Living with the demon within

You may wonder what the demon within is but it refers to heightened anxiety levels. Sometimes, especially when I push myself too much, I find my mind and body trying to shut down on more or more so it is a walking a tight rope between trying to do the best you can and not fall victim to anxiety. Almost all Aspies I have spoken to have issues with anxiety and some cannot deal with it and use strategies which are not really best for their situation. In Aspies we are supposed to have large Amygdalas than other people. Perhaps this may point to why we get heightened anxiety levels. I have over the years learned to live and in the worst instances medicate anxiety. I find that it can be controlled by 95% of strategies but sometimes the looping or intense thought processes tend to hijack everything and there is no escape except to use medication to control it. Over the past months I have been pushing myself more than usual. My brain is working more effectively thanks to the Dore Program and some useful strategies, but some of the small things I still find difficult. I find the hardest thing is to make small talk. This afternoon I had to take the car in for a wheel alignment and there were two people in the waiting room with me and I did not feel like making small talk. My mind is in meltdown from the past week. Over the past week I have attended meetings of the Asperger Group at UQ, sorted out the requirements for further study, tried to encourage myself to do more reading, sort out the requirements for more skills enhancement within the University Library, attend a meeting of Young Filmmakers Queensland, sort out my overseas trip, get prepared for house sitting, go to Toowoomba to meet Asperger Adults and finally get my wheel alignment done on the car. So you can imagine that after all of this that surely some time to myself is something of a blessing. Not to mention that I also had to take a stressful call at work regarding an issue. I don't think people really see how hard I actually work. For the first time in my life I am actually able to take on more than I usually do and it is not always possible to do everything. In order to improve my reading, I make myself read one random journal article a morning while at work and then try to summarise what I have read. I really need to push this part of my brain more as this block I have, I want to overcome. I have always struggled with reading and despite pushing somewhat in the past my mind seems content to not go beyond its capabilities. People will think I am sounding up myself but I am speaking my mind. Anxiety is a demon within as it holds you back from doing more things. I have had anxiety to the point of paralysis and nobody could really help me except me having to go to the GP to be prescribed an anti depressant. I find medications work as a temporary measure but I know at the moment I just need some time to unwind from all the things I have been doing. I always believe there is a way to overcoming struggles and difficulties and that spending time wallowing in self pity is not the answer. People really don't know me for who I am because my strong willed attitude tends to prevail. This is why I find it hard to obtain a lighter side which I have often been criticised for not having. Anxiety is something nobody can see and when you experience it at heightened levels you just have to manage it to the best of your ability. Some Aspies have anxiety levels to heightened levels and it impacts on their day to day lives. Some are unable to work and function effectively and sadly they are unable to work and lead a quality of life. I am currently using a breathing technique of breathing in for 4 seconds and out for 8 seconds. Also I will be visiting a Psychologist at Minds and Hearts and hopefully the counselor will see that counseling is a life long measure and not just something that is temporary. Anxiety is an area of challenge and just because you don't see it in a person with AS doesn't mean that they should be overlooked somehow. Anxiety is something that cannot be controlled but understanding goes a long way to help with significantly reducing anxiety levels. I never know how much or how little I am helping adults and myself but all I know is that I work hard and am strong so this at least is a positive attribute! This is worth watching http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJpxSB0NFt4