Hitting Rock Bottom

In my days prior to obtaining employment, I would constantly submit application after application to find myself unable to get through the interview process into employment. For one year, I worked within a School Library and despite my years of volunteer work and hard work, a position which was advertised went to someone else within the library who did not lift a finger and I found myself feeling deflated afterwards. I felt as though I had walked off a cliff and found it hard to know how to structure my day or get out of bed in the morning. When you lose self esteem and nobody understands what you go through, you feel a sense of deep pain and a sense of loss and purpose. People are distant and cold and you feel at your mercy to know how or find ways of overcoming this feeling. Not having any friends nor a partner to shoulder your loss, the world can seem such a lonely and frustrating place. I realise that my experience within this situation is not alone for other adults with Asperger Syndrome encounter the same situation. It is like society does not understand that adults with AS want to get ahead it is just that our different wiring and thinking tends to make things harder for us to adapt and adjust. Often adults find it difficult to get onto any payroll or to find paid employment. You constantly see people around you that look at you and don't see anything wrong when you suffer in silence and nobody really understands. Tragically some adults with Asperger Syndrome have committed suicide or tried to shut out the pain by taking drugs just simply because people don't take the time to try to understand and listen. The world cannot be changed but people can begin to understand the difficulties as it is our brains that are wired differently and we have no control over this. People with Asperger Syndrome stand alone in the disability arena because other people with disabilities have social networks or communication whereas people with Asperger Syndrome have difficulty communicating at all. Navigating the NT world is hard for Aspies and we have to work hard at it and we stuff up a lot or may appear standoffish or aloof but we cannot help this. I am tired of people who look at me as to how I present rather than the struggles I and many other Aspies go through. Hitting Rock Bottom is not a pleasant experience and not one many people would really like to endure. I have had 2 breakdowns in my life and I had to see a GP who doesn't believe in AS to be prescribed an Anti Depressant just to keep out of the doldrums. A hell of a lot of awareness needs to occur about AS and I hope this happens in my lifetime!!!