Laying the foundation stone for "Aspie Support"

Yesterday was both a big and exciting new day for adults on the Autism Spectrum in Brisbane.  We had our first inaugural meeting in our new location which has been kindly offered to us by Toowong Uniting Church.  I spent the morning, feeling excited about our new location as there is no noise, plenty of room to stretch out and places for others to go should they feel stressed or in meltdown or if they simply wanted to have a quiet chat. 

Aspie Support Group meeting at Toowong Uniting Church

Laying the foundation stone also means a lot of work ahead.  Like other Autism Associations of which we intend to work with, "Aspie Support" intends to provide information about what may be happening for instance at Asperger Services Australia with their new Games Group, Workshops and more importantly access to Asperger Services Australia can be provided by rail so there is no need to drive cars, catch buses etc.  The idea is to get more support happening for adults on the Autism Spectrum and adolescents for which I am happy to mention.  Although we are in our very early stages, the aim of "Aspie Support" would be as follows.

• Provide an adult support group to help overcome social isolation, loneliness and to manage anxiety better
• Allow for advice and better access to services and contacts to assist in these areas.  This may  include "Aspie Friendly" Doctors, Medical Professionals and Psychologists.
• Foster and forge friendships between adults on the Autism Spectrum
• Invite guest speakers to share stories for instance an elderly person who may have had an interesting life and just want people to listen and ask questions.
• Movie nights and other social events such as bushwalks, and outings. 
• Book reviews, sharing of special interests and musicals.

Stay tuned for more!

Aspie Support also has a long term vision to assist young adults and adolescents with finding employment and managing anxiety etc. For concerned parents they may feel confused about what and where next they can find assistance for their adolescent son or daughter on the Autism Spectrum.  I will also be endeavouring to make contact with more software testing organisations and with the help of Gordon Sanderson and others, help get things organised on this front.  Brisbane has also been considered for the next branch of Alpha Autism to assist adults on the Autism Spectrum.

I hear from many persons on the Autism Spectrum, families and friends who just find they are either confused or at a total loss of where to go next and a society just simply not understanding.  Over the coming months, organisations will be contacted more on the viewpoint of the adult perspective as to how to raise more awareness, tolerance and understanding.  I hope and anticipate to work within the group and with supporters of my own advocacy to better raise awareness, tolerance and understanding of Autism with such organisations to greatly improve the lives of persons on the Autism Spectrum. 

I must stress that we are in our very early stages but I do believe a great deal more is required to better accommodate adults on the Autism Spectrum and we hope in time to reach and achieve this goal.  Hopefully in time "Aspie Support" will allow adults on the Autism Spectrum to have a greater say and influence within the community to break down the barriers of misunderstanding and a lack of awareness and education.  So please stay tuned. 

Being a constant thinker and the land of suffocation

I often find myself thinking and analysing information.  Looking for ways of perfection and trying hard to make sense of a world that isn't always easy to understand.  I just find it almost impossible to go beyond a sentence with information relating to my special interest.  I do have many but I have had to over the years not talk about them as I have either been told I go on about them too much or that nobody else is interested. 

Living in a world which does not always fit in with my ways of thinking can in itself be a challenge. Beyond my personal space which I can more than often adjust to, the world is often just an overwhelming place.  People just don't seem to get me at all.  Often confusion can make me feel that nobody is listening nor understand.

This morning while writing this post on the computer I had the pleasure of talking with Courtney about spirituality, being Aspie, understanding the world and raising awareness of things in general.  I spoke to her for about 30mins.  Again I believe God at work.  I just do not understand at times why people cannot see that finding their spiritual side is important.  I spoke about my interest in Buddhism also and it was awesome.  I think God is working on me again. If only people would find their spiritual sides then life would be even better.  Using your brain and raising the lever from 10% to 90% or even above may be possible.  People don't always see that God works within them and if only they would just look more deeply into themselves.

This afternoon I am off to counseling but feel really good in that I had this conversation this morning.  I feel like my aura is strong and my feelings are not those of non Aspies.  I just like to help make the world a better place.  I think people have to stop shutting themselves off from the world around them and look deeper within.  I find people are now saying 'it was great talking to you!".  What is it within me?  Is God really working within me?  I sometimes find that words just flow and I feel more spiritual than I have previously.  This ability is allowing me to think more and feel connected with the world around me.  Also I feel I have a thirst for knowledge or perhaps it may be that I turned 40?

Perhaps people may like to look at this story on Jesus and the resurrection I am currently researching into the Shroud of Turin  I know I cannot change people as they probably think I am just Aspie and obsessed but what if you could use your brain more?  Wouldn't the world be a better place for you? Thought this In Search of episode may be of interest?          

Trying to make sense of the world around me

I often feel like I am more so a phantom who seems to observe society more so than participate in it.  I see people around me, institutions and other forms of human existence and wonder why people behave the way they do and why people seem hard to connect with.  Recently I was watching the 3 episodes of the 3 episodes of Dannion Brinkley on youtube and despite people perhaps labeling me as maudlin or obsessed, I found some of his comments very interesting.  I just hope that he is telling what he believes to be the truth instead of merely making money.

The world at the moment seems a very turbulent place and a hard place to live in.  Not at my own making, nor of other people I know but it seems by just the way things are.  I was in a discussion the other day concerning the existence of God.  The question was asked how come God existed if the holocaust or world wars existed?  In all reality perhaps God is beyond human comprehension and the way to find or understand God is to think, question, read and try to understand.  Unfortunately there may need to be an evil for people to understand good.  Throughout the ages, there has been evil in the world but goodness has prevailed longer than evil so perhaps this say something?  Despite the holocaust existing, and people suffering it may have been more so in the hands of evil people such as Hitler and his cronies.  Evil may exist on earth due to the human condition and the failure in man to learn, rectify his actions and understand?  Before I am criticised why not ask the question of yourself as to what you may believe or question?  I am merely just stating a view or question to arouse your own thinking???

I find this world very difficult to live in because people are becoming increasingly more selfish and you only here about something when you have done something wrong or offended someone.  You seldom receive praise for trying to do the right thing and acting honorably and this I feel perhaps is across the board.  We live in a world that is cut throat, selfish and often just difficult to exist in because the pressures of life are just so high and more so the expectations to accompany them.  I believe that if you strive to be good and try to do the right thing then you are more than often guided by what God wants to make for a better world.  I am fortunate to have some good people in life whom I believe are guided by God but at the risk of sounding self important, I have to be careful to choose my words.

In the video of Dannion Brinkley perhaps you need to ask yourself is the question of whether or not what he says actually does make sense?  Are people fearful and afraid of the very truths and some Aspies because we actually say things like they are?  In the words of Socrates "I only know that I know nothing".  Perhaps we need to understand this in ourselves but to strive and learn more about the world around us by thinking more and rejecting this material world which wants to just inflict things onto us without thinking and more so questioning?

I think that people need to strive towards making a better world but this cannot be done by just accepting the way things are and allowing greed and selfishness to prevail.  Recently I was told that I place myself in an "Aspie persecution box" but seriously is it me that needs to change or other people's attitudes?  It's a two way street.  I often spend vast periods of time to myself and just find the world often overwhelming and hard to make sense of.  I just think that people need to alter their ways of thinking and take the time to toil in the earth more and question so called things they may watch on television, read in newspapers or buy in the supermarket.  The fast food industry creates a way of  non thinkers as people are not getting the nutrition they require to fuel their brains and this throw away society does have some very negative implications to go with it? 

One final question.  Why has not a human being ever been the exactly them same apart from identical twins which are not exactly identical in this world ever?!  Are all humans a blue print of God and some cryptic code?  

A world which accepts neuro diversity

It would be a dream come true if the world at large was able to embrace neurodiversity.  One where people who think outside the square that have unique talents and abilities are accepted and not discriminated against.  A world where non Autistic persons could provide the hand of friendship to Autistic persons and finally say in the words of Martin Luther King "Free at last, Free at last, Lord Almighty we're free at last!".  This would be a much kinder option than persons on the Autism Spectrum confronting apartheid.  Most if not all of us can still not get a job and our condition holds us back and we confront an ever flowing tide of discrimination and often poor treatment.  Just like Martin Luther King spoke of freedom in civil rights in August 1963, persons with Autism are now confronting this within the cotton fields of the wider community.  Many are sitting on disability pensions, welfare, and in poor quality housing by the fact that employers simply will not give them a chance in a job!

As I stated before, Autism spreads across the whole globe and embraces every town and community.  Many are simply surviving as second rate citizens often being largely overlooked and facing the ever growing apartheid of ignorance and discrimination.  Why is this so?  The reason I believe is because Autistic persons are disadvantaged by an inability in having the essential and necessary social skills to help get them or us by in society.  Why then is neuro diversity not embraced?  People seem to have a fear of what they do not understand.  Throughout my life I simply have just wanted a friend or friends.  To be accepted and not feel that every time I try to communicate with people or try to enter relationships that I feel a sense of total rejection and deflation.  I don't care how old the persons are it would be nice to just feel included for once and accepted for the person I am.  I cannot change into some artificial person just for the sake of fitting in but it would be good to have people say hello, and if possible just be kinder and not so abrupt or hostile in terms of reciprocating often what little words are exchanged.

It is hard to constantly argue and stand up to people when in the first instance they are critical of the words and expectations which I may want.  If people could have better people skills also rather than reactive it would also make for a better world.  It just requires more awareness and understanding.  I often look at the speeches made by Martin Luther King on civil rights and implement the word Autism.  I see parallels with Autism when I still see high unemployment, social isolation, and discrimination.  The list sadly goes on.  Also how many women are willing to give an Aspie man a go in a relationship or friendship without the fear of treading carefully to avoid minefields within the communication process.  There is just no help in this area and every step with limbs feeling like they are blown off just makes you weary of treading any field where you may suspect you will walk away with no arms or legs until you can grow these back again and then lose them as there is still insufficient help and guidance to help you.

What is wrong with neuro diversity?  Why do people fear it?  Wouldn't the world be a boring place if everyone watched rugby league, drank beer and just didn't think?!  Ask yourself shouldn't the world have more time to embrace neuro diversity to make for a better world more so than fears of homophobia etc?   

Happy Memories in the 1980's

Life wasn't always so tough for me.  The times I enjoyed the most were the early 1980's.  At the time I lived in Kenmore in the western suburbs of Brisbane.  I did have some friends who used to visit.  One friend lived up the road with his bike and English Shephard dog.  In 1984, I also had a birthday party, and I had about 11 friends turn up. I knew some other people around my own age and sometimes they did visit.

In 1983, my parents were concerned about my lack of performance in school and after consulting with a school guidance counsellor, it was suggested that I have my eyes checked.  Before this period, I lived in a blurry underwater vision world.  Everything became clearer when I put on glasses and the blurred world all became sharp and better visioned.  At the optometrist in 1983, my response was when putting on a pair of glasses "how come I can now see black lines?".  You see everything before this was blurry for me.  Within a few days I was riding a push bike and would often explore around the neighborhood which was a lot safer back then.

Primary school also brought back memories of 1980's music and rotary telephones.  I used to ring up number combinations on the old phones back in the days of Telstra.  I also remember a few friends would play cricket on the top of the street and I never fitted in because I was clumsy at sport.  I also remember the Halloween trick or treat and watching Happy Days.  Back then Kenmore was a somewhat well to do suburb with a kind of New Zealand feel about it.  I remember one friend coming from there.1985 was the turning point as Grade 7 was the last year of primary school.  Everybody was changing around me and I did my best to adjust.

Having reflected on the memories I have and despite connecting with some people I remember on Facebook and knowing one person who sadly passed in 2000! I wonder why people don't wish to reconnect.  We were different back then and we are all older now? Thoughts and feelings have moved on.  I really don't want to know what happened to people I knew in the past as I could not bare any more sad stories.  I have moved forward a lot of ways emotionally and beginning to understand why people have boundaries.  We all evolve as people and we change in our lives.

When I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome  in 1998,I finally could understand why I was different.  Before this time the word Autism was uttered only once by my Late grandmother before her death in 1990. I never understood why I annoyed people and seemed to live in my own world.  The reformation began in 1998 to try and work on overcoming my faults.  I am learning all the time still.  I am trying to work on communication with some people I know.  I still remember other people who weren't all bad in both primary and high school, and some are on my Facebook. 
I remember some good people though but sadly friendships were never nurtured nor did teachers understand.  Where are these people now apart from the ones I remember?  I have learned humility, pain and tolerance as well as humility.  There is still however a long way for me to go.  Every dream supposedly opens up another Neuro pathway and I wish I could control the AS more which seems to control me.  I struggle with reading and concentration but manage to get by.  I won't be checking any cemetery records either as I don't want to feel sad about people who are no longer with us.  I may seem somewhat depressed to you but I am more so emotional.  I am grateful for having other Aspie friends on Facebook and would like to thank everyone for support me.  I know my way of communication may not be easy for others to understand but I appreciate others who are tolerant.
I have my own beliefs and I know that God is always around.  Thanks once again.  I am getting better
I think but I always appreciate the friendships and support I receive.  I also am trying not to still take
things literally or seeing things one dimensional.  It's hard work but I am trying to continue to get
help despite the difficult challenges and road ahead.
Over the last week I have found more Neuro pathways have opened up.  Hopefully this will help me grow.

A time of over thinking and some mental exhaustion

For some reason I find myself in some form of mourning again.  Last night I had a look at the Brisbane Cemetery Records http://www.brisbane.qld.gov.au/community/community-support/funeral-planning-and-grave-search/grave-location-search/index.htm just out of interest as I wanted to find out if a person I once knew was still alive.  At looking at the record I found that he died in June of this year 2012.  I also wanted to check on some people I knew from my primary school days and found sadly that one person I knew died at the age of 27 in 2000.  This being in the western suburbs of  Brisbane.  His cause of death is unknown.  It makes you realise when you see some of your contempories passed on, that you see life as precious.  It saddens me that  27 is just such a young age.  I turn 40 this year which is an achievement but what will the parents of this deceased person think when their deceased sons 40th birthday would have been on 1st December this year?  Perhaps they do not want to think about it?  Although I went to school with this person, it makes me realise that turning 40 is in itself an achievement.  I still have good health but with some anxiety and misunderstanding from others.  I know a few other people my own age and know one already who has hit the 40 mark.

I wonder to myself what will life be like from now?  Will things get better?  I am trying again at a very slow pace online dating.  I have shared a few emails back and forth but my head is gripped with some anxiety and emotion.  I don't know how to go, where things may lead or whether I am just putting myself through emotional torture.  I just try hard to not look for expectations.  I have the Facebook community and I at least have a job!  I also have support.  Reaching 40 well almost is a milestone for me as an Aspie because every year forward just gets harder and harder.  Trying to communicate and be understood by others is not easy.  Often the difficulty stems from the fact that people cannot understand or relate to what I go through and experience.

The life expectancy of an Aspie is unfortunately lower than that of non Aspies.  People don't realise understand us and we have to work harder at trying to coexist in a world that doesn't always get it.  As I go through this period of over thinking and some mental exhaustion, I know that I am moving forward ever so slightly.  This is better but it does take its toll.  

Brisbane Asperger Adults

I have some great news to inform you of Brisbane Asperger Adults.  This group has met for the second time and now attracts over 6 people, not that the numbers really matter anyway.  The group meets on weekends and it also provides adults with a real opportunity of paving the way to better support and hopefully improved services.

The group meets for coffee in Indoorrpilly in Brisbane's western suburbs on a Saturday and as well as enjoying a coffee, we also play board games such as scrabble and do other things which please members.  I am in the process of trying to find out about every member's individual interest to organise a group outing to make it possible for Aspies to establish real friendships and hopefully some interaction.  It is also pleasing that the adults attending would also be interested in software testing.  As I run the group meetings, I encourage other adults to work together without pressure which is in all honesty going well.  If only we could get software testing or adults into the library sector, I do believe it is possible that I can work with them to allow for a means of production.  It's just a matter of when software testing can reach the Brisbane market?

The group also operates within a non threatening environment and also I try to allow for grater turnout more so than just wanting more numbers.  Please stay tuned for further updates

Why writing is a release

Here it is Friday afternoon and the end of another working week.  I look ahead to the weekend but I also wonder how I can again write something in my blog in the attempt of not sounding obsessive or wanting the world to suddenly understand me more.  I take some comfort in knowing that I am getting more support but I still want to try and help those who follow in my footsteps.

The world is a confusing and yet overwhelming place but if you're an Aspie it's doubly so!  Just trying to make sense of those around you and to find inclusion is like climbing Mt Everst with loose sandals.  The more you climb the more the sandals may break apart but you know you have to keep climbing otherwise you'll never get to the top.  You will never be able to see that which you have left behind you in every step you make.

I draw comfort in the increasing and stable support I have on both Facebook, twitter and in my networks.  Without it I am a lone rock just weathering away in time.  I write to release the stress which builds in my body within my awareness of Autism in adults crusade.  By writing it provides me with a literary release but the thought of publishing remains a present volcano waiting to erupt.  I struggle with reading due to poor vision, concentration and attention but fortunately I can write!

I am currently lying on my back in my home office typing this post with one finger and my thoughts coming with the finger tapping.  Tomorrow the adult group meets in Brisbane and I am also in communication with others around me on Facebook.  It is truly awesome to see the many Facebook accounts, you tube videos and blogs that exist in cyberspace.  It is great to see more adults expressing themselves and as the adults and the new coming Aspies follow, I just hope thar the world will be a better place for us!  A world where inclusion becomes a reality and rejection a word of the past.  Where tribalists can stop trying to change Aspies and acceptance can become a reality.

Are Aspies born worriers?

Within the Aspie adult population I wonder how many of us are worriers or have a mutual understanding of our own concerns and issues?  As you may be aware I am in regular contact with Aspies from around the world.  I see that in the Aspie world there are often no boundaries or rules etc.  Some Aspies are in employment while others are not.  I am aware of the many issues which arise such as unemployment and increased levels of anxiety but there is often little that I and other advocates can do when we are in another country or in areas where there are a lack of services.

I take comfort in knowing that Autism and Asperger Syndrome are now known more about.  Back when I was diagnosed by Dr Tony Attwood, having people pronounce the word "Asperger" system often meant with ignorant responses like for instance "I didn't know someone could be allergic to Asparagus" or "what the hell is that!".  I have been concerned by recent unfounded comments notably from Joe Scarborough and some others portraying Aspies as violent people which we are not. If we are violent people then how come there has been such a concerned response from adults within the Autism Community of being likened to the mass murder James Holmes?  As Aspies most of us if not all want inclusion and better understanding in society more so than further exclusion and rejection?   Time and time again there are comments which can arise from within the media and it takes strong and active advocates to contact those media persons concerned to ask them to retract unfounded comments.  After all the Autism Community doesn't want to step back in time.

Advocacy work often feels at times like it is unrewarding and a thankless job.  There are some adults on the Autism Spectrum that despise me and the advocacy work which I do.  You cannot please everyone.  It is just a pity that more Aspies cannot work together more so than cause or create division.  Quite simply this is not helping our cause.  I am concerned for Aspies and I am a born worrier when I witness Aspies whom I believe may fall into the concern or even possible risk of suicide category.  The finger can't be pointed at the Aspie adult all the time but more so the fingers from the Adult Autism Community need to be held out or more so from the non Aspies to try and encourage inclusion.  It would be good to live in a world that does not carry stigmas, labels etc.  A world which would acknowledge that the Autism Spectrum in adults is a reality and that instead of hostility or reactive responses that these would be replaced by more accommodating ones.  I am not say that all people are like this but there are some and it doesn't really help the Autism cause.

I would suggest that Aspies are natural worriers and I think our minds constantly ruminate about certain feelings and thoughts. Some comments which may be shrugged off by others may be instead for an Aspie something we may not always understand or agree with.  I just hope that attitudes do change and that younger and all people allow Aspies into their worlds.  We can only hope.   

Bad parenting versus society's attitude

Some years back I met with the mother of an adult on the Autism Spectrum. Like so many parents of Autistic off spring, she informed me that a psychiatrist had accused her of being a bad parent. Her son lived at home, had no friends and was in a dead end job. Once more he was heavily medicated. I have since learned that he died unexpectantly which indeed very sad. Should parents of Autistic adults just accept comments like this from those in the medical fraternity in relation to raising for and being concerned for their off spring? What people need to understand is that parents of Autistic offspring are concerned about their well being and how the world is going to treat or behave to Autistic people who think outside the square and often badly misunderstood and treated poorly by those who just don't get it. In my opinion the motive behind changes to the DSMV are driven by motives. One of these being that not allowing Autistic people to be who they are and not get their own way will mean that better acceptance will no longer see the need for medication. Quite recently after meeting a close to understanding doctor at a university, I was more or less informed that I needed to find a local GP. In one instance meeting a local GP meant that I was prescribed Xanax. I am glad that I got off this medication, not only because I was not told how to use it properly but more so the negative effects it left me with. I felt so detached from my body that I feared public spaces, more importantly the need to drive a car and go to work etc. I also experienced sudden panic attacks and very high levels of anxiety. I just cannot fathom at times why poorly trained doctors are quick to medicate more so than provide therapy? I don't think most parents should be blamed for the upbringing of their Autistic offspring but more so the attitude often negative behaviours of people totally unaware of the Autism Spectrum. Imagine if you are a parent of an Autistic person wouldn't you fear for the future of this person? Wouldn't you fear or being concerned about bullying and predators? It annoys me that most psychiatrists just have not any clue to being able to provide therapy more so than relying on medication as a quick fix? Are Autistic people just being medicated as a means of control and what right do those in power have to no longer use the definition or diagnostic criteria of Asperger's Syndrome? I can't speak for the parents of the deceased adult who was on the Autism Spectrum but I do believe that society's attitude and understanding of the Autism Spectrum needs to change. Parents of Autistic off spring should not always take the blame as being bad parents, especially when it comes to the death of an adult who may have been on medication and may have died due to poor medical training and understanding. Why are doctors and medical practioners not trained enough? Perhaps find an answer to this question before parents are blamed!?

RIP to an Aspie

I don't want to sound maudlin but today I learned of the death of a person I met some years ago who was on the Autism Spectrum.  This person was put in touch with me by a family friend as he was experiencing loniliness and social isolation at the time.  Although I only met him a few times to try and help him to come out of some of the challenges and difficulties he was experiencing, sadly communication with this person ended after a few attempts.  He did come over one time which was a big challenge for him but he suffered constantly from anxiety and some other personal issues.  I met this person's parents on a few ocassions who informed me that the only friend he had was a cousin.  His cousin was his only source of interaction and friendship.  Please note I knew the person in and around 2005 well and truly before he passed away.

The person lived with his parents.  The usual situation.  Social isolation and finding social interaction extremely difficult.  He also held down a job but I think he was on and off work.  He had varying degrees of energy levels.  The last time I saw the person alive was at his parent's place.  I tried a few times to contact the person to try and help them further but sadly I spoke to either his mother or sister.  I knew I could only do my best.  Today at church I learned that the person who I don't want to name for privacy reasons had passed away.  I just wanted to find out when by a matter of interest and I found out that he died in November 2010 unexpecently.  I am not insensitive to want to contact the parents as they may still be grieving but I feel saddened in some ways that I didn't do enough.  However, I know that I am not always able to change the world and I can only  help people to a varying degree.  I have known of a couple of people with disabilities who have died in parental care.  I am finding the church a source of some comfort but when some people do not always understand or treat you in not a very nice way,  you sometimes wonder how much you yourself can take it? 

37 is a very young age to die.  This is why life needs to be lived as best as possible.  Also it is important that people try to understand Autism and other disabilities better because there is nothing truly worse than social isolation and depression.  The feeling and sometimes thinking that nobody really cares when you wake up in the morning or when you put your head down to go to sleep at night.  I just cannot understand why more is not being done about disabilities and support for persons that need help?  Life is important.  All I can do is say RIP to the person I knew and at least I may have tried to help when I came into your life to offer you the hand of friendship.  I just don't understand why NT people have to be so one sided or wanting friendship on their terms?  I am not depressed nor feeling bad about myself but I just wish people would jettison this selfish and me focused world we live in.  It is getting nobody anywhere and it seriously need to be revisted with a different outlook. 

Opening up community and preventing social isolation

There are many problems in the world today and all that you see, hear or watch on television is either boring or has no purpose.  What then can be done?  I was thinking that perhaps churches, and other organisations should encourage people to come out and have fun again.  Why not open church halls up on weekends to board game nights such as chess, scrabble and interactive games?  Why not have costume parties or medieval nights and encourage people to use imagination?  I was thinking that in Brisbane why not have on a Saturday or Saturday night a regular activity to encourage people to get out, think and to get away from negativity?  For instance at St Johns Cathedral in Brisbane a talk could be on stained glass or of some notable person or even genealogy?  I think people are too serious now and people are afraid to go out. 

In Brisbane for instance people want only to do things during the week and for some including myself week nights are no fun.  I don't want to be out late and I find that going out late only causes me over stimulation and I have difficulties sleeping afterwards.  Why are weekends so boring and people don't do anything as a community?  For children they need to get away from computers and need to get out to use their brains and to think. So to their parents and other children.  The problem is that people are becoming zombified because they are not encouraged to think and choose to lock themselves inside their houses and behind high fences away from others.  So why not try and change this?  Why not get out on weekends and have things on weekends more so than just see them as 2 days off and then back to work?  Why is a workplace miserable for people?  Why can't workplaces be better managed and staff more friendly toward each other?  Why can't staff be better looked after so that they enjoy coming to work more so than just chasing small pieces of coloured paper? 

I have some friends in ministery and I am proud to know them.  I don't believe in pushing christianity down people's throats but churches have to engage in bringing the community together.  Why not have more community and assistance for persons with disabilities, elderly or who may be lonely?  All it takes is for churches to open up their church halls and to organise some social events despite how difficult this may be to get people to attend.  It's all about having fun.  It's all about bringing community back and making the world a better place. Goodness is about making people happy and encouraging people to care and look after each other.  It also means for allowing acceptance of those who may be different and may think outside the box.  I think churches need to open their doors more other than just offering services.  They need to host events that engage the community.  Encourage people to participate.  For instance for a board game not, encourage people to bring a long their favourite board game, or to provide some food and coffee for all to share?  The world is only negative if people don't choose to try.  Ask your church minister or perhaps the minister for the church to have a board game night, a trivia night, a 1950's night, a costume party or a movie night on a weekend and make these regular.  People need to be happy.  I hear so many stories of people saying they're are happy when in fact they are lonely.  I know one friend whose son who has bipolar is having a hard struggle with a broken marriage.  Why do so many people need to be alone?  The ball needs to start rolling and I would encourage as a mere citizen that community needs to be brought back so that people feel good about themselves again instead of being locked away and hostile. 

How to communicate to someone on the Autism Spectrum

Unfortunately some or certain people hold a view that persons on the Autism Spectrum are introspective and want everyone to change for the sake of them or a few.  I would like to correct this thought by saying that most sensible persons on the Autism Spectrum entertain the concept of a two way means of communication which does not discriminate or maintain bias towards either an Aspie or non Aspie.

So how therefore is communication possible with a person on the Autism Spectrum?   Firstly a person on the Autism Spectrum has or her own way of thinking and processing information.  Secondly the best way to communicate to a person on the Autism Spectrum is to try and understand our world and our means of communication.  Even though this may be taxing for a non Autistic person, just making some time for the Autistic person on ocassion can go a long way.  Ask questions which are not too personal or express an interest in finding out what makes an Aspie tick.  This may be by talking about or sharing in the special interest or showing that you are a kind person and don't want to hurt the Autistic person's feelings.  Aspies can often perceive information a different way or may have a literal interpretatoin on the world but this does not mean that Aspies are robots lacking in empathy.  As an Aspie an action may not be automatic or automated for us.  For instance we may act or say something which may offend the non Autistic person or perhaps get up their nose. 

The biggest barrier and difficulty for an Aspie is social isolation and communication.  Sadly the world is non Aspie and people interact in a non Aspie way but for an Aspie, the non Aspie way may be very confusing with smoke and mirrors.  There may als be gray areas and social nuisances, barriers and conventions which we may struggle to see. 

What are some strategies to communicate to an Aspie?

1. Find out their special interest
2. Watch Pride and Prejudice
3. Ask questions not too personal about how the person with Autism, thinks, feels and sees things around them
4. Try to explain more so than demand or criticise the person with Autism
5. Explain diplomatically even if it may be challenging an action which may have offended.
6. Show the Autistic person you are kind and try to forge a level of trust and safe guard them against attacks from the insidious
7. Don't reprimand or rouse on the Autistic person. 

Persons on the Autistic Spectrum should be treated like everyone else and the world is not one way but more so varied.  How do you think you can be a friend or communicate with an Autistic person?  The main problem with the world is that people are busy and making time is not always possible. Also people can be impatient with Aspies or just not bother with us because of our complexities.  It is just a matter of finding a way to communicate to enter the Autistic person's world. 

It's back to the drawing board again, well almost!

I am only one human being in this world.  However, I consider myself one strong one.  For the past almost 2 weeks out of a month I have been house sitting at Albany Creek which is about 20kms north of Brisbane.  I spent the first 6 years of my life within this suburb.  When I was young, I remember while my grandmother lived at Alderley that I would often pass the Albany Creek Crematorium and up Old Northern Road, past our old family home that was on Jacaranda Drive.  How things have changed since then.  I spent last Sunday re visiting places I used to recall.  I went out to the Crematorium in which my grandmother's ashes (Mamar) can be found and working out exactly where she was interred.  The walls are not easy to find based on past memories, but luckily after contacting my father and obtaining the necessary specifics and not giving up, I found where Mamar's plot is to be found.  I remember when I was a child driving up in her old Tarana automatic seeing the Crematorium as we passed and I wonder if Mamar knew back then that this is where she would end up?  Perhaps she knew and nobody else did?

I have been under some stress lately and Monday 18th June 2012 was not a good day.  On this day I did not feel good and had to call in sick from UQ.  On trying to do the right thing, I contacted the doctor and went in and saw him.  I described exactly how I was feeling and the social isolation and loneliness I felt then and still feel somewhat now.  Although house sitting gives me independence, I still find myself largely socially isolated from others around me.  I caught up with old family friends and neighbours but I struggled to know what to say to them, apart from the fact that they remembered me last when I was 6 years old.  It was interesting seeing our English neighbours looking older with gray hair and thinking that way back they remembered me and some of the things I told them.  I also find that trying to talk to people about things is just about impossible.  It feels like I am a past visitor to an area that I used to live in.  I used to think that Albany Creek was not part of Brisbane and when I was 3 years old, I used to say to myself that I was from Albany Creek and not Brisbane.  People seem a bit more open in Albany Creek and I have noticed there are a few forests about.  I visited my old school where the teacher Miss Muir used to change her shoes and I spent the days in school putting stickers into cartoon books than learning tasks and being involved with the other children.

I feel frustrated a lot in that I am merely living on survival skills and intelligence but my interactive skills seem not existent.  I just find that I can speak a few sentences at the most and after that I just become mentally drained.  On Monday, I felt so tired mentally as I drove to UQ (University of Queensland) Doctor to express my concerns about working in what I term a toxic environment.  It is like most if not all staff understand me or talk and other people I know around campus just simply ignore me even though I have met them etc.  I cannot understand why they do this and I try not to let it bother me.  I have 2 more weeks after this week in the house sit at Albany Creek.  I am looking after a border collie, a grey cat and a small fish.  I seem to be spending most of my time talking to myself or trying to watch anything meaningful on television. I also take the dog for a walk and use the treadmill in the hope of feeling better.  Also to burn off some calories and to try and keep fit.  I really think mental health in Australia is not good.  People are just ignored, live in their homes if they have one and the wider community fail to understand.  I turn on Parliament Question Time and I am disappointed to see politicians only looking after their own interests.  They seem detached from their constituents and I wonder why this is the case?  What about people who need help and support?  Isn't this better than attacking each other and mud slinging? 

I am trying to organise a trip for next year.  I wonder if I will be able to handle it or find a tour which understands me as I think and act a little differently to others?  I also am working things as best I can for the future.  I also am trying to work out things that are happening now..  I enjoy working in the Dorothy Hill Physics and Sciences & Engineering Library and have felt so uncomfortable with the Social Sciences Library to escape to what I consider a safe zone.  I feel it more conducive to my work situation but I know that I cannot be moved there which I find disappointing.  I feel freer and able to function better and although I make mistakes, I try to learn from these and not ask too many questions.  It is asking too many questions that obviously irritates people? 

I am trying to remain strong at the moment but I just wish people would understand better.  Perhaps one day this may happen??!!!

Autism misunderstanding and bullying

I often feel at times like people are trying their best to convert me to their way of thinking when in fact I am not interested and unable to think the way that they do.  For instance I was told recently that I don't follow conversation and struggle to keep on track.  I found such a comment inappropriate for this is the way I think and function.  I also find that 'tribalism' which is what I call the forced conversion of a person on the Autism Spectrum to think and act like a non Autistic person somewhat insensitive.  Within work environments for instance I have had cowboy managers adopt this 'blokey' and 'ego' culture which in all honesty is so tedious and boring.  I mean what is the point of it and also being set up with women or forced to be around them due to fears of homophobia.  Honestly this is just annoying.  I really don't give a stuff what people think of me and the way I live, I just don't like being told what I should do and how to think.  I am capable of doing this myself.  Also trying to deal with difficult people in workplaces is just draining.  You try and act with a degree of decorum, dignity and kindness and all these people want to do is try and drag you or put you down.  Again I don't understand it.

Bullying for a person on the Autism Spectrum occurs when the person with Autism is in a work environment. Our often difficulty with social interaction which is an impairment in two way interaction causes us difficulty.  For the non Autistic person, they just don't get how an Autistic person struggles within a work environment to make sense of it.  Added to this putting up with the many personalities which just make survival in a work place hard work.  I still find some difficult people to work with.  I have to try and be strong just to get through the working day. In particular a person who constantly likes to try and test my boundaries.  Sending me to work areas where there is little work or just ignoring my rights within the workplace.  For instance I tend to fear having an injury at work because I feel that I would be left defenceless and I know of another Aspie who was in this situation.  He was provided with no supervision and obtained a workplace injury and then had to drive to work with his broken arm and in pain with no help in the workplace. It does happen and it is not acceptable.  Where I currently work I would like to be moved away from some difficult staff members but I fear that this may not be possible.  I just hope the future will be better and get better.  I am sick to death of people who say they are envious of my lifestyle for if th ey were all lined up I would defend myself as best I could.  Nobody else will do it so I will do it!  I have always had to stand up for myself so nothing is new here! 

Aspies tend to internalise difficulties and often a sense of isolation can occur within a work environment when other staff are simply unhelpful or not approachable.  Furthermore society in general seems to not understand through lack of education and awareness of just how Autism grips the person affected by it. There can be a sense of alienation and confusion.  I currently work in two libraries and enjoy one better than the other.  I have also been appointed Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Officer in the Dorothy Hill Physics, Sciences and Engineering Library at the University of Queensland.  I look forward to commencing my duties in this roll and getting as much help as possible to do my best.  I think that anti bullying laws need to be incorporated into Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Laws and the sooner the better. 

I will try and provide updates on my new role as Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Officer should I be able to attend the meeting this afternoon without enduring fear or this being acknowledged within my workshift.  I just want to try and do the right thing.  It is my understanding that the Newman Queensland Government may look into the incorporation of Anti Bullying into Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Laws but again only time will tell. 

Taking things personally

It can often be difficult when you think that everything revolves around you.  You may feel that perhaps you are in some kind of stage production where everything may seem like a conspiracy and your mind over thinks.  I have found that meditation can assist with over thinking.  I try to imagine the sound of a waterfall and draw my mind to this when I need help to sleep.  If my mind wanders, I draw my thoughts back to the waterfall and I find that I can become calmer. 

The biggest challenge within employment or social situations is that often difficult experiences and on the spot defence mechanisms can be debilatating.  For instance you can often sense a feeling of being bullied when someone may be off hand given a work situation or activity and you can bear the brunt of such behaviour and take it personally. Often communication can be differently interpreted and careful explanation required just to make things better understood but not harshly.

I had a meeting yesterday with the line manager and a union representative to talk about some issues I am confronting.  I very much enjoy working in one library as I feel it is like heaven compared to another library which is like hell.  In the latter I feel more stressed, I find more staff difficult to deal with an the internal stairwell causes me grief and sends me into sensory overload.  Not to mention the very slow lift which just makes things so much worse.  I have asked to be transferred out of the hell library and into the heaven library as I find the managment more supportive.  I grow tired of having to conform in the hell library to this stupid 'macho' and 'blokey' atmosphere. Also being told that because I am young that I am supposed to handle a book machine which causes my back some pain at times.  I just don't enjoy the hell library.  I have worked in it for 6 years and as I write this post, I fear that decisions could be made to keep me in the hell library which may also worsen my mental health. 

The meeting went well and some changes are planned which I was told about.  I just hope things get better.  I am currently house sitting and trying to survive at times feels like I am treading water.  I rely on meditation where I can and hope to plan a trip overseas to Turkey and Greece possibly next year to coincide with Anzac Day.  I would like to see where Australian and New Zealand soldiers fought at Gallipoli and more so represent the Autism community by visiting this important site.  I was also told that perhaps I could afford a Greek Villa but who knows, I think I need a bit more money for that one. 

The biggest difficulty Aspies confront is that people do not understand us and because of this we often experience great misunderstanding.  I feel blessed in that where I work and I thanked the manager for this that without her support, I don't think I would have been able to survive in employment as long as I have. Although I was unsuccessful in a Library Assistant position for not putting in enough to address the selection criteria and with the position being highly competitive, I have now worked at UQ for about 6 years now within the University of Queensland Library.   I also mentioned at the meeting yesterday that I hope my employment gives hope to others. 

In the meantime I have a busy period ahead.  I finish the Chapel Hill house sit on Sunday and start the Albany Creek one on Sunday for a month.  The Albany Creek house sit is a bit further from the University of Queensland but it allows me some independence from my elderly parents and them from me.  It also allows me to grow within myself.  I am just tired of critics who through misunderstanding make unhelpful comments and I just wish they would understand.  I will provide more updates later.

Taking on more responsibility

I am currently house sitting through a house sitting agency called Simply Sitting  Although it is very a very responsible duty, I have been offered another house sit at Albany Creek in the northern suburbs of Brisbane.  I spent the first 6 years of my life in Albany Creek, so returning their for 4 weeks will be an interesting revisit.

I am experiencing some levels of anxiety at the moment because my life feels rather uncertain.  I just do not know what is happening in this country and it appears that whomever I talk to, either people are hostile, keep to themselves or simply react to anything I say.  I don't really discuss politics but more so look for help and someone to listen as best I can.  I even approached one of the managers in the UQ Library just to talk things out as I feel very isolated and somewhat lonely at present.  It just feels like everyone has closed their doors and nobody wants to talk anymore. 

It is hard when you think and act and process information in your own way. Added to this, live a life outside the box.  What are you to do and how can people better understand you?  It seems that talking to anyone now they just seem to shirk those whom they consider may be needy.  This look after yourself first and only is not something I am used to nor is it something I particularly like.  In neighbourhoods, neighbours do not talk, and in organisations people remain guarded and defensive.  It is just like that whenever you step outside that you have to be careful not to step on egg shells or walk on minfields.  The only way to cope is to lock yourself away and try to do your own thing.

I really don't know where Australia is going anymore. I feel no connection to this country as people just seem, well most like zombies.  They are not willing to talk or listen to you or anyone who may simply just need someone to listen.  I feel proud in myself that I am able to do house sits as it involves a large amount of responsibility but in terms of a career path, the world seems uncertain. I did apply knowing well in the back of my mind that I would be unsuccessful again in a Library Assistant position. Like with dating, or pursuing expectations that they may not always work out.  So I just try not to have expectations anymore. 

I will be house sitting at Albany Creek shortly and again taking on the important responsibility of looking after pets and property, so I know I must be doing something right?  I also have watched the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Celebrations as best I can on television with the little coverage available.  Despite people's views, the reign of the Queen of 60 years is an achievement.    Finally my parents have informed me that they will be unable to pay for electricity like they once did and will need to cut back.  They are hoping that the solar panels may help in returning power to the grid and preventing the burning of fossil fuels.  Well this is an update for now