Dealing with disappointment

In our lives we sometimes may confront disappointment. Maybe somebody does not want to be our friend, a date may not work out, or a career goal or job application may be unsuccessful. We can tend to feel deflated and let down by this situation and feel annoyed or upset. What then can we do to deal with the situation?

As an Aspie I tend to find I take criticism or set back very personally. I often feel like I am a failure and despite what I think and feel, my mind tends to focus on the negative more so than the positive or positives. As an Aspie, my life has been a serious of achievements and some disappointments. The important thing which needs to be taken into consideration is that the use of CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) can be but one means of overcoming negative thoughts. Just after I was diagnosed as having Asperger Syndrome by Dr Tony Attwood, Tony informed me of CBT and how it can help me to overcome negative thought patterns. To date CBT has worked but sometimes setbacks can be very hurtful. I find dating for instance too difficult as I find myself continually hurt and disappointed by the process. I also tend to experience things not working out the way I would like them to if I try to obtain expectations or other goals.

Often I hear from some people that I am negative but in all honestly they fail to grasp the fact that life is not easy and they should take a walk in somebody else's shoes before they make their criticism known. Personally speaking as an older adult, the lack of early intervention tends to present problems and difficulties later in life. It is hard to shirk the 'war service' or emotional scarring which you endured within the school system to where you were bullied or treated poorly within secondary school.

I find the only way to deal with disappointment is to try to not take it personally. See if it possible to learn from it and perhaps do not set goals which are unrealistic or expectations which are not achievable. When I spoke with Dr Kate Sofronoff, she mentioned how as Aspies we need to deal with disappointment and to not take disappointment personally. It is hard for Aspies to navigate the world around us and it is hard for other people not on the spectrum to always understand us. We need as Aspies to have our own coping strategies to deal with stress, anxiety and disappointment etc.

For anyone interested some of the disappointments I have endured in life include:

1. Failing first year university for not having the academic ability.
2. Trying to make friends and fit in and fail to be understood by other people.
3. Experiencing an engagement end because of an immigration situation.
4. Be knocked back at trying to undertake a PhD
5. Be unsuccessful within job promotion and career advancement.
6. Find several attempts at getting a book published knocked back.
7. Being bullied earlier in life and told I had no brains nor ability
8. Submitting job applications, addressing selection criteria and not succeeding at job interviews.

My successes

1. Being fortunate to have traveled overseas
2. Being good at writing
3. Having a job
4. Having support family and friends notably my parents
5. Owning a car
6. Having a roof over my head.
7. Having good health
8. Having good friends.

Often we may focus too much on disappointments but we also need to look at the positives in our lives. For some reason our minds are trained to be more negative but CBT can help change this.