Redefining Labels

There are many arguments for and against a separation or a label that separates Aspies from Neuro Typicals (Non Autistics).  However as an Aspie myself do I believe there is different wiring?   Well I will attempt to answer this question to the best of my ability.

I do believe that Aspies are cognitively wired differently to Neuro Typicals.  In my own life I have struggled to relate to NT's and forming friendships has been virtually impossible.  When I was younger, I could not understand that although I was biologically the same age as people around me, that making friends was just difficult.  I struggled to connect and more importantly I could not understand why observations I made were not immediately apparent to them.  It was like I was speaking and communicating in a different language.  I also found that things needed to be explained to me differently and more thoroughly.  What was obvious for one person, was for me confusing and mind blowing.

What I believe is that Aspies and Neuro Typicals do communicate differently and process information in their own way.  What I think needs to happen is an understanding that the Autism Spectrum is just another way of thinking and communicating.  Aspies are just differently cognitively wired.  The biggest challenge for an Aspie is withstanding tribalism which is when NT's expect Aspies to think and act like they do.  Sometimes the result may be criticism, anger, confusion or even bullying like behaviour.  Clearly this has to change.

In my own life, I  have accepted that my thinking is different to an NT but it appears that others are struggling to accept this as a reality.  I just struggle to connect with NT's and I find that I seem to repel them or confuse them by being the person I am.  I have even been told that I put myself down by disclosing I have Asperger Syndrome and I wonder why this is the case?  Aspergers is to me a condition and it effects the way a person processes information, thinks and behaves.  Both Aspies and NT's need to exist together in the world which is NT but not Aspie but the sooner more and greater understanding is made available about Asperger Syndrome the better.

Please refer to this website for more information Australian scale of Asperger Syndrome

Will the world ever understand Autism?

One of my biggest concerns at the moment is that I fear the Autism Community is beginning to implode.  It seems that a lot of Aspies choose the easier way out of becoming dysfuncational more so than trying to stand united.  There are many advocates who are trying to create a positive message but those of us in the Autism Community need to stand shoulder to shoulder.

I feel it hard work if I am to do advocacy when other persons on the Autism Spectrum do not try hard enough or perhaps try to work harder at getting on with those who choose to advocate.   If the world is to understand Autism then it is the responsibility of those of us in the Autism Community to work together, to find positive solutions and approaches to be better understood.  We need to hear more positive stories and see more unity.

I believe that in my life time, getting the message out there is going to be tough work.  In order to remove the stigma and the label, we as an Autism Community need to start working towards solutions and trying to make Autism cool. We have many who can play musical instruments, have specialist abilities etc.  We need to encourage blogs, youtube videos and some website where all Aspies can share stories, experiences, talents etc

The word cannot be "Aspie" but as Aspies we need to learn the tools to better adjust and to fit in.  We need to work at creating greater networks which is a challenge for us and to try and make Autism cool.  I am fearful of Facebook because so many groups seem to be wallowing in sometimes dysfunctional behaviour. I have no interest in joining them and I am working at ways of overcoming my own difficulties so that I can better adjust and be understood by the world around me.  I know many adults who are an inspiration and have a great deal of intelligence but it saddens me that the media show no interest in this. Instead negative portrayals occur instead of positive ones.  Hopefully in time this will change.

If the Autism Community want the world to better understand then there needs to be more unity and cohesion instead of dysfunctional and uncacceptable behaviour.  It is a challenge but we need to strive harder to make things happen more so in a positive way!  We need to remain optomistic despite the challenges that lay ahead. 

Learning to communicate

Throughout my whole life, communication has always been a challenge.  When I was younger, I spent a lot of time talking about my obsessions with people.  I could not frame sentences or reciprocate with other people.  I had obsessions but communication was to me a word but one which had little meaning.  I talked non stop about my special interests and read encyclopedias.  However reading fiction was something that I could not grasp.  Why should I read a book which was not factual?  What was the sense of it if it didn't actually exist?  Such questions were in the back of my mind.

Up until I was 21 years old, I had no interest in making friends.  I simply existed but my body was foreign.  Sounds were often hard to filter, light was often intense.  I used to be pained by seeing bars in my mind like those you in a jail.  Grills, security bars and the like made my eyes painful.  I just don't know why?  I could never wonder why I felt I was the only one that sometimes needed a pitch black room for my eyes to desensitize.  I never had friends when I was younger either.  I thought to myself what exactly does the word 'friend' actually mean?  Why do other people interact with each other so freely and yet for me my communication seems somehow different.  I can speak words but when they come out they are often statements more so than sentences.  I always felt that I was talking at people more so than talking to them.  It was like my communication was from another planet.

In my late teens, I often used to feel sad and back then depression was something that remained only known to those who knew family members or friends who existed in an asylum.  It was until I turned 21 years of age that I made the transformation from hermit to a try hard.  I was so clumsy in making friends that I sometimes approached people and asked them if they could be a friend.  I was not aware of the conventions, the rules and the requirements.  I still find that I can speak words but I just struggle in knowing how to exchange them with other people.  I find my brain working hard to assimilate information and to exchange communication.  It is like some kind of mental block.  Often I was the last to learn or come close to learning a new task.  Other people would pick things up easily but for me words, sentences and communication needed a different approach.  I felt at 25 when I was diagnosed that I was the only person on planet earth who just felt like an alien.  I had to re invent myself.  I had to learn and constantly learn how to relate to people, not offend them and exchange communication.  I have been yelled at, admonished and furthermore had horrible words said to me.  I remember in 1978 when 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me' and wonder why this rhyme was ever said.  Names do hurt and stick and stones are painful.  I had everything just about thrown at me in high school.  Stones, books, chalk, and even had bees sting me but I found words far more hurtful.

As an adult, communication is somewhat easier but making friends and entering relationships is still confusing.  Well navigating the world in a conventional sense is just taxing.  Why do people behave and think the way they do?  It is necessary to just keep learning how to communicate and for adults on the Autism Spectrum this is no exception.  Even understanding some other Aspies is often confusing.  Often intensity can be a problem and as I don't really know myself how much or how little I am supposed to communicate, I often overwhelm people with too much information in the form of texting.  The main reason being because I can touch type.  It is all about learning and with no one to really help I just have to do the best I can.  

Meeting up with a concerned parent

This morning at UQ (University of Queensland), I had a meeting with a concerned parent and a committed person in terms of helping adults on the Autism Spectrum.  At the meeting some of the issues and concerned discussed were as follows

• How to assist adults on the Autism Spectrum find employment
• Training and support beyond job placement
• Assistance with social skills and improving quality of life
• How to better educate the wider community to understand Autism
• Support in helping adults connect to the wider community.

I have a large following of adults on the Autism Spectrum and this is evident with my Facebook page and also my interactions with other adults from around the world.  I stand not for myself so much but for others who are smart, and capable of just existing on a welfare payment.  

Over the coming months, the person whom I met would like to talk to other adults as he is now employed within a coaching role to assist with job placement and employment support.  I discussed at the meeting how adults on the Autism Spectrum are discriminated against due to difficulty with social skills and finding they are placed in routine jobs and sometimes forgotten about or in worse instances sacked.  I also intend to work with this person in terms of trying my best to bring software testing to Brisbane and hopefully beyond.  What concerns me is that employment of Aspies needs to exist within an environment conducive to tapping full potential more so than preluding real opportunity.

I was informed recently that I should jettison all of my advocacy work and move on from Aspies.  Why should such an act of tribalism be forced upon me?  I have come this far and simply deserting or shirking my efforts would only really cause me to become seriously depressed.  I wish tribal people would simply accept that Aspies exist.  I have sold over 400 books and even another today.  It is not about profit but more so awareness. I would never allow myself to be sold out for if I did I would prefer the money to be spent in terms of advertising awareness and providing employment support.  I would also ensure that auditing occurs to weed out inefficiency and people too.  I am committed within my own advocacy to try and serve to the best of my ability the many other adults who simply want 'equality' and 'opportunity'.  I am pleased to announce that speakers for next year's conference have been allocated speaking events so please visit www.asperger.asn.au for more information.  Finally I have also provided awareness of the Australasia region to the recent 50 Inspirational list generated within the United States.  This region of the globe needs greater understanding and awareness.  

Please stay tuned for further updates and I am hoping to meet more adults where I can when I am able to travel. 

Thank you everyone for your support

Kind and warmest regards 

Garry Burge

PS - Please note that I am not obsessed with AS, I am just wanting people to see it positives and if the label of Asperger Syndrome is to be done away, I would personally like to see greater inclusion, acceptance, tolerance and understanding. 

www.garryburge.com

The first port of call

For anyone who has just been diagnosed with Autism, especially someone as an adult knowing what to do next can often be a major next step.  It can also be one of wanting to know more and even sometimes connecting with others.

I often encourage new comers to visit the Facebook Groups that I know about directly within my own advoacy.  These groups are hosted by both Australian and New Zealand Admins and I would encourage anyone interested to visit or for anyone interested in knowing more about Aspies and how we think and interpret the world etc.

The first group highly recommended is Adults with Asperger Syndrome 

Another couple within the Australia and New Zealand Region and welcoming of outside persons as well are

Brisbane Asperger Syndrome Adults

Asperger Syndrome New Zealand

Please also be sure to like my Garry Burge Adult with Asperger Syndrome also as I support Autism Works in the UK.  There are some other Facebook groups specifically for Dating and Employment which also try to cover other areas of possible interest.

Groups on Facebook may not be of interest to all but they are a good way of providing some support to make people feel less alone who may need a sense of community and support.  

Being told I should move on

Recently I have been told that I should move on and break away from having Asperger Syndrome.  Just like a click of my fingers and snap I am suddenly cured.  I was also informed that I put myself down saying I carry the  label.  Well such comments do nothing but really show a clear misunderstanding in me as a person and what my family and some friends have endured over time.

I am not self concious about what people think of me.  Either they like me or they don't, I am not here to please everyone.  I have had my fair share of issues over the years with people instantly reacting to the way I am with sometimes uncalled for responses.  I was labelled some years back as having no more intelligence than a high school student and furthermore I was constantly told that I would not go far in life.  Well where I am today is no easy achievement. I have had to work hard to be the person I am.  I was also advised to keep away from Aspies.  Why?  They understand me more than non Autistic people do.  If I am supposed to try harder and break away from having AS then would I not be destroying part of myself.  Asperger Syndrome is in my opinion within a person's genetic make up.  It is the way my brain is wired, and it exists more so a label in the non Autistic world more so than it does in the Autistic World.  I understand the world will not change and become using the word "Aspie".  I don't expect it will but I refuse to go back to the painful experience I endured before as Dr Tony Attwood a second rate Neuro Typical.

I really welcome some kind of test that can show evidence that the Autism Spectrum does exist. Whether it be a blood test, a brain scan or whatever to assist people in realising that having the Autism Spectrum is a different way of thinking.  I don't want the world to change but I would like to see in my life time at least more inclusion of people on the Autism Spectrum within society instead of fear and ignorance.  The label will exist, well until the DSM V remove it, until society better understands the many positives to having Autism.  Critics do not realise just how many friends I have now within the Adult Autism Community.  I achieved this by dedication and hard work.  I should not be ranked as sub intelligent because I cannot be tribalised to be like an NT. Well why would I want to anyhow?  To me being Aspie is a means of seeing the world differently.

Critics do not see the heartache my parents  have had to endure over the years.  They do not see the anxiety which at one point was so bad that it nearly took my life.  Critics just wear blinkers and refuse to believe. It is like you just have to shut them off and forget about them unless they try and understand.  I get tired of people saying that I am not Aspie but Garry.  Remember it is in my genetics.  It is the way my brain thinks, interprets and processes information.  Critics you need to realise that adult numbers are beginning to swell and so to the numbers in children.  Why would I want to jettison this?  Maybe it is your own thinking that needs to change to become more accommodating.  An assessment carried out approximately 8 years ago which was undertaken on my so called intelligence clearly defined that having a job, or existing 'normally' in life would not be possible. Well it's just up to me to prove critics wrong and I must say shirking modesty that I tend to enjoy it.  As I move forward I demonstrate that others just like me also can be afforded opportunity and a place in the world more so than being stuck on a welfare payment and told we have no brains.  Really should I move on when I am moving ahead in my own way?

I like my Aspie friends and my NT friends.  So why would I trade what I have for anything else?  Take a chill pill critics and realise we exist as a people and we're cool too with all the knowledge, intelligence and facts that we know. 

Dealing with the non conventions

As I write this post I am nto sure if there is an actual word called 'unconventions' so instead I am using the words non conventions.  As an adult on the Autism Spectrum I find life is lived mostly in an unconventional sense.  For instance the traditional means of what Non Autistics take for granted such as living life in some kind of larger picture, as an Aspie I find this a diverse concept.  For me finding relationships, forming friendships and trying to exist in the social world is just a totally foreign concept. It is like I have to rewire and reinvent an approach to my life as I evolve.

Recently I have been in touch with John Greally and Leith McMurray from New Zealand.  Both are very interesting people who carry with them a great deal more wisdom than I do being older and adapting to the world in their own way.  I have spoken to John Greally a few times now and his knowledge and understanding of the Autism Spectrum is especially encouraging.  Last night I heard John's 12 year old son play a classical piece of music on his guitar while I listened on skype.  John also hears from many adults around the world and both John and I share the concern as to why so many intelligent people just cannot seem to be understood in the world around us more. I think the main reason that a lot of Aspies struggle in employment is because it is purely conventional and the majority of Aspies are unconventional.  Our minds operate on a great deal of thinking, analysing and processing information.  We lack the ability to function socially and this precludes us from most of the day to day living that non Autistic people take for granted.

It is encouraging to see the adult population uniting and growing around the world but more so here in Australia and New Zealand.  We need of course to hear from the far west of Western Australia and even New Guinea (Not sure if there are any Aspies advoacting there) to align the Australasia region.  We of course have next year's conference hosted by Asperger Services Australia  so things are really progressing in this part of the world.  Unlike the rest of the world Australia and New Zealand are geographically isolated which means that perhaps we need more efficient tools in order to communicate.  Now that I have John Greally, Leith McMurray and some other adults on skype in our region we can start to work toward a way to increase greater communication which will in turn provide better awareness and advocacy.

Just ask yourself the question.  Does a person on the Autism Spectrum perhaps see things unconventionally?  You may then understand why we perhaps have difficulty with hierarchy, social skills, and conventions.  We operate as sole inhabitants but this does not mean we are reclusive to the degree of not wanting human contact.  We just need people to understand that our methods of communication and interaction are different to your own.  As you can also imaging that thinking unconventionally places us Aspies into the very difficult task of being prone to non Aspie tribalism in that we have to follow conventions of which we do not entirely understand.  Just my thoughts anyway. 

Trying to deal with the bigger picture

Processing information and trying to make sense of the world can be difficult for most if not all people.  For me however I often do not understand people's motives.  People can say something and entirely mean something else which can often make things very confusing.  I have been advised that I should 'break away' from having Asperger Syndrome and that being around other Aspies does not help me.  However such advice does not really help me for if I try to be someone I am not, I end up a second rate neuro typical.

The Brisbane scene is one which often had a blokey atmosphere.  Yesterday I visited Bulimba in Brisbane to get something to eat.  I was served by an Alpha Male type who seemed to have annoying traits.  Furthermore, I do not understand why but some non Autistic women can be annoying as well.  They seem to think that a person should act in a way that they feel is appropriate whereas instead I just find most women suppress their feminity or can be quite hostile.

Navigating the social world can be especially difficult if you think and act differently to other people. Also heightened anxiety can also add to problems.  Yesterday I tried out "Soul Power Healing" in Brisbane.  Quite simply this focuses on a means of dealing with the inner self and controlling anxiety.  I think it may benefit a lot of people, especially those on the Autism Spectrum where anxiety can be a problem.  I also spoke to the person running the group who works for Education Queensland.  She works with Autistic teens and assists them in managing anxiety levels which she believes is a success.  I hope that for adults something similar may also occur for them to help them manage anxiety.

The bigger picture can often be confusing and most of the time the only means to deal with it is to have times of exclusion from the world around me.  It is like stepping out into smoke and mirrors and not knowing which way you are walking and navigating.  I also had the pleasure last night to talk to John Greally a fellow Aspie from New Zealand, near Wellington.  John is a little older than me but has a wealth of wisdom and experience in trying to deal with Aspergers himself.  John and I would like to both see a vast improvement and unity in both Australia and New Zealand to get more awareness out there.  Unfortunately due to our we perhaps may not have all the energy that some of the other adults have. We just need more adults to stand shoulder to shoulder to make change happen and to prevent the chains of discrimination from continuing.  As Martin Luther King said in 1963 on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial "I have a dream".  Well as I have stated repeatedly the dream for us is inclusion, understanding and acceptance within the Autism Community which unlike the civil rights movement effects persons from all over the globe.  Let us hope that 2012 will be a better year.  Martin Luther King speech which now should be transcribed for those of us on the Autism Spectrum. 

The adult re invention

As an adult now close to middle aged turning 40 next year, I often wonder what the future may hold for the next 20 or 30 years or so? I find I have to reinvent my ways of thinking and more importantly come to terms with myself and how I can define myself as a person.

I think it is hard going being an Aspie male in the C21st century as still in my opinion the pressures of both tribalism and conformity try to take their force.  When you hear of the so called love or romance stories that apply to a Mills and Boon novel, you begin to realise why books are written and why more people perhaps read them.  Writing and reading is but an escape from the realities of the world that exist around us.  Life cannot be spent in looking for someone but more so improving upon your own foundations.  2011 has been a learning kerb for me but the road ahead still seems long, bumpy and rocky. I was called negligent for allowing a sick cat to die and also accused.

The only way forward being a person on the Autism Spectrum is to try and learn and to not take personal criticism so directly.  Life is difficult and at times it can be harsh.  However feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere and you have to try and stand up and fight some injustices where you can.  I now have an interest in the Buddhist teachings and developing a calmer inner mind.  I try to re invent actions so that I do not repeat them.  This is all you can do really do?

I think in terms of relationships that what is impossible for men on the Autism Spectrum and I am a man so I am speaking as a man,that it is virtually impossible for a woman to truly understand how a man on the Autism Spectrum thinks.  So many Aspie men just put up with events around them as best they can and we do think and act differently to others around us and we are different to each other.  Why then is life tough?  I guess all you can say is that we are not fully understood properly and society needs to become better aware.  

The developmental difficulties

Life as an Aspie is often spent in large periods of kind of solitary confinement. Society needs to understand that the Autism Spectrum is more so a developmental disability and not so much a physical one.  Often the perception of others in a wrongful way can cause those of us in the Autism Community a lot of grief.

What is evident in being Aspie is an impairment in two way social interaction and an inability on the part of us Aspies in not knowing the necessary social skills in order to fit in with the non Autistic population.  I sometimes find that I am blammed for the ways I think and more or less 'tribalised' to think and act like others when I really do not understand the purpose.

It is hard to get help when people cannot see exactly what it is that affects you. Also being blammed for being selfish and inward looking.  I am fed up with Aspies being compared to NT (Neuro Typical) people because we think and act differently.  Often times I am seen as the soure of the problem and can you see why people self inflict or in the worse instances try to look for ways to escape?!

Society has to realise that in terms of the Autism Spectrum that it is more of a difficulty with developmental delay more so than being an actual physical disability.  Aspies just think and act differently to others but unfortunately a lack of awareness and understanding causes us to be seen as outcasts and misfits etc.  I just hope one day the world will change but until now the important thing is to try and remain positive.  Getting the message out there and to break down the barriers of ignorance.  How long can high unemployment, remain a serious problem in the Aspie population with figures close to 90%?

I am tired of 'tribal' ways of thinking where Aspies are forced to conform and change our ways of thinking so as to suit others.  Why can't people just better understand us?  So is Autism more of a developmental disability more so than a physical one?  Try and ask yourself this question and are we able to get help with social skills that provide and afford others with their day to day lives than our own?

What do you know about RANZCP?

I speak as a layman about Royal Australian & New Zealand College of Psychiatrists but I wonder if their approach to mental health needs to be changed?  It seems to me and again I speak as a layman that both Australia and New Zealand which have not very good treatment of mental health use largely this American based model.  From observation it seems that when dealing with mental health that rather than relying on or implementing a more therapy based solution that doling out medications seems to be the solution.  What concerns me as a person that has previously experienced mental health issues that some people may be being medicated for simply being lonely, or socially isolated etc when better counselling services and support could better deal with the situation.

I have in the past experienced high anxiety levels and social isolation.  Instead of having people to simply listen or provide support, I have instead found a populace largely unaware or simply cold or alienated from the problem.  Recently there has been vast work undertaken by Professor Patrick McGorry who has a blog which he regularly updates on the work he is doing in Australia.  I have been in contact with Professor McGorry about some of the concerns I have with mental health which can be a secondary symptom to Asperger Syndrome and he has agreed with some of my findings that we are simply medicating people who may be lonely or socially isolated.

I really have been pleased to have seen recent television commericals raising vital awareness of mental health in Australia, however there is still a very long way to go.  We lose people to suicide because the mechanisms of society seem to be breaking down and I wonder why Australia and New Zealand seem to rely on this American based model, especially the DSMV.  Again I am just looking into material more and more.

I have exposure to mental health issues working in Autism Advocacy in adults.  I know of several who are not getting counselling and services which they greatly need to assist them in overcoming a lot of issues affecting them.  I know myself when I was depressed and visiting a GP only to be prescribed medication with limited instruction and finding this medication only providing a band aid solution to the problem.  Also I have heard from a couple of friends who are doctors who have informed me that within their training there is limited exposure to mental health and Autism based awareness.  Surely things need to improve?  Are we really medicating people who are just lonely, anxious or socially isolated as society cannot deal with the so called problem?  Surely a review can happen and if there is a more treatment/therapy based UK model, then the RANZCP can adopt it?  Please feel free to post your comments to my youtube presentation on this subject and changes to the DSMV.  

Exercise and making out

I have recently taken to running. Several other Aspies also run and I find it a great way to reduce anxiety.  I feel physically good because I find my cardio vascular is put to the test and anxiety is greatly reduced.  I like the way I can feel my heart beat, my lungs expand and my breathing better controlled.  Anxiety creates a lot of shallow breathing and stretching my lungs helps to reduce a lot of tension and helps me to breathe better.

Now I am going to discuss the difficulties of having limited or poor social networks.  Even though I am employed and one of the few adults in employment, I still struggle with forming friendships and entering relationships.  I have no friends that I can confide in when it comes to talking about dating, what is involved etc. I  know you probably think I sound kind of weird but I think Aspies have a great deal more of a struggle because our inward thinking makes it hard for us to talk like regular people do about women, friendships etc.  I think male Aspies struggle a great deal more with relationships because we simply lack the social networks.  Often our siblings or friends simply are not there or we find it hard to express or communicate our feelings and t thoughts around them.  At times it can be even more difficult for adults on the Autism Spectrum.  Often it is just about impossible to keep friendships because you simply do not know what is in the other person's mind or what they are thinking.

I find some strategies for me are to keep learning and trying to get on with other people.  Try to avoid just only being around Aspies but with others also. Look at the difficulties or faults of other Aspies and try and avoid these in myself.  Often mental exhaustion can be confused for laziness but it is important to know and establish boundaries.  I find it saddening when some adults tend to vent their anger and frustration onto me.  I really do not understand this when I am like them and try to help them.  Over the years some adults have either attacked me verbally or chosen to cease communication quite simply for reasons unknown.

For male Aspies the main problems I think are poor social networks and like mental health services are sadly lacking.  An Aspie guy may like a woman or some other person but simply just not know or have friends or other people to talk with about approaches, feelings etc.  I have known of some men on the Autism Spectrum actually crying because they liked some woman but she did not understand them and I felt powerless to know what to do.  I have the same struggles but not all adults are interested in relationships.  Quite simply in the male Aspie population I know of men and I am a man myself so I am advocating for guys on the spectrum who simply want to a relationship or a chance at love.  Quite simply nothing exists and support and services are sadly lacking.

Keeping fit is important for anyone but I think more Aspies could exercise quite frankly.  Exercise changes mood and can lift you out of depression also.  Simply working out and exercising can make a great deal of difference to a peron's life.  I keep pushing myself socially also as I really don't want to be trapped by this condition in me for the rest of my life.  Everyone is different though so what I say may not apply to all. 

Giving help where help counts

Recently I have come into contact with more adults on the Autism Spectrum.  I know of some who like many other people struggling simply would like a job.  I admire their perserverance and dedication in not giving up in looking for employment and I try to assist them where I can.  It is good to also know that I am looked up to by some younger "Aspies" with one recently saying to me that it was good to know someone older who could help guide and assist through some of the difficult times that lay ahead.

Adults on the Autism Spectrum often need encouragement and nurturing.  Unfortunately some try very hard but services are bad lacking and I feel at a loss as I am unable to help.  I recall the stories of some adults on the Autism Spectrum who I tried to help in the past but sadly things ended.  Help was not available and it was hard to get through to them of where they may need some adjustment in their lives.

I have made friends with adults on and off the Autism Spectrum.  I have some Aspie friends and some non Aspie friends but I don't really like putting people into boxes.  Recently I caught up with some good friends which mind you I had to work hard to lay the foundations.  I feel with their help that I am moving forward but some Aspies have revealed to me the errors of my ways.  I also am aware of some of my deficits such as worrying and being concerned about others when sometimes I have to stop myself from going under.

Recently an Aspie friend I have applied for a job but sadly this friends lost out on the job.  I send don't give up and keep trying. The friend now does volunteer work and I am proud of this friend in not giving up!  Another is going to put in an application as a software tester here in Australia.  Things are moving a long well.  Finally things are moving forward and not backward.

As an Aspie myself I am learning within my own work environment of the need to get on with people.  Not all non Autistic people set out to make life difficult for us.  In fact some of them try to help us but it is just difficult when you cannot see the errors of your own ways.  I have been fortunate to have had help from people within work environments who have helped assist me to where I am today.  So giving help where help counts is always important!

Visiting a Buddhist Temple

This morning I visited a Buddhist Temple with a friend from Ecuador. Here is a youtube video link of me explaining my visit.  


Despite being a bit early, the people were friendly once I got to meet them.  You don't need to wear a robe to become a Buddhist, nor do you need to convert to any kind of religion. All you need to do is just visit and make the most of the event.  


When I visited I was greeted by friendly Buddhist people.  Firstly they prepared food on a table and everyone got a plate of one food and placed this on their plate.  As the Buddhist monk comes past, everyone places a small portion of what is on their plate into the monk's bowl.  For me I gave him rice.  The monks then have to eat prior to 12pm and those gathering sit together and enjoy the food which has been offered also.  


Having done this, we all entered the Buddhist Temple and it is courtesy to bow to Buddha 4 times and then to the monk.  People just listen to the monk as he welcomes everyone more or less and then sings a few relaxing chants.  Also the smell of incents can be noticed.  It is a very peaceful environment.  


Shoes are taken off prior to the temple visit and also people are encourage to free their minds of stresses, anxieties and the outside world.  Another youtube video may explain it more thoroughly 


What I enjoyed about visiting the Temple and in Buddhism is that it focuses on mediation and the inner mind.  Rather than on body, Buddhism focuses on maintaining a healthy mind.  A person is encouraged to think calmly and not think ill of others etc.  Being in the temple also you are encouraged to let go of the world that exists around us.  You don't think about material objects which really only make people unhappy but more so on your inner mind.  


I was able to also to ask questions as well as others to the monk. The monk was German by the way.  People were friendly and everybody seemed warm and caring. I didn't feel self concious nor judged.  I think and would encourage anyone whether they be Aspie, Christian etc to visit a temple as it is a great way of freeing your mind.  I know that Chris Mitchell has also written a book called "Taking Refuge in Buddha".  Chris is an adult on the Autism Spectrum.      Also there is a focus on controlling negativity and anxiety etc which a lot of Aspies suffer from. 

Aspies who impode

In my advocacy work I have come in contact with Aspies who can sometimes implode on themselves.  They seem to choose this option as well as remain dysfunctional more so than assist with advocacy work.  Again this is a person decision but it does not get anyone anywhere.  Within the adult population there needs to be more Aspies who need to try and assist those that advocate.  Although advocacy work may not always be to the other Aspie's likening or they may not always agree, a united approach is required if we want to make the world a much better and understanding place.

Over the years I have met some adults on the Autism Spectrum and some have either turned against me or have chosen to ignore me in terms of contact. I really cannot understand the logistics of such behaviour.  Is turning against me or being rude to me going to get anyone anywhere?  Although advocacy work may be difficult and meet with challenges, rude and inappropriate behaviour is clearly unacceptable.  If we as a demographic want people to change and better understand us, then we need a more united approach.

Some persons on the spectrum require greater access to services to help them whereas others need to try and listen to the advice of older Aspies more so than being rude or ignoring them.  Older Aspies have walked further in their shoes and younger Aspies can and I guess this is mainly due to the condition, simply choose a path which really only makes life more difficult for them.  It is hard to get through to some Aspies.  No matter how hard you may try they just have a mindest and will not change.  You can only try your best.

In my time I have met some Aspies who are motivated and keen to overcome various difficulties with the condition but some just do not know or want to bother to improve.  Holding a negative on society or maintaining a dysfunctional existence is counter productive.  I have Asperger Syndrome myself but I try to come to terms with it.  I know some Aspies may not support the work I do and some may display rude and inappropriate behaviours but again I would try and ask them to rethink their actions if they possibly can.  If we want the world to improve having an us and them mentality towards the non Autistic population only fuels more tensions and difficulties.  I would like to see more support and if there are critics then so be it as you cannot please everyone.  Really a lot of Aspies need to try more where they can to help make the world understand the Autism Spectrum in adults better.  

Does it really feel like a prison sentence?

Navigating the social world can be extremely vexing.  Living in your head can be constant but stepping outside of it and into the regular world can be both daunting and overwhelming.  The problem I find is communication does not come naturally.  I need to invest large amounts of mental energy into communication and this in itself can be draining and also let to mental melt down.  This occuring when I can no longer think and feel I need time out from a situation.

I don't want to sound negative but having Aspergers can be a bit like a prison sentence at times.  Sometimes rumination can be a problem or having to deal with over thinking and analysis of situations.  It is like an Aspie is almost telapathic in that communication is mostly internal with only words being used to convey certain thoughts and feelings.  Living inside our heads seems to be more of a reality than being exposed or able to participate within a social situation.  Now if you apply what I have mentioned to social situations is it any wonder why it is difficult to make friends and form relationships?

No matter how hard you can try to overcome Asperger Syndrome, it tends to weigh you down.  I don't want to sound negative but the realities do exist as well as the literal interpretation.  Even in a special interest, the obsession with this can drive others away or turn them off.

In order to overcome the so called prison sentence strategies of anxiety management and methods of reciprocation need to be implemented where necessary.  Aspies I find are often good at talking about themselves but very few actually ask about the other person.  For instance how are they or to know when to initiate reciprocal communication.  I think the Aspie mindset can often create difficulties also in that once an Aspie has established a mindset then it is hard to change them.

The prison sentence occurs because other people cannot see exactly how Asperger Syndrome affects a person.  An Aspie can look like everybody else but yet all this internal activity is going on inside our heads.  In a group situation an Aspie is not ignoring a conversation but perhaps over thinking information.  Not all are the same but most live in their heads.  Perhaps this is why computers are a very popular tool of communication?  A means of non verbal communication?   It can be difficult to step out of Asperger thinking and indeed if one tries it can be difficult to keep this consistent.  It is really hard having Asperger Syndrome I find and all you can do is try your best to cope with it and get by as best as possible.  I don't like the use of a prison sentence to describe having Asperger Syndrome but until society starts to accept and understand it better this is how many people on the Autism Spectrum including myself are going to mostly feel.  We just need more awareness, education and understanding. 

The difficulties of being a man on the Autism Spectrum

One of the biggest and most difficult challenges besides trying to succeed at a job interview as a man on the Autism Spectrum is being successful at dating and finding a relationship.  This really is an area which requires more attention and strategies to overcome.  Just finding an answer and a solution is the biggest hurdle.

When I write this post, I wonder how many people out there realise how many adults on the Autism Spectrum, more so men never find love, struggle at it or give up?  Also does a person wonder how sad it must be for those who may want to find love and happiness never be afforded such an opportunity?  At the risk of expressing my thoughts completely, I have often wondered what solutions can be implemented to overcome the problem?  A recent article was brought to my attention on Facebook with the following link Disability Sex Worker Story

I have wondered how sexuality affects a person on the Autism Spectrum and I have tried to explain in but again I do not speak for all in that an Aspie operates on heightened emotion, is not really gender concious and responds to intimacy or feelings in different ways.  Perhaps all Apies are the same both male and female see things the same way but for males it is a lot harder to succeed in dating and relationships.

As a male on the Autism Spectrum I see dating as difficult in the following ways.

• Internet Dating usually is unsuccessful for even if you are successful in obtaining a few dates they often do not work out or unrealistic expectations occur
• Aspie Dating websites although few in number tend to attract 'scammers' who ask the male looking for a relationship to pay money to assist with immigration and travel.  They are not interested in love but more so residency etc
• Male (hetrosexual) Aspies are disadvantaged socio economically and women place too high expectations on men as they are expected to be risk takers, talkers or succeed within the courting process. As an Aspie guy low self esteem and an inability to 'glorify' in dating puts many at a disadvantage.
• Most Aspie men if not all want sex but the problem is finding it.  Paying for sex just seems a desperate measure and most don't want to go there
• Within the Aspie adult population just trying to find someone is just about impossible. Where do I go?  Will I ever succeed in a date? or "Why am I not getting anywhere?  All just seem familar questions. 
• Women can sometimes be often hurtful or not respect feelings of men on the Autism Spectrum.
• I am also fed up with this male ego crap that all men have to somehow prove themselves to others.  Get real we are defined by our own interests, standards, attitudes and ways.  

For many adults I think most if not all are poorly served within the wider community.  Services are badly lacking or not existing which provide support and advice when dealing with or considering dating or relationships.  Furthermore, most Aspies if not all are practical and literal thinkers.  They know the odds may be stacked against success but what options are there available?  

What I see as possible solutions

• Dating agencies specifically tailored to help adult males on the Autism Spectrum succeed in dating and finding a relationship
• Escort agencies or specific services which can help adult men on the Autism Spectrum find services to cater for their needs i.e weekend getaways etc
• Autism associations to have services which are "Aspie friendly" where employees are trained in understanding the needs and requirements of clients  
• Greater awareness and understanding to reach the wider community and networks established to increase the chances of men on the spectrum to find potential a potential partner etc

When I write this post, it is difficult to get my message across without the risk of sounding sleazy or immoral.  There is a need for such services and concepts to be explored more and it could even be an innovative Aspie that could put together a workable concept to deal with the dating and relationship process.  Also a non Autistic person may also be able to help facilitate such a concept.  

For me personally I would prefer to find a girlfriend and work towards building upon such foundations but the problem is where to begin and how to find the confidence to make such a reality possible.  I was fortunate to have been close to married in the past (ended due to immigration difficulties) but it is just about impossible succeeding in finding a relationship again.  I also find that the concept of paying for sex is something which does not sit with me comfortably unless all factors outline above could be considered. At the very risk of again confronting public ridicule someone needs to speak up about such issues.  I know so many Aspie men just looking for a relationship but finding it virtually impossible to succeed.  Surely more research and the concept of services to enhance opportunities of success can be possible?  Dr Isabelle Henault has researched and studied sexuality amongst Autistic People in her website  

I will never be fully understood and face public ridicule but quite frankly I just don't give a crap anymore. Someone has to say something and at the risk of possible criticism from others, I feel it necessary to say what I have.  Australian society is very tunnel visioned and people will never understand me and frankly I have given up on making them in trying to.  Someone has to say it and I have taken the gauntlet in expressing my views.  If I stand alone also I don't give a stuff either.  If I  have offended anyone I apologise but I am stating my views as best as possible.

Also please get this!  Men on the Autism Spectrum (most) are disadvantaged by poor social networks.  We often do not have a lot of friends and social circles are virtually non existent.  By this I mean in order to increase our chances of finding a date or a relationship having more friends and bigger social networks increases opportunties.  We also (well the way I see it) anyhow miss out are mostly hermit in our existence.  We tend to avoid loud and noisy places and find large groups often daunting to be around.  It is a catch 22 situation I guess.  Maybe I should write a book about it to my already self published "I Want To Work An Asperger Story".  I am an older Aspie male and I am probably at the forefront of the single (how I hate that word as it draws certain negative connotations) life where doors slowly keep closing and I need to try and force some to remain open.  I also think a lot of male Aspies also implode with friendships also mainly because the anxiety and expectations become too much. I have lost some Aspie friends due to what I call implosion where I have done something un be known only to find contact and closure occur.  Just saying something, implementing some technique of reducing anxiety and I will state the lack of available services and counseling has caused friendships to fail when all that could have been required was better understanding and facilitation.  Aspies think differently and I cannot help the way my brain is wired. If I am forced to continue to lead a neuro typical existence which just about causes me total burn out and grief, then I feel I am not going to get anywhere.  More research is required into the Male Aspie difficulties and we are not like non Autistics because having to reinforce it once again we think and act differently so society needs to better understand and come to terms with this!  I just hope that I can be some kind of role model to younger Aspies but there are others worthy of note as well.