I find being a man at times extremely difficult with all the expectations required of you and furthermore the so called 'ego' factor. For instance when you walk into a gym or you encounter other men, there is always a 'prove yourself' factor or "I am better than you are and I need to show it". Both Aspie and NT men are similar in that high expectations are placed on manhood but if you just see everybody the same, then others do not seem to see this and feel they need to show they are better than you are.
Perhaps this is a form of Tribalism that has its origins from the cave when a man would beat his fists upon his chest and show that he was the dominate species. He knew how to attract the opposite sex through a series of codes of behaviour and the other weaker species either remained on their own or adopted some other form of journey.
Where were the Aspie men in the centuries gone? They could be found in monasteries with a structured life as Dr Tony Attwood indicated. They spent a great deal of their time in seclusion and isolation from the world around them with a bell that rang indicating the time of day and provide structure.
In dealing with Egos I find them a constant annoyance because I am who I am and I do not feel I need to prove myself around others and I find it somewhat artificial when others try to demonstrate their manhood and feel that they need to prove something. I think for men with Asperger Syndrome and perhaps NT men that proving yourself and having to deal with society's high expectations a reason why men perhaps die earlier in life than women. It would be interesting to research the statistics in relation to men who be themselves and ones who have to always prove themselves. When dealing with the relationship stakes, Aspie Men are at a serious disadvantage because they are the least likely to beat their fists on their chests and to know naturally the hidden codes of human attraction. I can only speak from personal experience in that the expectations on manhood are too high for male adults with Asperger Syndrome. In a relationship therefore, women with AS are able to enter a relationship easier because expectations are lower. A woman can marry a wealthy man able to adjust to the pressures of the NT (neuro typical) world whereas a man in a lower quality of life does not meet the stereo typical image and therefore at a serious disadvantage in both relationship and social status requirements and expectations.
I find from personal experience that if you are a man with Asperger Syndrome that society is somewhat 'coy' of you, you feel and experience social isolation and withdrawal from people around you and they don't want to come anywhere near you for you are some kind of social freak. People don't intend to do it, it is just part of their natural instinct to avoid or distance themselves from that they are not sure or comfortable with which I call "The ugly duckling syndrome". What "The "Ugly Duckling Syndrome" means is that people tend to detract and avoid something that is a manifestation of uncertainty or in itself unconventional. I believe that a lot of men in my personal situation with Asperger Syndrome confront is that society does not see it normal or expected for a man to reveal his feelings. Men need to be 'macho' and not reveal their weakness. I am not suggesting that such behaviour is effeminate but men need to open up more and get counseling or confide in friends that are willing to listen to their needs or problems.
I have grown to accept who I am and perhaps a person reading this post may try to access my own situation by trying to find a box for it. Does their need to be a box and more importantly does their need to be a stereotype? I am who I am and if people are uncomfortable with the way I am then that is really their problem. The NT (Neuro Typical) world is confusing for me as I find people confusing and I never really know why they do not say what they really mean. Also why do people say they do not do this or that and actually they do? NT people seem to have a means of communication and language which is different from my or our (People with Asperger Syndrome) means of communication. The world is just a confusing place at times for everyone but more especially for Aspies. Also why are Aspies bullied and teased and virtually forced in some instances to become NT? Can't we be ourselves and others learn from us? We cannot change into an NT mold and forcing us to do so, will only place high expectations on us and make us depressed. I think studies need to occur into how Aspies show and relate to emotion and also how our brains actually work. Without Aspies this world would have no imigination or inspiration.
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