Surviving the unconventional way

For each and everyone of us we have our silent struggles and our times of difficulty. I am reminded to when Senator John F Kennedy while in hospital recovering from back surgery, wrote "Profiles in Courage" in 1954 - 1955. This was his summation of 8 political figures he wrote about while in his state of convalescence. I am no John F Kennedy, but I have my own profile in courage in that I endured 38 years of having to understand people, make a go of life and to try and get somewhere with the time I have available. Existing in the conventional sense is not easy for me for despite several efforts to write a book, undertake a Phd and assist with a documentary on Asperger Syndrome in adults, all of my attempts have seem to have become failures and not developed into reality. I have grown to accept that living in the conventional world and obtaining the success that goes with it is is not really going to happen. I have a lot of difficulty with assimilating information and I struggle in the areas of comprehension. This simply means that I can write a lot but when it comes to comprehending information and making sense of what other people find easy is in itself for me a major struggle. Why then do I survive in the unconventional way? My whole life has been a continual series of hardships in terms of succeeding in a neuro typical sense. I have been fortunate to have traveled the world but personally I have a lot of difficulty in simple things which other people find easily achievable. I do not have a large income, I am not married nor in a relationship, I find that I am always struggling to understand the world around me and to see things the same way others do and I feel annoyed with myself that I cannot do more for other adults on the Autistic Spectrum. I try hard to ensure that they see hope and that their own difficulties will one day be liberated but the fault does not lay squarely with me. When will society understand Autism and will it ever understand? It took me many years to obtain employment in what I am doing now and the wheels of progress are indeed slow, painfully slow. I have to constant re-invent my ways of thinking and realising that the conventional way and comparing myself to regular people is just not really worth it. It took me years to realise and to grasp this reality and I am coming to terms with who I am as a person. I fall down a lot, make mistakes, upset people, and unintentionally break conventions. I have to survive as best I can, and this is all I can do. I consider myself successful if I want to use that word in my own unconventional life and have recently tried to place myself into Wikpedia with my post due from Wikipedia for deletion. Perhaps long after I am dead will the realities of Autism become better known and it may take several generations, but if nobody really understands me then all I can do is be an advocate. I hope that this article can provide you with a better insight into my situation for if nobody can really understand me, then it is the intention of my blog to express those areas of difficulty to help enlighten people.