The Aspie Advantage

Genius is 1 percent inspiration 99 percent perspiration. 

I don't think the world fully embraces what it is like for a person to be on the Autism Spectrum. For me being Autistic means that we are a unique species. What often though may be challenging is that we are all different and may not always get on.  I think being Aspie means that you can think outside the box and this in itself has many advantages. For instance in my own life I have provided thoughts and experiences which have not been fully examined in regular situations.  I think the main issue today is that Autism is seen as something to suppress, hide or even control.  This in itself makes it hard for Autistic people to properly function.  Why for instances in employment can't people with Autism be embraced to fully examine situations and seek out errors and offer improvements?

For instance why not have an Autistic adult provide or act as a reality checker? A thorough examination of items, devices or strategies to fully examine the situation.

In the dating and relationship stakes an Aspie can also offer many sterling and good qualities.  For men on the Autism Spectrum our unique thinking should make us an instant attraction as we are not on the whole like the everyday male.  Aspies can be obsessed but if a person of the opposite sex was to find out more about this, the person may go on a journey of discovery.  The challenge of being Aspie is that thoughts cannot always be enacted in every day situations.  This in itself making the social encounter not always possible.  Some strategies for a man on the Autism Spectrum may include the following. My own thoughts anyhow.

1. Allow us a means of communication which enables our self to express thoughts and feelings.

2. Suggest a time to meet up when it is comfortable mutually

3. Ask questions to seek clarification if we may do something you don't understand

4. Research more into men on the Autism Spectrum to get an overview of how we think and function

5. Understand that we are not all about image and appearance

6. We may experience low self esteem and need uplifting not rejection.

7. Get to see our inner self and realise that there is more to us than meets the eye.

Please feel free to provide your comments to this post so that they can be gauged and help to raise awareness.

Living in the world as an Autistic person is not a problem it is just a different way of thinking, analysing and processing information.  There needs to be no cure button pressed and the certain motives of individuals to apply the fly spray to cause and send us into extinction.  Imagine if you lived in our world and we tried to change you, I am sure you wouldn't like it as much as we don't?

I think being Aspie has many advantages but the world just simply hasn't caught up with our way of thinking and functioning.  We often, well this is how I see it at any rate, observe this world as having many flaws.  Things don't always work with goals and objectives often simply being unrealistic.  There needs to be a harnessing as one Aspie once told me of 'Intellectual Capital".  As an Aspie my mind thinks and processes information but for many not on the Autism Spectrum, the classic one line of "this happens to everyone" may not in it sense be true.  Aspies have more challenges in that we struggle more with the social component of social engineering in a world largely focused on this automatic process.  Why not simply see our underlying potential and not always accuse us as being lazy. We just operate on a different system.  Some Aspies have a strong cognitive ability and certain times of the day and more importantly can be fully focused and obsessed.  Why not harness this energy more so than try and conform it?

Why I think Alfred Hitchcock was Aspie

The Aspie traits of Alfred Hitchcock 

Intellectual thinking and over analyzing 

This morning on my way to work, I thought to myself whether or not Alfred Hitchcock was indeed Aspie and whether or not a "Theory of Mind" could be explained when attempting to analyse his films. In the movie Psycho you could be perhaps curious to wonder why in the following scene  that the perception of one person may have been entirely misread by another.  If you have watched the movie Psycho, the character played by Janet Leigh depicts two following messages. While this is how I see it anyhow. A young woman works as a secretary in a firm and she is given a large amount of money to take to the bank.  She thinks that the money is an easy taking whereas for the holder of the money, he may just so much he doesn't really think too hard to realise that a trusted staff member would bother taking it.  Thinking perhaps that she is a trusted staff member of the firm?

When watching Psycho apart from the lunacy of Norman Bates played by Anthony Perkins, again there is another mind reading exercise. While driving her car from Arizona where I think the film was set, the character played by Janet Leigh decides to take the large sum of money with her instead of banking it.  She tells her boss that she is feeling sick and needs to take the day off work.  The over analyzing begins.  She takes the money with her and as she leaves town she sees her boss look at her in the car.  What is he thinking?  If she has left work taking the money, why is she seen in the car and is her boss suspicious or perhaps just thinking that she can be trusted in being responsible with the money?  She then leaves town with the money driving a long a lonely road. A policeman pulls her over and for what reasons?  Does he know she has stolen money or is he just enforcing the law?  Finally when she arrives at the Bates Motel, you are left wondering if Norman Bates is part of the act of this money stealing exercise or whether he is just some weirdo misfit owning a motel with a deranged mind?  In the movie I have noticed like some other Hitchcock movies that I am left thinking about the characters in the movie.  What exactly are they about and are different messages being conveyed?  

To sum up the movie Psycho, I think I can safely assume that Alfred Hitchcock does possess Aspie traits for as an Aspie myself, my mind often goes into over thinking and misreading situations around me.  It is hard to know what perceptions are often right and whether what I think is the same as what the situation actually conveys.  Was Norman Bates aware that Janet Leigh was up to no good and was her character about to confront the ultimate fate?  When observing Alfred Hitchcock he tends to have Aspie traits in that he seems somewhat robotic and routine bound.  I can see similarities with my own grandfather now deceased originally from Bristol in England.  He spoke like Alfred Hitchcock and had the same robotic tendencies.  Life for him was very structured and orderly. He also couldn't stand noisy children and was often very blunt and critical. He also seemed to have met 2 of his three wives in situations where they lived with their parents and wanted an escape. My grandmother for instance living as a lonely young woman with her parents in a boarding house in Bribie Island and his last wife on Stradbroke Island who also lived up until middle age with her English parents in a Brisbane suburb.  

If asked to analyse Hitchcock I would say he had Aspie traits and I can list them as I have done previously.  His movies seemed to have a lot of Aspie thinking in them with a lot of mind reading, suspense and structure.  Was his movies also a means of expressing his own views which he could not do easily around other people?  It seems that acting is a way for many on the Autism Spectrum to act as chameleons because there is a script and in the script you can try and be like a neuro typical which you cannot do otherwise in public.  I find my means of communication is very challenging and often difficult with non Aspies and I find that withdrawing into eccentricity, special interests and some movie clips is a way and a means of escape.  In fact some good one liners can come from movies to assist me in certain situations.  I particularly like the scene in "Towering Inferno" where William Holden tells the gathered audience that there is a fire and is previously informed that when there is a fire that the Fire Chief played by Steve McQueen outranks everyone present in the building, even the Mayor. It is good knowledge in the event of a real fire as how many people are aware that the Fire Chief actually outranks everyone present?  

When watching Hitchcock perhaps you may yourself see some Aspie traits and tendencies?  Are there many actors, writers and film makers also on the Autism Spectrum living in a world where written scripts can greatly assist and aid communication more so than unconventional rules of behaviour?    

Where to from now?

This morning I had the pleasure to speak with Melanie and George O'Neill from Scotland via Skype. Both Melanie and George run a radio program and they are both keen to hear of the work I do in Autism Advocacy.  I have also mentioned the work of Ben Wilshire in Orange in rural Australia.  Both Melanie and George are hoping that Ben and I will be available for a radio program very shortly.  I have of course pledged my commitment to raise more awareness of adults with Autism in in Australia.

Tonight is budget night and of course like many Australians, I will be anxiously awaiting the outcome.  What really concerns me is the harshness which has been applied to some persons on the Disability Support Pension.  If the government is wanting to get people off welfare and into work, then it must firstly provide the necessary support and infrastructure to assist with this.  It must encourage organisations, employers and businesses to take on persons with a disability and Autism.  I watched with disappointment how an Abbott Government Minister, Kevin Andrews described people on pensions sitting at home and avoiding work.  I would like to reassure and enlighten Mr Andrews that people with Autism function differently and we cannot be accused of being lazy.  Many Aspies are unable to commit to work as there aren't the support and services available and more importantly workplaces need to provide both staff development and a workplace free of toxicity, bully and discrimination.  So in all honesty before criticism is made of people with disabilities not always wanting to work, please examine your facts carefully before you and your government make criticism or judgement on people wanting to work. Labor are also to blame as they took to making pensions harder to obtain and spent money recklessly often into programs that served no purpose and paying people who simply did nothing to assist those in need!

Autism Awareness needs to spread to encourage the employment of Adults with Autism

On another note I am still working my way through dating websites and treading very cautiously when I try to communicate with people I correspond on them.  I am getting to talk to a few people but often knowing what to say can be challenging.  I am determined to do my best and will keep on trying.  I think it is important to not give up.

I attended an adult group meeting on Saturday in the Central City Library here in Brisbane.  I was really impressed with the work of Blake Connolly. Blake is a young adult with Asperger Syndrome and he provided some very useful tips to deal with bullying, especially as you start to get older as an adult.  Meetings are going well but we still need your support as does Ben Wilshire in Orange. If adults are to change the world we live in, we must all work together to drive the wheels of change otherwise we will not get anywhere.  

Blake Connolly an adult with a positive focus on Autism Awareness. 

Please stay tuned for more updates. 

Hopefully a worthwhile contribution

I recently wrote an article concerning my own experience of being a person with Autism within the school system.  This article which I wrote I sent to an Italian University some months back.  I wrote it within a couple of minutes and then sent it by email never even for one minute assuming that despite it being for an academic contribution that it would be accepted.  A couple of months ago however, I received some good news in that it was to be accepted.  As it required referencing, David Zimmerman who is undertaking a PhD in Autism offered to help me with this, so yesterday I met with David at the University of Queensland. David assisted me with using the referencing and I submitted the article yesterday.  It is just a matter of time now to wait and see whether or not it will appear within this publication.

I have to report that Matthew is doing well.  I sometimes have students at universities contact me wanting assistance and now that the adult group is growing well, I can now refer these adults to the group.  It is great news to know that the group exists and that Chris Lovell is doing a great job a long with some others to ensure the group continues.  It is my role from now to let the group evolve in a way that accommodates its members and to provide a means of support for those who need it.

I am also noticing that parts of my brain are also changing.  Some things which I used to find required a lot of mental energy seem now to have a more automatic response.  In others words less over thinking and vast amounts of mental energy are not so much required. I am sleeping well and dreaming a lot and have heard that the more you dream, the more neuro pathways are opened within the brain to allow for better connection.  So things are starting to look more positive.

I recently caught up with a friend from school on Facebook. Facebook is good to link up with some old friends and I hope to catch up with him one time.

Meeting up with Ben Wilshire in Orange, NSW, Australia

As you are aware Ben Wilshire is doing great work in Orange in New South Wales.  Ben however is having some major issues with his employer as despite working very hard and having a good work ethic, Ben is confronting an end to his contract.  The person he has replaced is returning and Ben is aware that some of the people he works with are just not pulling their weight and furthermore his employer doesn't really seem to care much about the fact that he is always diligent and conscientious with his work. Like a lot of organisations there are sadly people who just don't pull their weight and often for those who want an opportunity at promotion, this in itself can become an obstacle.  Hopefully things will improve for Ben and we are keeping our fingers crossed that his contract will either be extended or that he will be placed within a similar role within Kmart?

One of the major concerns is the current government's attitude to slash pensions and start cutting back on spending.  We ask that the government think carefully about the NDIS (National Disability Insurance Scheme) and provide funding to encourage employers to take on people with challenges and abilities, not so much disabilities.  It will be a matter now of waiting to see what will eventuate.   

Why it is hard for Aspie Men in the relationship stakes

One of the most difficult things I find as a man on the Autism Spectrum is the whole concept of dating.  Yesterday I received some shattering news that I was no longer suitable. I was told that I was also too full on and that all feelings toward me were no longer there.  As distressing as it was as I don't take too kindly to rejection, I thought I need to not be beaten by this.  I am a nice guy but what is in my head, mainly the way Asperger Syndrome effects me is something I just cannot allow to win.  I wrote a response after some consideration thanking this woman for providing me with feedback in that I can be negative and furthermore intense.  What can I do when I struggle with a so called lighter side and knowing what every other man probably can be able to navigate with and deal better?


I think for men on the Autism Spectrum it may be hard to succeed in dating because the very concept is just so overwhelming not to mention the fear of rejection.  Furthermore with online dating, an Aspie or a good quality man has to compete with the endless males on such sites canvassing women to show off their abs, biceps and lure these women into sex.  I just find that old fashioned courting and chivalry just seem a thing of the past.  If it were easier like in my parents day for people to meet at a dance or a non threatening place more so than a pub or nightclub etc would this be a better option...?


One simply finds the concept of Internet Dating simply overwhelming. The constant "I am sorry I am not interested" or "I wish you all the best in your search" is to me just a polite way of telling you to get lost.  When you constantly receive such messages more so than positive responses you can tend to think that being worn down and giving up is the end result.  I often wonder if meeting women in Europe where feminism is less of an issue and there is more tolerance of men is perhaps a better option?  However it seems that immigration and simply not having a career path just makes things impossible. You have no choice but to play the cards you are given.  I can remember some years ago that I met one woman who wanted to meet me in all places of McDonalds.  Despite going there, I didn't stay long and I felt that the hole process was a bogan exercise.  That seems to be one of the main problems within Australia the very often overwhelming scenario of a bogan culture that you really try so  hard to avoid. 




Are women more interested in men with good abs and is the man expected to have sex after so many encounters?

It seems to me that the Hollywood Stereotype of sexuality has also done a great deal of damage to the way the honest man is portrayed.  In almost every modern Hollywood movie couples are expected to get their gear off, more so than the man to portray his so called masculinity.  For me I would rather to work on a foundation of friendship for after all isn't friendship the important key to ensuring a relationship continues more so than on image and performance?  I also find this shallow perception from other men that sex is everything is just also damaging.  I think that more emphasis needs to be placed on getting to know someone of the opposite sex and hoping that the person will at least give you a chance.  Instant love is often a myth and I think for some women that they may be deluded in wanting to think that the ideal man exists.  For some men the same scenario may exist but perhaps the reason as to why so many marriages and relationships fail is because more of an expectation is placed on image more so than on quality. 


What has happened to the good guy and the concept that good men finish last?  Why are women nowadays so fascinated with the bad boy image and overlooking men of quality?  I do think that perhaps it is because the Hollywood personification and stereotype has done so much damage.  In western culture it seems that for guys having good abs and biceps are essential and for women a slim and slender body. In reality though does this really matter?  Isn't it really what is in the person and how they are as a character? 


I like the idea of sharing my life with someone and to go on outings.  To spend quality time together is also another important requirement but nowadays this just seems impossible. Perhaps also some cities and towns fail to offer romantic outlets because there simply isn't the effort or emphasis to allow for people to find places to induce more feelings and mutual attraction?  Perhaps I may be unrealistic with my expectations but being an unconventional outside the box thinker, perhaps I belong in another place and time? 


My time in all honesty is spent on the Autism cause.  Last night I spoke to Ben who is in Orange. Ben is about to lose his job.  Just like a good quality relationship and or friendship which seems to be harder and harder to reach these days, Ben is a good quality employee.  Ben has a good attitude to his job and works very industriously to do his best.  He only found out yesterday but knew fairly much in advance that his contract ends in June. Ben doesn't know what to do.  He has only ever taken one sick day and he feels that his employer, Kmart in Orange don't give a stuff about him.  He is experiencing anxiety and I have concerns about Ben's well being as a friend because I know that without a job that he may become depressed and even more.  I am currently working with Ben as best I can to assist him to obtain support but with a government prepared to slash benefits and make no effort to encourage employers to take on people with abilities such as Autism, that I think what can I do?  I really hope that Ben is able to obtain support and an extension in his contract.  He feels dejected by the fact that he will not have a job soon.  What also will happen with the good work Ben is doing in Autism Advocacy?  I ask you to please support Ben in his endeavours by supporting him to obtain a contract renewal or to find other suitable employment. 


If you can assist Ben please reply to this blog post as we would be happy to hear from you as we really need your support and assistance.  

The circuitry is different but the framework appears the same

This year I turn 42 years of age.  By every account I just seem like any other regular middle aged guy.  I keep myself fit, well at least I try to and furthermore I live in a world which just seems like a constant maze, often of vast confusion.  This morning I went out again for my third outing.  I went into the city earlier on the CityCat but what really frustrated me was that no matter where I tried to go there were people around, and the seating was very poor.  I just wanted a seat with a backing on it so I could sit comfortably and talk to myself.  I tried to counsel and prepare for myself for what lay ahead.  What if I didn't feel comfortable holding hands or what to expect next?  I just find that it is really tough work as a man for I feel men are expected to do everything and make the moves and be the innovators.  In all honesty I find communication much easier via Skype compared to going out for the face to face interaction seems just so much harder.  Just with everyone I find this and I just find my communication is different and largely misunderstood.  I have talked to myself since I was 2 year old so that is almost now a 40 year record.  Even the Aspie Group seems to be going well without me so even with them, I find communication much harder. At times I just wish I could find a special interest which I could totally absorb myself in and just say sod the rest of the world as communication is just so hard to implement and figure out. 


I left today wondering where my life is going.  I seem to control my routines very well but anything that involves people is just a different kettle of fish.  I can be polite and all that but connecting with someone unlike connecting to myself, my real close and best friend is unique.  It took me years to evolve from self loathing to self acceptance.  I can be in my own company and just find that what I listen to and think can be tolerated by me and me only.  I can look at others and try not to compare myself and just think that I am special because I know that I am.  I just find it is hard for other people to really see below my tough exterior which incidentally I had to reinforce over the years because shyness in men, well acute shyness is misinterpreted. 


At times I just wish I could be a total hermit escaping society's expectations and pressures.  Not wanting to be the guy with the good biceps and abs but more so the person who can be just accepted for the sake of being individual.  In all honesty I find dating just so taxing.  Just the amount of mental energy required to communicate with a person and to be understood can be just so mentally exhausting.  Furthermore, having to conform to expectations is just even more overwhelming.  Why is it just so difficult to escape into the country where I don't have to try and pretend to be someone I am not?  I can't stand comparing myself to others or having to conform to expectations.  In all honesty if this is what is required in being a male, I want nothing to do with it.  I just prefer simplicity and a life with no pressures but finding the words to properly describe just how I feel may be beyond the English language.


I guess also the weather in Brisbane annoys me.  It never changes nor is there seasonal variation.  I like a touch of cold weather but wanting or expecting it in Brisbane is like wanting penguins to sip soda's on a hot beach.  It just often feels like a trap but perhaps I trap myself with my own routines? 


I now will retire into my solitude which I know wont cause me so much distress for the moment and just forget about humanity for the time being.  Going for a walk and talking to myself is but one way to deal with my own thoughts which go over and over in my mind.  Who knows one day I may get a round of applause for what I have had to endure and overcome in life but for now it is just battling the often difficult terrain in order to find a pathway through.

Weathering the test of time

Concerns about the NDIS

Whenever it comes to attempting to improve the quality of lives or to make things better for people with disabilities either the following happens.  Labor governments spend money they do not have and Conservatives governments start slashing.  It really makes you wonder why such approaches are taken when the solution really needs to be to change attitudes, deliver necessary infrastructure to accommodate disability and or provide better housing and employment.

Over the past months, the news seems to suggest that the current government wants to use a razor in order to slash spending to improve the nation's finances.  Well it is important to balance the books and to have continued surpluses but it is also necessary to look after those people seriously and desperately in need.  Instead of coming down on people who are on disability pensions why not spend the money or allow for money to make employing people a reality.  There are adults out there who are trying to make for change but we are simply ignored because we either are not heard or very little attention is provided to us to allow for opportunities to happen.

Since 1998 when I was diagnosed as having Asperger Syndrome, I have tried my best to raise awareness of Asperger Syndrome and Autism.  I have set up adult social groups and met with people to try and make employing persons on the Autism Spectrum a reality. Instead I have either watched this fizzle away or ideas just crumble away with myself being worn down in the process.  This is the reason why I now have to start pulling back as I am finding governments and businesses are just not listening.  Furthermore, I said slack service in many departments and wonder to myself whether persons with attention to detail and a focus on perfection should be involved in such organisations.  How many times for instance have you had to suffer slack service simply because the persons employed within it just either don't care about their work or have a couldn't be bothered attitude?

Is having a disability just simply overlooked?

In Australia it seems to me that you just have to remain strong and put up with a growing attitude that things are never going to change.  You also have no choice but to put up with substandard service in terms of infrastructure and hostile attitudes that struggle to relate to those with challenges.  

Is having mental health a lonely sentence?

If you also have mental health challenges you find you are in solitary confinement as people just don't seem to know how to assist when you need others to listen and understand.  In my travels, I have heard of people coming to Australia and leaving again as they find the isolation just too overwhelming.  There simply is not the services and awareness needed to make things better.  Can this change or is it something that forever will remain a negative stigma lacking the necessary support which it requires?

I am only one person but I call on politicians to have a heart and think about people with disabilities and realise that we have a voice to.  We may have struggles and challenges in our lives but we cannot continue to simply be ignored.  It is about time that money is set aside to ensure that the NDIS (National Disability Insurance Scheme) is implemented with strict auditing and regulation so that money goes to people in need and not more admin people who really are after money and nothing else.  It's time to wake up and start listening so that the lives of people with disabilities reaches the same level as every other person who is able to function in society!

Starting to feel good again

In my last blog post I spoke about the changes which are happening in my life.  Will I can add that having met this lady twice now things are going a long quite smoothly.  I haven't felt good since 2008 and it is good to finally feel human again.  I enjoy the chats with this lovely lady as we chat often most every night on Skype.  The good thing is that she also guides me and we work together in finding out what things best suit each other.  Being asked to hold hands on Saturday is in itself a very warm and comforting feeling. As of now things just seem to be getting better and better each day and she knows I have Asperger Syndrome and is looking into it more to hopefully understand me better. She is originally from Canada which makes things even more exciting.  There will be good things in the years to come hopefully and plenty of overseas travel together in the years to come.

As changes are taking place in my life, I am stepping back from the Asperger Adult Group.  I don't want the group to be dependent on me and furthermore the expectations that I always need to be there.   The adults are connecting quite well. On Saturday both myself and Chris who is now taking over some of the facilitating role with some other adults, met another Aspie who lives on the northside of Brisbane.  We both visited him last Monday and he is coming out of himself.  He seems  happy that there is a group in existence and there are a lot of things planned over the coming months.  As my life is undertaking some important changes, these changes may hopefully assist other adults to know that things are possible.  I also would like to have a go at skiing in New Zealand later this year in September but I need to find out where an absolute novice like myself can have a go.  I also intend to travel from Queenstown to Christchurch a long a scenic route.  Hopefully this will be my last trip going on my own as next time I would like very much to travel overseas with the special lady in my life.

I attempt to try skiing this year

Anzac Day will be this Friday and I intend to go to a Dawn Service at 8am. I am still old enough to have memories of Anzac Day when soldiers serving from the First World War used to attend.  Anzac Day, the blues ribbons that almost everyone used to wear and Anzac Biscuits bring back memories. In both Australia and New Zealand, Anzac Day is an important day for both countries.   Next year of course will also mark the 100th anniversary year of the landing at Gallipoli landing. I wanted to go to Gallipoli last year but due to some tensions in Syria, felt it best not to go.    

Remembering the Anzacs at Gallipoli April 25th 1915

I am still undertaking my exercise program to try and keep fit.  Things are getting a bit better on the home front and I am still trying my best to improve my quality of life but this still requires some work.  Anxiety is becoming less of an issue and I hope in time that people can understand me better.  My thinking still at times can tend to meander but now that other adults including Ben Wilshire from Orange are out there also trying to raise awareness of Autism in adults, there is less pressure on me.  I also hope that the Brisbane Asperger Adult Group which I have worked hard to get to where it is today will now adjust with the transition.  I really need to look after myself at the moment in order to get myself back on track.  It will be good for other adults to take on an active lead in the group to ensure that the group continues to serve its members and future generations.  We also welcome Ben Wilshire to Brisbane in August when Professor Tony Attwood visits the group. Ben will be hosting this meeting and providing us with updates from his groups in Orange and now Bathurst.

Please stay tuned to Ben's Aspie Blog for the latest updates.  Please note that I also intend to have an article I wrote referenced and published in an Italian Autism compilation soon.  Both Ben Wilshire who assisted me with editing and  David Zimmerman who is undertaking a PhD in Autism at Griffith University is helping with referencing.  Both Ben and David will also be mentioned in the article if everything goes to plan. 

The relationship journey and Internet Dating

Today was a very special day for me in that I met a very nice woman through the dating website RSVP. Face to face is hard for anyone, especially two people but for me it was even more of a challenge as I really didn't know what to think and expect.  I don't want to divulge too much information but this will be the second relationship if everything continues to go smoothly in my life since my first one back in 2008 and which was in another country. 


For any man on the Autism Spectrum I wouldn't rule out ever finding that special someone but I think and do believe that this needs to be done at a comfortable pace.  The lady I am seeing knows about my Asperger Syndrome and wants to find out more but to remain within due bounds, I feel it necessary just to focus on my experience at the moment.  I am using Skype to communicate and having skyped now for about a month, and not meeting in person, today it finally happened.  I also wore jeans which I rarely do and we met in the city gardens.  I am still coming to terms with the many boundaries which may exist around me and more importantly, I am trying to deal with the expectations which if pushed too much will cause me stress and anxiety.  The good thing is that the lady I am communicating with knows that I have Asperger Syndrome and is happy to assist and know me more which is great. 


I am currently trying to keep a low profile although I am not sure how aware the social media may be by reading this blog of what I am currently experiencing, but it is just between both of us for now.  I would also like to provide hope and inspiration if it is desired for other men on the Autism Spectrum to know that finding a connection is possible.  I think it is important to focus on a pace which works for both people concerned and more importantly to find a means of communication which works best. I don't always think that sex or intimacy are needed on the first date but more importantly communication as this is the essential foundation in any relationship.  I was advised recently to ensure that communication is 50/50. I find Skype is good for communicating where face to face can be a bit daunting as I just confront mind blindness.  This simply meaning that I cannot see facial gestures and boundaries etc that may exist which I am not aware of.


I think that although Internet dating may be daunting that it can work if approached with a formula.  More importantly there needs to be someone who is willing and tolerant to actually love you and see having Asperger Syndrome as only being part of you.  I don't want to boast in this post but more so enlighten and educate as relationships are not for everyone.  I feel energised and very happy at the moment but I don't want to rush into things too quickly. I just want to take things at a steady pace and provide encouragement for future generations of Aspies that there is always hope and not despair. 
We are going to continue communicating and over time just see where things lead.  I turn 42 years old this year and things can become both hard and easy at the same time. I would like to have more friends but in a way that people understand me.  I would like for RSVP to take note that there are people who like me have a story to tell to inspire others.  It would also be good to educate and enlighten other people.  So there are good times ahead.


I am now going to rest and try to deal with what is ahead of me as well as see if I can get some assistance with trying to navigate the NT world as an Aspie. I have also contacted Professor Tony Attwood whom I haven't heard from as of late.  He has been interested in my progress and I have emailed him to let him know about my travels.  I just hope that the future looks even brighter, especially having someone special to share it with.  Perhaps my journey may see other Aspies if they are interested see Internet Dating as one way to go in terms of having a relationship if they so choose. 


I will provide more updates soon. I am also putting together a contribution with assistance in terms of referencing to an Autism Academic project based in Italy. 

Trying to relate to Neurotypicals

For anyone not clear about what a neurotypical is, a neurotypical is a person not on the Autism Spectrum.  I find that trying to communicate with neurotypicals is just about impossible.  They don't always say what they mean and furthermore you never really know what they are thinking and what is in their mind.  This can present challenges when trying to communicate and function.  For instance you can be working a long side one and you may have a different objective and outcome to what they do.  Sometimes this can cause communication challenges and boundaries. 


I also have to admit that I find internet dating just beyond me and more so dating itself.  Even if I am successful to go on a date which is almost impossible, I find that the expectations on me are just so large. What am I supposed to do?  How am I supposed to react?  What is expected of me?  I have even been told by some people that I don't seem to have Asperger Syndrome but I am not sure if they are trying to be polite or perhaps fall into the ignorance category of not understanding?  I just feel at times like I am stuck in a rut not knowing where to move or how to go beyond the status quo.  I feel as an Aspie that the quality of life as an Aspie is not the same as a neurotypical largely because of the way I think and function.  I just don't see things, process information and communicate the same way as neurotypicals do.  I really need to be honest in what I am saying here because I see things differently and often by doing this it can cause me grief or mistreatment by others.


I find that being honest and speaking my mind is always something that exists in me but neurotypicals sometimes want to play games and implement "Theory of Mind' strategies. Theory of Mind is something I believe that Aspies struggle to grasp to because we often are influenced by our literal thinking and speaking our minds.  Although a neurotypical may be better at grasping Theory of Mind, an Aspie seems to struggle more with it. I find I am largely relying on my intelligence more so than automatic thinking to problem solve situations and events around me.  I often find even within the Autism Community where Neurotypicals have a large influence that I am expected to think and implement structure similar to the way that they do.  Why can't I think like an Aspie in a community which is supposed to represent me but controlled by Neurotypicals.


I find social situations in all aspects challenging.  I find just because of the way I think and function that I am largely misunderstood and sometimes may even offend without knowing it. I am not always aware of boundaries and can sometimes get into trouble and even reprimanded for not understanding them.  I just wish at times things were clearer and more accommodating for a person on the Autism Spectrum.  

The Ins and Outs of Internet Dating

Over the past months I have been using an Internet Dating Website known as RSVP Despite changing my dating profile a few times, my profile has been getting a lot of hits but very few if any replies.  Every time I have sent kisses in order to contact potential females, I find myself instead receiving messages of 'sorry I am not interested' or 'thank you for your response and all the best for your search.  I am communicating however with one person but am finding it very difficult in some ways.  First of all the person is kind of reluctant to meet me in person, and both she and myself have been communicating via Skype. Although she lives in Brisbane from another country, the very concept of meeting up for a date is itself overwhelming.  The amount of expectations and furthermore understanding the cues and boundaries just seem daunting at the moment.  However, communication is via Skype and text messages and this seems to be working for now. 


I have to admit that I find online dating often very shallow as it seems that there may be too many men just looking for sex and women holding high expectations, so if you are just the ordinary good guy, you don't stand much of a hope.  All I can do is just take things slowly for now.  It is hard when you don't have many friends to communicate with or more importantly others in a similar situation to yourself who may understand.  You just have to work it out the best way you feel possible.  It is very overwhelming to be honest when you closely explore the very concept of going out on a date for a start.  What is next? What am I required to do?  Will the other person understand my boundaries and me theirs?  All these questions and not knowing what to expect just cause some anxiety issues but all I can really do is try to travel a long as best I can. 


I wonder how many people find Online Dating comforting?  Is the meeting up part the most daunting?  Are things going to work out?  All these questions turn over in your mind like a tumble drier and really just don't know what to expect. 


I think that prior communication before a date seems a much more comforting atmosphere as it seems to reduce the anxiety and expectations when they come about.  However both persons need to establish a common ground in order to feel comfortable.  At the moment I am just cruising a long with this person and I am not sure when and where we will meet if we ever do but all I can do is to try and keep communicating where and however best I can.  I have also emailed Dr Tony Attwood about what is happening but as yet have not received any response.  I will keep you posted on how and if things develop. 

The Inescapable Australian Trap

Throughout my life I have always wondered whether living in Australia is a good thing.  You hear how Australia is supposed to be the 'lucky country' and everyone has a right to a fair go. Is this really the truth however?


The first thing that I find a significant problem is Australia's political system of government.  First of all politicians make themselves untouchable and look after themselves first.  Furthermore preferential voting just seems to be rigged with dishonesty and manipulation.  While even low income earners are forced to pay tax, the government insists on taxing them however what is their in return?  For a low income earner and for someone with a disability, there is very little provided in the way of services when taxes are paid.  Furthermore the current government now wants to start slashing everything in sight, and it just looks as though the NDIS (National Disability Insurance Scheme) will not see the light of day.  I am not saying that the previous government was any better. 


The other problem seems to be union domination.  This creates over regulation and makes for barriers when looking at overall production.  Perhaps this is why it is almost impossible for persons with disabilities to enter the workplace?  It just doesn't dangle a carrot that provides for incentive?  It also appears that the Carbon Tax is here to stay and it defies logic that everything else is taxed except for fuel consumption.  By God Australians just seem to be largely stupid people.  The complacency factor alone creates so much inefficiency in that current system just doesn't seem to work properly.  Why do people also let politicians get away with what they do?  You would think surely that if you have the right to vote that you would vote responsibly but in Australia people are forced to do just about everything being slapped with a fine if they don't. Even for voting which is compulsory it seems the complacency factor alone sees governments elected and then people whinging that measures are made which they are not happy with. 


I think living in Australia is a trap because you are forced to think and function in a system that really doesn't work for everyone.  You can spend your life working but never really fitting into the box of a high paying individual.  Furthermore if  you are a politician you just get everything you want anyhow.


I ask the question of what is going to happen for people with disabilities if the government forces people to work longer?  If the unemployed are unable to obtain employment, then what will happen in terms of the longevity of people with disabilities in Australia?  Does the government simply not want to know or understand the need to encourage everyone to work but to work in a safe and supportive work environment free of bullying and toxicity?   It seems that in Australia if people are lazy they just get promoted up.  If you work hard however, you are just left in a pigeon hole continuing to work as long as possible while you remain in a system that is flawed and largely unfair.  Isn't this a trap?  Isn't this ignoring the concept of "A right to a fair go" or the saying  of 'the lucky country'?  


It is just about impossible to obtain skills and experience to put you at a competitive edge and furthermore make you attractive for overseas markets. The reality is that if you try to improve on your qualifications that you are again worn down by incompetence or poor training.  As stated above how many skilled and professional people are there in existence in Australia?  Or do these people just get fed up and leave!?  Does Australia really miss out on the injection of incentive and professionalism as people just up and leave and go elsewhere?   It seems for the most part that watching sport and drinking grog make for a good distraction.  Furthermore if you drink you may also hide mental illness also as there are very few if not non existent support and services available to deal with the issues and challenges in the first place.  It just all seems impenetrable and there is no way out. 


The trap also seems to be that you just have to put up with the way things are even though you may not always agree with the conformity which is imposed.  It seems that the majority of Australians perhaps are not interested in world affairs or even interested in being concerned about how decisions made may affect them.  Remaining insular and unaware of the goings on just seem to be the easy option until it may be too late.  It looks almost certain that Australia will keep the Carbon Tax but it defies logic as to how such a tax is going to make things better?  Surely it will just employ more people to sit around idle pretending to do things when really no outcome may occur? 


Also trying to do things properly and expecting good standards just seem impossible. Furthermore for some reason people after a while drop you and you never hear from them again.  In the most instances you never really know why and ponder at times as to why people behave the way that they do.  People seem to also criticise you if you say Australia has many flaws and suggest you move elsewhere.  Perhaps though if you were able to move elsewhere then you may work harder and not have to deal with the majority of nonsense that you are forced to in Australia.  Really the answer seems to lie in the overcoming of complacency and the imposition of incentive and high quality but perhaps I just leave myself open to be criticised as always. 

Penetrating the Impenetrable an April Fools reality or not?

Advocating for Autism 24/7 can sometimes feel like a thankless task.  Not to mention the social isolation which I endure.  For some reason people can drop away from any contact with you and you can never really understand why?  Is it the way that I think?  Is it that I offend people without knowing it? Or do I appear as somehow standoffish and aloof?  No matter how hard it gets, all that you can really do is to battle on as best you can. 


I am not sure if many of you are aware but I have taken an interest in German innovation and production.  I have noticed that in Germany there seems to be a large focus on attention to detail and good work ethics.  As this video indicates.  What I like about German workplace culture is that most and if not all the people seem to think the same way that I do.  I for instance like to ensure that when I am working that a task needs to be done properly and completed fully.  I tend to find in other western countries that more emphasis seems to be on a person's social skills more so than on performance.


In any task which I carry out, I find that my total concentration is required on the task at hand.  I sometimes feel though that I am let down by certain infrastructure or equipment that simply is not up to standard.  For instance I was thinking the other day that the simple inclination of a stairwell can affect mobility and access. Furthermore what is the best and most appropriate length for wheelchair access within a building? 


On the weekends here in Brisbane, very few places are open for business.  If you want something actioned urgently you need to wait until business hours for it to be repaired or looked into as Monday to Friday 8.30am to 5.00pm are the usual times.  Also can people with attention to detail and focus be able to improve on quality?  This can simply be with a money transfer or even a product that is vigorously road tested to ensure that it works properly and is up to standard.


Yesterday I was called upon to use my skills with a mindset for errors to improve on an environment that needs better turn over.  I spent almost 2 hours indicating on ways I could see fault and improvement and it was good to receive acknowledgement in return.  I did notice however that equipment which indicated weight was still in imperial weight measurements when it should be imperial, as Australia converted to the Metric System in the early 1970's. 


It can often be very challenging to change mindsets which somehow see having attributes as some kind of flaw or provoking fear.  What is wrong with spend vast amounts of time in carrying out duties and furthermore trying your hardest to block out sensory issues?  Hand driers for instance can be excessively noisy and why is this so?  Also leaf blowers and other equipment can give off irritating sounds which can be toxic in nature by way of noise pollution.  Also what is required to change attitudes in terms of quality output?  Can't simply a work environment exist where a strong attention to detail can co-exist with a social one?    

It's time to try and be optimistic again!

The last couple of weeks have been hectic.  I have visited Orange, and now the group meets the new challenge of finding another venue.  Sadly as I cannot nor can the group afford public liability, the church has made the decision that we can no longer meet there. So after approximately 2 years it is now time to say goodbye to Toowong Uniting Church. We do thank the Pastor - Simon Gommersil for his help but after negotiation, even asking to become a church congregation member to be covered by public liability, this decision was not accepted.


I have been contacting community halls around Brisbane, more so in the western suburbs and central Brisbane.  Some of our meetings will held in the Toowong, Indooroopilly and Kenmore libraries, but having a regular venue is the next step.  I have contacted various community halls with the most recent of these being www.bleedingheart.com.au  I also have been referred to www.communify.org.au  I have posted these events in the group and will ask group members for feedback. 


I have had some further enquires about the group and these have been from some adults on the Autism Spectrum.  One adult's mother has contacted me as he wants to work in a library studying a Diploma of Library & Information and the other is studying at UQ.  His name is Matthew. He has lived in Brisbane for approximately 6 years and is finding campus very challenging and difficult. He finds it hard to make friends.  I talk with Matthew where I can and assist him with the same experiences that I also have to deal with.  I also have made some new contacts through an initiative to welcome new students and staff to the university.  I asked Matthew if he wanted to attend as well as communicate with the other students who are from Chile, Canada and Russia.  It is good to communicate with others who have diverse minds.


I still find university confusing at times as little has changed much since I was a student myself at the University of New England.  I see lots of young people, well I am not so young as I used to be and wish I could communicate with them. Their minds are young and most of them are energetic in wanting to learn more about the world around them.  Like Matthew, I too can relate to the frustration of trying to make friends and fit in on campus, but over time we hope to raise more awareness of Autism as being an ability and not a disability with more acceptance of our achievements and less so of our challenges. 


We welcome on board plenty of support. I am still in touch with Ben in Orange and Damian who is studying a PhD at UQ.  I hope for Matthew to meet with Damian next Friday when I regularly meet with Damian to support him in his work in Autism and raising awareness.  It is good to have more connections available.  


Please stay tuned for the journey and road ahead.  Now we just need to find a new venue and somewhere hopefully which is more city based. 


So it is important to be gay in order to ensure that you overcome pessimism. 

The challenges ahead

This past week has been rather hectic.  Due to reasons of public liability it appears difficult for the group to continue unless we can obtain some kind of inclusion within public liability. I met last week with the Pastor of Toowong Uniting Church to see if I could become incorporated within the Toowong Uniting Church.  There are many advantages for the church if we can come on board as the church would be assisting with an essential service linking adults on the Autism Spectrum to each other. Furthermore the group would be willing to contribute to the church by means of support and donation. I even suggested that the group assist with the gardens to make them much more attractive as you could no doubt imagine to the Garden of Eden?


Last week I was introduced to an adult with Autism originally from the United Kingdom.  He has just enrolled in his first year within the university.  As it is all so overwhelming for him, I am trying to assist him with settling in and joining the Asperger Adult Group.  This morning he attended the group but felt overwhelmed.  Both myself and another couple of adults came outside the group and we assisted him to feel more at ease and comfortable.  On campus I have offered to be a contact should he feel that he needs to connect with someone on campus.  I have met him a couple of times so that he no longer feels so socially isolated. However finding and linking him to assistance is still very challenging when a lot more needs to be done.  I am trying to do my best


Over the coming months we hope to be able to return to our regular venue. Some of the adults including myself find that it is more suitable as there is less noise and we don't have to compete with other people who sometimes do not understand how having Autism affects us.  We have our fingers crossed that things will return to normal as they once were.  I have tried my best to plead with the Uniting Church Synod about the adult group. 


I am regularly meeting with Damian Santomauro every 2 weeks. Last Friday both Ben and Damian spoke on the phone.  I had some difficulty trying to link both adults but now they understand what form of communication best works for them.  I am trying to assist both Damian and Ben as best I can also.  I am exercising regularly doing bench presses, bicep curls, starjumps, jogging, sit ups etc to keep myself in shape.   I am concerned about health issues.  I also look forward to the next meeting which will be a workshop on fitness. I hope people may attend as it will be a valuable workshop.


We also have more people coming in to support and assist the group.  This is essential and welcomed as the more support the better.  We have a lot of valuable presentations coming up.  Please stay tuned for more updates.  I am still also waiting for my contribution to the book "Been There, Done That and Try This" to arrive in the mail.  I hope to donate this book to the library once I receive it.  I also have scheduled the Dr Tony Attwood presentations to both the Toowong and Indooroopilly libraries for the latter part of the year. 


Should you wish to contact me for more information please visit my website www.garryburge.com


Regards
Garry Burge
Founding Member
Garry Burge Adult With Asperger Syndrome
www.garryburge.com

Trip to Orange

Last week I was in Orange in regional New South Wales.  I flew down to Sydney from Brisbane and then got a connecting flight to Orange.  Arriving in Orange was a challenge.  Firstly the airport was far out of town and secondly I wondered where I was going once I got off the plane. 


Arriving in Orange however, I checked into the motel.  I arranged to order a Toyota Corolla and instead ended up with a Peugeot which I found a real challenge to drive as it seems although to be automatic but needing to be controlled at the steering wheel by acceleration and deceleration buttons.   The motel had a kitchenette so I was able to cook basic meals being Chicken schnitzel with carrots, Brussel Sprouts and broccoli.  I also had sausages in place of the Chicken Schnitzel on the last few nights. 


I was surprised at how Orange was so large for a regional centre. It seems to have a lot of people for a rural town.  After a while I caught up with Ben Wilshire.  Ben has some different habits to me in terms of car cleanliness.  I managed though to block out some of the distractions, and despite Ben's older car we were able to make it up to nearby Mount Canobolas.  The views were impressive from there also.


The week spent in Orange was busy. Just about every day I was attending meetings with Ben. Visiting schools, community centres and politicians.  Ben also works similar to me in a part time position.  He feels he wants to do more also but finds he is held back and unable to really find what his niche is.  I was really impressed with how Ben had good executive function.  He was highly motivated in raising awareness of Autism in adults and furthermore he has a lot of energy.  I hope to visit Orange again but not by Rex Airlines.  On the way back the sound was so loud that I needed ear muffs and wondered if I was going to survive the flight with my hearing in tact.  Next time I think I will go by train from Sydney. 





Meeting at Care West with Ben Wilshire and myself and other staff in Orange

This week is back to normal. I now need to find another venue for the group as despite Toowong Uniting Church allowing us the use of their venue for some time, we really are unable to pay the cost of the room.  We are currently looking into and exploring other options.


I found Virgin Blue not very helpful on the return flight and I felt that landing at Brisbane Airport was a 'cowboy' operation.  The cabin crew seem to only put themselves out where they feel it is appropriate and because you look normal they don't always see where you need help.


Please stay tuned however for further updates. Ben has some great ideas and we will keep you posted.

Why don't people just get it?

This blog entry is more or less a means to express my frustration. My frustration at the whole online dating process.  I recently reactivated my dating profile on RSVP only to find that despite getting 4 responses that I am back to square one again. 


When you use RSVP you send free kisses to women whom you believe are ideal to connect with. The trick is to send enough kisses to get the woman to respond to you by sending you an email.  I have managed to get 3 mobile phone numbers. Having tried to call these I find either the women do not answer or the phone number does not work.  I even managed to arrange one date later in finding this to be cancelled with some lame excuse by the woman concerning her father coming from Canada etc. I am disappointed to tell you the truth that both the date and the phone calls did not eventuate. 


In order to send stamps one must purchase these via the website. I am reluctant to purchase any stamps as these cost money and if you are on a low income the expenses build up over time and sometimes the emails which you pay for are not answered. 


I am also starting up weight training. It is taking some time and despite trying to burn off some flab around my hips, I preserve every morning at 5am doing some bench presses, lat curls, situps, star jumps, and running on the spot. I sometimes feel good and other times just the same.  I also do some bike riding in my spare time.


I feel so angry at the world at times as people don't really understand my ways of thinking and functioning. Despite saying it as it is, I really try and just accept that life is not always fair and that there are other people worse off than I am.  People can throw slings and arrows as I am used to them and I have always needed to stand up for myself which can be taxing at times. 


For men on the Autism Spectrum, dating is difficult. For me it is traumatic and feels like torture.  I cannot understand why when I am a nice person who is faithful that I am put on the bottom of the list or even ignored.  I will continue to try and persevere but believe me it is not easy.