Imagine

Imagine what it is like. Everyday you wake up and have to monitor and manage your performance, productivity, the world around you and the way you think. Imagine what it is like when you hear sounds, try to understand the world and people around you and nobody can really help you and you just have to try and do the best you can and try to get help. Imagine what it is like when you do or say things that offend people and you don't know why and have to use your intelligence to try and work out later the causes of your actions. Finally imagine what it is like when you do not understand emotions and realise that sometimes loneliness and social isolation cannot be avoided and your mind tries to shut down on you and you need personal space from others. Well if you can fathom and begin to try and understand, then you can begin to understand the issues and difficulties I deal with day to day. Since 1997, I have worked hard to try and overcome my difficulties and to begin to build upon my life. I have with the help of my parents but more so my own perseverance, been able to find employment and begin to build upon my life which has been challenging at times. Some people just don't understand the difficulties and some people have even said "Asperger Syndrome what the F--- is that? We live in a world I believe which needs to re-classify the word disability. Often people perceive disability to be physical with a person requiring a wheel chair but like all disabilities specific accommodations can make life more bearable for those affected. I have come to accept that Asperger Syndrome in me is not a death sentence. I have undergone several and specific struggles and defeat but giving up is not the answer. People seem to want to label you or the things you do by saying "You are obsessed with Asperger Syndrome awareness" and I think, Do you know what it is like to live with AS? Often times or mostly I feel my life is having to balance anxiety, uncertainty and performance on a day to day issue. Some days I cope and my anxiety levels are down and others, just getting through the day and planning is like trying to climb a mountain. Other days, particularly when sleep or meltdown are an issue, I tend to have to rely more on coping mechanisms just to get through. People don't see the real you when you have AS. They see your stronger side and think that you are in control and yet you know that you cannot rely on others to help you or to talk too when you feel lonely or socially isolated. People can judge you on your mistakes and faults, but fail to look at the real you and there is not much you can do but just realise a door is closed and remains closed. Perhaps forever or just maybe the door may open a bit to let the light inside. I am not really after fame or glory but more so a path to make the world a better place. So often people around you are down or struggling and you wonder where all the fun and good times have gone? I am really concerned with the proposed changes to Asperger Syndrome classification in the United States. So many adults I know have Asperger Syndrome and some are unable to be involved in awareness as they get stressed or burned out easily. They struggle to obtain the necessary support now and with changes to the classification where will they be and will they be better off or worse off? I thank the work that has gone in by Dr Tony Attwood in getting the awareness out there but wonder what will happen once his legacy is over? Who will ensure that Aspies will have a voice in the community? We are slowly emerging from the dark forest of our own struggles but will we be able to find greener pastures or will we return to the dark forest with proposed changes to Asperger Syndrome re-classification? Often I have been criticised for events that I have no control over and people seem to think that I can avoid. At the time, I don't know what mistakes I am making as I perceive what I am doing to be correct and if I venture into gray areas, I need to rely on my intelligence more to ensure that I don't strike any dangers or break any hidden conventions. Developing a collection of interests is not easy as one interest which ultimately becomes an obsession beyond my control tends to hijack everything else. Having good executive functioning can help but struggling in the social area can often be a challenge. I have thus far worked at helping adults with Asperger Syndrome to see hope away from depression, social isolation and lack of hope. More needs to be done in the employment area but tackling this problem needs a combined effort. I just wish and rather I hope that more adults are able to find support and valuable services to assist them with their lives. Despite their challenges and difficulties, more help should become available soon. I would like to see and hope for the following in adults with Asperger Syndrome and unemployment: 1. Placement onto temporary support while finding employment. 2. Support and employment for adults with Asperger Syndrome 3. Modifications of work environments to include not exclude Aspies 4. Employment Agencies for Aspies and more support with finding employment and job placement. A whole lot more needs to be done but taking things slowly is the only way to go at present.