Autism misunderstanding and bullying

I often feel at times like people are trying their best to convert me to their way of thinking when in fact I am not interested and unable to think the way that they do.  For instance I was told recently that I don't follow conversation and struggle to keep on track.  I found such a comment inappropriate for this is the way I think and function.  I also find that 'tribalism' which is what I call the forced conversion of a person on the Autism Spectrum to think and act like a non Autistic person somewhat insensitive.  Within work environments for instance I have had cowboy managers adopt this 'blokey' and 'ego' culture which in all honesty is so tedious and boring.  I mean what is the point of it and also being set up with women or forced to be around them due to fears of homophobia.  Honestly this is just annoying.  I really don't give a stuff what people think of me and the way I live, I just don't like being told what I should do and how to think.  I am capable of doing this myself.  Also trying to deal with difficult people in workplaces is just draining.  You try and act with a degree of decorum, dignity and kindness and all these people want to do is try and drag you or put you down.  Again I don't understand it.

Bullying for a person on the Autism Spectrum occurs when the person with Autism is in a work environment. Our often difficulty with social interaction which is an impairment in two way interaction causes us difficulty.  For the non Autistic person, they just don't get how an Autistic person struggles within a work environment to make sense of it.  Added to this putting up with the many personalities which just make survival in a work place hard work.  I still find some difficult people to work with.  I have to try and be strong just to get through the working day. In particular a person who constantly likes to try and test my boundaries.  Sending me to work areas where there is little work or just ignoring my rights within the workplace.  For instance I tend to fear having an injury at work because I feel that I would be left defenceless and I know of another Aspie who was in this situation.  He was provided with no supervision and obtained a workplace injury and then had to drive to work with his broken arm and in pain with no help in the workplace. It does happen and it is not acceptable.  Where I currently work I would like to be moved away from some difficult staff members but I fear that this may not be possible.  I just hope the future will be better and get better.  I am sick to death of people who say they are envious of my lifestyle for if th ey were all lined up I would defend myself as best I could.  Nobody else will do it so I will do it!  I have always had to stand up for myself so nothing is new here! 

Aspies tend to internalise difficulties and often a sense of isolation can occur within a work environment when other staff are simply unhelpful or not approachable.  Furthermore society in general seems to not understand through lack of education and awareness of just how Autism grips the person affected by it. There can be a sense of alienation and confusion.  I currently work in two libraries and enjoy one better than the other.  I have also been appointed Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Officer in the Dorothy Hill Physics, Sciences and Engineering Library at the University of Queensland.  I look forward to commencing my duties in this roll and getting as much help as possible to do my best.  I think that anti bullying laws need to be incorporated into Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Laws and the sooner the better. 

I will try and provide updates on my new role as Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Officer should I be able to attend the meeting this afternoon without enduring fear or this being acknowledged within my workshift.  I just want to try and do the right thing.  It is my understanding that the Newman Queensland Government may look into the incorporation of Anti Bullying into Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Laws but again only time will tell. 

Taking things personally

It can often be difficult when you think that everything revolves around you.  You may feel that perhaps you are in some kind of stage production where everything may seem like a conspiracy and your mind over thinks.  I have found that meditation can assist with over thinking.  I try to imagine the sound of a waterfall and draw my mind to this when I need help to sleep.  If my mind wanders, I draw my thoughts back to the waterfall and I find that I can become calmer. 

The biggest challenge within employment or social situations is that often difficult experiences and on the spot defence mechanisms can be debilatating.  For instance you can often sense a feeling of being bullied when someone may be off hand given a work situation or activity and you can bear the brunt of such behaviour and take it personally. Often communication can be differently interpreted and careful explanation required just to make things better understood but not harshly.

I had a meeting yesterday with the line manager and a union representative to talk about some issues I am confronting.  I very much enjoy working in one library as I feel it is like heaven compared to another library which is like hell.  In the latter I feel more stressed, I find more staff difficult to deal with an the internal stairwell causes me grief and sends me into sensory overload.  Not to mention the very slow lift which just makes things so much worse.  I have asked to be transferred out of the hell library and into the heaven library as I find the managment more supportive.  I grow tired of having to conform in the hell library to this stupid 'macho' and 'blokey' atmosphere. Also being told that because I am young that I am supposed to handle a book machine which causes my back some pain at times.  I just don't enjoy the hell library.  I have worked in it for 6 years and as I write this post, I fear that decisions could be made to keep me in the hell library which may also worsen my mental health. 

The meeting went well and some changes are planned which I was told about.  I just hope things get better.  I am currently house sitting and trying to survive at times feels like I am treading water.  I rely on meditation where I can and hope to plan a trip overseas to Turkey and Greece possibly next year to coincide with Anzac Day.  I would like to see where Australian and New Zealand soldiers fought at Gallipoli and more so represent the Autism community by visiting this important site.  I was also told that perhaps I could afford a Greek Villa but who knows, I think I need a bit more money for that one. 

The biggest difficulty Aspies confront is that people do not understand us and because of this we often experience great misunderstanding.  I feel blessed in that where I work and I thanked the manager for this that without her support, I don't think I would have been able to survive in employment as long as I have. Although I was unsuccessful in a Library Assistant position for not putting in enough to address the selection criteria and with the position being highly competitive, I have now worked at UQ for about 6 years now within the University of Queensland Library.   I also mentioned at the meeting yesterday that I hope my employment gives hope to others. 

In the meantime I have a busy period ahead.  I finish the Chapel Hill house sit on Sunday and start the Albany Creek one on Sunday for a month.  The Albany Creek house sit is a bit further from the University of Queensland but it allows me some independence from my elderly parents and them from me.  It also allows me to grow within myself.  I am just tired of critics who through misunderstanding make unhelpful comments and I just wish they would understand.  I will provide more updates later.

Taking on more responsibility

I am currently house sitting through a house sitting agency called Simply Sitting  Although it is very a very responsible duty, I have been offered another house sit at Albany Creek in the northern suburbs of Brisbane.  I spent the first 6 years of my life in Albany Creek, so returning their for 4 weeks will be an interesting revisit.

I am experiencing some levels of anxiety at the moment because my life feels rather uncertain.  I just do not know what is happening in this country and it appears that whomever I talk to, either people are hostile, keep to themselves or simply react to anything I say.  I don't really discuss politics but more so look for help and someone to listen as best I can.  I even approached one of the managers in the UQ Library just to talk things out as I feel very isolated and somewhat lonely at present.  It just feels like everyone has closed their doors and nobody wants to talk anymore. 

It is hard when you think and act and process information in your own way. Added to this, live a life outside the box.  What are you to do and how can people better understand you?  It seems that talking to anyone now they just seem to shirk those whom they consider may be needy.  This look after yourself first and only is not something I am used to nor is it something I particularly like.  In neighbourhoods, neighbours do not talk, and in organisations people remain guarded and defensive.  It is just like that whenever you step outside that you have to be careful not to step on egg shells or walk on minfields.  The only way to cope is to lock yourself away and try to do your own thing.

I really don't know where Australia is going anymore. I feel no connection to this country as people just seem, well most like zombies.  They are not willing to talk or listen to you or anyone who may simply just need someone to listen.  I feel proud in myself that I am able to do house sits as it involves a large amount of responsibility but in terms of a career path, the world seems uncertain. I did apply knowing well in the back of my mind that I would be unsuccessful again in a Library Assistant position. Like with dating, or pursuing expectations that they may not always work out.  So I just try not to have expectations anymore. 

I will be house sitting at Albany Creek shortly and again taking on the important responsibility of looking after pets and property, so I know I must be doing something right?  I also have watched the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Celebrations as best I can on television with the little coverage available.  Despite people's views, the reign of the Queen of 60 years is an achievement.    Finally my parents have informed me that they will be unable to pay for electricity like they once did and will need to cut back.  They are hoping that the solar panels may help in returning power to the grid and preventing the burning of fossil fuels.  Well this is an update for now

Autism Focus Presentation

This morning I got up at 4.30am. As I needed to get to work and avoid the traffic gridlock, I had some breakfast and left for work at 5.45am. I am currently house sitting through an agency called Simply Sitting. Here I am looking after an old cat. Hopefully the cat and house sit wont be long the way where the cat which was sadly sick died and all the neighbours and the elderly lady blamed me for the cat's death? Well to cut a long post short which I am doing on my IPad, I thought I would talk about today's speech which I made at . Here I spoke about my own experiences of surviving at school. I was going to attend in my uniform to show members of the audience that I had a job but was advised not to. I joked with a member of staff which the staff member thought was funny that I had my "Clark Kent suit minus the hat". Anyhow I got to the conference and spoke about my school experiences which were not pleasant ones and I managed to sell a couple of books as well. I was asked if I had friends at school which my reply was no. I think back to high school where I had the potential for some friends but the school system knew nothing at the time and did not really know how to intervene. I also mentioned the work of Damian Santomauro who is Aspie and currently studying the second year of his PhD. The link to Damian's website can be found via my own website on the home page I also spoke about the need for a PhD into understanding the schooling process for conditioning children into adults and why Aspies tend to struggle and have difficulty fitting in. I also mentioned that I currently work and would like to see a great deal more being done so society can better understand Autism. As my speech and presentation when longer than 20mins, there is a possibility of another presentation to allow me time to take questions and answers. I spoke about how both Australia and New Zealand seem to also use the more medical medications approach in dealing with Autism more so than one based on therapy. On the whole it was good to speak at the conference and I hope to speak at more soon.

The controllers

As a person I often feel cut down or held back in society. Every time I may try and suggest ideas, or even think, I either am told that this is impossible or people become very defensive. It often occurs that people lose or perhaps become tunnel visioned and lazy when it comes to being controlled. For instance certain factors may even corrode a person's ability to think which I think may be one of the underlying mechanisms of socialism. A means of supposedly making everyone equal and yet preventing initiative from going forth. I think complacency often creates a mood of ignorance in that any person who may exist beyond the so call norm are either feared, held back or mistrusted. In other words people can become non thinkers if they exist within a mindset of being non intellectually curious. In observing Australia for instance it seems that some innovaters are perhaps foreign born or go beyond Australian shores to advance their own careers, thoughts, lifestyles or professions. Simply just thinking and acting outside the box is something that confronts some form of hostility. Often criticism can also confront responses which may be reactive more so than implemented. When you want to think you are either suspicious or treated wearily. I believe that one of Australia's underlying difficulties is its geographic isolation and its absence of borders compared to Europe or even the United States. People in Australia seem to exhibit an insular mindset which is often also removed. When the term 'multicultural' is used the first thing that springs to mind is different forms of food to some people. However isn't multiculturalism a means of allowing different nationalities to also broaden a narrow focused mindset. For Australia opening its doors has some good points, however I cannot understand that as well as other nationalities that more Europeans do not live in Australia. I don't fully want to comment on the White Australia policy but it seems that it reflected a c19th attitude of the time and it may have encountered critics within its evolutionary phase. It seems that colonial Australia is largely forgotten for how difficult was it for colonists and their use of Indigeneous peoples who despite their many attributes were often employed as trackers. Have you ever wondered why aborigines wrote and shared so many stories about the Australian landscape? Just visit the vast interior and you may understand why? If you have seen the movie 2001 you may understand what I mean. Large and unknown. If people want to feel happy in life then exchanging thought and implementing it can be rewarding. How do people survive in monasteries when all they may possess is a robe and a bible? I was told recently that I have been wicked and I don't know why? Is being wicked devoting a great deal of your life in trying to help others? Also being told I am selfish as I may not grasp a thought process the way another person can and being confused when admonished in struggling to do so? My concerns are that people are not thinking as much as they should and often seem to jump at any comment that may offend them. How much do you let yourself be controlled and do you think that thought and wisdom may shad light on your own place in the world?

The future is it a positive outlook?

I read somewhere that Australians are getting richer but in being richer they have a desire for more and to be 'happy'.  What concerns me the most is the path that society is heading down.  I will begin firstly by my own observations into the governance of Australia.   On Tuesday I turned on the television to watch "Question Time in the House of Representatives".  I was apalled at what it appeared to me to be a circus.  A motion of no confidence was moved against the Gillard Government which was defeated.  It disappoints me to think that people who should be going to parliament to serve and represent the people who elect them, instead see the people in parliament serving only themselves.  I tend to think that the current political situation in Australia is not primarily the fault of those who serve but more so the attitude of people who vote for them.  If you go to a polling booth and see people with an attitude 'I really don't give a stuff" or "why waste my time in voting" then you are going to endure the results.  If people despise the government that now is in power, then do they really have themselves to blame?  Compulsory voting to me seems a drastic measure to encourage people to vote.  It sends the wrong message because people seem to have more contempt to vote than to actually exercise their vote properly.

I think that most Australians cannot be changed unless there is no beer in the fridge and no Rugby on the tv. More so than actually thinking and demonstrating an interest in the governance of their country, the focus instead seems to be on sport.  There is no where else in the world where people watch sport more so than in Australia.  There is a Rugby League industry which has perhaps strong ties to the Australian Labor Party.  Perhaps more Labor voters watch Rugby League than other sports?  When visiting overseas some Australians provide a very poor example of representing their country.  Perhaps this youtube video may provide an example?   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfNYHBwqxxY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I don't despise people who drink but it is concerning if people are drinking to hide mental illness.  What ramifications does this have on society?  When I visited New Zealand recently, I noticed the many and ubiquitious New Zealand flags around the country.  Upon return to Australia, I noticed the unfriendliness at Brisbane International Airport and the few if non existent Australian flags that could not be seen.  Are Australians losing pride in their nation?  What actually is going on?  When I look at Australia now I start to feel in myself a loss or lack of pride in being Australian.  People just don't seem to talk to anyone else and sadly neigbhourhoods have become insular and have lost a sense of community.  I came home yesterday to find an ambulance outside the front of our house to find that my mother had rang the ambulance after hitting her head against the wall of the house.  Besides the two ambulance officers, my father and the sound of the heart rate machine. I wondered to myself, who else actually knows about this?  Where are the neighbours?  Where are other members of the family?  Do people really care?  I have been told that I am selfish but really are the shoes on the other foot?  Also if you ask people or try and offer them help here you often encounter responses 'No I'm right' or weird looks upon people's faces that you actually bothered to reach out and help.  I just feel at times repugnant and I am not comfortable with going a long with this look after yourself only nonsense.  Also this macho and ego attitude that is found mostly in Australian men and some women also is annoying.  I am glad personally that there are other cultures.

I follow closely what is happening in New Zealand and I think personally that New Zealand is a country that a lot of Australians overlook.  New Zealand is growing and it will only be a matter of time before it outdoes Australia.  I just hope that New Zealand don't close their doors to Australians visiting.  I am not entirely sure what this Gillard government has in mind but personally I am afraid of the future of Australia.  I feel that within the parliament that some behaviour is clearly unacceptable and out of all Constitutional Monarchies, that Australia is probably the worst in terms of parliamentary standards.  I also have fears about the defence budget being cut because defence of any nation is important.  I have no desire to enter Australian politics as I think it is a dirty game and I feel at times that I am fast losing my connections with this country.  In all honesty I do not feel proud in being Australian anymore.  I think Australia has become a very selfish, and insular culture.  I also am concerned about the decline in Christianity here and the so called sense of mateship.  These are my feelings at the moment. I do commend the Gillard Government though on funding the Disability Insurance Scheme but how it will be funded in the future remains a question. 

I am not making excuses

When I try to socialise with people which I find extremely vexing I just find I am unable to connect with them as my wiring is different. I can usually start with a common and rehearsed greeting but I really don't know where to go from there. For instance if I have the confidence to attend an event I usually am aware that some form of social interaction is involved but I am unaware largely of what people may be thinking or saying when I exchange words with them if indeed they go beyond a sentence or a paragraph. In case you may not notice I am very literal in my description? Making friends and connecting is a challenge and I have sometimes being accused of wanting someone to hold my hand which I have worked out is not something to take literally unless I have a girlfriend or wife. Attending something is daunting but for an Aspie even more so as communication is not something that comes naturally. What the non Autistic population takes for granted is something that we have to struggle darn hard with! It affects us with trying to form a social circle that may increase our chances of getting a job and all the things that go with it. Aspies have a big deficit therefore with being able to interact with the world socially and more importantly understand those with different wiring compared to our own. Within our own lives personal boundaries and for Asperger women apprising dangers may not always be apparent. Within Brisbane I just find people hostile and events on the weekend are virtually non existent unless you like sport or enjoy going to th pub. There are no support groups for adults either as there seems to be nothing central. I have tried numerous times to form an adult group but to no avail. I ask the question why? Is it the people in Brisbane? Is there no support, services or infrastructure? The list goes on. Weekends are the worst in terms of social isolation and a lack of cultural activities. I often feel that people think I make excuses or feel sorry for myself but this is not the way I see it. I just do not know or understand your language and why you may be offended or hostile or even critical with the way I respond or interpret your so called everyday language. Again my internal wiring is different to your own and you need to try and make adjustments more so than try and conform or even blame. I do not need to be bullied either because you may react through shear ignorance to the way I am. I am proud to be Aspie and if others don't like this they have to try hard to understand better because what you are wanting is like asking the blind to not use Braille, the death to not use sign language and the mute not to write. Yes I am saying that we have a deficit in social skills and you have to try and help those of us who may not understand your language. We may be recluse but that does not mean we are lepers so I am not making excuses and I hope you can better understand?

My thoughts and comments

Yesterday rallies for the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) occurred around Australia.  Despite the limited coverage of the event, it is encouraging to see people out in force keen to do something about disability issues in Australia.  My biggest concerns regarding the NDIS are that either it will be funded poorly, too much money may go to administrative people who do little, or nothing will happen at all.  In my own opinion I do not like nor support the Gillard Government's Carbon Tax.  My main reason being that it will severely cripple business and people who are already struggling to get by in their everyday lives.  I believe the tax has been poorly thought out and more importantly it will do nothing to assist the environment more so creating a bureaucracy and a tax which Australia and Australians do not need.  It will also allow for the creation of a welfare state and people will lose the incentive to work or produce as the taxes will either be too high or people just wont be able to afford to get ahead in their lives.  I have discussed the issue of welfare before.  It is important to have welfare but it is not wise to give it to those who will simply rely too heavily on it and not make any contribution to productivity.  I also fear that business and investment opportunities that could benefit Australia will go to New Zealand and other countries.  I think the Carbon Tax will also increase the cost of living and make Australia a no go in terms of travel or investment.  Finally I question how much of the carbon tax may help to assist funding the NDIS?

Recently I discussed Australians attitudes or understanding of politics to a person I know who works within the electoral commission.  This person informed me which I found quite alarming, that when most Australians go to vote they don't even know what level of government they are voting for and have no idea of political parties, policies or candidates.  This begs the question as to why Australia imposes compulsory voting when votes are either wasted, nor the concept of voting understood at all?  Political parties in Australia fail in many ways to encourage people to nuture their own political beliefs and rather than educate and inform, instead there seems to be more complacency and a disinterest in the political process.  What concerns me with Australian politics is that more so than criticise policy and attack disastrous or poor decisions, politicians in Australia either exchange blows, mud sling or head kick rivals.  Such behaviour I guess does not look good on the world stage.  I wont go into the current situation at all but I question the concept of compulsory voting and wonder whether it would be wiser to have voluntary voting but more of an involvement of the citizens in political discussions and affairs of their country?

Australia as we know from the history books was discovered by Lieutenant James Cook on the Endeavour in 1770. I don't think Cook had any intention at the time of seeing Australia as somewhere to colonise but more so discover on his political charts for the United Kingdom.  At the time of Cook's discovery of Australia, the United Kingdom were on the brink of being involved in the American War of Independence.  From my understanding it was made evident that with the loss of America that it was suggested that New Holland, renamed New South Wales under now Captain Cook could be a place to send England's worst criminals and those involved in petty crime.  So it was in 1788 that the first colonists arrived into Port Jackson now Sydney and I will leave the rest to here for now.  I often wonder about the deep down pscyhe of Australian people.  Ned Kelly to many was a hero but really wasn't he a colonial thug?  Also there is a worshiping of sport  and a dislike of those who are different.  I remember once visiting the Great Ocean Road in Victoria to where I encountered Australia's often poor service industry in tourism.  Having arrived in Warnambool I checked into a model and was treated rudely.  Instead of being greeted with hospitality, I instead was criticised with comments when I reaffirmed the price of the motel with 'you're lucky with what you got" and also more or less being treated abruptly with asking about the breakfast order.  I thought to myself I am paying a service here and I am not interested in knowing whether you have had a bad day or not I just expect some professional service.  How often do you encounter professional service when you contact an organisation or a travel destination? Are people properly trained and go out of their way to make you feel welcome?  It seems that very little emphasis is placed on it today.

My attitudes to disability in Australia are that people more or less find you an obstacle if you require help or assistance.  I see around me very poor wheel chair access or no wheel chair access or support for the disabled.  I wonder how a person with a wheel chair actually gets around or whether they just have to lumber themselves into a maxi tax and try their best to go out into the community?  I also hear stories of struggling families and carers who are managing or just about imploding with stress and fatigue to assist a person with a disability obtain a reasonable quality of life?  I also ask the question about mental health in Australia and wonder how many people resort to alcohol as a means of hiding serious or other mental health issues?  Surely something needs to be done!  I just find that despite my efforts and energy into trying to get things happening that I am often held back or unable to channel my energies in ways to assist people and make for a better world.  Yes I may sound like I am whinging but why not stand up for what you believe in?  Why not make the world a better place?  Why not have a community that understands more so than isolates you?  These are my thoughts and I thought I would share them.  I also believe that Autism needs to go a long way so that people understand it better.   

Software Testing Ideas and Update

Upon my return from New Zealand I contacted Gordon Sanderson and spoke with him about any updates or developments with software testing.  Gordon has spoken with a representative from ANZTB (Australia & New Zealand Software Testing Board) but unfortunately this has hit another snag.  So for the moment it is back to square one. However, Gordon has been in contact with Peter MacDonald from www.autismworks.co.uk which is good news.  For software testing to go ahead in Brisbane, it is more than likely a software testing model needs to be replicated.  It would be great to see Brisbane obtain a replication and then for other software testing replications to occur in both Australia and New Zealand.  The main problem both Australia and New Zealand seem to confront is that both countries are geographically isolated from the rest of the world.  In my previous post I mentioned that we need to work around difficulties and I believe that Australasia is ideally placed and we can better utilise our geographical isolation to reinvent or greatly improve our own Autism awareness. 

There are Aspies in both Australia and New Zealand who are working behind the scenes to help improve awareness where possible.  I am trying to play my part also.  One suggestion I have is that the University of Queensland could implement within the Information Technology Department a means of testing the strenghts, abilities and performance levels of adults on the Autism Spectrum.  This would assist with job performance and how to utilise the strenghts and abilities of the adult concerned and structure this within employment.  It would be good if for instance the University of Queensland Information Technology Department could also introduce a course designed for software testing and also better educating persons with Information Technology to work with Aspies if at all possible. 

With the University of Queensland implementing a work test for software testing for Aspies, this could better prepare the adult for employment and allowing them a means of working within a framework where the work environment could be similar to Autism Works, Specialisterne, Aspiritech.  It is a matter of time to see if such proposals may be implemented.  I would like in my spare time to work on or perhaps restructure the work environment for adults so as to encourage them to perform within employment and this would not be a conventional pattern of employment.  Some Aspies for instance may be productive for a few hours but after that they may become mentally fatigued and others may be able to work for longer periods within a routine.  This is why testing the strenghts and abilities of adults at a university would be something needing serious consideration. 

Gordon whom I mentioned earlier is assisting me with advocacy work.  Gordon will be in Europe for 5 weeks and for anyone interested in getting in touch with Gordon they can do so through Facebook in my friend's list.  Perhaps Gordon may be able to visit Autism Works or Specialisterne in Scotland upon his visit to the United Kingdom?  

I believe Aspies can work but the main obstacle is employers not understanding the condition or their strenghts and abilities.  This is why change and more understanding is needed.  I would like to work with interested Aspies to ensure they are able to adjust within employment and be able to hold down a job. 

For more information and updates on software testing please visit www.autismworks.co.uk

I have also written to new Vice Chancellor Apointee Peter Hoj and mentioned Autism Works to him also.  I understand Mr Hoj is also from Denmark where Thorkil Sonne is who started Specialisterne in Denmark. 

How the NDIS could provide better services

One of the areas the National Disability Insurance Scheme needs to look into is accommodation and support for adults on the Autism Spectrum within the community.  These need to be done as follows. 

1. Autism Associations provide housing and accommodation support depending on the needs base of the adult concerned

2. Housing to be made available in areas with close proximity to services and transport etc

3. Determine the person's income status and whether or not they they can afford certain levels of support or whether they follow or have the same needs of expenditure that others do.  For instance most adults on the Autism Spectrum aren't really interested in consumer spending and some are good savers.

4. Provide awareness to the community of disability to help make society better understand.

In my contact with adults from around the world, most have different needs and abilities. My own situation is challenging at times as I still live with my elderly parents.  I just don't know what to do.  The rental market is expensive and with the Carbon and Mining Taxes soon being introduced, Australia is going to become more expensive.  Also nothing is being done about mental health.  I have followed closely the work of New Zealand Prime Minister John Key, who has introduced a mental health care plan in New Zeland.  I have thought about contact it and asking if as an Australian, New Zealand would be able to help me?  I just feel very frustrated in that nothing is being done in Australia.  I constantly feel frustrated in that I cannot utilise any of my skills or abilities and feel I am beating my head against a brick wall in wanting to see things done. 

I wonder also if the Defence Forces are able to employ or utilise people with Autism in sections which involve attention to detail and meticulous input.  Also the sense of discipline may help for others to understand Aspies better.  Yesterday I attended an Anzac Day Service and saw lots of younger people and wondered how they could better understand Autism.  It also seems hard to connect with the non Autistic population as they simply don't get it if you think and act differently.  Getting to the service in itself was a challenge and trying to not over step the mark with authority figures.

I don't think the NDIS is being implemented fast enough and I worry about my own future.  My elderly parents also are concerned and with everything falling on my shoulders and so many expectations of having to perform when I struggle, I really just don't know what to do.  I hope things change soon for the better!

Working around the boundaries

As an Aspie life presents itself with challenges, setbacks, obstacles and disappointments.  The regular world that humanity lives in seems to have conventions and hierarchical restraints which make achieving things almost impossible if you cannot always understand them.  Whenever I mention the difficulties I have as an Aspie, I find non Autistic people are quick to jump at my comments to say 'non Autistic people have the same difficulties' .  Let me emphasise though that despite the so called similarities, that persons on the Autism Spectrum struggle more at being socially abled.  To simply put it, disability affects the Autistic person with our inability to understand the social cues and conventions others take for granted.  We also struggle with a society largely being unaware of our internal struggles.

I guess it is natural for most people to think that a difference needs to be obvious but for many Aspies we can look like non Aspies and yet we can be pushed around or misunderstood simply for not responding in an automated fashion which others assume to be endemic in all people.  If you can imagine employment and social lives, you can begin to understand why persons on the Autism Spectrum alone experience difficulty.  Just thinking and acting differently which I think needs emphasis due to Aspies having different wiring raises the needs for awareness.  If you can imagine that within the non Autistic world there are no boundaries just a different means of wiring, then you can begin to understand the challenges that Aspies confront.

I have come to the realisation that within life there are many setbacks and despite people having said 'you just need to try harder' or 'you have to stop using AS as an excuse and break free' that this is not always possible.  For instance, life seems to be largely dependent on a person's social skills and measured on how well socially a person may be.  For men on the Autism Spectrum, I feel that our greatest challenges are in terms of making friends, entering relationships and in finding employment.  The very few of us in employment also confront the difficulties of being unsuccessful in 'promotion' or in being allowed more opportunity in tasks which involve a lot of mental energy and intelligence but not so dependent on social skills.  I guess anyone reading this post would be quick to criticise my comments as being unrealistic or too Aspie focused?

I often find that within Australia and less so in other cultures, thinking and acting differently has with it many obstacles.  Furthermore, there are the past bad experiences of being bullied just for being different or pushed around.  Why does this happen?  I have come to accept that in life challenges, expectations and opportunities are something not to take for granted. I try to live a life where I live in the moment but try not to have expectations because they simply wont work out.  I often stumble and make clumsy mistakes on occasion with my interaction with people and try to hard to expect the world to change within the 'southern hemisphere' of Aspie awareness.  I often over think Aspie awareness in the southern hemisphere in draw conclusions that perhaps being on the lower extremities of the equator that land mass is less so than water.  Australia and New Zealand being English speaking countries are more remote from South Africa and the non English tongue of South America.  A voice is needed within the southern antipodes and there are many Aspies in the southern hemisphere but our means of awareness is perhaps different to our northern counterparts.  I think low population density, a lack of publishers, a vacuum of  complacency and other factors just makes our struggle so much harder should we wish to link to the northern hemisphere.  Perhaps people don't know what I am talking about?  If you can imagine the world like the human brain having two spheres then you would understand that the left and the right side operate differently.  Within the southern hemisphere perhaps being similar to one hemisphere of the brain a lot of work needs to be done so that our region can catch up!

The way around obstacles is to not let them get you down but instead work around them. Every bit of work no matter how slow it may be, advances Autism awareness one inch further.  Despite my efforts in trying to get software testing in Australasia, I think that it can be done.  If New Zealand adopt software testing before Australia then, Australia can expand from New Zealand and visa versa.  I think Australasia, is geographically remote from other countries of the world but there is Facebook and other internet facilities where us Aspies can link with other countries in the globe.  Have you ever wondered why so many persons on the Autism Spectrum are linked or rely on computers as a means of communication?    I see boundaries as not so much brick walls but more so challenges that can be got around but with small steps.  

People just don't get it

Imagine arriving in another country not understanding the language being unable to communicate and struggling to speak the same language, Imagine how it would feel? for many adults on the autism spectrum such questions are reality. Just because you look like everybody else does not mean that you think and act and process information the same way that they do. I have received comments in my life how I just use Asperger's syndrome too much as a crutch an excuse not to do things. Do you really think that I would be doing this when I'm affected by something that makes life challenging and difficult? In my contact with other adults from Australia and around the world I hear a similar story of depression and anxiety and bullying in past experiences. Quite simply why is nothing being done any society unaware and not able to understand such issues? I spend large amounts of time in social isolation because I just feel that people are unable to connect and I think and feel that whatever I think that people dont seem to understand! As I get older I find it challenging wise and I'm not sure what will happen by way of support after my parents are no longer around? To answer this question there just doesn't seem to be anything available and what is happening with the National Disability Insurance Scheme? Many adults on the autism spectrum are confronted with this very issue in their day-to-day lives and their parents and families. Also what support is a available in terms of employment, housing and support and services? Within the community there are many families affected by autism but they remain a silent minority and how much longer does this need to continue? I find it difficult but every time I seem confrontational people react in a defensive manner and this does not help! It It just seems that people are unable to see behind the person with Autism to exactly know what struggles we are personally confronting. People cannot be blamed for not knowing what to do and have to be aware which means more awareness and support reaches the wider community and this needs to happen as soon as possible! Some men on the autism spectrum have given up looking for relationships because they feel that the opposite sex just don't understand them and the dating process all to traumatic. People on the autism spectrum don't often want special treatment more so just want greater support awareness and understanding! So again I ask what is happening in terms of the National Disability Insurance Scheme? Australian Society seems largely unaware of autism especially in adults because most adults look like other people but yet cannot function in the same way that others do. So something needs to happen! What am I can see is that the government wanting to just put people with autism onto pensions and forgetting about them when most really want to work and have some form of structure in their lives. I tirelessly push for software testing for adults on the autism spectrum to provide meaningful and long-lasting employment. So it would be good if something were to happen Some people find social situations daunting but if a person is shy they are unable to have the social skills and the body language and are able to read social queues whereas if the person on the Autism Spectrum struggles often to communicate at all. It is pleasing that more people know what Asperger Syndrome and struggle to sometimes even talk autism but yet there's little training on specific people to know how to deal with autism.

Fixing a broken system needs to happen now!

We live in a society which I feel largely excludes persons with disabilities from interacting within the community.  By this I mean, if you have a mobility impairment, you have to find your own way to a destination, deal with often the lack of support and help associated with it and society's attitude.  Also you not bother to go to a venue as it may lack wheelchair access etc

When I worked part time for CODA (Carers of Disabled Adults) one of my duties was to organise events for persons with disabilities and their carers to attend.  This may have involved going to a soccer game, or to a theatre etc.  Very few organisations put up their hands to help and the ones that were approached seemed to show very little or no interest.  In relation to Autism, we live in a community which wants to label and furthermore lack the time necessary to accommodate those who are different.  Bill Shorten spoke about the National Disability Scheme in Australia in 2009 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYkJ80WB2LY  So far Mr Shorten has been the only person to have mentioned disability in the community, the struggles those of us with a disability confront and the need to do something about this.

With the election of the Campbell Newman as Queensland Premier, one of the pledges is to look into disability and also hopefully the implementation of the National Disability Insurance Scheme.  Wouldn't it be a better place if people were able to include more so than exclude persons with disabilities?  For people with Autism we often confront ignorance in our everyday lives.  We can be blamed in the way we think, react and have difficulty in being able to communicate with others. I remember once a woman saying to me 'it's amazing you get out'.  I find this comment insulting because I felt I was treated like an invalid.  I find in society that I am largely ignored, distanced and sometimes criticised for being the way I am and think.  It is immensely difficult when you try and also sugar coat how you really feel in some situations.  People can just be so insensitive or unaware that you know that being sometimes upfront is not going to resolve or change a situation.

Australia has a broken disability system and it is badly broken.  I personally feel the Gillard Government is not doing enough about disability and I am also unaware of what commitment the Australian Opposition has to disability also.  We live sadly in a society where there is little or no community and often the only hope a person with a disability has is to join a church or a similar organisation.  As I get older myself I am not sure of my future.  What will happen after my parents die?  Will I ever find a girlfriend or get married?  Will I end up in an institution?  Some of these questions plague my mind.  Nothing just seems to be available at the moment.

Disability should not be used for political point scoring nor should it be neglected or put on the back burner.  For too long persons with disabilities have been on the outer in society.  Look at Brisbane where I live and you will find all disability groups still on the outer. Lack of public transport facilities and other places which make accommodation or allowances.  It would be nice to live in a world where persons with disabilities could co-exist with other people.  For instance if you have Asperger Syndrome that people your age could say 'yeah I know Garry he's a little different to others but he has an interest in orchids and history and seems a good guy' whereas instead I find I am largely treated like a leper and people seem unaware of how to deal with neuro diversity.  I can give other examples of other persons with Autism I know but I really need to get my message across to readers viewing this post.

Going out into the community is a monumental effort.  Trying to hold down a job is also. At times I find myself at odds with people.  Yesterday for instance, I had a library patron approach me with a question but being held back in how much I can actually help in the job and being cut down in not being able to go beyond with what I am doing, I felt disinterested in assisting this client any further.  I also feel that people think I am whinging when I have suggested on numerous occasions that the library internal stairwell is an Occupational Workplace Health and Safety Hazard and causes me sensory grief.  I just wish people could understand me better and for me to not be treated like some kind of deviant.  When the patron approached me also yesterday, a more senior person was in close proximity and seemed 'annoyed' at how little I was helping the patron.  I felt quite frankly that if I were approached by the staff member that I would say 'well working in UQ (University of Queensland) I am aware that I am largely to do manual handling tasks only and to exercise initiative is something that I should not bother to do as it wont help me anyway. 

It angers me immensely the way that governments want to simply confine persons with disabilities especially Autism onto welfare payments.  Most want to work but are fearful of applying for jobs as they know the interview process and selection criteria work against them not to mention the fear of bullying and the possibility of getting sacked.  Such issues are a reality and as I write this post I know of an adult on the Autism Spectrum from across the Tasman in New Zealand who is living in Australia, and is confronting bullying in their work environment and possibility unfair dismissal.  Such issues can no longer be ignored and I only hope that the new government in Queensland can start to intervene and provide help.  As I write this post I am also aware of others who may choose to disagree with what I write and brand me a trouble maker but if I do not stand up for persons with Autism then what hope do we have?  A lot of work needs to be done.  I am also trying my hardest to make software testing in Australia a reality.

Please write to your politicians and pressure the Australian Government to do something about disability and the National Insurance Scheme.  Urgent action needs to happen. Also work environments which are unsafe with potential Occupational Workplace Health and Safety Issues need urgent action.  A person should not be exposed to hazards within a workplace and psychological hardships.

PLEASE HELP OUT TO MAKE A BROKEN SYSTEM BECOME ONE THAT NEEDS TO BE FIXED FAST!

Connecting Aspies to the community

Last Saturday Queensland had a change of government.  Hopefully this will mean a great deal many things will happen.  Disability and Autism being just some of the things which need attention.   

One of the concerns I have is that the disability system in Australia is broken.  I have been in touch with Kenmore Baptist Church on the western side of Brisbane, and yesterday I attended the Church in the Park event.  Here I met with a few people around my age and spoke with them about how there is need for more community and support for persons with disabilities.  I found it reassuring that one of them knew about Autism having a friend who is 21 on the Autism Spectrum.  I spoke about the need to remove the label and to try and obtain inclusion of persons on the Autism Spectrum as being included and less so labelled or carrying a stigma. In other words, I suggested that people accept and embrace Autism and its diversity more so than avoid or ignore it.  Unfortunately a lot more work needs to be done as people seem reluctant and fearful still to embrace Autism.  I also suggested the possiblity at some future stage of talking about my experiences but of course if and when the congregation may be interested.  For instance Rocks Riverside Park at Jindalee could be one place where an Autism Event could happen similar to the Stadium of Light in the United Kingdom which saw many people turn up to listen. 

With the disability system being broken in Australia, there needs to be support from sectors and areas of the community to assist in the meantime.  Churches may be one possible area to provide support.  I am finding as I get older that social challenges are becoming more difficult.  At times I find just walking into crowds of people can be debilitating as anxiety tends to make me freeze up and function with more difficulty.  I also feel frustrated that I am under performing in employment because I am not able to use any of my intelligence or have it used in employment. It is not so much the fault of the employer but the system in which it operates as the may tiers in job classification levels and focus specifically on manual handling makes things difficult.

Next Tuesday night, I will be attending a meeting of the Australia and New Zealand Software Testing Board.  I would like to find out what is involved and required to get the ball rolling here.  I am disappointed by being held back more so than utilized to get the process rolling and to start employing adults as software testers.  I also will be speaking at Autism Focus where I last spoke on Friday about my experiences of having Asperger Syndrome. 

It is encouraging to see more happening but we still have a long way to go.  Over the coming months I intend to see what support the new Queensland Government will have on offer in supporting people with Autism and Disabilities etc.  Anyhow please wait more updates as they come to hand. 

What exactly is happiness?

I am asked ocassionally 'don't you want to be happy?" I ask myself "hrmm how exactly do you define happiness?"  In all honesty I would be happy if people started to understand, accept and embrace Autism.  I would like to see persons, families and friends who are affected by Autism better understood within the community.  People saying "Oh yes I know about Autism, you must have you own abiliites and challenges?"  Instead I hear about how happiness is defined within the confines of what a Non Autistic Person thinks as happiness.  Money does not provide happiness nor does luxury.  Happiness if I understand the word correctly is a euphoric feeling relating to a certain event in a person's life.

In all honesty and I am going to be literal as I am, I find a great period of my life is trying to come to terms with what I know and exists around me.  I also know that either something good happens or instead I just survive as best I can.   I know there are others less fortunate than I am, but across the Autism Spectrum there are a lot of very frustrated and unhappy people.  This is a reality because services, support and understanding are not provided to them.  Money is not everything and it does not buy you happiness.  To have friends that embrace Autism and know you have it makes the world of difference more so than rejection and believe me I am not being hard on myself and I am speaking the truth the best way I know how.

Like other people in Australia I endured the floods in January last year.  The situation was traumatic but the thing I could not understand is why people did not talk about it and why no action was undertaken to reassure people that Brisbane would be flood proofed as best as possible?  Whenever you encounter an event which was devasting like it was last year, wouldn't it be a viable option to start fast tracking immediately measures to reassure people that should such a diaster occur again that they know they are safe?  Instead in all honesty I have seen very little done and a flood report handed down just days before an election.

Everytime I hear rain I feel on edge and wonder 'I hope it does not flood again'.  During the flood the whole experience was traumatic but it did provide the community with a spirit of looking after each other.  However, everything returned to 'normal'. People returned to their homes, hid behind their fences and again do not speak to each other.  It is sad when after such a traumatic event that people were not provided with a sense of reassurance. I even wrote to the Queensland Premier to suggest to her that perhaps a carnival or circus could be put on to take people's minds away from the pain of being flooded. In all fairness the Premier did respond with "I will forward your idea on" but nothing ever happened.  The weather at the moment is weird.  Here we are in Brisbane and it is still humid with this rain never going away.  In fact I have not seen one fine day in over 4 months.  The rain just does not stop and it feels like a form of punishment.  How many people were counselled after the flood I wonder to myself?  

I don't feel happy because people do not understand me.  It is like I exist in a shield or bubble and people just do not get it.  I find that every attempt that I make now with mostly exhaustion just does not work.  I ask would I be better off somewhere else?   However the many conventions and obstacles just make the thought impossible.  At times you feel like a leper in a lepar colony.  I hate the weather in Queensland now after the floods.  I just am on edge everytime it rains.  What if it floods again and what reassurance is there in case of precautions? Is anyone listening?

There is no such thing is Autum in Queensland and it looks like the rain will be relentless.  You hear it on your roof and it never stops and you have fear in your mind that you just can't escape it and what will it do?! Australia is such a harsh country in all honesty and the people who arrived here need to be admired to put up with its harshness.  What if it floods again?   Will the Queensland Government be returned on the back of  a natural diaster such thoughts come into your mind.  I hate rain and when I hear it and I feel this constant humidity I wonder if this big island quarry will ever experience cooler weather?   It just seems that Brisbane now has a wet and a dry season and God only knows how much more of this rain we have to experience here?  It just seems to come back again and again and does not stop.  Also to top things off as hell can you imagine the thought of a cyclone forming off the coast of Fraser Island.  Australia is a rough country and it is no wonder its people are rough with the droughts and flooding rains you get here.  The humidity is also intolerable as it is during the wet months. 

Catching up with Damian and learning more duties

Yesterday I caught up with Damian Santomauro who is in his second year of his PhD on the Autism Spectrum in young adults.  If you are not aware of Damian, he is an adult who has Asperger Syndrome and the work he is doing is very important as he is focusing his study more on young adults.  As the University of Queensland is a large place, it was hard for both Damian and myself to find a comfortable place to talk with all the crowds on campus.  We discussed how it can be difficult for Aspies to be understood by Non Autistic people and whether or not attitudes will change.  We also are cyncial like Aspies are of politicians.  With a change of government looking obvious in Queensland, we want to kow as well as other adults if support will be provided for adults on teh Autism Spectrum? 

On Friday 23rd March 2012 I will be attending a conference in the afternoon hosted by Autism Focus
The conference provides the following information:

AUTISM/ASPERGER SYNDROME AND SUCCESS IN THE WORKPLACE;
by Marilyn Patterson, for AUTISM FOCUS
                                    March 23rd, Brisbane International Resort

This unique program investigates in detail the difficulties persons with Autism or Asperger Syndrome (ASD) face in preparing for, obtaining and keeping paid or voluntary work. Content stems from Marilyn’s extensive background in the field of ASD education, and a compilation of current research and successful practice by others working with clients in the workplace. Throughout the day a host of practical, time proven and easy to apply strategies are offered to address:
? job selection, case conferencing and interview preparation
? the unique talents and obstacles a person with ASD can bring to the workplace and strategies to enhance success
? stress and anger management
? relationship issues and ‘getting on with others’ in the workplace
This program suits employment agencies, educators, work experience coordinators, community support agencies, families, carers, persons with ASD and others interested in the area.
Full registration and costing details are included in the attached flyer – enquiries are welcome via email or the phone contacts below.
Please feel free to pass this information on to others who may be interested
kind regards,
The AUTISM FOCUS TEAM

AUTISM FOCUS
ABN:18 754 520 841

MARILYN PATTERSON; KEVIN HURFORD
0407 08 6661
07 3408 6661
www.autismfocus.com.au
mpa95526@bigpond.net.au

I hope to also speak briefly at the conference and take a long some books also.  My book can be obtained on my website www.garryburge.com 

I am now also working in the Dorothy Hill Physics, Sciences and Engineering Library on a Thursday and Friday.  This is a refreshing change after having waited for almost 6 years to be rotated to another library branch.  I am responsible for opening the library of a morning, processing the mail and a few other duties besides shelving.  While in the Social Sciences Library, I find the stairwell overwhelming at times with student traffic flow.  I have asked if I can use the fire stairwell as this is quieter and away from noise which causes me sensory issues.  I am able to do this which helps.  Apart from this, I am also in touch with www.autismworks.co.uk and have found out from Chris Mitchell that their location has moved.  They are now on the same street but a bit further down in new premises.  I just hope things are looking good for Autism Works.   

Please stay tuned for further updates. 

Aspergers Syndrome and work

As an Aspie learning new skills in a workplace is often a challenge.  Not only does it require vast amounts of mental energy but also I find myself asking a lot of questions.  Learning new duties is almost like clockwork.  When doors need to be opened to let patrons into a library for instance. I literally find myself obsessing about whether I should let patrons in 1 min early or 1 minute late.  It can become literally an overkill when I overthink.  I constantly find myself checking for errors in what I do and added to this, I have to try and understand responses and communication from other work colleagues.

I enjoy the change I am now doing within my current role.  Not only am I learning new skills which are very few, but I realise how bad anxiety can be if I am asked to do too many things within a full day. When I worked several years ago and pushed very hard to work, I found myself sleepy and at times all I wanted to do was to lie down somewhere as my mental energy was just flushed.  In work, I find myself slowing down when expected to do multi tasking and I am trying to make sense of the work constraints around me.  Today I had a student ask me about a technical matter concerning engineering.  It is interesting to spot the undiagnosed Aspies in the Physics, Sciences and Engineering Library.  I have come face to face with some and it is almost with the slip of the tongue to say 'you're Aspie too!".  I thought today as I worked in the library that I wonder what it would be like to do a brain scan of all Maths Students compared to Arts Students to measure different cognitive functioning in their brains.  I also thought to myself 'why is it that I turn up to things way too early'.  To control anxiety I tend to start much earlier than expected when at work.  I hate being late and being late creates panic and shutdown for me.

As an Aspie, the work environment can be totally perplexing and overwhelming.  It is not always easy or more so impossible for me to do the simple duty of checking out books to patrons.  I find myself obsessing about whether I am doing things properly and when there is pressure placed on me, my mind and body try to shutdown.  I just don't handle stress that well at all.  When I was in the library today, I wondered what students thought of books. Do they read them?  Is what is found in them of interest considering it all relates to physics, maths etc.  There is a different writing style between prose and factual writing.  Perhaps more Aspies in Engineering because writing is more factual and an Aspie may have a hard time reading a suspence novel when literal interpretation implied.  Perhaps an Aspie can guess who the culprit is before the book has even ended?

It is interesting that Aspies get waves of cognitive energy.  Work environments unfortunately seem unable to accommodate waves of cognitive energy because a work environment is structured around a social context. More words and body language are conveyed and received than manual work perhaps.  To do manual work involves a means of getting around the social chit chat and Aspies are not great at it.  Have you wondered why there are more Aspies on Facebook chat and on computers than other demographics?  A simple thought to leave with you?  How can a work environment be structured to accommodate an Aspie?  Are current work environments the problem with the long held position of working 9-5.  Dolly Parton best sums it up in her song.