One of the biggest and most difficult challenges besides trying to succeed at a job interview as a man on the Autism Spectrum is being successful at dating and finding a relationship. This really is an area which requires more attention and strategies to overcome. Just finding an answer and a solution is the biggest hurdle.
When I write this post, I wonder how many people out there realise how many adults on the Autism Spectrum, more so men never find love, struggle at it or give up? Also does a person wonder how sad it must be for those who may want to find love and happiness never be afforded such an opportunity? At the risk of expressing my thoughts completely, I have often wondered what solutions can be implemented to overcome the problem? A recent article was brought to my attention on Facebook with the following link Disability Sex Worker Story
I have wondered how sexuality affects a person on the Autism Spectrum and I have tried to explain in but again I do not speak for all in that an Aspie operates on heightened emotion, is not really gender concious and responds to intimacy or feelings in different ways. Perhaps all Apies are the same both male and female see things the same way but for males it is a lot harder to succeed in dating and relationships.
As a male on the Autism Spectrum I see dating as difficult in the following ways.
When I write this post, I wonder how many people out there realise how many adults on the Autism Spectrum, more so men never find love, struggle at it or give up? Also does a person wonder how sad it must be for those who may want to find love and happiness never be afforded such an opportunity? At the risk of expressing my thoughts completely, I have often wondered what solutions can be implemented to overcome the problem? A recent article was brought to my attention on Facebook with the following link Disability Sex Worker Story
I have wondered how sexuality affects a person on the Autism Spectrum and I have tried to explain in but again I do not speak for all in that an Aspie operates on heightened emotion, is not really gender concious and responds to intimacy or feelings in different ways. Perhaps all Apies are the same both male and female see things the same way but for males it is a lot harder to succeed in dating and relationships.
As a male on the Autism Spectrum I see dating as difficult in the following ways.
- Internet Dating usually is unsuccessful for even if you are successful in obtaining a few dates they often do not work out or unrealistic expectations occur
- Aspie Dating websites although few in number tend to attract 'scammers' who ask the male looking for a relationship to pay money to assist with immigration and travel. They are not interested in love but more so residency etc
- Male (hetrosexual) Aspies are disadvantaged socio economically and women place too high expectations on men as they are expected to be risk takers, talkers or succeed within the courting process. As an Aspie guy low self esteem and an inability to 'glorify' in dating puts many at a disadvantage.
- Most Aspie men if not all want sex but the problem is finding it. Paying for sex just seems a desperate measure and most don't want to go there
- Within the Aspie adult population just trying to find someone is just about impossible. Where do I go? Will I ever succeed in a date? or "Why am I not getting anywhere? All just seem familar questions.
- Women can sometimes be often hurtful or not respect feelings of men on the Autism Spectrum.
- I am also fed up with this male ego crap that all men have to somehow prove themselves to others. Get real we are defined by our own interests, standards, attitudes and ways.
For many adults I think most if not all are poorly served within the wider community. Services are badly lacking or not existing which provide support and advice when dealing with or considering dating or relationships. Furthermore, most Aspies if not all are practical and literal thinkers. They know the odds may be stacked against success but what options are there available?
What I see as possible solutions
- Dating agencies specifically tailored to help adult males on the Autism Spectrum succeed in dating and finding a relationship
- Escort agencies or specific services which can help adult men on the Autism Spectrum find services to cater for their needs i.e weekend getaways etc
- Autism associations to have services which are "Aspie friendly" where employees are trained in understanding the needs and requirements of clients
- Greater awareness and understanding to reach the wider community and networks established to increase the chances of men on the spectrum to find potential a potential partner etc
When I write this post, it is difficult to get my message across without the risk of sounding sleazy or immoral. There is a need for such services and concepts to be explored more and it could even be an innovative Aspie that could put together a workable concept to deal with the dating and relationship process. Also a non Autistic person may also be able to help facilitate such a concept.
For me personally I would prefer to find a girlfriend and work towards building upon such foundations but the problem is where to begin and how to find the confidence to make such a reality possible. I was fortunate to have been close to married in the past (ended due to immigration difficulties) but it is just about impossible succeeding in finding a relationship again. I also find that the concept of paying for sex is something which does not sit with me comfortably unless all factors outline above could be considered. At the very risk of again confronting public ridicule someone needs to speak up about such issues. I know so many Aspie men just looking for a relationship but finding it virtually impossible to succeed. Surely more research and the concept of services to enhance opportunities of success can be possible? Dr Isabelle Henault has researched and studied sexuality amongst Autistic People in her website
I will never be fully understood and face public ridicule but quite frankly I just don't give a crap anymore. Someone has to say something and at the risk of possible criticism from others, I feel it necessary to say what I have. Australian society is very tunnel visioned and people will never understand me and frankly I have given up on making them in trying to. Someone has to say it and I have taken the gauntlet in expressing my views. If I stand alone also I don't give a stuff either. If I have offended anyone I apologise but I am stating my views as best as possible.
Also please get this! Men on the Autism Spectrum (most) are disadvantaged by poor social networks. We often do not have a lot of friends and social circles are virtually non existent. By this I mean in order to increase our chances of finding a date or a relationship having more friends and bigger social networks increases opportunties. We also (well the way I see it) anyhow miss out are mostly hermit in our existence. We tend to avoid loud and noisy places and find large groups often daunting to be around. It is a catch 22 situation I guess. Maybe I should write a book about it to my already self published "I Want To Work An Asperger Story". I am an older Aspie male and I am probably at the forefront of the single (how I hate that word as it draws certain negative connotations) life where doors slowly keep closing and I need to try and force some to remain open. I also think a lot of male Aspies also implode with friendships also mainly because the anxiety and expectations become too much. I have lost some Aspie friends due to what I call implosion where I have done something un be known only to find contact and closure occur. Just saying something, implementing some technique of reducing anxiety and I will state the lack of available services and counseling has caused friendships to fail when all that could have been required was better understanding and facilitation. Aspies think differently and I cannot help the way my brain is wired. If I am forced to continue to lead a neuro typical existence which just about causes me total burn out and grief, then I feel I am not going to get anywhere. More research is required into the Male Aspie difficulties and we are not like non Autistics because having to reinforce it once again we think and act differently so society needs to better understand and come to terms with this! I just hope that I can be some kind of role model to younger Aspies but there are others worthy of note as well.
Also please get this! Men on the Autism Spectrum (most) are disadvantaged by poor social networks. We often do not have a lot of friends and social circles are virtually non existent. By this I mean in order to increase our chances of finding a date or a relationship having more friends and bigger social networks increases opportunties. We also (well the way I see it) anyhow miss out are mostly hermit in our existence. We tend to avoid loud and noisy places and find large groups often daunting to be around. It is a catch 22 situation I guess. Maybe I should write a book about it to my already self published "I Want To Work An Asperger Story". I am an older Aspie male and I am probably at the forefront of the single (how I hate that word as it draws certain negative connotations) life where doors slowly keep closing and I need to try and force some to remain open. I also think a lot of male Aspies also implode with friendships also mainly because the anxiety and expectations become too much. I have lost some Aspie friends due to what I call implosion where I have done something un be known only to find contact and closure occur. Just saying something, implementing some technique of reducing anxiety and I will state the lack of available services and counseling has caused friendships to fail when all that could have been required was better understanding and facilitation. Aspies think differently and I cannot help the way my brain is wired. If I am forced to continue to lead a neuro typical existence which just about causes me total burn out and grief, then I feel I am not going to get anywhere. More research is required into the Male Aspie difficulties and we are not like non Autistics because having to reinforce it once again we think and act differently so society needs to better understand and come to terms with this! I just hope that I can be some kind of role model to younger Aspies but there are others worthy of note as well.
