As I am now up to 31 0000 words in my book relating to Asperger Syndrome in adults which I hope to publish before the end of the year, I am now contemplating writing another book on Aspie Dating from a male with Asperger Syndrome's viewpoint.
As I am in contact with Dr Tony Attwood from time to time, Tony has mentioned how in relationships a person with Asperger Syndrome can have a relationship with a person who is very or completely neuro typical. What Tony is mentioning is very interesting but from my own personal perspective, a date is like attending a job interview. A lot of expectations are place in the initial first contact and it is here that a lot of decisions and the possibility of chemistry are decided. When I ran the Brisbane Adult Group through the Asperger Syndrome Support Network in the early part of this decade, some of the adults mentioned to me the frustrations they encountered in finding and entering a relationship. The difficulties and issues were, very complex and the sense of rejection very crippling emotionally. The truth is that men with Asperger Syndrome do make ideal partners but the problem is selling themselves at a date and keeping up with the pressures and energy involved in sharing space and exchanging pleasantries.
My own experience of dating was draining, and emotionally crippling. I found it difficult to know what to do when going on a date. I often wondered if going on a date had an instruction manual. What was I supposed to say? What moves am I supposed to do? What is expected of me after I meet the person should I wish to see them again? In the movie "Tootsie" starring Dustin Hoffman, Dustin Hoffman cross dresses into a female character Dorothy Michaels. In the movie he meets and becomes acquainted with Julie Nichols played by Jessica Lange. In the movie, Dorothy is involved in being a soap star and comes into contact with Julie Nichols and he becomes smitten with her and develops a crush. Unfortunately, Julie Nichols sees Dorothy as a friend not realising that there is a man behind the mask. When talking with Julie Nichols, Dorothy mentions the difficulty in understanding women and Julie Nichols tells Dorothy that she wishes more men would be upfront with her and just tell her what is on their minds to thus lead into a feeling of attraction. Of course, when Dorothy Michaels blows his disguise, he confronts Julie Nichols and asks her this question thinking that he is being upfront and honest, and Julie Nichols is appalled and anoints him with a glass of wine.
It is hard being a male Aspie as you always have to make the first move and when approaching pretty girls or a pretty girl, it is often to know what to say and more importantly deal with the games that women seem to play. You often wonder why is there not a love or dating handbook with a set of questions and answers where you can tick each box and then either press the chemistry button or keep using this manual to eventually find the right match. You only wonder if such a book will ever be written who knows what the future holds?
I have chosen the movie "Tootsie" as it is an interesting encounter when Dustin Hoffman confronts Jessica Lange to tell her what she really wants to hear only to get a glass of water in his face. The movie reveals the difficulties in understanding the female language and the movie is a good example of such difficulty. The movie is also interesting in that Dustin Hoffman becomes good friends with Jessica Lange when he plays the female role but as a male the persona is completely different. It may not be a great example but I thought I would suggest the movie anyhow and perhaps others may understand or see the movie with some level of interest.
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