Existing in a human body and cognitive function

I have wondered why as an Aspie I tend to live more in my head than I do physically. I think I do because day to day functioning is difficult in a physical sense. I have always had difficulty with certain elements of co-ordination which has precluded me from playing sport and working out the world in a physical sense. I often wonder why Aspies have more issues with anxiety and wonder if this is because our minds work more visually than physically. In other words perhaps our brains work a lot harder than non Autistic people's brains do and this is why we experience meltdown and difficulty in dealing with sensory issues. Sometimes I feel as though I don't exist in a physical body. I feel foreign in it and more so I wonder if my brain is changing. As I grow older I find certain parts of my brain seem to be working and some feelings are becoming apparent. I notice the changes within my self and am starting to understand a little more about the world around me. I often have dreams that involve either flying, or water. For instance I sometimes dream that I am in an airplane, learn how to fly and or see water below me. Perhaps such dreams maybe telling me something? If I had to compare Aspies to NT's I would have to say that I think Aspies tend to rely more on their intelligence to work out the world around them. Also seeing and thinking in pictures is a way of coping more than seeing or feeling things in a physical sense. I find social situations overwhelming and become tired very easily. In fact working out constantly my physical environment and even navigating the social set up of a work environment can be mentally draining. I am not sure how many other Aspies experience this. I see Asperger Syndrome as a different way of thinking and being. Aspies don't want to be different to NT's but our thinking makes us so. We process and interpret information differently which tends to put us at odds with others around us. It also can make understanding hierarchy very confusing and difficult. Aspies need NT's to try and understand the social world and to navigate the many challenges and difficulties. The world is of course NT and Aspies are almost like aliens in that we just see things differently and often get things wrong. I think people just need to understand us better. As I get older I find myself feeling detached from myself physically in certain ways. I have often wondered who the real "Garry Burge" is and whether he exists or is more so defined by Asperger Syndrome. I just find myself having to constantly analyse who I am and work out how I need to change. For Aspies poor role models and no guidance makes it hard for us to come out of our shells. Some Aspies can be Chameleons and just mirror other people around them. It is hard for them to be or find who they really are and they seem to have the ability to just adapt to simply fit in with others. Asperger Syndrome affects everyone differently. However with Aspies we are all the same in that we are different to others around us. I think it is fair to say that we see things in black and white and are often literal with thought processes and comments we make. As an Aspie male I think I find the relationship scenario difficult because I think and act differently to NT males. The difference is that if you see things differently and act in different ways it is not always easy for women to understand because they perhaps see the more stereotypical male. I don't think Aspie men are out for ego or for fabricating so called bragging pursuits about how good they are as men etc. I also think that Aspie men confuse women because women just do not know how to grasp a man that just does not fit into the 'regular' stereotype. This is the way I see it anyhow. The dating process is like the interview process where a person is judged on performance at the time of the interview or date etc. Aspies I think are better if there is routine and consistency involved in a scenario. "So long as I have my routine and I know what I am supposed to do then I am fine", and "Why are there people talking to me about a job I am going for when more than likely I will not have much to do with them when I start the job anyway?". Such questions may arise when attending both the date and job interview which are similar. What I am saying is that both the date and the job interview have large expectations on them in terms of performance. It would be simple if the following scenarios could occur firstly with the date and then the job interview The date Questions How many times am I required to contact you? Can you let me know when I am required to show emotion and or affection? Am I able to have personal space when I am around you? I may need guidance and advice as to what I am supposed to do and how to act etc Perhaps some other questions may be added soon The interview process What is required in the job? Who is my main supervisor? How many hours a day am I required to work? What can I do if I experience difficulties in work or dealing with other co-workers? Can I be given a chance to demonstrate my abilities on the job? Is the job contract or permanent? Above are some examples of the types of questions which could be asked. The difficult thing with job interviews is that often they are set up in a hierarchical manner. A person is more involved in a process that is not always reciprocal and the interviewee can only provide feedback or questions at a certain time. The difficulty is that if an applicant wants to ask questions which may be urgent that this is seen as interrupting and such questions by being deferred can add the added anxiety of the Aspie forgetting about or not knowing or remembering how to ask the question later. The few job interviews I have been to I have found it hard to actually ask questions within the job interview itself. They seem to be controlled and hierarchical in nature and I just find it difficult as if I attempt to ask questions myself that this is more or less seen as some kind of interruption. The other problem is that I often struggle with telling interviewers my supposed good points. As well I struggle with just being forced to talk about or ask questions when I find constant talking difficult. I would prefer the interviewers showing me around the workplace and actually showing me the work duties involved. I can actually see what is going on rather than trying to rely on non visual queues and verbal language which I personally struggle with. I think also Aspies are disadvantaged in job interviews because our eyes are often fixated but not on the eyes of the interviewers. I often find it very and extremely difficult to look into a person's eyes for long periods and need to look away in order to concentrate. If the interview panel are not aware that I have AS they may think I am rude or detached when in fact I am trying to think and process information in order to answer the questions asked of me. Also when there is more than one interviewer I find it extremely difficult to shift my focus and thoughts from one person to the next. I have tried in the job interview to imagine what the interviewers are going to ask me and have answers prepared mentally prior to verbal contact. Also time management is difficult and I become anxious and get to job interviewers too early and obsess too much about how I will go at performance and what I will be asked. I am also aware of competition and know there are other applicants better suited or more qualified than I am. The whole process is just so difficult. I also find Selection Process difficult as I find it extremely difficult to be asked about my good points in a job. How do I know what they are if I am not told? Also why am I expected to lie about things or tell untruths about things I can supposedly do when in fact I have to learn them to start with? I just find it all so vexing. I am not sure if other Aspies can relate to what I have discussed in this post but I hope I have been able to shed some light on the difficulties with the interview process. Pretty much what I have raised above relates to dating but the difference is that this is all emotional.