People of Endurance

This afternoon I watched a documentary called "Touching The Void". The documentary was based on the true story of two men Joe and Simon who set out to climb the 21,000 foot ice face of the "Siula Grande"in the Peruvian Andes. This was a story of endurance for as both men set out on their expedition they were able to accomplish their ascent to this peak but peril was to befall them on their return. As Joe descended the icy mountain, his gripped slipped sending him down onto his leg breaking his leg and tendon to the point of severe damage. His climbing partner, Simon soon reached him only to find that with the rugged and perilous conditions that a man with a broken leg was to be a hassle and a further obstacle to getting off the mountain safely. To deal with this situation, both men decided to use a rope between them and Simon would lower Joe further down the mountain, in the hope of returning to the base camp. What Simon was not aware of was that although Joe was further down the mountain, communication was becoming more and more difficult. As Joe descended lower and lower, he eventually overhung an ice pillar and below him was a deep bottomless hole. Without Simon knowing what was going on and the conditions worsening, Simon had no choice but to eventually cut Joe from the rope, sending Joe into the bottomless pit while Simon dealt with the ice, snow and coldness around him. Joe who was now in the hole, had no choice and with defeat and the sense of no hope encroaching on his psyche, he thought that climbing up out of the crevasse impossible. Despite the pain and sense of hopeless, Joe had no option but to eventually climb lower into the crevasse to try and find a way out. Meanwhile, Simon had given Joe up for dead and realised he needed to return to bass camp. After a long and difficult journey or finding their entry footprints which guided them through the glacial maze. Both Simon and the other man at base camp believed Joe was dead. They burned his clothes and started to return to the base of the mountain. For Joe, he encountered the biggest obstacle. Not only did he eventually find a way out of the crevasse and cheating death in the process, he had to navigate over the glacier which started to be snowed upon and the footprints he used as a guide from Simon upon his return had all but disappeared. Furthermore, his damage leg caused him pain and despite eventually getting off the ice covered glacier, he had to endure rocks and precarious conditions. He navigated further down the slope and despite the excessive pain from his leg, Joe started to see death as something imminent. He hallucinated, was in and out of consciousness and his strong willed prevailed. He was near the camp and fortunately Simon and the other man who I cannot remember his name as I mentioned before was at the base camp. They couldn't but believe their eyes that Simon had made it. It is a truly amazing story and one that makes you wonder about human endurance. A similar story is that of Stuart Diver. He also beat all odds to survive the test of time and to cheat death. Can you imagine being entombed in a collapsed building with the cold ice and snow around you and your wife next to eventually die in your presence and knowing there was nothing you can do? Stuart Diver and his story is also unique and there are probably many more stories out there of the test of people and their endurance.

Adults with Asperger Syndrome

Over the past 18 months, more and more adults with Asperger Syndrome have been able to connect either through Facebook, You Tube or via Skype. The good thing is that with adults connecting the difficulties of social isolation, depression and feeling alone and confused is becoming less common. I have met Aspies from quite an array of different countries and we all share the same struggles and difficulties and it is good to know that we no longer feel alone. I often have Skype conversations with other adults and some other adults who are not on Skype, I try to keep in touch with via Facebook and other means. You may ask the question of what is the purpose of contacting other adults? I enjoy meeting other adults because we as Aspies are unique people. Despite our struggles, difficulties and challenges, it is refreshing to know of some of the interests of other adults and to share in the experience of being either odd or eccentric. With more connections then the difficulties of depression, anxiety and social isolation will hopefully be overcome. In the world today, loneliness is a big problem and ever more so for adult with Asperger Syndrome as we find it difficult to establish a network of friends and find support easily. Often shy people have a network of friends and such friends can link them up to prospective partners in most instances but for an adult with Asperger Syndrome this is not always the case. We often don't have this social network and furthermore people don't always understand our different means of wiring when we want support as they may think we are being aloof or not interested. It is just that we respond to interaction differently compared to most people. This is my experience any way. I find I need time alone as do other Aspies as we require a great deal of cognitive energy and mental energy in order to understand and relate to the outside world. Computer interaction is one vital tool to allow adults with Asperger Syndrome to connect with other adults with Asperger Syndrome. There is less confusion with interpreting body language and having to deal with sensory and mental energy levels. More and more adults are out there and some choose denial which is their personal choice and others are coming to terms with accepting their diagnosis. Some adults find it difficult to overcome the problems of exactly how Asperger Syndrome effects them and they either need the help of others or to try and find counseling to overcome this. Fortunately where I live more support is slowly becoming more available and awareness is going a long way to help other people to understand Asperger Syndrome more. I get tired of people who reject me on the grounds that I am unable to conform to a NT (Neurotypical) way of thinking as it is quite simply not that I am not interested just that I would be not the person I would be and furthermore I would be taxing myself mental energy wise to do so. It is good to hear more adults come forward to accept their diagnosis and to focus on the good, strong and positive points. This needs to continue to ensure that we get our voice out there and support also. More awareness will ensure that the walls of ignorance are slowly penetrates to pave way for tolerance and understanding. Dr Temple Grandin speaks about Autism and Asperger Syndrome http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiAMAxNXUh0

Are people becoming Tin Pot Soldiers?

A Tin Pot Solider by my definition is a person who has their own opinion and has to disagree with everything you say or never acknowledge your viewpoint and choose not to be agreeable. With society becoming ever focused on the individual rather than the community, it seems that everyone has an opinion. You can do something for someone or acknowledge their birthday for instance and they may say "Oh it's a little early" when you think at least you remembered. Also within a workplace you may notice something that is not right and when you bring it to the other person's attention they have to disagree or prove you wrong. No wonder the world is a bloody dog's breakfast, because nobody wants to take on accountability for their own actions and people seem to want to shirk responsibility. It really disturbs me when people who are doing the right thing are not being praised for their actions and society in general is going down the path of a rabble. The advent of mobile phones in my opinion are the pinnacle of rudeness as people believe they can use them wherever and whenever they want. Recently a person was able to get past elements of security by talking on their mobile phone and what rules if any are there for mobile phone usage in public. Tin Pot Soldiers seems to becoming more apparent in the world today and it seems that everyone has an opinion and nobody can agree on anything. Where has the decency and simply common courtesy gone? I really find the mass media a force that needs to be held into account. Television has trivialized events and people can turn on their television sets and watch the 60 mins or 30 mins of media propaganda that is before them as if it is supposed to be. With the world and people more becoming Tin Pot Soldiers it is no wonder the world is such a mess as look at the way society is going. There is just no accountability and responsibility for people and their own actions. This post is to get people thinking not to express a total opinion and have people disagree with it.

The dating/relationship game

It is difficult when you have Asperger Syndrome to find an enter a relationship. Firstly there are the high expectations on you as a man and secondly the rules of courtship which can often be confusing and hard to fathom. I have contact with many adults who would like a relationship but simply give up, or continually try and find self esteem and confidence are affected by continually being knocked back and living with low self esteem. What can be done to assist adults with Asperger Syndrome find and enter a relationship. It is a very difficult question to answer because you can create chemistry between two people, it has to either develop or exist and happen. Dating for an adult with Asperger Syndrome is like a job interview. The adult is confronted with an upfront situation and being able to sell themselves to other person in terms of playing the courtship game is virtually impossible. Like a job interview which requires the adult to jump through hoops and overcome hurdles, the dating scenario can take on and present itself with the same problems. Furthermore, there is the added problem of understanding hidden social queues and understanding body language and unwritten codes of behaviour. In my communication with other adults with Asperger Syndrome on Skype, we talk about many issues with the often familiar problem of knowing what to do and how to enter a relationship. Some adults have never experienced a relationship nor intimacy and have learned to live life the best way possible in order to adapt to this. As an adult with Asperger Syndrome and being highly involved in awareness of Asperger Syndrome in Adults, I find it difficult to know how and where to assist adults find love, chemistry and a relationship. Can dating agencies be established to assist with finding love or can certain accommodations be made available to cater for certain requirements? Just going about finding an answer to this very problem and obtaining a solution is no easy task. The only solution it seems is to promote more awareness and hope that adults will find love and a relationship if at all possible. Having been in a relationship myself and finding it hard to enter another one, I am not sure what I am supposed to do or what emotional requirement is expected of me in order to reciprocate my emotions with another a female. I am not sure that in my lifetime, I will find another relationship but my only solution is to leave a door open to allow for one if one does venture my way. It seems that you cannot complete separate yourself from baggage as most women my age are either divorced, have children and have a multitude or problems which tend to stand in the way of a relationship. Furthermore, you have no choice but to live life the best you can and hopefully one day that someone may walk through the door. In the adults I speak with, it is interesting to hear of their own accounts of relationships. One adult suggests meeting females from overseas but the immigration process often sabotages and destroys any hope in anything succeeding. I have contacted Minds and Hearts here in Brisbane and have suggested some ideas but I don't know the answers and having contact with Dr Tony Attwood, he is busy for time and cannot always respond to my ideas and questions. I think adults with Asperger Syndrome have their own desire or need for a relationship or not a relationship and I cannot cater for everyone in terms of offering a workable and simple solution to this problem. Some adults have been through painful experiences, knock back and rejection and having been hurt and rejected, their self esteem and confidence levels drop. I speak from personal experience in that adults with Asperger Syndrome perhaps lean more towards an Aspie vs Aspie relationship more so than NT vs Aspie etc. The corrosion of confidence and self esteem makes the process harder and some adults are trying harder and harder to simply ask someone out and finding they are not getting anywhere or perhaps misread social queues of the other person saying they are busy and start to lean towards giving up. There is no magic wand to create chemistry between to people but encouragement needs to allow for platonic friendships to perhaps evolve into something more committed. This in itself is no easy task and for most adults, they simply want to meet a female and start to get to know her and then hope that this may lead to something more serious. As stated before, the relationship area is like the job interview where the adult firstly needs to get through the interview process to demonstrate their abilities within employment, how then can the same apply for an Aspie to meet a prospective partner and also jump through this hurdle to enter the relationship phase? I guess all that can be done and all I can do within my capacity is to try and put some ideas and suggestions onto the table. How this can be done is through research and liaising with Dr Tony Attwood and Minds and Hearts to come up with some solutions. There has to be a way but finding it is the tricky question. Perhaps Brisbane needs a dating agency for adults with Asperger Syndrome?? Some of the experiences adults with Asperger Syndrome confront with relationships: 1. I feel there are too many expectations placed on me and I don't know what to say. 2. I don't how to sell myself to a prospective partner in terms of courting 3. Boring or weird guys miss out as they are considered boring. 4. If you are unable to play the dating game then you wont get anywhere 5. I have asked a girl out and she said no and I have to keep trying to improve. 6. I was in a relationship and it is too painful emotionally to enter another one 7. Being very emotional I am vulnerable to being hurt and rejected. 8. I find women want to go out with guys who are confident and have a good job. 9. I am a woman with Asperger Syndrome and I can never read the intentions of a man I am with. I am concerned about my security and my barriers. 10. I find sharing of space difficult and I find it a struggle to keep up with mental energy requirements. 11. I have given up on looking for relationship and I find my pleasures can be better catered for by other means 12. What is wrong with me and why am I not dating material? 13. I find I am judged too quickly before a woman can ever get a chance to know who I am and my good qualities such as loyalty and commitment. 14. Being single I am seen as deviant, dysfunctional and nobody wants to bother with me. 15. As I am single people assume I am wanting to play the field when all I want is a steady relationship. 16. The immigration process made it impossible, there wasn't a way and furthermore adults with Asperger Syndrome are discriminated by this process as it favours people who don't have Asperger Syndrome as they can satisfy the immigration requirements. 17. Too many expectations are placed on me more so being a man and I find the dating process overwhelming. As you can see from the questions above canvassed across the spectrum of adults, dating and relationships are a big issue but knowing how to tackle the problem is not an easy one. All of us in Asperger Syndrome awareness are working on strategies at present to try and deal with some answers and solutions to such problems.

What is the significance of Easter and Christmas?

I woke up this morning and having today and 4 days off work is a real blessing, figuratively speaking. What though is the significance of Easter and what is its true origins? When I was younger, religious education was taught by Religious and Instruction Teachers within the School System. These select group of teachers tend to more brain wash than educate and enlighten you about the bible and its teachings and opinions and views were more generic and not to be questioned. For instance, one view was that if you were a good person and never sinned then you would go to heaven and be in the kingdom of God. I think both Christmas and Easter have become more commercialised over the years to include Santa Claus featuring more in Christmas Celebrations and Easter Eggs and the Easter Bunny in Easter events. What I think needs consideration is that these icons seem to be more Pagan in origin than more so representing their religious origin or linking them to this. For instance, I understand Santa Claus or Father Christmas derived from St Nicholas who provided presents to the poor and the Easter Bunny and the Easter Egg had their origins from the Pagan season of fertility. At the time of Easter which I think comes from the term Estrogen which has it's origins to fertility. This period of renewed life coincided with the first full moon after the Summer Equinox. It is interesting how both these celebrations have over the years become more commercialised and it seems people do not really want to question their origins. The Christian interpretation represents as everyone knows, Christmas is being the birth of Christ and Easter being the Crucifixion of Christ and he supposed res erection from the tomb 2 days after his death. I think over time that these events have manifested themselves into a combined celebration and origin and authentic evidence to reveal the truths and accuracy of these dates is questionable. Often it is difficult to question religion as you are seen as a heretic and in the time of Queen Mary, you were considered a heretic and eliminated for dare questioning beliefs at the time. I do believe that Christ did exist but I think his image and appearance over time has become exaggerated somewhat. The pictures you see merely show a religious figure but in time of Christ, I think he had a different and more ruggered appearance. A Christian Friend once posed a question which I thought was interesting. What did the real Jesus Christ look like? I think the true Christ like image was as I say more ruggered than the Renaissance one that we see today in Churches. I think for a majority of people both Easter and Christmas are just days of refreshment more so than labour and I think convincing people of their true origins is sometimes difficult. I think people have become cynical of the bible for when you look at some parts of the bible, especially in relation to Adam and Eve, some questions are raised. As humanity evolves, I think more and more answers are linking us closer to God and our understanding of the universe. Events like Easter and Christmas are just celebrating days off and drawing religious significance is often a difficult task if you want to believe and not question. I guess everyone has their own interpretation and way of celebrating both Easter and Christmas?

Living with the demon within

You may wonder what the demon within is but it refers to heightened anxiety levels. Sometimes, especially when I push myself too much, I find my mind and body trying to shut down on more or more so it is a walking a tight rope between trying to do the best you can and not fall victim to anxiety. Almost all Aspies I have spoken to have issues with anxiety and some cannot deal with it and use strategies which are not really best for their situation. In Aspies we are supposed to have large Amygdalas than other people. Perhaps this may point to why we get heightened anxiety levels. I have over the years learned to live and in the worst instances medicate anxiety. I find that it can be controlled by 95% of strategies but sometimes the looping or intense thought processes tend to hijack everything and there is no escape except to use medication to control it. Over the past months I have been pushing myself more than usual. My brain is working more effectively thanks to the Dore Program and some useful strategies, but some of the small things I still find difficult. I find the hardest thing is to make small talk. This afternoon I had to take the car in for a wheel alignment and there were two people in the waiting room with me and I did not feel like making small talk. My mind is in meltdown from the past week. Over the past week I have attended meetings of the Asperger Group at UQ, sorted out the requirements for further study, tried to encourage myself to do more reading, sort out the requirements for more skills enhancement within the University Library, attend a meeting of Young Filmmakers Queensland, sort out my overseas trip, get prepared for house sitting, go to Toowoomba to meet Asperger Adults and finally get my wheel alignment done on the car. So you can imagine that after all of this that surely some time to myself is something of a blessing. Not to mention that I also had to take a stressful call at work regarding an issue. I don't think people really see how hard I actually work. For the first time in my life I am actually able to take on more than I usually do and it is not always possible to do everything. In order to improve my reading, I make myself read one random journal article a morning while at work and then try to summarise what I have read. I really need to push this part of my brain more as this block I have, I want to overcome. I have always struggled with reading and despite pushing somewhat in the past my mind seems content to not go beyond its capabilities. People will think I am sounding up myself but I am speaking my mind. Anxiety is a demon within as it holds you back from doing more things. I have had anxiety to the point of paralysis and nobody could really help me except me having to go to the GP to be prescribed an anti depressant. I find medications work as a temporary measure but I know at the moment I just need some time to unwind from all the things I have been doing. I always believe there is a way to overcoming struggles and difficulties and that spending time wallowing in self pity is not the answer. People really don't know me for who I am because my strong willed attitude tends to prevail. This is why I find it hard to obtain a lighter side which I have often been criticised for not having. Anxiety is something nobody can see and when you experience it at heightened levels you just have to manage it to the best of your ability. Some Aspies have anxiety levels to heightened levels and it impacts on their day to day lives. Some are unable to work and function effectively and sadly they are unable to work and lead a quality of life. I am currently using a breathing technique of breathing in for 4 seconds and out for 8 seconds. Also I will be visiting a Psychologist at Minds and Hearts and hopefully the counselor will see that counseling is a life long measure and not just something that is temporary. Anxiety is an area of challenge and just because you don't see it in a person with AS doesn't mean that they should be overlooked somehow. Anxiety is something that cannot be controlled but understanding goes a long way to help with significantly reducing anxiety levels. I never know how much or how little I am helping adults and myself but all I know is that I work hard and am strong so this at least is a positive attribute! This is worth watching http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJpxSB0NFt4

Being wrongfully stereotyped.

Often a lot of people with Asperger Syndrome are wrongfully stereotyped or stereotyped in a negative way. People may say for instance, he does things like that because of his AS. Often this can have a negative effect for the person with Asperger Syndrome as they are being assessed more so on their condition than who they are as a person. I really am critical of the diagnostic criteria for people on the Autistic Spectrum for some of the characteristics do not genuinely outline a person's behaviour. For instance a lot of Aspies are assessed as having no feelings or prefer routine and structure. Some of the diagnostic criteria somewhat outline the condition but has actual research been carried out on Aspies to verify the diagnostic criteria? Within work environments, adults with Asperger Syndrome can be placed into routine positions with no real chance of promotion because it is perceived that they prefer routine and don't want the stress of higher skilled positions. This is not always the case. Often time is needed to allow the individual concerned an adjustment phase into a position of employment. Often wrongful stereotyping can sometimes lead to exploitation when employees and co workers may say "Oh we will give this boring job to Joe as we know that he likes routine and he has AS, so he wont complain". Often the person with AS finds it difficult to explain the situation at the time and to explain their situation more in particular. Heightened anxiety levels and sensory stimulation can make the job doubly impossible. Rather than have the time to defend their situation and to be heard, the person with Asperger Syndrome just caves into anything as a means of escape and can in fact lose out in terms of learning other opportunities or skills. People with Asperger Syndrome do have good follow through and are conscientious people. Sometimes we are criticised for being obsessed or intense when we can only do and think so much at a time. Adults fail in relationships and job interviews because of stereotyping in a negative sense rather than provided with the opportunity for a period of adjustment and settling into a given task or situation. Some adults with AS have good brains and minds but they end up working in Pizza Parlors or as Ticket Inspectors as little interaction is required an no real thought either. The difficult thing is unemployment for this in turn creates low self esteem. Aspies are not anti social people, we are just people who think differently and we need alone time to recharge our batteries. If you experience sensory overload it is not a fun experience believe me. Sounds can be virtually debilitating and finding your balance can also be inhibited. Furthermore the body may try or rather the mind shut itself down on you in certain situations. I think adults need to be assessed as having the Asperger Syndrome as part of them and the definition of disability needs to change in order to accommodate the Autistic Spectrum Disorder. People with AS are not disabled, we just think differently and respond to situations in a way that is perhaps a bit odd or peculiar. In work environments, give the adult with AS a chance in a job or a promotion rather than stereotyping them by the supposed diagnostic criteria. Many adults have great attributes, a lot of knowledge and useful skills at their disposal and some adults are just conscientious and very loyal. Learn to see the person rather than the condition and try not to see the person with AS as having a disability but more so a special skill. Yes we do get anxious but don't always blame our actions on our anxiety levels. I remember an employment consultant constantly used this to take the line of least resistance when I could have had the opportunity of actually explaining myself to this previous employer. Sometimes the symptoms of AS can be used to negative stereotype when the person with AS may have in fact a very valuable contribution or suggestion to make in relation to a situation. Asperger Syndrome and Employment http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pj9_WKbbZwA

How much do we really know?

Yesterday within the UQ Asperger Syndrome Adult Group we discussed many topics with one of them being human evolution. How and why, when and where did we as human evolve from and how old is the earth that we are custodians of? It seems that only archaeological evidence is able to assist us in pin pointing human origin. It seems that most evidence and discoveries come from Africa. The earth has existed for millions of years and its geographical composition has changed, altered and adapted within this time. If early human existed in a primitive form, then any evidence would have broken down at any rate and early civilisations perhaps used tools or means of gathering food that were very primitive. If humanity did evolve out of the slime so to speak then this process in itself would have taken a large period of time to occur and any evidence if evidence does or did exist would have been broken down over the passage of time. An interesting show which has been on television lately has been about human evolution. The show has attempted to trace the many origins of early man and the crossing of the land bridges to allow for primates, apes and early human species to exist on other parts of the world. The show also attempted to highlight why species changed, their customs and more importantly individual characteristics and features. As a society, we as humans think we are beginning to know more than previous generations but previous generations like our own suffered the same fate of mortality. As the earth ages and civilisations live upon its surface and experience a century of achievement. This period of human evolution like the many cycles is short lived. I proposed that perhaps humanity and the universe is some kind of experiment by a future life form with humanity as part of the experiment. Perhaps the experiment might have been to see how life can adapt over the many centuries and millenniums to the experiment itself? I know it sounds crazy but it was just a thought I had and perhaps it needs more explanation. If you look at our civilisation compared to previous ones, we are doing a great deal more than it. We have obtained advancement in society but will the future possibilities of time and space travel exist? If humans are to adapt to such environs, then the human body will undoubtedly need to evolve with this advancement? I am not suggesting that Aliens exist or Little Green Men but perhaps there may be possibilities, who knows? As people are unaware of their existence and the reason why humanity exists, a questioning of this and a belief in a supreme and higher being may arouse our curiosity. Perhaps God is the creator of the overall experiment and will God ever be seen or properly understood? I do believe there is a God but I think some Christian teachings fail to answer specific questions. I think humanity will never know the whole truth but it will be interesting to see what future human beings look like and the world of the future if it does exist and humanity does not destroy itself. I think we only know so much and finding the total truth is something that perhaps will never fall into the grasp of humanity. I guess everyone has their own perception? One of the adults in the group is a second year Archaeology Student. Some questions for comment and consideration. Are people with Asperger Syndrome stabilizers in that non conformity ensures that the world is kept in check? How could early man have evolved from a water dwelling creature to modern may today? Will we ever unlock the mysteries to life and the creation of the universe?

Seeing Asperger Syndrome as a positive

Too often Asperger Syndrome can be seen as a negative attribute rather than a positive one or perhaps too much focus exists on a person being seen as brilliant or eccentric etc. I have come to terms with accepting the Asperger Syndrome in me and to see it within me as a learning curb to overcome my difficulties and improve on my strengths. I know of some adults who don't like the AS in them and try too hard to try and jettison it or perhaps be in denial of actually having it. This in itself makes life more difficult and furthermore disallows the opportunity to gain self acceptance. What are the positives of Asperger Syndrome then? Asperger Syndrome has with it many good characteristics. We make valuable employees, we are honest, loyal and dedicated to whatever is expected of us but some of us do struggle in the areas of executive function and performance. These factors alone can be overcome to assist in making a person more able to adjust to society but being optimistic is important. Although sadly a quality of life cannot always be achieved, it can be worked upon. Accepting who you are as a person is important and not trying to change the world and people around you. Leading by example is not a problem and furthermore friendships can be established with other Aspies which can be life long, deep, and valuable. It has taken me some years to accept my AS and I find it difficult to understand why some adults don't like having AS and they want to try and somehow distance themselves from it or deny that it exists within them. Not everybody is going to like and understand you and frankly life is too short to worry about this at any rate. I think AS has to be seen as a learning curb to where you can begin to understand how as a person you can improve and to overcome the difficulties and take on challenges before you. I dislike Aspies being stereotyped or more so how AS can be defined in some ways as a disability. AS can be a disability if you let it be but this is why life can be more challenging and interesting. If you could do things with ease and simply then where would be the reward and the accomplishment? The main difficulty I have with AS is that I see things differently to other people around me but if I thought the same as everyone else, then wouldn't the world be a boring place? Some people have close minds and I cannot help that but do you have to prove yourself to people anyway? All of the adults I know with AS are interesting people and their individuality and uniqueness is what defines them. Knowing others makes for a less likely instance of walking alone on the planet with the people around you not understanding. See it as a positive and try to move forward and let go of the baggage as difficult as it may sound.

Emotional Management

I often find managing emotions very difficult. I feel that finding a romantic relationship again will not happen in this life time and my only belief is to keep a door open. I often think marriage is something that somehow is supposed in the neuro typical sense complete a person's achievement and if you are not married nor never have been that you are committing some kind of social deviance. Whenever I manage to get out and muster the energy to do so, I see younger couples together and I dread going to certain places where I stand out and people gawk at you for being on your own. I also cannot understand why a man celebrates the end of his Bachelorhood as if it is some spectacle for all of his friends and relatives to observe. I guess I am just different and not everybody likes me and frankly I don't really care. I find emotional management a big challenge as I never really know at times what I am supposed to feel or think. If someone or a group of people are sad about something, I sometimes wonder, what emotions am I supposed to exhibit? I feel at times, well almost often that I am managing emotions all of the time. I see words rather than their symbolic means and I think I have been bruised a lot emotionally in my life People sometimes make judgments or ascertains about me and I sometimes have to defend myself which I find difficult. Not everyone gets married and those that never will should in my opinion not be judged or criticised for not doing so. Some people succeed in some ways and not in others. Just because a person is not married over 35 does not give people the right to be inquisitive or to judge. How would you like it if someone kept asking you questions that were personal and none of their business? In my own opinion, I think Aspies are always battling with emotions and because we have been hurt a lot, we often have to deal with emotions in our own way. I think Aspie men and women have similar brains and I think Aspie men have locked away a great deal of hurt and emotions within their lives. Adults with AS tend to exist on the outer and our success is measured in our own way and not in a regular sense. We just are wired differently and find the normal socialisation process difficult to understand and to fathom. I can relate to a lot of the difficulties that a lot of other Aspies have in emotional management and feel more awareness needs to happen in order to understand it better within adults. As an Aspie I find retreat into my own world is a means of coping with the world around me. I am not being judged by people all of the time and furthermore, I don't need to live up to some social expectation. I also sense that my life is often like walking a tight rope. I wish people would think more deeply than they do and for some people to not close their minds. Too often people close their minds before they actually begin to understand something. I don't think materialism makes a person happy but it satisfies their life in a comfort sense. Often you can be stereotyped into not having emotions but if this is the case then why are some people with Asperger Syndrome very kind, caring and generous people? Some Aspies have big hearts and labeling a person with AS as not having emotions or not displaying them is often complete nonsense. Why are some Aspies admitted to hospital for burn out, depression or severe meltdown? Surely this in itself is a form of emotional response to a difficult situation. I welcome the work of Australian of the Year, Professor Patrick McGorry. I agree with him that mental illness and disabilities need to be addressed and better understood. Depression is an illness to take seriously rather than brushing it off and pretending it doesn't exist or distancing someone with the illness. Sadly some Psychiatrists who are not Asperger Syndrome or mental illness aware tend to medicate these problems rather than look for solutions. Professor McGorry's advertisements are long over due and I think it is good that someone in now getting up to talk about this serious and very important problem. I have been in touch with Professor McGorry like I have Professor Tony Attwood to help as best I can to support and emphasise with their awareness campaigns. Professor Tony Attwood does a heck of a lot of awareness and so to Professor McGorry in assisting those of us who need help and understanding from the wider community. We all have an important role to play in breaking down the barriers of ignorance. Asperger Syndrome adult account http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAfWfsop1e0

Visit to Toowoomba

Yesterday I drove to Toowoomba to spend the weekend away from Brisbane and to primarily meet up with some adults with Asperger Syndrome at the University of Southern Queensland Library. Despite arriving in Toowoomba early prior to checking into the Motel, I needed to kill some time figuratively speaking so I thought I would check out High Fields Pioneer Village. This was a village similar to the one at Samford which had all the shops of the bygone era. The Butcher had his white butcher clothes, the Draper looked after materials, the Cobbler looked after shoes and the Bank Manager existed with his bank. What I like about these old places is the way people lived back then. People lived simply and seeing the old machinery and items of the time proved good also. I noticed there was no school in the village. Perhaps they forget and didn't remember to set a school up. While I was in the village, I thought to myself, "How would have my grandparents lived when they were children and a place like this?". Life was in the village and beyond the village communication was very primitive. A telegraph perhaps existed in the Telegraph Office and bits and pieces of information would have been exchanged. I always wondered why as a kid telegraph lines existed beside the railway. You see in Australia these old telegraph poles with approximately 30 to 40 cables on them linking perhaps these cables to their respective telegraph destinations. The reason it seems was that maintenance was easier if the telegraph poles were beside the railway lines. They could be repaired quickly and communication problems could be rectified instantly and easily. Telegraph was perhaps similar to what computers are today? After leaving the village, I then drove out to the University of Southern Queensland to meet with the other adults. At the meeting 2 adults turned up and I showed them the books where my account of having Asperger Syndrome have been published and I spoke to them briefly about having Asperger Syndrome myself and the challenges and difficulties confronted. They also had a chance to speak and hopefully the foundation stone has been laid for a possible USQ Adult Group but who knows? I also had a counter meal with another Aspie and by evening's end I had enough and went back to the motel room and slept as the whole day was purely exhausting. Getting the message out there about AS is not easy and you can only do so much. There are adults who are remote and socially isolated and hopefully in time they too will be linked to services and other support to overcome their difficulties. You have to be careful of burn out as well for if you try too much or expend too much energy this is what happens to you.

Achievements to date

Over the last 12 months I have become very active and involved in Asperger Syndrome awareness in adults and often I can be criticized as being obsessed or in needing other interests. I can assure you that I do have other interests but what is most and of utmost importance to me is support for adults with Asperger Syndrome. Over the last 12 months I have created 3 Facebook Groups which are growing in membership, created my own blog which I am currently writing this post on, helped establish a support group for adults with Asperger Syndrome (primarily staff and adults at university) undertaking post graduate research at university and finally been elected to the University Sub Committee for Staff with a Disability. Tomorrow I am meeting with Asperger Adults at the University of Southern Queensland and will be touching base again with Chris Mitchell an adult with Asperger Syndrome from the United Kingdom in April. I am also looking at the possibility of being involved in a film of my accounts of having Asperger Syndrome as an adult. A lot of the work and other key people who are involved in Asperger Syndrome awareness are largely unpaid for their work and do it on a voluntary basis. We are often asked why we do it but the simple answer is that so many people with Asperger Syndrome make a valuable contribution to society. Why should they have to endure social isolation, exclusion, and rejection from others when they can input and give so much back to the community? I believe I can do a great deal more than I am at present. I will be undertaking a skills enhancement where I work in the University Library shortly and I am looking forward to this at last. Here I will learn more duties than what I am presently undertaking. I will be soon heading to Europe and the family Doctor thinks I am crazy as I am only going to Europe on a 15 day tour. He believes the distance is too far and I will come back deflated. I think life is to be lived and you can only make the most of what you have in front of you. A lot of the work is outside my current employment and having time to devote to awareness is something I don't mind doing. I would rather help other people than think about myself, as I get more stimulation from this and a sense of self worth. I also monitor the behaviour of 3 cats and I am interested in their behaviour which I believe is similar to people with Asperger Syndrome. Cats have their own tendencies and characteristics of interaction which is unique to them. People don't understand me and this is not my problem. I believe God put me on this planet for a purpose and that is to help where I can. I do have my own faith but I don't believe in ramming it down other people's throats. I believe that every person finds their own place on earth and if some want to find the pathway to God then that is their choice. As an adult with Asperger Syndrome I have learned to be sociable where I need to and I have time to myself to recharge my batteries where needed after exhausting social interaction. I am a person I feel proud of as I am strong willed and I try my best to make the world a better place. Often people distance themselves from me rather than supporting me but you can only do the best you can and try to do the right thing. Over the coming weeks my blog will be updated with what I am doing so those of you interested can find out first hand. My interests are many including History, Music, Travel, Meditation, Theology, Spiritualism, Philosophy, Reading, Movies and occasionally photography. I enjoy writing too as it is therapy for me and a way to express myself which I am unable to do in conversation without struggling at it.

Is the workplace a repeat of the school yard?

Within the work environment some issues and difficulties can arise which are similar to the school yard. Like the school environment where children who are like adults are pushed around and often bullied, the same can happen within the work place. Compared to the school environment where the person with Asperger Syndrome may need protection and guidance from bullies, confusion and anxiety, the same to can apply to the work environment. Within the work environment from my experience, an inability in co-workers and other employees not being able to understand can place the person with Asperger Syndrome again at risk. Within the work environment the person with Asperger Syndrome may need help, support and guidance from a Manager or Supervisor to ensure that their performance, productivity and anxiety levels are kept in check. Both the school yard and the work environment have similarities in that a person with Asperger Syndrome may be pushed around and a misunderstanding from others may cause them to be seen as authoritative as they get on with management but are aloof from co-workers in the workplace. For the person with Asperger Syndrome they need a means of communication with an authority figure like a manager or supervisor who will understand their situation and if necessary talk through problems and issues. I have found from my own experience that often you lack authority even when you try and do the right thing and do your job. It can be difficult standing up for your rights compared to the school yard, because other co-workers like school children may think. Who is he to tell me I should do this or that? Once again ignorance can make matters difficult and the person both in the school yard and in the work environment need protection. What also can be difficult is that wrongful impressions may be seen of 'sucking up' to the boss as you do a good job and other co-workers may not. What hope do you have and not having a lighter side can make life difficult also. I tend to link the work environment to the schoolyard as often the children who play the sports and do all of the bragging are the ones who ultimately end up becoming the adrenaline junkies later in life. They are perhaps the ones who drive the fast cars, have the big houses and are able to navigate and implement the social world to their advantage. Just think about it more carefully, where do the Aspies go in the school and where do they end up at work? I am fortunate to work in a library as it was always a means of retreat for me. I have worked the last 5 years within a university library but I have confronted difficulty in promotion. Not having the necessary social skills and ability to be able to sell myself and to handle social navigation has caused me to end up being stereotyped. This person has Asperger Syndrome and likes routine so any change will only trigger his anxiety levels or escalate them. What employers fail to understand is that a person with AS needs time to adjust to any new given task and often a change in the workplace or a slow promotion may be one means of overcoming this. I am fortunate that where I work I have been granted a job skills enhancement. I am being provided with the opportunity to learn and acquire more skills and hopefully this will lead to something more stimulating than what I am doing at present. I have had to work hard to convince the library where I work that I am keen to learn new skills and I have had to go to another library outside of the workplace in order to learn and acquire more skills. I still confront a majority of people though in the workplace that do not understand Asperger Syndrome. When you have a good brain but you are stereotyped it can make things really difficult. Often people think you are getting special treatment when in fact you work hard and demonstrate your abilities differently than they do. You like to do a job properly, given good direction and be allowed the opportunity to implement and provide a high standard of work within the work environment. I am fortunate to work under good managers and some other supportive staff but some co-workers do not get me at all. Sometimes you can be pushed around a bit or totally misunderstood and sometimes even perceived as being lazy as you are unable to work full time hours. Having a good supervisor helps and especially a female one as I think female supervisors understand better. In conclusion, I do think the workplace is like the school yard but the difficult thing is that Aspies struggle in making the jump to employment. Often their inability to sell their good points and to score brownie points at job interviews can make life difficult. Furthermore, Aspies are judged too quickly within the interview process and not allowed the opportunity of time to demonstrate their skills, application and ability. Often difficulty arises and managers can be put in the awkward position of being seen as favouring Aspie employees because they work hard. The inability of making small talk and being able to make conversation with co-workers can if not controlled or informed, make the life of an Aspie difficult again. Support is needed and workplaces need to try and promote awareness of AS within the work environment and some staff unfortunately cannot change as their minds are closed. Furthermore, measures to ensure that discrimination are essential as a person with Asperger Syndrome is not discriminated on their disability, marital status and bullying. As people with Asperger Syndrome respond to routine better and have a difficulty with social skills and understanding social interaction, visual and social queues, often promotion beyond their scope of duties can be difficult. If promotion is to be considered it needs to be factored in slowly and co-workers need to understand that performance and promotion are no means a precedent to their own means of staff development. Often I feel adults are hindered within promotion as they are often stereotyped into thinking they don't want to go beyond their current scope of duties which is largely untrue. As emphasized before adults with Asperger Syndrome have a great deal of wealth and knowledge to contribute to the workplace which needs to be untapped.

Do we have people to look up to and admire?

In the world you keep hearing on the news all of the dramas, political problems and people telling people what they do wrong rather than what they do that is right and you begin to wonder how much praise or indeed hope is there. I think as the world is busy nowadays, we often don't take the time to really praise people or acknowledge their efforts in something they do which perhaps may inspire or commit good will. I grow sick and tired of all the mass produced material that is on television and all of the commercialism which surrounds us which makes us think somewhat shallow and not deeply. People have computer games where they interact on a television screen and nobody seems to really listen to anybody anymore and wound up in their own problems. In history there have been many people who have had strength to endure in times of hardship. Helen Keller was a person who despite her challenges was able to adapt to a world which wrote her off as being incapable of many functions and yet she proved her critics wrong. Can you imagine what life was like for her not being able to see or talk? Who have we got now that we can look up too for the news and media are always telling us what is wrong with the world? We keep hearing about tragedy and furthermore exposed to more and more of depersonalization I believe and nonsense which is not allowing people to think. Society seems to be gripped in this individualistic world and how many of us really know our neighbours? In Australia it always seems that some Rugby League person is seen as someone to look up to despite them cocking up their lives and repeating their same mistakes unless they have the mental aptitude to improve. I think there are many people who simply have a great deal of strength and perseverance in their lives but because people are so caught up in dramas, issues and being "busy", that they don't have the time to truly understand what is happening. I think Mother Teresa is someone I admire and look everyone has flaws as sometimes you hear people say, Mother Teresa did this and that. What you need to remember is what she did in her life and how she carried it out. I think we sadly are losing role models and the world has not many people to look up too. When we hear about someone doing something remarkable the comment usually is that sounds good, I now have to do this or that etc. I think people also demand and expect and never acknowledge or pay gratitude. How many times do you buy a present for someone or do something for them and they seem to expect it more than to just say thank you or this shirt doesn't fit me or I don't really like the colour of it? I think we live in a world where people expect more so than acknowledge and I think society is becoming more and more selfish. People don't have the time and furthermore don't really look up to others who achieve. Everyone has a story to tell and often sadly publicity goes to the wrong people. I am sick and tired of hearing about Hollywood Celebrities and how they stuff up their lives. They are not my idols and I couldn't care less what they do and what they think. Television seems to depict them as people we should follow and I cannot understand why. I like the quote from Eleanor Roosevelt wife of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt - "You must do the things you think you cannot do". We all need to take on new challenges and start to use our brains and think more. Eleanor Roosevelt This is an excellent scene from the movie Network (1976) starring Peter Finch describing the mass media http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfGdbFh6cSI&feature=related

Urbanisation and transport

I cannot understand why Queensland is behind the rest of the Australia in terms of progress. It seems that infrastructure is an ongoing problem and I am impressed with the implementation of change within the city of Brisbane. It seems that the road system within Brisbane is divided believe it or not into 2 categories. Firstly you have the Local Government Roads, State Government Roads and then the Federal Government Roads and Highways. The problem is bureaucracy and the way that the three tiers of government seem to infringe upon each other and preclude any chance of progress being made. Campbell Newman I believe is a good "Can Do" politician. No matter your politics, Campbell Newman is getting the job done in Brisbane City Council and the Clem7 Tunnel is one major implementation of infrastructure which is a go ahead for Brisbane. What I hope to see is another tunnel to be constructed taking the congestion off the Centenary/Western Freeways and Milton Road to allow traffic a fast means of getting to the north side of Brisbane. Infrastructure is happening but the local government can only be responsible for so much. If you visit London, you see "The Tube" beneath London itself. A system of underground rail networks linking all of London to each other. Brisbane and Queensland have made a series of backward steps over the years. Firstly the tram network was torn up for reasons unexplained and governments have refused to implement a 'ring road' system to alleviate Brisbane's traffic congestion. As the city sprawls so to the traffic on our roads and the inability of public transport to cope and move people around. I have been annoyed at the rail network for at times the trains are not running between Brisbane and its surrounding suburbs. Rail is a good means of getting cars off the road but it seems that some suburbs are too remote from a train station and with the trains not running, what can you do? Out of all the cities I have visited I would rank Melbourne and London to be the best in terms of public transport. In London you can wait at a station and within 2 mins a train is there and in Melbourne, the tram network gets you around regularly. In Brisbane though you can wait long periods for a bus to arrive or find out at the last minute that a train is not running due to maintenance or some other problem. As Brisbane and Sydney begin to sprawl more and more traffic problems are going to occur and some careful planning is needed to overcome this problem. We need to improve infrastructure, public transport and implement careful and strategic planning in order for the city to function effectively. I endorse Campbell Newman and the work he is doing and I hope that he is able to remain in office and do more for the city of Brisbane. As the need for improved infrastructure is needed then work can begin on improving public transport.

Libraries of the future

Having worked in several Libraries but the University, School and Parliamentary, there seems to be a movement towards digitization and often library items can be heavily demanded and not always available to those who want them. Working within the Library Industry you cannot help but notice the heavy demand on certain articles and books and the priority the library tries to provide and implement to overcome this situation. If books are digitised and available online then everyone has access to the information whereas the demand versus supply of the book existing in hard copy monograph, audio visual or journal form. The traditional library is in itself changing. Gone are the days for those of us who remember the catalog cards with the hole punched in their base existing in a file cabinet and the librarian or library staff member assisting you to find a library item from within the shelves. The role of Librarian also seems to be changing with the emphasis on more Information Technology Skills than traditional Librarian work. I can remember when I was very young and back to my first day of Grade 1 in Primary School. I remember the Library was always my retreat within the school environment as it was a means of escape from the noise and loud behaviour of other children. The Library was also a means of being surrounded by knowledge and books with pictures in them and words which could help you escape into a fantasy world. I can remember the Teacher reading books with some of them being "The Forbidden Castle" and a book about 2 ladies with different personalities living inside a Peach. There also were the Science Fiction Books and the Paranormal Books with ghost stories, and other unexplained information in them. I can remember learning about Title Pages, Author Pages, Contents Page, Index and later ISBN numbers which assisted in searching catalog information. I believe library users are now changing as libraries move into the future. The earliest known library that I can recall at the top of my head is the Library of Alexandria and perhaps this early library laid the foundations for the existence of libraries today as being a storage of information and literary works? Gone are the days of traditional libraries where the Librarian would work within a quiet environment with books being available on the shelves 95% of the time, to now where books are often in short supply to satisfy the needs of all library patrons. It seems that perhaps digitization of material is but one means of allowing items to be available to all users but the negative consequences to this will be a lot of people will be made redundant. There are a lot of advantages it seems to digitization as materials are available to all, they can be preserved better and the user does not need to leave their house or office to obtain access to them. The Library of the future will probably not have books and information will probably exist on a server with Librarians being responsible in ensuring information is up to date and freely available for clientele. Can you imagine though the changes that would be associated with the library of the future? Would fines exist, what will information look like, and will there be a library for users to visit etc. The questions go on and I guess in time libraries will undergo a revolution. This link on the future of a library may be of interest http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMus6tZifGY

Accommodation and Services

One of the biggest inequalities for adults are the issues of accommodation and the lack of some services. Statistics show that amongst adults with Asperger Syndrome, a somewhat high percentage are still relying on their parents to assist them with accommodation. The rental market tends to exclude adults because our dollar driven society demands or is used to a dual wage in the household. If you have sufficient money coming in, then you are able to maintain a better quality and standard of life. Often there is a strain when adults still live with their parents for as the parents get older, the means of looking after their Autistic son or daughter becomes more challenging. Where will my son or daughter be after we are no longer around, or what help is available to them become very important yet concerning questions. In Australia, more so particularly Queensland, there is a serious shortage in Housing Commission Accommodation and sadly like with other situations, Autistic Adults are often thrown into accommodation which is not conducive to their lifestyle. In Australia and the United States, the State provides a certain amount of accommodation but often this accommodation caters for a specific group in the community. It is often hard for parents of adults with Autism to know what help is available and often necessary and essential services are plain hard work or require tears and blood to obtain them if they are able to convince. There is still a large pool of ignorance within the counseling area for counselors fail to acknowledge in the State run bodies that treating and dealing with AS is a life long condition. Furthermore, the definition of disability tends to group people with Asperger Syndrome into the area of mental illness. The mental illness issues are secondary to the condition itself but some of the mental illness are not complementary to an individual with Asperger Syndrome. Often adults who live with their parents are unable to or rather so have to forgo the means of living independently. Not having enough money and not living up to the normal threshold income means that living at home or worse still sharing with other people become an option. As you can imagine for adults with AS dealing with other personalities in a household and often again these other occupants not understanding AS makes life difficult. Also the problem arises of a generation difference and the adult with AS clashing with their parents because the parents refuse to bestow independence on their Autistic off spring. Really more support is required to provide more housing and accommodation arrangements for adults. I have known of one or two adults actually living in shared mental health accommodation and being surrounded with people who have serious mental issues can be challenging. I am almost 38 myself and the rental market is just about impossible unless I live like a gypsy. I have turned to "House Sitting" as a means of living a somewhat independent life. Accommodation is a challenging issues and I know of some adults with AS in their mid 20's and 30's and a few even older still living with their parents. It really is a difficult situation at times and one cannot imagine the strain on the parents and the adult with AS. Sometimes negative energy makes life difficult for the adult with AS has to try and deal with it or block it out. It can affect sleep, day to day functioning and also self esteem. The parents may try to control the adult still or when trying to help them actually provoke a desire for independence and as I mentioned before the dollar driven society to find comfortable accommodation can be difficult. If the adult has a poor relationship with siblings too this can be a problem which often means total exclusion and again this can be another challenge. I really don't know the answer for adults but hopefully more services and accommodation may hopefully be available soon. Furthermore some adults may need help with executive functioning and day to day living such as cooking meals, organising the work schedule and their day to day meetings and social engagements. Accommodation and Services are an area which hopefully in time will improve but we can only realise the situation now and make the best of it and get help where we can. I found the main inequality of Accommodation and Services when I tried to live in the United States with another Aspie. Despite both she and I being on low incomes, the immigration process made it impossible when her accommodation arrangements could have matched my own. The whole immigration process and the this very factor alone just made it impossible as I was seen as a public charge. The whole immigration process ruled having a disability out and furthermore and you need to exist within a normal income situation and have a whole series of conditions to work in your favour at any rate. I also got to the point of almost being admitted to hospital a long with those concerned trying to do the right thing as it was just so maddening.