Bad parenting versus society's attitude

Some years back I met with the mother of an adult on the Autism Spectrum. Like so many parents of Autistic off spring, she informed me that a psychiatrist had accused her of being a bad parent. Her son lived at home, had no friends and was in a dead end job. Once more he was heavily medicated. I have since learned that he died unexpectantly which indeed very sad. Should parents of Autistic adults just accept comments like this from those in the medical fraternity in relation to raising for and being concerned for their off spring? What people need to understand is that parents of Autistic offspring are concerned about their well being and how the world is going to treat or behave to Autistic people who think outside the square and often badly misunderstood and treated poorly by those who just don't get it. In my opinion the motive behind changes to the DSMV are driven by motives. One of these being that not allowing Autistic people to be who they are and not get their own way will mean that better acceptance will no longer see the need for medication. Quite recently after meeting a close to understanding doctor at a university, I was more or less informed that I needed to find a local GP. In one instance meeting a local GP meant that I was prescribed Xanax. I am glad that I got off this medication, not only because I was not told how to use it properly but more so the negative effects it left me with. I felt so detached from my body that I feared public spaces, more importantly the need to drive a car and go to work etc. I also experienced sudden panic attacks and very high levels of anxiety. I just cannot fathom at times why poorly trained doctors are quick to medicate more so than provide therapy? I don't think most parents should be blamed for the upbringing of their Autistic offspring but more so the attitude often negative behaviours of people totally unaware of the Autism Spectrum. Imagine if you are a parent of an Autistic person wouldn't you fear for the future of this person? Wouldn't you fear or being concerned about bullying and predators? It annoys me that most psychiatrists just have not any clue to being able to provide therapy more so than relying on medication as a quick fix? Are Autistic people just being medicated as a means of control and what right do those in power have to no longer use the definition or diagnostic criteria of Asperger's Syndrome? I can't speak for the parents of the deceased adult who was on the Autism Spectrum but I do believe that society's attitude and understanding of the Autism Spectrum needs to change. Parents of Autistic off spring should not always take the blame as being bad parents, especially when it comes to the death of an adult who may have been on medication and may have died due to poor medical training and understanding. Why are doctors and medical practioners not trained enough? Perhaps find an answer to this question before parents are blamed!?

RIP to an Aspie

I don't want to sound maudlin but today I learned of the death of a person I met some years ago who was on the Autism Spectrum.  This person was put in touch with me by a family friend as he was experiencing loniliness and social isolation at the time.  Although I only met him a few times to try and help him to come out of some of the challenges and difficulties he was experiencing, sadly communication with this person ended after a few attempts.  He did come over one time which was a big challenge for him but he suffered constantly from anxiety and some other personal issues.  I met this person's parents on a few ocassions who informed me that the only friend he had was a cousin.  His cousin was his only source of interaction and friendship.  Please note I knew the person in and around 2005 well and truly before he passed away.

The person lived with his parents.  The usual situation.  Social isolation and finding social interaction extremely difficult.  He also held down a job but I think he was on and off work.  He had varying degrees of energy levels.  The last time I saw the person alive was at his parent's place.  I tried a few times to contact the person to try and help them further but sadly I spoke to either his mother or sister.  I knew I could only do my best.  Today at church I learned that the person who I don't want to name for privacy reasons had passed away.  I just wanted to find out when by a matter of interest and I found out that he died in November 2010 unexpecently.  I am not insensitive to want to contact the parents as they may still be grieving but I feel saddened in some ways that I didn't do enough.  However, I know that I am not always able to change the world and I can only  help people to a varying degree.  I have known of a couple of people with disabilities who have died in parental care.  I am finding the church a source of some comfort but when some people do not always understand or treat you in not a very nice way,  you sometimes wonder how much you yourself can take it? 

37 is a very young age to die.  This is why life needs to be lived as best as possible.  Also it is important that people try to understand Autism and other disabilities better because there is nothing truly worse than social isolation and depression.  The feeling and sometimes thinking that nobody really cares when you wake up in the morning or when you put your head down to go to sleep at night.  I just cannot understand why more is not being done about disabilities and support for persons that need help?  Life is important.  All I can do is say RIP to the person I knew and at least I may have tried to help when I came into your life to offer you the hand of friendship.  I just don't understand why NT people have to be so one sided or wanting friendship on their terms?  I am not depressed nor feeling bad about myself but I just wish people would jettison this selfish and me focused world we live in.  It is getting nobody anywhere and it seriously need to be revisted with a different outlook. 

Opening up community and preventing social isolation

There are many problems in the world today and all that you see, hear or watch on television is either boring or has no purpose.  What then can be done?  I was thinking that perhaps churches, and other organisations should encourage people to come out and have fun again.  Why not open church halls up on weekends to board game nights such as chess, scrabble and interactive games?  Why not have costume parties or medieval nights and encourage people to use imagination?  I was thinking that in Brisbane why not have on a Saturday or Saturday night a regular activity to encourage people to get out, think and to get away from negativity?  For instance at St Johns Cathedral in Brisbane a talk could be on stained glass or of some notable person or even genealogy?  I think people are too serious now and people are afraid to go out. 

In Brisbane for instance people want only to do things during the week and for some including myself week nights are no fun.  I don't want to be out late and I find that going out late only causes me over stimulation and I have difficulties sleeping afterwards.  Why are weekends so boring and people don't do anything as a community?  For children they need to get away from computers and need to get out to use their brains and to think. So to their parents and other children.  The problem is that people are becoming zombified because they are not encouraged to think and choose to lock themselves inside their houses and behind high fences away from others.  So why not try and change this?  Why not get out on weekends and have things on weekends more so than just see them as 2 days off and then back to work?  Why is a workplace miserable for people?  Why can't workplaces be better managed and staff more friendly toward each other?  Why can't staff be better looked after so that they enjoy coming to work more so than just chasing small pieces of coloured paper? 

I have some friends in ministery and I am proud to know them.  I don't believe in pushing christianity down people's throats but churches have to engage in bringing the community together.  Why not have more community and assistance for persons with disabilities, elderly or who may be lonely?  All it takes is for churches to open up their church halls and to organise some social events despite how difficult this may be to get people to attend.  It's all about having fun.  It's all about bringing community back and making the world a better place. Goodness is about making people happy and encouraging people to care and look after each other.  It also means for allowing acceptance of those who may be different and may think outside the box.  I think churches need to open their doors more other than just offering services.  They need to host events that engage the community.  Encourage people to participate.  For instance for a board game not, encourage people to bring a long their favourite board game, or to provide some food and coffee for all to share?  The world is only negative if people don't choose to try.  Ask your church minister or perhaps the minister for the church to have a board game night, a trivia night, a 1950's night, a costume party or a movie night on a weekend and make these regular.  People need to be happy.  I hear so many stories of people saying they're are happy when in fact they are lonely.  I know one friend whose son who has bipolar is having a hard struggle with a broken marriage.  Why do so many people need to be alone?  The ball needs to start rolling and I would encourage as a mere citizen that community needs to be brought back so that people feel good about themselves again instead of being locked away and hostile. 

How to communicate to someone on the Autism Spectrum

Unfortunately some or certain people hold a view that persons on the Autism Spectrum are introspective and want everyone to change for the sake of them or a few.  I would like to correct this thought by saying that most sensible persons on the Autism Spectrum entertain the concept of a two way means of communication which does not discriminate or maintain bias towards either an Aspie or non Aspie.

So how therefore is communication possible with a person on the Autism Spectrum?   Firstly a person on the Autism Spectrum has or her own way of thinking and processing information.  Secondly the best way to communicate to a person on the Autism Spectrum is to try and understand our world and our means of communication.  Even though this may be taxing for a non Autistic person, just making some time for the Autistic person on ocassion can go a long way.  Ask questions which are not too personal or express an interest in finding out what makes an Aspie tick.  This may be by talking about or sharing in the special interest or showing that you are a kind person and don't want to hurt the Autistic person's feelings.  Aspies can often perceive information a different way or may have a literal interpretatoin on the world but this does not mean that Aspies are robots lacking in empathy.  As an Aspie an action may not be automatic or automated for us.  For instance we may act or say something which may offend the non Autistic person or perhaps get up their nose. 

The biggest barrier and difficulty for an Aspie is social isolation and communication.  Sadly the world is non Aspie and people interact in a non Aspie way but for an Aspie, the non Aspie way may be very confusing with smoke and mirrors.  There may als be gray areas and social nuisances, barriers and conventions which we may struggle to see. 

What are some strategies to communicate to an Aspie?

1. Find out their special interest
2. Watch Pride and Prejudice
3. Ask questions not too personal about how the person with Autism, thinks, feels and sees things around them
4. Try to explain more so than demand or criticise the person with Autism
5. Explain diplomatically even if it may be challenging an action which may have offended.
6. Show the Autistic person you are kind and try to forge a level of trust and safe guard them against attacks from the insidious
7. Don't reprimand or rouse on the Autistic person. 

Persons on the Autistic Spectrum should be treated like everyone else and the world is not one way but more so varied.  How do you think you can be a friend or communicate with an Autistic person?  The main problem with the world is that people are busy and making time is not always possible. Also people can be impatient with Aspies or just not bother with us because of our complexities.  It is just a matter of finding a way to communicate to enter the Autistic person's world. 

It's back to the drawing board again, well almost!

I am only one human being in this world.  However, I consider myself one strong one.  For the past almost 2 weeks out of a month I have been house sitting at Albany Creek which is about 20kms north of Brisbane.  I spent the first 6 years of my life within this suburb.  When I was young, I remember while my grandmother lived at Alderley that I would often pass the Albany Creek Crematorium and up Old Northern Road, past our old family home that was on Jacaranda Drive.  How things have changed since then.  I spent last Sunday re visiting places I used to recall.  I went out to the Crematorium in which my grandmother's ashes (Mamar) can be found and working out exactly where she was interred.  The walls are not easy to find based on past memories, but luckily after contacting my father and obtaining the necessary specifics and not giving up, I found where Mamar's plot is to be found.  I remember when I was a child driving up in her old Tarana automatic seeing the Crematorium as we passed and I wonder if Mamar knew back then that this is where she would end up?  Perhaps she knew and nobody else did?

I have been under some stress lately and Monday 18th June 2012 was not a good day.  On this day I did not feel good and had to call in sick from UQ.  On trying to do the right thing, I contacted the doctor and went in and saw him.  I described exactly how I was feeling and the social isolation and loneliness I felt then and still feel somewhat now.  Although house sitting gives me independence, I still find myself largely socially isolated from others around me.  I caught up with old family friends and neighbours but I struggled to know what to say to them, apart from the fact that they remembered me last when I was 6 years old.  It was interesting seeing our English neighbours looking older with gray hair and thinking that way back they remembered me and some of the things I told them.  I also find that trying to talk to people about things is just about impossible.  It feels like I am a past visitor to an area that I used to live in.  I used to think that Albany Creek was not part of Brisbane and when I was 3 years old, I used to say to myself that I was from Albany Creek and not Brisbane.  People seem a bit more open in Albany Creek and I have noticed there are a few forests about.  I visited my old school where the teacher Miss Muir used to change her shoes and I spent the days in school putting stickers into cartoon books than learning tasks and being involved with the other children.

I feel frustrated a lot in that I am merely living on survival skills and intelligence but my interactive skills seem not existent.  I just find that I can speak a few sentences at the most and after that I just become mentally drained.  On Monday, I felt so tired mentally as I drove to UQ (University of Queensland) Doctor to express my concerns about working in what I term a toxic environment.  It is like most if not all staff understand me or talk and other people I know around campus just simply ignore me even though I have met them etc.  I cannot understand why they do this and I try not to let it bother me.  I have 2 more weeks after this week in the house sit at Albany Creek.  I am looking after a border collie, a grey cat and a small fish.  I seem to be spending most of my time talking to myself or trying to watch anything meaningful on television. I also take the dog for a walk and use the treadmill in the hope of feeling better.  Also to burn off some calories and to try and keep fit.  I really think mental health in Australia is not good.  People are just ignored, live in their homes if they have one and the wider community fail to understand.  I turn on Parliament Question Time and I am disappointed to see politicians only looking after their own interests.  They seem detached from their constituents and I wonder why this is the case?  What about people who need help and support?  Isn't this better than attacking each other and mud slinging? 

I am trying to organise a trip for next year.  I wonder if I will be able to handle it or find a tour which understands me as I think and act a little differently to others?  I also am working things as best I can for the future.  I also am trying to work out things that are happening now..  I enjoy working in the Dorothy Hill Physics and Sciences & Engineering Library and have felt so uncomfortable with the Social Sciences Library to escape to what I consider a safe zone.  I feel it more conducive to my work situation but I know that I cannot be moved there which I find disappointing.  I feel freer and able to function better and although I make mistakes, I try to learn from these and not ask too many questions.  It is asking too many questions that obviously irritates people? 

I am trying to remain strong at the moment but I just wish people would understand better.  Perhaps one day this may happen??!!!

Autism misunderstanding and bullying

I often feel at times like people are trying their best to convert me to their way of thinking when in fact I am not interested and unable to think the way that they do.  For instance I was told recently that I don't follow conversation and struggle to keep on track.  I found such a comment inappropriate for this is the way I think and function.  I also find that 'tribalism' which is what I call the forced conversion of a person on the Autism Spectrum to think and act like a non Autistic person somewhat insensitive.  Within work environments for instance I have had cowboy managers adopt this 'blokey' and 'ego' culture which in all honesty is so tedious and boring.  I mean what is the point of it and also being set up with women or forced to be around them due to fears of homophobia.  Honestly this is just annoying.  I really don't give a stuff what people think of me and the way I live, I just don't like being told what I should do and how to think.  I am capable of doing this myself.  Also trying to deal with difficult people in workplaces is just draining.  You try and act with a degree of decorum, dignity and kindness and all these people want to do is try and drag you or put you down.  Again I don't understand it.

Bullying for a person on the Autism Spectrum occurs when the person with Autism is in a work environment. Our often difficulty with social interaction which is an impairment in two way interaction causes us difficulty.  For the non Autistic person, they just don't get how an Autistic person struggles within a work environment to make sense of it.  Added to this putting up with the many personalities which just make survival in a work place hard work.  I still find some difficult people to work with.  I have to try and be strong just to get through the working day. In particular a person who constantly likes to try and test my boundaries.  Sending me to work areas where there is little work or just ignoring my rights within the workplace.  For instance I tend to fear having an injury at work because I feel that I would be left defenceless and I know of another Aspie who was in this situation.  He was provided with no supervision and obtained a workplace injury and then had to drive to work with his broken arm and in pain with no help in the workplace. It does happen and it is not acceptable.  Where I currently work I would like to be moved away from some difficult staff members but I fear that this may not be possible.  I just hope the future will be better and get better.  I am sick to death of people who say they are envious of my lifestyle for if th ey were all lined up I would defend myself as best I could.  Nobody else will do it so I will do it!  I have always had to stand up for myself so nothing is new here! 

Aspies tend to internalise difficulties and often a sense of isolation can occur within a work environment when other staff are simply unhelpful or not approachable.  Furthermore society in general seems to not understand through lack of education and awareness of just how Autism grips the person affected by it. There can be a sense of alienation and confusion.  I currently work in two libraries and enjoy one better than the other.  I have also been appointed Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Officer in the Dorothy Hill Physics, Sciences and Engineering Library at the University of Queensland.  I look forward to commencing my duties in this roll and getting as much help as possible to do my best.  I think that anti bullying laws need to be incorporated into Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Laws and the sooner the better. 

I will try and provide updates on my new role as Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Officer should I be able to attend the meeting this afternoon without enduring fear or this being acknowledged within my workshift.  I just want to try and do the right thing.  It is my understanding that the Newman Queensland Government may look into the incorporation of Anti Bullying into Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Laws but again only time will tell. 

Taking things personally

It can often be difficult when you think that everything revolves around you.  You may feel that perhaps you are in some kind of stage production where everything may seem like a conspiracy and your mind over thinks.  I have found that meditation can assist with over thinking.  I try to imagine the sound of a waterfall and draw my mind to this when I need help to sleep.  If my mind wanders, I draw my thoughts back to the waterfall and I find that I can become calmer. 

The biggest challenge within employment or social situations is that often difficult experiences and on the spot defence mechanisms can be debilatating.  For instance you can often sense a feeling of being bullied when someone may be off hand given a work situation or activity and you can bear the brunt of such behaviour and take it personally. Often communication can be differently interpreted and careful explanation required just to make things better understood but not harshly.

I had a meeting yesterday with the line manager and a union representative to talk about some issues I am confronting.  I very much enjoy working in one library as I feel it is like heaven compared to another library which is like hell.  In the latter I feel more stressed, I find more staff difficult to deal with an the internal stairwell causes me grief and sends me into sensory overload.  Not to mention the very slow lift which just makes things so much worse.  I have asked to be transferred out of the hell library and into the heaven library as I find the managment more supportive.  I grow tired of having to conform in the hell library to this stupid 'macho' and 'blokey' atmosphere. Also being told that because I am young that I am supposed to handle a book machine which causes my back some pain at times.  I just don't enjoy the hell library.  I have worked in it for 6 years and as I write this post, I fear that decisions could be made to keep me in the hell library which may also worsen my mental health. 

The meeting went well and some changes are planned which I was told about.  I just hope things get better.  I am currently house sitting and trying to survive at times feels like I am treading water.  I rely on meditation where I can and hope to plan a trip overseas to Turkey and Greece possibly next year to coincide with Anzac Day.  I would like to see where Australian and New Zealand soldiers fought at Gallipoli and more so represent the Autism community by visiting this important site.  I was also told that perhaps I could afford a Greek Villa but who knows, I think I need a bit more money for that one. 

The biggest difficulty Aspies confront is that people do not understand us and because of this we often experience great misunderstanding.  I feel blessed in that where I work and I thanked the manager for this that without her support, I don't think I would have been able to survive in employment as long as I have. Although I was unsuccessful in a Library Assistant position for not putting in enough to address the selection criteria and with the position being highly competitive, I have now worked at UQ for about 6 years now within the University of Queensland Library.   I also mentioned at the meeting yesterday that I hope my employment gives hope to others. 

In the meantime I have a busy period ahead.  I finish the Chapel Hill house sit on Sunday and start the Albany Creek one on Sunday for a month.  The Albany Creek house sit is a bit further from the University of Queensland but it allows me some independence from my elderly parents and them from me.  It also allows me to grow within myself.  I am just tired of critics who through misunderstanding make unhelpful comments and I just wish they would understand.  I will provide more updates later.

Taking on more responsibility

I am currently house sitting through a house sitting agency called Simply Sitting  Although it is very a very responsible duty, I have been offered another house sit at Albany Creek in the northern suburbs of Brisbane.  I spent the first 6 years of my life in Albany Creek, so returning their for 4 weeks will be an interesting revisit.

I am experiencing some levels of anxiety at the moment because my life feels rather uncertain.  I just do not know what is happening in this country and it appears that whomever I talk to, either people are hostile, keep to themselves or simply react to anything I say.  I don't really discuss politics but more so look for help and someone to listen as best I can.  I even approached one of the managers in the UQ Library just to talk things out as I feel very isolated and somewhat lonely at present.  It just feels like everyone has closed their doors and nobody wants to talk anymore. 

It is hard when you think and act and process information in your own way. Added to this, live a life outside the box.  What are you to do and how can people better understand you?  It seems that talking to anyone now they just seem to shirk those whom they consider may be needy.  This look after yourself first and only is not something I am used to nor is it something I particularly like.  In neighbourhoods, neighbours do not talk, and in organisations people remain guarded and defensive.  It is just like that whenever you step outside that you have to be careful not to step on egg shells or walk on minfields.  The only way to cope is to lock yourself away and try to do your own thing.

I really don't know where Australia is going anymore. I feel no connection to this country as people just seem, well most like zombies.  They are not willing to talk or listen to you or anyone who may simply just need someone to listen.  I feel proud in myself that I am able to do house sits as it involves a large amount of responsibility but in terms of a career path, the world seems uncertain. I did apply knowing well in the back of my mind that I would be unsuccessful again in a Library Assistant position. Like with dating, or pursuing expectations that they may not always work out.  So I just try not to have expectations anymore. 

I will be house sitting at Albany Creek shortly and again taking on the important responsibility of looking after pets and property, so I know I must be doing something right?  I also have watched the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Celebrations as best I can on television with the little coverage available.  Despite people's views, the reign of the Queen of 60 years is an achievement.    Finally my parents have informed me that they will be unable to pay for electricity like they once did and will need to cut back.  They are hoping that the solar panels may help in returning power to the grid and preventing the burning of fossil fuels.  Well this is an update for now

Autism Focus Presentation

This morning I got up at 4.30am. As I needed to get to work and avoid the traffic gridlock, I had some breakfast and left for work at 5.45am. I am currently house sitting through an agency called Simply Sitting. Here I am looking after an old cat. Hopefully the cat and house sit wont be long the way where the cat which was sadly sick died and all the neighbours and the elderly lady blamed me for the cat's death? Well to cut a long post short which I am doing on my IPad, I thought I would talk about today's speech which I made at . Here I spoke about my own experiences of surviving at school. I was going to attend in my uniform to show members of the audience that I had a job but was advised not to. I joked with a member of staff which the staff member thought was funny that I had my "Clark Kent suit minus the hat". Anyhow I got to the conference and spoke about my school experiences which were not pleasant ones and I managed to sell a couple of books as well. I was asked if I had friends at school which my reply was no. I think back to high school where I had the potential for some friends but the school system knew nothing at the time and did not really know how to intervene. I also mentioned the work of Damian Santomauro who is Aspie and currently studying the second year of his PhD. The link to Damian's website can be found via my own website on the home page I also spoke about the need for a PhD into understanding the schooling process for conditioning children into adults and why Aspies tend to struggle and have difficulty fitting in. I also mentioned that I currently work and would like to see a great deal more being done so society can better understand Autism. As my speech and presentation when longer than 20mins, there is a possibility of another presentation to allow me time to take questions and answers. I spoke about how both Australia and New Zealand seem to also use the more medical medications approach in dealing with Autism more so than one based on therapy. On the whole it was good to speak at the conference and I hope to speak at more soon.

The controllers

As a person I often feel cut down or held back in society. Every time I may try and suggest ideas, or even think, I either am told that this is impossible or people become very defensive. It often occurs that people lose or perhaps become tunnel visioned and lazy when it comes to being controlled. For instance certain factors may even corrode a person's ability to think which I think may be one of the underlying mechanisms of socialism. A means of supposedly making everyone equal and yet preventing initiative from going forth. I think complacency often creates a mood of ignorance in that any person who may exist beyond the so call norm are either feared, held back or mistrusted. In other words people can become non thinkers if they exist within a mindset of being non intellectually curious. In observing Australia for instance it seems that some innovaters are perhaps foreign born or go beyond Australian shores to advance their own careers, thoughts, lifestyles or professions. Simply just thinking and acting outside the box is something that confronts some form of hostility. Often criticism can also confront responses which may be reactive more so than implemented. When you want to think you are either suspicious or treated wearily. I believe that one of Australia's underlying difficulties is its geographic isolation and its absence of borders compared to Europe or even the United States. People in Australia seem to exhibit an insular mindset which is often also removed. When the term 'multicultural' is used the first thing that springs to mind is different forms of food to some people. However isn't multiculturalism a means of allowing different nationalities to also broaden a narrow focused mindset. For Australia opening its doors has some good points, however I cannot understand that as well as other nationalities that more Europeans do not live in Australia. I don't fully want to comment on the White Australia policy but it seems that it reflected a c19th attitude of the time and it may have encountered critics within its evolutionary phase. It seems that colonial Australia is largely forgotten for how difficult was it for colonists and their use of Indigeneous peoples who despite their many attributes were often employed as trackers. Have you ever wondered why aborigines wrote and shared so many stories about the Australian landscape? Just visit the vast interior and you may understand why? If you have seen the movie 2001 you may understand what I mean. Large and unknown. If people want to feel happy in life then exchanging thought and implementing it can be rewarding. How do people survive in monasteries when all they may possess is a robe and a bible? I was told recently that I have been wicked and I don't know why? Is being wicked devoting a great deal of your life in trying to help others? Also being told I am selfish as I may not grasp a thought process the way another person can and being confused when admonished in struggling to do so? My concerns are that people are not thinking as much as they should and often seem to jump at any comment that may offend them. How much do you let yourself be controlled and do you think that thought and wisdom may shad light on your own place in the world?

The future is it a positive outlook?

I read somewhere that Australians are getting richer but in being richer they have a desire for more and to be 'happy'.  What concerns me the most is the path that society is heading down.  I will begin firstly by my own observations into the governance of Australia.   On Tuesday I turned on the television to watch "Question Time in the House of Representatives".  I was apalled at what it appeared to me to be a circus.  A motion of no confidence was moved against the Gillard Government which was defeated.  It disappoints me to think that people who should be going to parliament to serve and represent the people who elect them, instead see the people in parliament serving only themselves.  I tend to think that the current political situation in Australia is not primarily the fault of those who serve but more so the attitude of people who vote for them.  If you go to a polling booth and see people with an attitude 'I really don't give a stuff" or "why waste my time in voting" then you are going to endure the results.  If people despise the government that now is in power, then do they really have themselves to blame?  Compulsory voting to me seems a drastic measure to encourage people to vote.  It sends the wrong message because people seem to have more contempt to vote than to actually exercise their vote properly.

I think that most Australians cannot be changed unless there is no beer in the fridge and no Rugby on the tv. More so than actually thinking and demonstrating an interest in the governance of their country, the focus instead seems to be on sport.  There is no where else in the world where people watch sport more so than in Australia.  There is a Rugby League industry which has perhaps strong ties to the Australian Labor Party.  Perhaps more Labor voters watch Rugby League than other sports?  When visiting overseas some Australians provide a very poor example of representing their country.  Perhaps this youtube video may provide an example?   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfNYHBwqxxY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I don't despise people who drink but it is concerning if people are drinking to hide mental illness.  What ramifications does this have on society?  When I visited New Zealand recently, I noticed the many and ubiquitious New Zealand flags around the country.  Upon return to Australia, I noticed the unfriendliness at Brisbane International Airport and the few if non existent Australian flags that could not be seen.  Are Australians losing pride in their nation?  What actually is going on?  When I look at Australia now I start to feel in myself a loss or lack of pride in being Australian.  People just don't seem to talk to anyone else and sadly neigbhourhoods have become insular and have lost a sense of community.  I came home yesterday to find an ambulance outside the front of our house to find that my mother had rang the ambulance after hitting her head against the wall of the house.  Besides the two ambulance officers, my father and the sound of the heart rate machine. I wondered to myself, who else actually knows about this?  Where are the neighbours?  Where are other members of the family?  Do people really care?  I have been told that I am selfish but really are the shoes on the other foot?  Also if you ask people or try and offer them help here you often encounter responses 'No I'm right' or weird looks upon people's faces that you actually bothered to reach out and help.  I just feel at times repugnant and I am not comfortable with going a long with this look after yourself only nonsense.  Also this macho and ego attitude that is found mostly in Australian men and some women also is annoying.  I am glad personally that there are other cultures.

I follow closely what is happening in New Zealand and I think personally that New Zealand is a country that a lot of Australians overlook.  New Zealand is growing and it will only be a matter of time before it outdoes Australia.  I just hope that New Zealand don't close their doors to Australians visiting.  I am not entirely sure what this Gillard government has in mind but personally I am afraid of the future of Australia.  I feel that within the parliament that some behaviour is clearly unacceptable and out of all Constitutional Monarchies, that Australia is probably the worst in terms of parliamentary standards.  I also have fears about the defence budget being cut because defence of any nation is important.  I have no desire to enter Australian politics as I think it is a dirty game and I feel at times that I am fast losing my connections with this country.  In all honesty I do not feel proud in being Australian anymore.  I think Australia has become a very selfish, and insular culture.  I also am concerned about the decline in Christianity here and the so called sense of mateship.  These are my feelings at the moment. I do commend the Gillard Government though on funding the Disability Insurance Scheme but how it will be funded in the future remains a question. 

I am not making excuses

When I try to socialise with people which I find extremely vexing I just find I am unable to connect with them as my wiring is different. I can usually start with a common and rehearsed greeting but I really don't know where to go from there. For instance if I have the confidence to attend an event I usually am aware that some form of social interaction is involved but I am unaware largely of what people may be thinking or saying when I exchange words with them if indeed they go beyond a sentence or a paragraph. In case you may not notice I am very literal in my description? Making friends and connecting is a challenge and I have sometimes being accused of wanting someone to hold my hand which I have worked out is not something to take literally unless I have a girlfriend or wife. Attending something is daunting but for an Aspie even more so as communication is not something that comes naturally. What the non Autistic population takes for granted is something that we have to struggle darn hard with! It affects us with trying to form a social circle that may increase our chances of getting a job and all the things that go with it. Aspies have a big deficit therefore with being able to interact with the world socially and more importantly understand those with different wiring compared to our own. Within our own lives personal boundaries and for Asperger women apprising dangers may not always be apparent. Within Brisbane I just find people hostile and events on the weekend are virtually non existent unless you like sport or enjoy going to th pub. There are no support groups for adults either as there seems to be nothing central. I have tried numerous times to form an adult group but to no avail. I ask the question why? Is it the people in Brisbane? Is there no support, services or infrastructure? The list goes on. Weekends are the worst in terms of social isolation and a lack of cultural activities. I often feel that people think I make excuses or feel sorry for myself but this is not the way I see it. I just do not know or understand your language and why you may be offended or hostile or even critical with the way I respond or interpret your so called everyday language. Again my internal wiring is different to your own and you need to try and make adjustments more so than try and conform or even blame. I do not need to be bullied either because you may react through shear ignorance to the way I am. I am proud to be Aspie and if others don't like this they have to try hard to understand better because what you are wanting is like asking the blind to not use Braille, the death to not use sign language and the mute not to write. Yes I am saying that we have a deficit in social skills and you have to try and help those of us who may not understand your language. We may be recluse but that does not mean we are lepers so I am not making excuses and I hope you can better understand?

My thoughts and comments

Yesterday rallies for the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) occurred around Australia.  Despite the limited coverage of the event, it is encouraging to see people out in force keen to do something about disability issues in Australia.  My biggest concerns regarding the NDIS are that either it will be funded poorly, too much money may go to administrative people who do little, or nothing will happen at all.  In my own opinion I do not like nor support the Gillard Government's Carbon Tax.  My main reason being that it will severely cripple business and people who are already struggling to get by in their everyday lives.  I believe the tax has been poorly thought out and more importantly it will do nothing to assist the environment more so creating a bureaucracy and a tax which Australia and Australians do not need.  It will also allow for the creation of a welfare state and people will lose the incentive to work or produce as the taxes will either be too high or people just wont be able to afford to get ahead in their lives.  I have discussed the issue of welfare before.  It is important to have welfare but it is not wise to give it to those who will simply rely too heavily on it and not make any contribution to productivity.  I also fear that business and investment opportunities that could benefit Australia will go to New Zealand and other countries.  I think the Carbon Tax will also increase the cost of living and make Australia a no go in terms of travel or investment.  Finally I question how much of the carbon tax may help to assist funding the NDIS?

Recently I discussed Australians attitudes or understanding of politics to a person I know who works within the electoral commission.  This person informed me which I found quite alarming, that when most Australians go to vote they don't even know what level of government they are voting for and have no idea of political parties, policies or candidates.  This begs the question as to why Australia imposes compulsory voting when votes are either wasted, nor the concept of voting understood at all?  Political parties in Australia fail in many ways to encourage people to nuture their own political beliefs and rather than educate and inform, instead there seems to be more complacency and a disinterest in the political process.  What concerns me with Australian politics is that more so than criticise policy and attack disastrous or poor decisions, politicians in Australia either exchange blows, mud sling or head kick rivals.  Such behaviour I guess does not look good on the world stage.  I wont go into the current situation at all but I question the concept of compulsory voting and wonder whether it would be wiser to have voluntary voting but more of an involvement of the citizens in political discussions and affairs of their country?

Australia as we know from the history books was discovered by Lieutenant James Cook on the Endeavour in 1770. I don't think Cook had any intention at the time of seeing Australia as somewhere to colonise but more so discover on his political charts for the United Kingdom.  At the time of Cook's discovery of Australia, the United Kingdom were on the brink of being involved in the American War of Independence.  From my understanding it was made evident that with the loss of America that it was suggested that New Holland, renamed New South Wales under now Captain Cook could be a place to send England's worst criminals and those involved in petty crime.  So it was in 1788 that the first colonists arrived into Port Jackson now Sydney and I will leave the rest to here for now.  I often wonder about the deep down pscyhe of Australian people.  Ned Kelly to many was a hero but really wasn't he a colonial thug?  Also there is a worshiping of sport  and a dislike of those who are different.  I remember once visiting the Great Ocean Road in Victoria to where I encountered Australia's often poor service industry in tourism.  Having arrived in Warnambool I checked into a model and was treated rudely.  Instead of being greeted with hospitality, I instead was criticised with comments when I reaffirmed the price of the motel with 'you're lucky with what you got" and also more or less being treated abruptly with asking about the breakfast order.  I thought to myself I am paying a service here and I am not interested in knowing whether you have had a bad day or not I just expect some professional service.  How often do you encounter professional service when you contact an organisation or a travel destination? Are people properly trained and go out of their way to make you feel welcome?  It seems that very little emphasis is placed on it today.

My attitudes to disability in Australia are that people more or less find you an obstacle if you require help or assistance.  I see around me very poor wheel chair access or no wheel chair access or support for the disabled.  I wonder how a person with a wheel chair actually gets around or whether they just have to lumber themselves into a maxi tax and try their best to go out into the community?  I also hear stories of struggling families and carers who are managing or just about imploding with stress and fatigue to assist a person with a disability obtain a reasonable quality of life?  I also ask the question about mental health in Australia and wonder how many people resort to alcohol as a means of hiding serious or other mental health issues?  Surely something needs to be done!  I just find that despite my efforts and energy into trying to get things happening that I am often held back or unable to channel my energies in ways to assist people and make for a better world.  Yes I may sound like I am whinging but why not stand up for what you believe in?  Why not make the world a better place?  Why not have a community that understands more so than isolates you?  These are my thoughts and I thought I would share them.  I also believe that Autism needs to go a long way so that people understand it better.   

Software Testing Ideas and Update

Upon my return from New Zealand I contacted Gordon Sanderson and spoke with him about any updates or developments with software testing.  Gordon has spoken with a representative from ANZTB (Australia & New Zealand Software Testing Board) but unfortunately this has hit another snag.  So for the moment it is back to square one. However, Gordon has been in contact with Peter MacDonald from www.autismworks.co.uk which is good news.  For software testing to go ahead in Brisbane, it is more than likely a software testing model needs to be replicated.  It would be great to see Brisbane obtain a replication and then for other software testing replications to occur in both Australia and New Zealand.  The main problem both Australia and New Zealand seem to confront is that both countries are geographically isolated from the rest of the world.  In my previous post I mentioned that we need to work around difficulties and I believe that Australasia is ideally placed and we can better utilise our geographical isolation to reinvent or greatly improve our own Autism awareness. 

There are Aspies in both Australia and New Zealand who are working behind the scenes to help improve awareness where possible.  I am trying to play my part also.  One suggestion I have is that the University of Queensland could implement within the Information Technology Department a means of testing the strenghts, abilities and performance levels of adults on the Autism Spectrum.  This would assist with job performance and how to utilise the strenghts and abilities of the adult concerned and structure this within employment.  It would be good if for instance the University of Queensland Information Technology Department could also introduce a course designed for software testing and also better educating persons with Information Technology to work with Aspies if at all possible. 

With the University of Queensland implementing a work test for software testing for Aspies, this could better prepare the adult for employment and allowing them a means of working within a framework where the work environment could be similar to Autism Works, Specialisterne, Aspiritech.  It is a matter of time to see if such proposals may be implemented.  I would like in my spare time to work on or perhaps restructure the work environment for adults so as to encourage them to perform within employment and this would not be a conventional pattern of employment.  Some Aspies for instance may be productive for a few hours but after that they may become mentally fatigued and others may be able to work for longer periods within a routine.  This is why testing the strenghts and abilities of adults at a university would be something needing serious consideration. 

Gordon whom I mentioned earlier is assisting me with advocacy work.  Gordon will be in Europe for 5 weeks and for anyone interested in getting in touch with Gordon they can do so through Facebook in my friend's list.  Perhaps Gordon may be able to visit Autism Works or Specialisterne in Scotland upon his visit to the United Kingdom?  

I believe Aspies can work but the main obstacle is employers not understanding the condition or their strenghts and abilities.  This is why change and more understanding is needed.  I would like to work with interested Aspies to ensure they are able to adjust within employment and be able to hold down a job. 

For more information and updates on software testing please visit www.autismworks.co.uk

I have also written to new Vice Chancellor Apointee Peter Hoj and mentioned Autism Works to him also.  I understand Mr Hoj is also from Denmark where Thorkil Sonne is who started Specialisterne in Denmark. 

How the NDIS could provide better services

One of the areas the National Disability Insurance Scheme needs to look into is accommodation and support for adults on the Autism Spectrum within the community.  These need to be done as follows. 

1. Autism Associations provide housing and accommodation support depending on the needs base of the adult concerned

2. Housing to be made available in areas with close proximity to services and transport etc

3. Determine the person's income status and whether or not they they can afford certain levels of support or whether they follow or have the same needs of expenditure that others do.  For instance most adults on the Autism Spectrum aren't really interested in consumer spending and some are good savers.

4. Provide awareness to the community of disability to help make society better understand.

In my contact with adults from around the world, most have different needs and abilities. My own situation is challenging at times as I still live with my elderly parents.  I just don't know what to do.  The rental market is expensive and with the Carbon and Mining Taxes soon being introduced, Australia is going to become more expensive.  Also nothing is being done about mental health.  I have followed closely the work of New Zealand Prime Minister John Key, who has introduced a mental health care plan in New Zeland.  I have thought about contact it and asking if as an Australian, New Zealand would be able to help me?  I just feel very frustrated in that nothing is being done in Australia.  I constantly feel frustrated in that I cannot utilise any of my skills or abilities and feel I am beating my head against a brick wall in wanting to see things done. 

I wonder also if the Defence Forces are able to employ or utilise people with Autism in sections which involve attention to detail and meticulous input.  Also the sense of discipline may help for others to understand Aspies better.  Yesterday I attended an Anzac Day Service and saw lots of younger people and wondered how they could better understand Autism.  It also seems hard to connect with the non Autistic population as they simply don't get it if you think and act differently.  Getting to the service in itself was a challenge and trying to not over step the mark with authority figures.

I don't think the NDIS is being implemented fast enough and I worry about my own future.  My elderly parents also are concerned and with everything falling on my shoulders and so many expectations of having to perform when I struggle, I really just don't know what to do.  I hope things change soon for the better!

Working around the boundaries

As an Aspie life presents itself with challenges, setbacks, obstacles and disappointments.  The regular world that humanity lives in seems to have conventions and hierarchical restraints which make achieving things almost impossible if you cannot always understand them.  Whenever I mention the difficulties I have as an Aspie, I find non Autistic people are quick to jump at my comments to say 'non Autistic people have the same difficulties' .  Let me emphasise though that despite the so called similarities, that persons on the Autism Spectrum struggle more at being socially abled.  To simply put it, disability affects the Autistic person with our inability to understand the social cues and conventions others take for granted.  We also struggle with a society largely being unaware of our internal struggles.

I guess it is natural for most people to think that a difference needs to be obvious but for many Aspies we can look like non Aspies and yet we can be pushed around or misunderstood simply for not responding in an automated fashion which others assume to be endemic in all people.  If you can imagine employment and social lives, you can begin to understand why persons on the Autism Spectrum alone experience difficulty.  Just thinking and acting differently which I think needs emphasis due to Aspies having different wiring raises the needs for awareness.  If you can imagine that within the non Autistic world there are no boundaries just a different means of wiring, then you can begin to understand the challenges that Aspies confront.

I have come to the realisation that within life there are many setbacks and despite people having said 'you just need to try harder' or 'you have to stop using AS as an excuse and break free' that this is not always possible.  For instance, life seems to be largely dependent on a person's social skills and measured on how well socially a person may be.  For men on the Autism Spectrum, I feel that our greatest challenges are in terms of making friends, entering relationships and in finding employment.  The very few of us in employment also confront the difficulties of being unsuccessful in 'promotion' or in being allowed more opportunity in tasks which involve a lot of mental energy and intelligence but not so dependent on social skills.  I guess anyone reading this post would be quick to criticise my comments as being unrealistic or too Aspie focused?

I often find that within Australia and less so in other cultures, thinking and acting differently has with it many obstacles.  Furthermore, there are the past bad experiences of being bullied just for being different or pushed around.  Why does this happen?  I have come to accept that in life challenges, expectations and opportunities are something not to take for granted. I try to live a life where I live in the moment but try not to have expectations because they simply wont work out.  I often stumble and make clumsy mistakes on occasion with my interaction with people and try to hard to expect the world to change within the 'southern hemisphere' of Aspie awareness.  I often over think Aspie awareness in the southern hemisphere in draw conclusions that perhaps being on the lower extremities of the equator that land mass is less so than water.  Australia and New Zealand being English speaking countries are more remote from South Africa and the non English tongue of South America.  A voice is needed within the southern antipodes and there are many Aspies in the southern hemisphere but our means of awareness is perhaps different to our northern counterparts.  I think low population density, a lack of publishers, a vacuum of  complacency and other factors just makes our struggle so much harder should we wish to link to the northern hemisphere.  Perhaps people don't know what I am talking about?  If you can imagine the world like the human brain having two spheres then you would understand that the left and the right side operate differently.  Within the southern hemisphere perhaps being similar to one hemisphere of the brain a lot of work needs to be done so that our region can catch up!

The way around obstacles is to not let them get you down but instead work around them. Every bit of work no matter how slow it may be, advances Autism awareness one inch further.  Despite my efforts in trying to get software testing in Australasia, I think that it can be done.  If New Zealand adopt software testing before Australia then, Australia can expand from New Zealand and visa versa.  I think Australasia, is geographically remote from other countries of the world but there is Facebook and other internet facilities where us Aspies can link with other countries in the globe.  Have you ever wondered why so many persons on the Autism Spectrum are linked or rely on computers as a means of communication?    I see boundaries as not so much brick walls but more so challenges that can be got around but with small steps.  

People just don't get it

Imagine arriving in another country not understanding the language being unable to communicate and struggling to speak the same language, Imagine how it would feel? for many adults on the autism spectrum such questions are reality. Just because you look like everybody else does not mean that you think and act and process information the same way that they do. I have received comments in my life how I just use Asperger's syndrome too much as a crutch an excuse not to do things. Do you really think that I would be doing this when I'm affected by something that makes life challenging and difficult? In my contact with other adults from Australia and around the world I hear a similar story of depression and anxiety and bullying in past experiences. Quite simply why is nothing being done any society unaware and not able to understand such issues? I spend large amounts of time in social isolation because I just feel that people are unable to connect and I think and feel that whatever I think that people dont seem to understand! As I get older I find it challenging wise and I'm not sure what will happen by way of support after my parents are no longer around? To answer this question there just doesn't seem to be anything available and what is happening with the National Disability Insurance Scheme? Many adults on the autism spectrum are confronted with this very issue in their day-to-day lives and their parents and families. Also what support is a available in terms of employment, housing and support and services? Within the community there are many families affected by autism but they remain a silent minority and how much longer does this need to continue? I find it difficult but every time I seem confrontational people react in a defensive manner and this does not help! It It just seems that people are unable to see behind the person with Autism to exactly know what struggles we are personally confronting. People cannot be blamed for not knowing what to do and have to be aware which means more awareness and support reaches the wider community and this needs to happen as soon as possible! Some men on the autism spectrum have given up looking for relationships because they feel that the opposite sex just don't understand them and the dating process all to traumatic. People on the autism spectrum don't often want special treatment more so just want greater support awareness and understanding! So again I ask what is happening in terms of the National Disability Insurance Scheme? Australian Society seems largely unaware of autism especially in adults because most adults look like other people but yet cannot function in the same way that others do. So something needs to happen! What am I can see is that the government wanting to just put people with autism onto pensions and forgetting about them when most really want to work and have some form of structure in their lives. I tirelessly push for software testing for adults on the autism spectrum to provide meaningful and long-lasting employment. So it would be good if something were to happen Some people find social situations daunting but if a person is shy they are unable to have the social skills and the body language and are able to read social queues whereas if the person on the Autism Spectrum struggles often to communicate at all. It is pleasing that more people know what Asperger Syndrome and struggle to sometimes even talk autism but yet there's little training on specific people to know how to deal with autism.