Autism Spectrum are largely brushed aside and I am really concerned as to the treatment of persons with a disability. It seems that either Australian society does not care or simply lack of funding is going into providing support and services for those most in need.

If we are a fair society and have the motto to give everyone a fair go, then we have to start making necessary improvements to match the spoken word. I am just an ordinary citizen but I do consider myself to stand on strong morals and necessary good conduct as I go about my life. Although I may receive criticism for daring to speak up on what I say in my post, I believe governments can do a great deal more. I am tired of the complacency that exists and urgent action is required to prevent a growing problem. We live in a society which dictates that we are all individual but when someone desperately needs help or someone to talk to, then nobody is around. Have you ever wondered why there is so much mental illness around? I get tired of people who say. Where is your evidence? You just have to look around you. Crime is happening almost everywhere and you see elderly people attacked in their homes and not safe, being robbed for a mere $2. It is about time that Australia starts to lift its act and improve on services for persons with a disability. It is about time that infrastructure improves and more importantly the community starts to become more community focused. It took several natural disasters to realise our own vulnerability to the elements around us but it is about time we start caring about those who are most disadvantaged in our communities. Australia you can do better and prime minister Gillard and Australian state premiers start to look seriously at people who really need your help!

I want to see more out of the Australian Productivity Commission into Disability and more importantly. I want to see auditing done regularly to weed out people who fail to deliver in their jobs and exercise complacency. We need caring and supporting people in positions of responsibility and this needs to begin fast. Abuse of persons with a disability of any type in institutions is not tolerated nor is bullying of any kind. Furthermore, a benchmark needs to be set to ensure essential support and services go to people who need them. More accommodation is required conducive to persons with a disability in which ever way it may effect them. Enough is enough! More protection and protective legislation also needs to put an end to disability vilification of any form. Also more support is required within workplaces to protect persons with a disability and safeguard them from dismissal or unfair work practices.

As an adult on the Autism Spectrum. I stand up for adults with Autism and please join me as I make my submission to the Australian Productivity Commission for Disability very shortly in April 2011

High school cooking class

As I am slowly writing my book "Crikey I'm Eccentric" I begin to trace back to my early years as a teenager in secondary school. In both primary and secondary school, I was involved in two plays and also undertook the subject known as Home Economics. This subject was largely for females who wanted to improve or work upon their domestic duties such as cooking and making clothes etc. Although I was not really good on the clothes making, I did manage to do quite well at the cooking. However on one occasion I got into trouble for pre-measuring the cooking ingredients and could not understand why.

In Home Economics I did manage to make many different cooking dishes but I did not do well in other school subjects. I hated English because it lacked creativity and detested Maths. I was in two plays though and managed to learn my lines off by heart. In my second book which will be worked on while my first book awaits publication after Dr Attwood's Foreword, I will be discussing eccentricity in Australia. I will be basing most experiences on my own life earlier on and how society around me did not really understand fully contemplate who I was and what I was about. This book should be interesting and hopefully provide some humour on those of us who have some eccentric tenancies.

This afternoon I am off to Aspergers@UQ and tomorrow off to a meeting prior to my upcoming house sit and an author's workshop for self publishing. I will provide more updates when they come to hand. I am also trying to learn Spanish amongst other things.

Is there a two way street with Autism?

It is often difficult to know whether or how much you should disclose or allow Autism to define you as a person. Sometimes people may not always know how to relate to you if you tell them you have Autism and their treatment of you can sometimes be a bit awkward. I feel as though I am not a cripple nor am I stupid but some people can talk to me and reinforce things they say which can make me feel a bit stupid.

I think it is important to know a person is on the Autism Spectrum but special treatment is not what a person with Autism really wants. More so it is just some understanding and more importantly just some acceptance in areas of difficulty. In my own situation I entered my current employment with disclosure of Asperger Syndrome and I had a phone interview on Monday for a Bibliographic Software Support Officer. Before this interview I mentioned to the prospective employer that I had Asperger Syndrome and I was diagnosed by Dr Tony Attwood and that I also have and maintain my own website. So things are moving ahead.

I think it is awesome that UQ Asperger Adults is growing as a group and things are starting to take off. Adults now have somewhere we can go and talk about our special interests. If regular people could only attend and listen, you could learn so much and see our eccentricity in action. I have known of one Aspie who is skydiving and another who is soon to make the plunge from the heavens above. Things in Brisbane, especially UQ seem to be changing. The group is welcoming more adults and I am soon to welcome some new adults to Brisbane itself. One adult is moving to Brisbane from earthquake stricken Christchurch, New Zealand and another has contacted me through Dr Tony Attwood's website regarding an adult support group.

I have been approached to help out in Tasmania. I have been in correspondence with Dr Tony Attwood concerning any work I can help out with and updates on my meeting with Tony and his writing the Foreword to my book "I Want To Work - An Asperger Story". It would be great to have Dr Attwood attend the UQ Asperger Adult Group and he has promised at some future stage that he would.

It is often hard for people to understand Asperger Syndrome and see it in a person affected by it. All that is required is patience and understanding. I am starting to write my second book "Crikey I'm Eccentric" but for now I have to focus mainly on the publication of my first book. This Saturday I will be attending an Author's conference. I will also be on TV in the UK so there are a lot of things happening. Please stay tuned.

The week's end

The end of another week. Today I have been reminded of me physical appearance from my parents and I am 38 years of age. Apparently my stomach is getting a bit to big but I am not really interested in self image. To have the perfect body is just an artificial veneer to the person I am inside. Good health is important but I am flat out just getting things done at the moment.

One friend said of me that I was only interested in Asperger Syndrome and nothing else. I need to remind this friend of what I am doing.

1. I have written a book
2. I have a job interview on Monday for a Bibliographic Software Support Officer
3. I am trying to learn Spanish
4. I will be house sitting soon
5. I need to get fit again but I am not interested in physical appearance

This afternoon I met with the UQ Asperger Adult Group and I was really pleased with the turnout. We had approximately 10 adults turn up and there is a group also for students. Movement is being undertaken to form the UQ Asperger Adult Group as part of the UQ Groups so that more funding and support may be available. Damian who is doing a PhD and is on the Autism Spectrum is very game. He will be skydiving soon and like Chris Mitchell, two adults and friends with Asperger Syndrome have sky jumped.

I am about to call it a night but I am pleased to see more adults uniting. I also have received several supportive emails from Professor Tony Attwood concerning my book and the possibility of meeting up with Tony. So things are looking positive. On this note I am going to write a bit later as I need some rest from a busy week. Thank you everyone for your support.

The Library of the future

I know I have raised the idea of the future library before but I often wonder about how and what ways a library can better serve its users. Working in the University of Queensland Social Sciences Library has provided me with a means of thinking in pictures about how a future library could better serve it users. It seems that books are slowly being made redundant and having written one recently soon to be published, I wonder about the very concept of the E-Book. More and more you see younger people using gadgets and smaller devices in their search for entertainment and for communicating with the world around them. An Iphone, Ipad or Ipod is small, can be carried around and a user seems to have access to endless applications in order to find stimulation and entertainment.

Now how can a library change to accommodate such needs? Well firstly it seems inevitable that books are going to be online and there are many advantages of doing this which I have outlined previously. Books are better preserved, more accessible and more space is made available by doing away with shelving etc. I still believe there is a place for books but I do believe that a library or libraries need to become what I call "interactive". Imagine a library the user could walk into and come out of it with their minds and thinking recharged. This would also make people see the library as a storehouse of information. Within a university, a library is a storehouse of information and if students, academics and general users want to get more out of the university, especially its library, then more has to be done I believe to make it more interactive.

First of all touch screens could be used with some human sized images of perhaps some gadgets you may remember from Star Wars. Imagine if a person could press a button and an image of a historical figure or just an image of a person with exceptional speaking and enlightening skills were to appear before the library user. A lot of persons have difficulty with the Library of Congress Classification System used in UQ Library. This could be changed to make understanding the classification system easier. An interesting short presentation could explain how the Library of Congress works and help the user to have a better understanding of this. Secondly, more space could be made available by removing shelving areas and putting material online with computer banks for users to access information. More importantly it would be the job of library staff to help ensure the library keeps up to date with its users and that information does not become boring or uninteresting.

Some of the following concepts may help in terms of the library of the future.

1. Interactive monitor screens with stimulating and interesting information.
2. More access to online material
3. Books still to remain but the library user encouraged to become involved with automation and interactive equipment.

Perhaps you may even have some suggestions to make a library more interactive or what you may want to see in your own library?

It is important that for staff working in the library that they too feel valued and a part of their work environment. Staff needs to be encouraged to be part of their work environment and a library needs to ensure the recruitment of high quality staff who are well trained and have exceptional people skills. Staff need to have access to good staff training and development to ensure they are receiving the maximum training to feel better about themselves and more importantly in ensuring a positive work environment reflects the library user. There also needs to be a focus on staff health and well being. Workplace massage can significantly reduce stress levels as well as workshops to tackle the issue of stress and other issues. Also rest areas for staff and a good staff cafeteria which ensures staff are eating healthy food is also essential.

I am always thinking about the future of libraries and as time unfolds I may have other ideas. I think it is good to think about possibilities and to put them forward. We also need to eliminate staff gossip, low morale, office politics and other negative issues but this is not always possible with the human condition and living in a world that is not always perfect.

We need a library users to think more so than say I cannot find a book on the shelves, can you help me find a book (because genuinely they may be too lazy to look first) and to access their library and come out of the library feeling satisfied and more enlightened.

Resolving workplace issues

The last two days have been very busy for me. Yesterday I had a full on day with trying to visit a friend in Kangaroo Point in Brisbane with its "One Way" Streets. Today I had to attend a meeting with Human Resources (HR), union representative, manager from my section of the library, supervisor, and both Human Resources Consultants. On the whole I found the support very good. I have been experiencing high levels of anxiety as the workplace is undergoing changes. Library machinery is becoming automated and I am confused as to whom my actual line manager is and who I need to report to for confusion with direction etc.

I have just taken 2 magnesium tablets as magnesium calms the muscles and I find it relaxes the brain somewhat. So hopefully I should be able to sleep better. I met up with two adults this afternoon at UQ not on the spectrum but one of them has a friend who has Asperger Syndrome and like all of us is eccentric in his own way.

I have just received an email from Professor Tony Attwood and he has been very supportive in contributing to the Foreword of my book. I also hope to touch base with Tony soon as I feel I need to let him know what work I have been undertaking in support for awareness of Asperger Syndrome.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with Mitchell who writes the UQ Student Magazine. I will be informing Mitchell of some work happening at UQ in terms of Asperger Syndrome. Most importantly, Damian's PhD (Damian is an adult on the Autism Spectrum) and also the work I have been doing at UQ and mention of the UQ Asperger Adult Group. This group is not run by me but more publicity is needed as students and staff new to UQ need to know more about it in terms of awareness reasons.

I hope things get better in terms of my work situation. My supportive line manager has been moved to another section of the library and now I am having to become acquainted with the new library layout.

More updates soon on advocacy work.

Accounts from other Autistic Adults

As my advocacy work grows, I often hear stories from other adults about their own diagnosis and coming to terms with post diagnosis. Today I heard from an adult much older than myself who described his diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome in his 40's. He described being diagnosed to the movie "The Sixth Sense" starring Bruce Willis. As I spoke to this man on Skype, I asked myself the question of how many other adults out there may not even know that they may have Asperger Syndrome or Autism. Should the awareness increase to provide them with information about how to obtain a diagnosis? Would a diagnosis help or not help them? Perhaps their life may improve.

The man I spoke to lives in an Asian country and often I am asked the question. Now that I am diagnosed where to next? I do not compare myself to Dr Tony Attwood or other adults on the Autism Spectrum but instead I try my best to make the transition from diagnosis to post diagnosis much easier. It is a bit like walking up a slipper stair well and once you have reached the top you are unsure of where the top of the stair well will go next. Despite the gap from the top of the stairwell to the pathway that you see before you, there may be a bottomless pit. Obviously some kind of object being a coping strategy needs to be laid down to allow you to cross from the top of the stair well to the pathway ahead. This object needs to be strong and able to ensure the person can cross. This is the same with diagnosis and post diagnosis.

When I was diagnosed by Dr Tony Attwood in 1998, the the post diagnosis phase was much more difficult. I had very few options and I had to rely on my own intelligence to try and forge ahead. I thought are there other adults? What am I supposed to, think and feel? Relying on my own intelligence I felt like Indiana Jones scrub bashing through the wilderness to find a way forward. I battled hard and never gave up to be where I am now. For anyone else, I would encourage you to see hope and never give up. It is important to be strong.

I hear from adults who are diagnosed and some who are not. I know of some adults who are afraid of getting diagnosed for fear of how they may be treated. It is always a pleasure to talk to adults with Autism and to find out and try and help them where I can. We need to move forward no matter how hard the struggle and be optimistic!

Things are getting better and moving forward

I believe that with the mass awareness of information that things are starting to slowly get better. I always try to remain optimistic and believe that a gigantic leap forward of information a small step forward for society in general. A great deal of behind the scenes work has been happening and this has included the following

1. My book now written and awaiting Foreword from Dr Tony Attwood.
2. My input into the the Australian Productivity Commission (Draft Report) for Disability Care and Support
3. Radio interviews on ABC FM and overseas
4. Linking of more adults on the Autism Spectrum on a global scale
5. The creation of www.garryburge.com
6. This very blog
7. The formation of adult support groups in both UQ, in Brisbane and on Skype
8. Speaking at schools about early intervention
9. Communication to schools, and other relevant authorities
10. Adults now contributing more and some wanting to become Autism advocates themselves

With so much work now being undertaken things can only get better. So next we have to wait for the next smaller steps in order to move ahead. Also being open and undertaken advocacy work is making people more aware of the Autism Spectrum and its place in the world with other important conditions etc.

I would also like to thank supporters for their work and I hope more people will come on board and support me and other adults with Autism in the work we are doing. We really need as much help and support as possible to make things better.

Workplace issues

Recently I have been having some workplace issues. These mainly have arisen from the restructuring which is going on in the University of Queensland Social Sciences Library. I attended a union meeting on Wednesday to find out how I would be effected within the work environment only to be told that attendance at the union meeting needed to be taken in the form of leave or to make up work time. Nobody had actually told me this and when told, I was annoyed and furious. I thought how come I have to attend this leave in my own time when there as I understood it you could attend union meetings in work time. Yesterday I worked an hour more in order to make up for the time I had taken and thought that perhaps by doing this the workplace is discouraging employees from attending union meetings as they do not want staff to speak up concerning issues in their workplace.

I have also met with two manager and next week will be meeting the HR of the University Library to discuss the issues and concerns of staff members with a disability. I don't really get anywhere with HR and was told by them who I could and could not include in an email to them. I am not sure how next week's meeting will go but there are some things in a work environment and the control of people that I just do not like. I prefer to do my job and be left alone but only given direction where necessary to ensure I do my job properly. I provided feedback as to how the library could improve and more importantly how the library could become more interactive. Quite basically I am sick and tired of students coming into the library who are lazy and not thinking. Surely a library should be a store house of information to greatly assist university and library users to expand their knowledge and to jettison bad behaviour and laziness. Society is breaking down and sadly the library environment is coping this also and I am sick and tired of client behaviour. I am trying also to consider being moved to a smaller branch with less staff and clients which I hope to discuss with HR. I don't like my chances but I can only try. I have also discussed anxiety issues and feel somewhat better now.