I don't have all the answers and all adults on the Autism Spectrum are different but this is the way I see it in myself.
Dear Minds and Hearts
The work you are doing is highly commendable. What I believe is difficult is that male Aspies are disadvantaged by either being unemployed, lacking confidence, self esteem and social status. The problem also is being able to sell yourself for a potential date which is similar to a job interview if this makes sense. I think role playing is not a bad method to use but I think more so there needs to be some kind of script which can be implemented within potential dates. Also what techniques can be used in determining whether the Asperger male wants a relationship or to begin with a friendship and see how things develop. From what I can see there is more possibility for Asperger men in dating women who are from different ethnic backgrounds. By this I mean women who are Asian, European or from other non western countries who may have some difficulty in understanding other cultures and therefore more tolerant to men who may in themselves find dating difficult. In order to improve the likelihood of finding a date a possible strategy would be to find or encourage Asperger men to join groups at the University of Queensland or within Brisbane which have a greater likelihood of foreign women. What then could happen would be for perhaps some kind of group outing where or other event to encourage interaction. It is not easy but perhaps some emphasis on attending some kind of social event. I would be happy to date an Asian woman or ethnic woman if I had the opportunity but I have a lack of self esteem and confidence. In 2008, I was in a long distance relationship with an Asperger woman from the United States and despite meeting her for 14 days and being in touch for a little over 1 year, it was to end as an immigration difficulty. I find it hard to know whether I have the energy for another relationship as the one I had been in had intimacy but sadly immigration wise it was just not possible. There seems also seems to be some adults on the Autism Spectrum within a long distance relationship.
Rather than focus on learning facial gestures and role plays, I think there needs to be more of a discussion as to what the difficulties are for Asperger men. I find the group uncomfortable in that some of the members seem and I don't like saying this, a little lower functioning than myself. I find I am not really able to connect with them and I don't really feel comfortable doing role plays in front of them. What would be better would be to see movie clips or perhaps find out from men who have Asperger Syndrome who are in relationships how and what strategies they used to enter a relationship. I know of some Asperger men who are in relationships with Asian women not that this really matters. I also find Internet Dating websites really a waste of time as more sleazy or competitive men seem to dominate such groups.
I thought I would provide some useful strategies in finding women
1. Do a CPR or First Aid Course
2. Put out some kind of expression of interest or dating site for men with Asperger Syndrome in Brisbane (focus on strengths)
3. Organise some socials through Minds and Hearts
4. Develop techniques for making friends, developing a lighter side, and safety phrases
5. Organise event for which you could ask single friends to come a long (networking is one option)
I think in all honesty that Minds and Hearts would benefit from setting up a dating agency for adults with Asperger Syndrome but this would need careful thought. I am happy to talk with you about some ideas and suggestions I have and there is another adult with Asperger Syndrome who may also have some useful suggestions.
I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow or whenever you can call
Kind regards
Garry Burge
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