For an Aspie Neuro Typical Success is something we are unable to adapt to or achieve. Often the essential requirements of implementing the correct and necessary social skills causes us to feel held back and unable to aspire to anything within a neuro typical success. Despite people telling me that I put myself down, I feel in this life I will struggle or perhaps have accepted the following.
1. I will never get married
2. I will never be able to afford my own house or an independent lifestyle
3. I more than likely will never be promoted or fall into a career which utilizes my skills.
4. I will struggle to obtain or implement the necessary social skills to help me get ahead in the world.
As I am close to turning 40, I have come to the realisation that trying to find something I am good at is just a waste of time and furthermore I am likely to be crushed by such goals not working out or being obtainable. Despite some people being envious of my life style, I would ask those people not to be but instead cast their eyes back on my life before diagnosis. Here I did not know who I was and I had nobody help me to understand the world around me. At one time I even thought about taking my own life as I was just not understood and accepted. I just didn't seem to be good at anything and felt my life had no purpose. I also endured depression but back then you could not turn to anybody as society just did not understand. I worked hard to get to where I am today despite the many set backs a long the way. I was just not prepared to listen to the critics who told me I was worthless and and had no brains. I can also remember feeling angry at one person who was more or less interested in how much sex I had when I was in a long distance relationship with an Asperger woman overseas than more so of asking me about what it was like to have my first girl friend at 36 years of age. I just though how insensitive and shallow! Couldn't this person think of something better to occupy their small mind?
I have come to the realisation that I need to do my best to promote awareness. Conventional means of promoting awareness just seem to not work for me. I don't think I can write a book that really interests anyone and furthermore I am not a high profile person with lots of money, so all I can really do is just try my hardest and do the best I can.
I would wish more so for a world which is accepting of Autism rather than dismissive and sometimes critical. It would be good to live in a world where a person on the Autism Spectrum could be accepted rather than isolated and in some instances bullied just because we do not fit in.
Not all Aspies are geniuses. I know of some who are struggling in a world around them to find their place in the world. Although we may not be cut out to make it in the neuro typical world, we therefore are dependent on support and services which really either do not exist or provide insufficient support. Things really need to change and change fast as Autism is not going to go away and children with Autism are going to become adults with Autism.
For me, my goal is to provide and raise awareness where I can. I can only do my best and I am one person. More adults with Autism need to support me in what I do so we can begin to make changes. I believe this will happen soon. If an Aspie is unable to make it in the neuro typical world then it is necessary that they have support and access to services to assist them. Why should they suffer in silence and furthermore endure low self esteem and social isolation? Together we can make a difference! I am not out for personal glory but I do hope my efforts bring upon change to make the world a more accepting and supportive place for persons on the Autism Spectrum.
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