I often feel like I exist in no man's land. I am largely socially isolated and I find just connecting with other people especially difficult. It just feels like I cannot relate to anyone. I am currently wondering whether or not I need to go onto medication again because sometimes I feel depressed. On rare occasions I have wondered what the point of life if people are not able to understand the way I think. At times it can just be so bad that I am unsure of how I am supposed to act and think around people. I am getting counseling at UQ but apart from this, I just feel that nobody can relate to exactly what I am going through. At times I find it hard to feel emotion and I can see why people on the Autism Spectrum in the very worst instances have actually suicided. I do not support this course of action but when people refuse to listen or do not want to bother to try and listen, then what can you do and where can you go to get help?
Some years ago a person on the Autism Spectrum took her own life. She advocated continuously for awareness of the Autism Spectrum and even wrote several books. She experienced high levels of anxiety and it seems that nobody perhaps listened to what she was going through. Her loss was very sad to the Autism Community because she pioneered very hard to raise awareness.
Holding down a job is especially difficult for a person on the Autism Spectrum because there are so many social requirements in employment that we seem to struggle with an understand. I feel like I constantly upset the hierarchy where I work. I feel afraid to take further action about a situation I am in which involves some equipment within the workplace. This equipment has been giving me some pain in my back and back strain. The position is for me to not be moved from where I am currently stationed and I am very fearful that should I try and stand up for my rights without appearing as aggressive or militant that I will encounter a hostile situation where I may have to re-consider my situation within the workplace. This means that I would be confronted with the option of having to resign. By even writing this post I fear putting myself into danger but I am at a loss to really know what to do. If I say something I will appear as a trouble maker but if I try very hard to use the equipment in order to prevent further complications then this seems the only option. It has been brought to my attention with the use of manuals and training how to use this equipment.
I find office politics very hard to deal with. I am surrounded by different personalities which I cannot always understand or be aware of their motives. I feel at times that I am also being pushed out and this is not always pleasant. Wherever I turn I feel afraid of what may happen to me. If I consult the union I may create trouble as well as the management. I just feel at a loss. People do not understand that Aspies often need guidance when wanting support and I have not received much in my life. In one institution I was manipulated within a political power game like meat in a sandwich. I was just used as a pawn in some game where a person used me to get back at another and once this was done I was without any friends. It was hard to know where to turn. No matter what I say or do I am either a trouble maker or I seem to upset people. Should I really exist in a life of solitude like one Aspie does in another country? People just seem to not understand where my struggles are and how my mind actually works. Holding down a job in itself is just so difficult at times but I try and hang in there as best I can. Often when it gets so overwhelming, the only solution which of course is not workable and a disadvantage is to resign. Where does one go after this if they cannot get another job and employers don't know or want to bother with a person if they are on the Autism Spectrum? It constantly frustrates me that Aspies are not understood within the wider community. We have very few if at all any services. We are largely lonely and socially isolated. We do not have very good social networks and we do not succeed very well in relationships.
I feel at times that my own life has no meaning. The whole world is just so difficult. People around me don't see what I go through and people more or less just say that I have it easy and create my own problems. What am I to do? Can I just give up and live off a welfare payment when I do have intelligence and nobody wants to use it or try and help me with it? Am I supposed to do tasks that are well below my own level of ability? It is just so difficult. I find Australia a very hostile country for persons on the Autism Spectrum because Aspies either suffer in silence or the ones that can adapt are forced to be second rate neuro typicals. It is simply not fair. All I can do is to keep up the awareness work I do. I fear things are going to start getting harder for me at times and all I can do is hope that my resilience holds out. I currently exist in no man's land. I have very few if any close friends, am largely socially isolated and struggling to get by with keeping myself afloat. Surely things can change but will they? Perhaps the future knows?
Some years ago a person on the Autism Spectrum took her own life. She advocated continuously for awareness of the Autism Spectrum and even wrote several books. She experienced high levels of anxiety and it seems that nobody perhaps listened to what she was going through. Her loss was very sad to the Autism Community because she pioneered very hard to raise awareness.
Holding down a job is especially difficult for a person on the Autism Spectrum because there are so many social requirements in employment that we seem to struggle with an understand. I feel like I constantly upset the hierarchy where I work. I feel afraid to take further action about a situation I am in which involves some equipment within the workplace. This equipment has been giving me some pain in my back and back strain. The position is for me to not be moved from where I am currently stationed and I am very fearful that should I try and stand up for my rights without appearing as aggressive or militant that I will encounter a hostile situation where I may have to re-consider my situation within the workplace. This means that I would be confronted with the option of having to resign. By even writing this post I fear putting myself into danger but I am at a loss to really know what to do. If I say something I will appear as a trouble maker but if I try very hard to use the equipment in order to prevent further complications then this seems the only option. It has been brought to my attention with the use of manuals and training how to use this equipment.
I find office politics very hard to deal with. I am surrounded by different personalities which I cannot always understand or be aware of their motives. I feel at times that I am also being pushed out and this is not always pleasant. Wherever I turn I feel afraid of what may happen to me. If I consult the union I may create trouble as well as the management. I just feel at a loss. People do not understand that Aspies often need guidance when wanting support and I have not received much in my life. In one institution I was manipulated within a political power game like meat in a sandwich. I was just used as a pawn in some game where a person used me to get back at another and once this was done I was without any friends. It was hard to know where to turn. No matter what I say or do I am either a trouble maker or I seem to upset people. Should I really exist in a life of solitude like one Aspie does in another country? People just seem to not understand where my struggles are and how my mind actually works. Holding down a job in itself is just so difficult at times but I try and hang in there as best I can. Often when it gets so overwhelming, the only solution which of course is not workable and a disadvantage is to resign. Where does one go after this if they cannot get another job and employers don't know or want to bother with a person if they are on the Autism Spectrum? It constantly frustrates me that Aspies are not understood within the wider community. We have very few if at all any services. We are largely lonely and socially isolated. We do not have very good social networks and we do not succeed very well in relationships.
I feel at times that my own life has no meaning. The whole world is just so difficult. People around me don't see what I go through and people more or less just say that I have it easy and create my own problems. What am I to do? Can I just give up and live off a welfare payment when I do have intelligence and nobody wants to use it or try and help me with it? Am I supposed to do tasks that are well below my own level of ability? It is just so difficult. I find Australia a very hostile country for persons on the Autism Spectrum because Aspies either suffer in silence or the ones that can adapt are forced to be second rate neuro typicals. It is simply not fair. All I can do is to keep up the awareness work I do. I fear things are going to start getting harder for me at times and all I can do is hope that my resilience holds out. I currently exist in no man's land. I have very few if any close friends, am largely socially isolated and struggling to get by with keeping myself afloat. Surely things can change but will they? Perhaps the future knows?
