I almost broke my leg in Portugal

When I was in Oporto, Portugal I was staying in the nearby hotel. It was here that after having a shower that after returning to brush my teeth that I almost had an accident. As there was water on the floor in the bathroom, the tiles became wet and as I went into the basin to start brushing my teeth I found suddenly that my legs began to give way. They went in all directions and I luckily held onto the basin to prevent myself from encountering any further injuries. Luckily I did this otherwise I would have gone home in a wheel chair.

The pain was very intense and as I was on my own, I went and lay on the bed and took an Aspirin. I was asking myself if I had broken any bones or what damage had I encountered? I was concerned that being in a foreign speaking country that communicating my experience may have lead to further complications. What if my leg were amputated? Well this being the worst instance. Also what could I have done if I was not able to walk properly?

I told the tour guide and walked as best I could. I remember thinking that I needed a walking stick just to take the weight off my leg. I also found very little support or concern from amongst fellow travellers apart from the tour guide concerning my situation. I felt that people would have complained that I disrupted the holiday by limping around as best I could to get from one place to another. To my credit I was able to get around despite the pain.

Yesterday I received a very high mobile phone bill. The amount of $1089 to be precise. I am not sure how I will pay the bill but I could not believe it was so high despite me mostly using wifi. It is crippling and being on a low income it will take me time paying this off. I have rung Optus and they have reduced it to around $600 but I guess I am not very bright. It seems that I am useless at any rate as I cant do more in employment as I fail in the interview and selection process. Society's institutions determine me as incapable and long after I am dead may the work I am doing be recognised if it ever is???

Again I am a leper to be avoided. Oh and I must be gay also or have something severely wrong with me as I am not married and kept being asked why I don't have children. Why do people not mind their own business? I don't ask them personal questions!

My leg is better now thankfully but I felt while overseas that I was losing circulation in my arm. I think it was due to tiredness. Oh people think I am well off and envious also? People just don't get it and often most people are a pain in the butt to be honest. This is not my problem but their own. They have to start opening their minds more rather than quickly assuming things which are incorrect. I am sick and tired at times of having to defend myself. I wouldn't want to get married any way. It is not for me and I also could not handle the stress of being around a person 24/7! I have also been disappointed by some so called friends or 'mates' not purchasing the book I wrote. I think it is somewhat pathetic that they showed no interest in purchasing it. I am not after money but more so awareness. Oh well their problem and not mine.

It's not always that I need to try harder

It can be difficult when people say "you need to try harder" when meeting people or trying to go out on a date etc. This is not always the answer as I can try a lot harder and yet people still may not always understand and as a result I am left on the outer or find myself leaving a situation feeling depressed.

I believe that there needs to be more of an awareness of the Autism Spectrum. I have been asked by some people "Do you feel it necessary that you should always raise awareness?". In answer to this question yes I do otherwise attitudes will never change. The result will be greater mental health issues and social isolation and withdrawal if I do nothing about trying to rectify this problem.

In order to overcome the difficulties a greater means of raising awareness is required. This needs to be in the form of any information possibly to greatly raise awareness within the community. Telling a person with Autism that they should try harder can further worsen their self esteem and make them more self conscious of rejection and social isolation. A strategy may be for a friend or some other person to actually chat with the Autistic person to try and help or to discuss strategies. This is not always easy but it is but one solution.

A lot of people treat me like a leper I find and this is not my problem but theirs. I have done all I can and it is like hitting a glass wall. If they refuse to try and listen then the glass wall remains. Aspies need not exist in bubbles but more so as ordinary people in the community where support works both ways.

Aspies and health issues

I remember Dr Attwood describing that Aspies feel and experience pain differently to others. I also remember reading somewhere that certain pains and symptoms can be overlooked leading to sometimes serious consequences. It is important I believe for a person on the Autism Spectrum to acknowledge when and where they should seek medical attention for any pain which they may be experiencing. If for instance the pain is constant then it may be necessary to determine whether medical treatment may be required. For instance if there is continual pain in the abdomen or in any other part of the body medical attention should be sought.

I think some Aspies have Doctor phobias. Going to the doctor may evoke fear. What if I have cancer? What if I need to go to hospital or have an operation? These very thoughts can often be anxiety provoking for everyone and especially for Aspies. Some adults living alone may not have friends or family in times of medical emergency and this is very sad and unfortunate. This is why the need for services is required to ensure that the person with Autism is not left on their own and may obtain comfort and support where necessary.

In my own situation I cannot determine how long my health will continue. I need and I know that I have to reduce anxiety and stress levels. I know that the future may be unknown and I have come to the conclusion that should my circumstances not change for the future that at least I would go to some form of institution so if I kick the bucket at least I wont die in some dwelling on my own. Well I hope not at any rate? It is often something that I think about. What will my future be like? What will that of other adults with Autism be like? What will be their situation when their parents have passed on and they have nobody around to care and support them. It is something that governments need to think about. It is something that seems to be swept under the carpet and this should not be happening.

Life is never certain and sometimes I am afraid to think about the future. I am concerned of being totally on my own without any support and something happening to me. While other people are in marriages and relationships for which I struggle and find difficulty in, they have a companion at least on the lookout for them. What though of those of us who remain independent? I guess circumstances may vary from individual to individual.

Sometimes I become so annoyed at humanity when it simply shrugs off Autism as being a make believe disorder. This is not true and people need to walk in the shoes of an Aspie before they make such assumptions. Health of Aspies is just as important as NT's and the medical profession in particular need to be made aware of health issues that concern the Autism population and this needs to happen fast!

I must be mad as I still think ABBA is awesome!

I can remember from my younger days when ABBA were all the rage in Australia. I can remember hearing Waterloo and used to think it sounded "Waterloo how does it feel to do Rock and Roll" but as I became older I knew that it meant "Won the War". I have always liked ABBA as they have a clear sound and their European sounds have always intrigued me. Unfortunately I think people get the wrong impression of ABBA but they were fine musicians. Some of the songs I liked were when I was younger were "The King Kong Song" and many others.

As a band ABBA were very vibrant and the "King Kong Song" was one I played a lot as a vinyl when I was younger.

In the late 70's in Australia the ABBA fashion was evident as some people dressed like them and played their vinyls over and over again on the turntable of their houses, apartments etc. I am not sure what has happened to the band nowadays but some of their songs are still awesome and I think more people should play some of them as at least you could hear the words and the songs could convey feelings. Perhaps I am old fashioned but they had some interesting costumes.

The Leper in the NT colony

I have been fortunate to have traveled in my life. Experiencing different cultures and seeing the ways other people think abroad makes for an interesting world. However, when I have attended some tour groups I feel like I am a Leper. I feel that rather than try and understand that the majority of people seem to avoid me even if I do or do not disclose I have Asperger Syndrome.

In a recent tour I did last year through Europe. One of the persons in the group decided after 12 months that it was a good idea to send an email to group members. Having responded and showing interest, I found I did not receive a response. What is it with people? What is their issue? I feel at times like blasting them and saying 'What the hell is your problem?".

I find some people to be extremely shallow and spineless. They seem to be gutless in wanting to accommodate change or try and begin to understand something they are unable to fathom. Instead of being treated like a Leper people should be more open minded. I find myself talking to myself on tours because the majority of people are not interested in history or opening their eyes to the sights around them.

Recently I had a bad experience with Emirates Airline. I asked for help on the plane but found that there was confusion with getting me mixed up with someone else. Despite having to say repeatedly "I need help!" and receiving a response "You are very brave to be traveling on your own", I had to wait on the plane while the Air Stewardess phoned through to the airport that I needed help. Outside there were people on buses waiting to be transferred to the airport terminal and I was prepared to give a speech to all concerned saying "What is it with you people do you not know what Autism is?!". Once arriving at the airport terminal of course the person who was supposed to be there waiting was not. I get fed up and angry with people. They are lazy! They do not do their job properly! People are selfish and do not give a shit about other people! The future of the world remains precarious with the future generations and I fear for my life as a senior citizen as we all have to bury ourselves nowadays.

Life should not be spent as a leper and people have to put aside their issues and start to address the issues concerning Autism.

Trying to do the right thing and coping crap as a result

Within employment I see many flaws within Equal Opportunity and Anti Discrimination. For instance if there is equal opportunity how come it is the people who do the wrong thing that always get away with their actions? For instance if you come to work, take very few or no sick days that you are treated like everyone else? Also how come if you show incentive within a hierarchical structure that you virtually feel like you are beating your head against a brick wall.

Within any work place there are always unsavory people and sadly there are also pricks. These people can be extremely difficult to get on with and can drive your stress levels through the ceiling. Their very actions debilitate your existence within the work environment and if you experience bullying, this in itself can raise anxiety levels and in some instances cause you to take stress leave.

I find conventional employment a means of bullshit. A person has to use a great deal of social ability to be able to obtain advancement within employment. Such people can manifest an ability to bullshit at a job interview only to be found later to be highly unproductive or manipulate certain people skills to allow for little productivity within a work environment. The job interview in itself seems to be a selling process where an applicant uses all techniques to get their foot in the door but whether the application process relies on productivity is another matter.

With employment being supposedly 70% social and 30% practical you can begin to understand why Aspies tend to not do well in the interview process. The interview process relies on a person's social skills in order for them to communicate but it seems that the practical and solving skills come later. Aspies I believe and again speaking from personal experience are the opposite with them being 70% practical and 30% sociable.

I can never understand in employment why I am often thrown in with everyone else. If I can work on my own and require minimal supervision, why then do I need to report to some supervisor to obtain direction? If I know the work which I am required to do which is largely routine based, then having to take orders from hierarchy should not have to be necessary. It seems that the NT population require direction and supervision whereas the Aspie is more self sufficient requiring minimal supervision once the routine is in place. I believe that in conventional employment that Aspies struggle with the social skills required to get around a work place. If you examine a work environment closely you can see how much work is practical and the other social. If you pull apart the work required in an average work day you would be able to analyse social time with practical time. How often does talk time inhibit a job? What if a timesheet was dissected could you split it into talk time, practical time etc?

When I have undertaken any form of employment I find the biggest challenge and difficulty has been the need to get on with the supervisory figure. If you struggle to communicate with this person then you are not able to get anywhere. Sometimes there also seems to be a level of control implemented by this person and if they do not like you or you fail to get on with them, then you are some kind of threat. If you want to come in and just do the work then you are seen as a possible threat because the NT supervisor or other staff members think you want to be better than them in the job.

I find some lazy people use talking as a means of covering up incompetency or lack of interest in their job. Sadly these people make it impossible for other people to step in their shoes and do the job better. Again it boils down to promotion and the interview process. These talking skills can be used as a tool to allow the NT applicant a means of getting past the interview process but once in employment their inability or lack of interest in performing the task expected of them can be covered up by implementing social skills to mask incompetency.

In my opinion the NT population are fearful of Aspies because Aspies make very good employees once they settle into employment and establish a routine of performing at a job. The social skills difficulties can be seen as a possible threat I believe because the Aspie is seen as focused on the tasks at hand. This I believe is because minimal energy is required in performing or carrying out the routine than on the social aspect. The social aspect is overwhelming because it is unknown, non evident and not immediately apparent. In employment the Aspie is susceptible to bullying because NT co-workers see the Aspie as not wanting to engage in social chit chat when in fact the Aspie finds this very draining. Furthermore the Aspie is seen as aloof and disinterested when again the Aspie is focusing all mental energy on surviving within the work environment.

Now if you examine equal opportunity you can begin to see where the Aspie is at a disadvantage. The Aspie has different wiring to those around him/her. Equal Opportunity in itself is geared to provide support to an NT but for an Aspie with different wiring the process tends to alienate them. On the whole a work place needs to be aware of how to relate to an Aspie more so than distance them. There needs to be greater awareness and understanding to make things better.

Returning to Australia

On Thursday 17th June 2011 I left Newcastle, England for the second time. I caught the metro from Seaburn to Newcastle Airport to catch my flight from Newcastle to Brisbane, Australia via Dubai. As you can imagine I was sick of airports spending the day previously in Belfast Airport. What happened on my last day in Belfast was the GPS decided to give up. Being afraid of missing my flight and being totally burned out and frustrated with the real prospect of getting lost, I thought it would be a good idea to get back to the airport early so that I could reduce this anxiety.

While at Newcastle Airport I asked for assistance on the plane. Everything was fine in England but upon the route home, things were not as good. In Dubai communication was so poor they thought I was another person who required assistance also. Furthermore, when reaching the airport terminal at Dubai, I found myself waiting in a queue for approximately 2 hours at 12.30am in the morning. Finally I was able to get a few hours sleep before boarding the next flight to Australia at 10.25am which was a 13 hour flight. On the whole Emirates are not a bad airline but they need to review their support for passengers requiring assistance. A wheel chair is not always required. Just some reassurance when navigating the airport terminals and getting through the stress of customs and passport control.

Now that I am back in Australia it is back to business as usual. I need to replace timing belt in the car and work on profit and loss statement for the book I published. Furthermore, I have to be prepared for idiots and ignoramuses who are going to be quick to criticise or make life difficult where they can. Relying on intelligence is one way to try and tackle such a problem.

Next year I will look at doing another trip but for now it is business as usual.

Adhering to routine

No matter where I go I find responding to routine helps me to control anxiety. I find that I under estimate my abilities mainly through past criticisms and lack of awareness when younger. I think too much emphasis is measured in terms of a person's success than on their own achievements. I grow tired of people who try and want to confor
my ways of thinking into an NT framework. I am not self conscious of what material possessions I have but more so on what challenges lay ahead.

Anxiety can be crippling for anyone but as an Aspie measures are required in order to control it. This can be done by adherence to routine. Often people can be too quick to judge but not always see anxiety in the individual affected by it. I feel a sense of belonging that within the world there are other adults with Autism and people need to take the time to understand us. We are not allergic to Asparagus and we have many fine qualities which may be quickly over looked.

As I return to Australia little notice may have occurred of my achievements and frankly I am not out for publicity but more so a common understanding for people to understand us better.

I appear in UQ Semper

Thank you Mitchell for writing the feature which appears on page 10. It is with your help that further awareness can be raised.

As I travel around Ireland, it is awesome to see the Irish culture. It is so different from England in that there seems to be more colour than
Architecture.

Tomorrow I am off to Waterford which should be interesting to see. I am on the last leg of my tour in the gray and cold British isles and Ireland but it has been an awesome 5 weeks away. Galway is an interesting place and weather permitting I hope to do a cruise this afternoon

I can see what you are doing and saying but I don't know what you mean

It is challenging when a person says something but often it is difficult to know why they say it and not do it. Often I find I have mind blindness. By this I mean I cannot work out a person's actions or motives. I also find relationships confusing. When I was younger I day dreamed a lot and within school in Grade 1 I often fell asleep at my desk.

I cannot understand why a person feels it necessary for me to conform to their way of thinking and if I am unable to that rejection seems to be their only response. I guess it is easier to reject than to try and understand?

Relationships are not for everyone and I find them too overwhelming to think about. I find it draining to be around a person all the time. I also get annoyed with the response of some western women that because I may not want to comply with wanting to compete with them that I have to take their crap in return. I have often thought about immigrating to eastern Europe where perhaps the attitude of some women is less competitive. It is only a thought at thus stage.

Setting foot in Ireland

This morning I flew out of Newcastle for Belfast. The flight was in a propelled aircraft and it took only 40 mins. As the English countryside disappeared gradually below me to when I crossed the Irish Sea, I started to make my way into Belfast. I realized that my hire car was in an airport 30 miles away, and luckily I caught up with my friend Stephen. He was able to help me negiotate Belfast streets and before long I was to meet with him at his place before a guided tour by him of Belfast city. He showed me Belfast castle and the famous shipyard "Harlan and Wolffe" where the Titanic was built. A museum to commemorate the ship is being started.

It takes enormous courage to meet another person like myself who shares the same struggles. Meeting and making another friend was a good feeling. I hope that Stephen one day comes to
Australia?

Luckily I have GPS in the car but I am learning fast to drive a manual again. I am also learning the impatience of Irish drivers as I try to find my way around Ireland with them zooming past me. I am in no rush! I have tried to find an ancestral castle to no avail nearby and tomorrow I set off for the 189 mm trip to Galway. Updates soon

Getting to know the real me

Here are some questions and answers that I hope will help people understand me better?

1. Do I have interests beside Autism advocacy?
Yes I do but my interests are specialized and usually bore people or others find not interesting

2. How am I able to travel overseas?
I save money and because my parents are supportive this helps me to save where I can

3. Why am I arrogant and cold to some people? I think differently and process information differently. I often struggle with verbal communication for long periods and become mentally drained easily.

4. Am I looking for fame? No, I am wanting people to understand me better. I would like to have friends and a social life but often struggle keeping up

5. Why am I not married? That's none of anyone else's business

6. Do I think the world needs to become Aspie? No but I do believe there needs to be a common ground between those with and without Autism]

7. People may not always agree with my views or comments? I see things through my own eyes and some people may not always agree with the views or comments I express

8. Why am I often angry or frustrated? I get frustrated like other people when I do not see things happening the way I should. I would like to do more in my life in terms of my skills and abilities but feel held back by an employment application and interview process that works against me in terms of difficulty with my social queues and limited understanding in body language.

9. Do I think the world should become all one way? No I believe though that there needs to be a common ground between both person with and without Autism

10. Why do I campaign so strongly for Autism? I find it hard to exist in a world where people do not always understand the way I think, feel and react to events and situations around me.

The silence and need for action

Yesterday I met with Peter MacDonald from Autism Works and fellow Aspie, Chris Mitchell. Despite Australia enduring the tyranny of distance, unity can happen with the click of a mouse button. Peter assured me that I can assist Autism Works which I endeavor to do.

I personally am fed up with silence and a lack of awareness and understanding and more importantly that I am some kind of selfish arrogant arsehole who thinks little about the world around him. If only such cynics may read my book rather than judge or make assumptions based on limited knowledge about me. I belive that the age group for which I exist needs a wake up call! I am also fed up with the little response or lack of action by politicians and governments doing little to understand or acknowledge awareness. Something needs to be done to create action and to overcome the mental health issues associated with Autism. I can say that the voice of Autism is one of many.

There are some spineless individuals who may not always afford you the support in breaking down the barriers of ignorance but penetrating the areas of ignorance is but one of many ways to bring upon change. I intend to self publish more books to bring about this if necessary!

Meeting with Peter MacDonald Autism Works

Today I met with Peter MacDonald from Autism Works. Both he and Chris Mitchell work in a small office on a Georgian Street (Grey Street) in Sunderland, United Kingdom. I was able to view the funding bid created by both Chris and Peter for necessary funding to ensure Autism Works continues with its employment. I will be uploading a video very shortly which can be found on my Facebook page in which interviews are given with Peter, Chris and Dan from Autism Works.

I was fortunate to have had lunch with Peter to discuss the work that Autism Works undertake and it is indeed very positive the future direction in which this organisation is moving. I have asked Peter if I can assist with the good work which they are doing from Australia, and I have assured Peter that I am willing to help where necessary.

Autism Works focuses specifically on the strengths and abilities of adults on the Autism Spectrum and the organsiation does a way with the selection and interview process which seem to work against adults on the Autism Spectrum. It was indeed a pleasure to have met with Peter and should I be able to upload the videos these will be viewed on my Facebook page. Please visit my website which has links to both Autism Works and to my Facebook page.

I would encourage anyone reading this blog post to keep an eye on the work being undertaken by Autism Works over the coming months. Let us remain positive and look forward to much optimism in creating employment for adults on the Autism Spectrum and to help them find meaningful employment!

Coming up to dead ends

It just seems frustrating at times when people do not always understand. No matter how hard you may try, you are either seen as some kind of odd ball or even freak. I also get infuriated by people who are envious as they really need to look and understand much harder before they can judge. Why aren't you married Garry? I was asked yesterday. Well because I think marriage is not for everyone. By being insane I guess and having a horn on my head makes me feel a sense of fulfillment to break societies stupid mold.

I feel that my very existence alone is perhaps some freakish event which carries with it a sense of liberation from the wretched chains of conformity. How such chains define a person in our decaying society. Poor wretched souls looking for happiness and a sense of fulfillment and never feeling a sense of satisfaction and self worth. Visiting Wordsworth tomb yesterday was a historic moment but for younger generations perhaps a mere slab of cement with words on it has no meaning. Just imagine all those ensconced in the churchyard planking over the centuries. I cannot understand what is so creative about planking as to me it has about as much creativity as a person walking down the street.

I say to humanity sod off and learn to accept that your conforming ways are just your own selfish delusion. You are going down the tube and unless you do not mend your ways where will you be in the years to come? What a boring world we live in if not for eccentrics.

To Holland and back

The distances in Europe are amazing. You can be anywhere in less than 3 hours. This morning I arrived in Holland after leaving Newcastle the following evening. Arriving at the Dutch capital was in itself interesting but the trip over was in itself an interesting experience. Despite the ferry sometimes rocking, managing to get some sleep was a difficult task. As the water was sometimes rough, and the noise of rowdy passengers even
more annoying, the journey was in itself something difficult. Understanding Dutch can be hard compared to German.

I am now returning to England before I head to Ireland for the final leg of my trip.

Leaving for the United Kingdom

As I left Spain I found the airport in Madrid a bit confusing. Not very many people spoke English and they seemed to be largely Spainish or German. Eventually I was to make it onto the plane and head for Dusseldorf in Germany. I had 4 hours in Dusseldorf and sadly not enough time to see Dusseldorf itself. The German people seem very organised and methodical in what they do. It is no wonder they are known for their reliablity and attention do detail. After traveling some hours, I just felt tired being at the airport and found myself just wanting to rest or rather lie down on one of the seat in the airport. I was able to manage and soon boarded my flight to England. When I arrived into England I could see the north sea below the plane and England can be sometimes tricky weather wise as the weather changes here quite a lot. The maxiumum summer temperature here in Newcastle for instance is 23 celcuis.

Europe is a fascinating place as everything is so close. I am visiting Amsterdam on Saturday which is an overnight cruise and then visiting Edinburgh tomorrow. Chris and his family are wonderful people. They to know what it is like being on the Autism Spectrum and if were not for them, getting around would be much harder. Next Wednesday I will be visiting Autism Works which should be interesting. Today I will be visiting Rothbury which is near the Scottish border. England is a great place to be in and I wonder why people left here to live in Australia? Perhaps the English winters added to the transportation of convicts. More updates soon.