I currently feel frustrated with some aspects of my life that when I try to do more and feel I could achieve a great deal that I confront people who do not understand me. I have been for the past 5 years felt frustrated in being within my current situation as I feel I am held back and that a stereotype exists about my own abilities and potential within an employment sense. I am given manual handling jobs but not jobs which involve thinking. I just hope that one day I can be involved in helping people with Asperger Syndrome in finding employment rather than existing within an employment framework where the main focus is on making money. People with Asperger Syndrome like to feel valued in employment and afforded the opportunity to demonstrate their skills and abilities more so than deal with a hierarchy which continually tries to not reward incentive. I just don't understand why. I see Equal Opportunity of working against a person with Asperger Syndrome as why does the opportunity go to other people more so than those who work hard and try to do their best. I also wonder if standing for the Disability Sub Committee is also worthwhile as I tried to serve to the best of my ability feeling my contribution worthless.
People often say or think that I am putting myself down or more importantly under selling myself in a confidence sense. I would like to emphasise that I am merely pointing out where my strengths and weaknesses exist. I am not a person who is talented and there are people on the Autism Spectrum who just battle through their lives on a day to day basis. All you can really do is continue to find ways to expand your networks and not believe or expect that you will be in the same job for the rest of your life being both undervalued and appreciated. If you try and do the right thing also, you just never seem to be acknowledged. I hope to eventually help people with Asperger Syndrome find employment and have a chance in being within work. I am looking at and exploring avenues to make this a reality but in the meantime, I just need to get the message out that more needs to be done for people with AS.
I felt proud of myself for having attended a meeting of Toastmasters last night and being around people who provided encouragement. I was brave to do so and I realised that there is a world out there who can be encouraging rather than discouraging. Society may hold expectations on people to either be achievers or just plodders, but I do believe I can do a lot more. Just shelving books in a library or sorting books in a warehouse is just a job to me but it is not something I want to do for the rest of my life. I know I can do more and I hope to help with making employment possible for people with Asperger Syndrome in the world. Too often you struggle on your own and are largely misunderstood or offend hierarchy. I hate being controlled and told what to do. I prefer to work on my own and I do not need people to give me direction which seems evident in NT employment. I was even asked on one occasion "What do you expect and what do you want us to do?". I felt the question very confrontational as it is not about me, it is about understanding better and raising levels of awareness so that more people and potential employers are aware. Within hierarchy I am always seen as some kind of trouble maker because I dare speak my mind. As I must again re emphasize, I am getting the message out there. I find it hard to trust people and to know who is honest and whom I can confide in but you can only do your best. I hope things change in the future and people need to not be so scared of change.
People can be very confrontational at times and you can get into trouble for speaking your mind and see the world from a different perspective. Does not this mean that we need to get the message out there? I have also found out that despite my efforts, that my book needs a lot of work? Why are things such a struggle and why do you have to battle all the time to get your voice heard? Why also do people react to you in a hostile matter whenever you point out a situation to them may need looking into or is not working properly and could be better?
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