The challenge ahead

Well this afternoon I was informed yet again that I was unsuccessful in an expression of interest application. How many more knock backs does it take before you just don't feel confident to submit an application yet again? I was informed that the University Library is cutting back on staff and that I was unsuccessful due to a person having more computer skills than I did. I have also submitted my thesis outline and I wonder how this will go also? I really get fed up with the employment market as everything seems cut throat nowadays and your self esteem and confidence just obtain a battering at the same time. I am getting counseling with Minds and Hearts because nobody else seems to get me. I just feel so alone at times and if it were for some other adults with AS, I would really feel alone and depressed. Why is the world so harsh for people with AS. Why don't people just try and get it and know what it is like? People seem to think that I put it all on as an act but would it be an act if you experience bad anxiety and social isolation? I work so hard and others also at promoting awareness of Asperger Syndrome and you feel literally like you hit your head against a brick wall. You get tired of people telling you what you can't do and trying to find tolerance and understanding is often just so difficult. At least I can house sit, well that's something I can do. Everything else I seem to try never seems to work out for some reason. Look people, Asperger Syndrome is a reality. People are affected by it and unlike other disabilities it is a stand alone disability. People with other disabilities are able to utilize social skills and other means of support but AS is a social skills deficit. I really am thinking about self employment opportunities because I am sick to death of hierarchy and bureaucracy. These two situations are like a process of ripping your heart out and your soul and throwing them in your face again. April is Autism awareness month and how much actual awareness of Autism is there? What a world we live in just think about yourself and nobody else.