The Asperger Syndrome diagnosis

In July of 1998 after much relief I found myself diagnosed as having residual Asperger Syndrome by Dr Tony Attwood.  I have often been asked what it was like to have been diagnosed.  At the time I was 25 years old, I was a student at university with my face hidden behind a bushy beard. I struggled with trying to fit in.  I also found life in Armidale almost impossible as I couldn't make any friends or be properly understood by others.  I resorted to joining the Masonic lodge as I felt this was a means of finding support and encouragement but instead, I found that I was even misunderstood in it.  I was the youngest man in the area to be initiated in the latter part of the C20th.  On my initiation which I learnt off by heart, and with the assistance of a short and elderly Austrian/Italian who experienced life in the war, I was able to be duly raised. I no longer am in the Freemasons having resigned some years ago.  I never really knew who I was at the time.

Up until I was 25 life seemed confusing to me. I never really knew who I was and more importantly how to get on with others around me.  I struggled with depression lot and had thoughts at times about wanting to take my own life.  However an inner voice kept me strong and I was determined to finish university no matter what it took. However having a difficulty with reading and undertaking group assessment tasks, I found myself visualising what was required with imaginary participants in order to get through. 

Now to the most important part. What was being diagnosed like?  Well to begin with it was liberating for in the years prior nobody could put their finger including myself on what it was that made me who I am.  I don't want to say what was wrong with me but more so why I behaved and functioned as the person I was and now am.  I discussed with Tony my who life's experiences and the current situations I confronted.  I described my bouts of depression, my struggles with friendships and my difficulties with socialising and adhering to the requirements of university.  I also discussed my earlier experiences of being bullied at school.  I also mentioned my desire for friendships also.   It is hard to actually go back and describe in detail what diagnosis was like but all I can say is that it helped me and those around me to understand my own internal wiring.   

I wrote some poems and short stories but never struck up the motivation to write a book which I did in 2011.  I just had to tell the world what life was like as an Aspie and more importantly the struggles I faced.  I self published the book as publishers like Jessica Kingsley and other publishers were not interested.  So I thought I would just self publish myself.  A lot of effort is required to write a book which I was able to do in a week and later have a book launch. 

Diagnosis was like stepping in a time machine back to the periods in your life when unanswered questions remained and people's reactions foreign but it appears that the only way forward is to try and use so many coats of paint to try and polish your own image so that you can better adapt to the world.  Diagnosis is a means of relief and not a crutch.    

Near enough isn't good enough

In Australia I must admit that I grow tired of the near enough is good enough she'll be right mate attitude.  Instead of seeing jobs done properly, you often see instead work which is not carried out properly and quite often repaired slackly.  Added to this it is more than likely evident that bad supervision and direction are also provided.  You hear on the news of workplace injuries, deaths or injuries due to accidents or so called work being carried out which is sloppy to the point of it causing accidents or future damage. 

I think that having a job is very important and what is more important is that it should be your own ingrained responsibility to ensure you turn up on time and try do the best you can even when times are tough.  When I was in Ballina recently I saw a sign on the staff door of a fast food outlet informing staff that the fast food place closed at 8.30pm and not 7.45pm.  Although working environments can be challenge it is up to unions to play a valuable role in ensuring that workplaces are safe, fairness is enforced and more importantly bullying and exploitation does not occur.  A union should be stand up for a worker's rights to ensure fairness and to protect workers against toxic situations.  These are some of my opinions anyway.  I have seen and see in all walks of life good people who try their best to make a workplace a safe and happy one but also sadly there are some in all walks of life who just don't give a stuff, call anyone mate and have this I couldn't be bothered attitude.  There are many who have a great deal of energy, drive and enthusiasm who simply sit on the side line denied opportunity. What also is the problem with work choices for isn't it a means of allowing an employee a right to demand what they believe suits their skills and abilities within a job? 

In my own working life I have worked under some very good people who try and instil a code of professionalism and they have helped to guide me through what level or standards should be expected of me.  I believe that adults on the Autism Spectrum need good role models in work to ensure that they are given the support, encouragement and even protection where necessary to allow them the opportunity to demonstrate their true skills and abilities. Sadly I have heard stories of adults being turned away or even sacked for not being fully understood and accepted.  There are individual reasons perhaps as to why this happens.  Disclosure of diagnosis is a personal thing and in my own employment history, it has not been an issue for me in terms of being given a chance.  Prior to 1996, I found it impossible to obtain a job and when I look at the current economic climate I can imagine that for many others that not being able to find meaningful employment still remains a sad reality. 

This post is not written to be anti union but more so to cast light on how certain measures should be more inclusive of those of us with disabilities.  I think often there is a fear of employing the disabled as in the case of Autistic people they can demonstrate valuable skills and abilities but certain obstacles remain in place making employment of such people difficult or allowing promotional or expertise opportunities. I don't understand work choices but does it not give an employee or potential employee a means of choosing what skills and abilities they would like to obtain within employment? For the adults who choose to work and want to work, why can't the workplace allow a means of choosing what skills one would like to work?  In my own situation I was even prepared to work for a lower wage just to obtain employment but was constantly aware that this was not possible.  I must admit that I am not fully aware of workplace bargaining, enterprise agreements etc. In fact I have attended few union meetings finding them a waste of time as instead of finding outcomes it has been more so just a means of finding a means of not having to work for most.  I would rather a meeting with an outcome and solutions etc. 

I find the current climate of there being a lack of opportunity and incentive in Australian society today annoying.  Either if you try you are cut down or worn out.  Trying to get the message out there that people on the Autism Spectrum have skills and abilities which when implemented when thinking outside the box seems impossible. I just don't know what to do at times and feel at a loss.  I just hope one day that things will change.  I am not a difficult person and I try my best to do the right thing but it seems now that this state of anarchy just is difficult. 

Moving forward with ant steps in elephant tracks

Often moving forward in life or more so just wondering what life is all about can be an overwhelming situation.  It is hard to try and make sense of a world which you struggle to fully understand and assimilate.  People saying things which are not always obvious and being expected to be and act like everyone else, when you process and comprehend information differently.

Today was a rather hectic day in terms of traffic. Normally I tolerate the nearby Western and Centenary freeways but I feel like I am losing my mind sitting amongst tin cans within a tin can.  The very fact that I am able to write this blog entry today has been possible due to a somewhat busy afternoon schedule.  I posted a video about being Aspie as a label and I am having quite a large flood of enquires and questions regarding what it is like having Asperger Syndrome as well as the occasional friend requests on Facebook with adults wanting to find out about the Aspie Social Group here in Brisbane.  A lot is going on and often trying to deal with all matters, enquiries and answering questions in itself can be a monumental task.

It is difficult to try and make a world understand more about the very understanding required for being an adult on the Autism Spectrum.  Society has its own way of thinking and functioning but my own clashes with it or forges ahead with a feeling of being on the outer, a mere observer more so than a participant in every day life.  Being an advocate is like a 24/7 job not to mention keeping up with the information and awareness requests which are required. 

I feel at times  that I am progressing with ant tracks compared to those of elephants in terms of awareness.  Every small step no matter how small it may be is moving slowly forward but I guess I am wanting more so elephant tracks and not realising that progress is not always this big and possible. 

Next Saturday is the group meeting and I am getting more enquiries which is good and it would be good to see more awareness also spread. It is only a matter of time to wait and see.

Navigating through the world with only an intellectual compass

Throughout my life I have had to rely solely on my intelligence in order to survive.  Within school I had to plan almost every step and I need to do the same in adulthood.  I would firstly like to briefly explain what I mean.  I think the school system is a means of socially conditioning a person for later life and secondly, I believe that the workplace is an adaption of this early conditioning process.  I have tried to write about this even present a possible PhD topic on this with little or no interest as society seems to be more interested in any study following a formulated response. 

Often I have people tell me that I should go out and find more interests or I need to get out more.  However when you are uniquely wired and think unconventionally this is not always easy. Furthermore, not understanding the necessary social skills and relying on intelligence makes the matter more difficult and even complicated.  I can remember my early years to when I knew I talked to myself and my brother insisting that I should jettison the habit. For me it would be like losing a limb as I needed to talk to myself and to be honest I was lucky to be able to communicate at all. 

When you think about having to try and adapt to the world at large you may begin to understand the complexities.  For instance why does one have to become obsessed or have their life revolve around a piece of paper and secondly how will people react to you when you leave the safety of the family nest if indeed you are fortunate to have existed in it?  Many parents have and raise concerns about their Autistic offspring leaving the nest as they have grave fears and concerns about how the world will treat them.  In my case my elderly parents whom I still live with have such fears.  It is a constant reliance on intelligence on our part but the underlying issues of bullying and predators still remain a reality. With our own naivety we can become exposed to predators and not realise the potential dangers that lay in waiting.  It can be either too late or fate that then creates further difficulty.

It is hard to navigate certain areas of life. The main difficulties being the health areas. I have known of some hospitals refusing to treat Autistic individuals in terms of operations and other procedures.  I have also heard the issues raised concerning vaccines which I don't necessarily agree with.  I believe that Autism is a hereditary occurrence that emerges itself through the genetic chain of life.  I think Aspies have always existed but have more so come to the surface because of this tolerance of stress and uncertainty that exists in the current world. 

To cut to the bone, relying on an intellectual compass is often a necessary strategy to get by.  We need to protect ourselves against the often insidious attacks or ignorant attacks relating to our unique ways of thinking and functioning.  Why then does society want a cure?  For anyone thinking outside the box this presents itself with fear.  The fear of the unknown.  The fear of untapped potential and knowledge which society seems to want to comfortably put away in a box under the bed, or on the shelf.  Never mind what the box may contain as now certain unsavoury types have made the majority of people afraid of this.  If one were to open the box perhaps they may find magic and unbound knowledge inside? 

It seems that mainstream reaction to you as an adult is that you are to be either avoided or your actions explained so as to not supposedly embarrass others.  More so why can't questions be asked and instead knowledge extracted?  It seems that the only way forward is to rely on your own intellectual compass.  I know in my own life that issues and other matters often appear unwelcomed. Just like an unknown guest at the door they either have to be told to go away or a stern demand given.  They can be unpleasant but just like remoulding a vase with clay you have to try and implement the changes where necessary. 

My only way to express myself is to write and to further raise awareness as I am merely treading water by other means.  Often I have to explain and defend myself which has always been a reality to me more so than just fit in like the square peg in a round hole. Ask  yourself the question of whether you have an intellectual compass and is it required when navigating the world around you?  

The implosion factors

As an adult myself on the Autism Spectrum it took me many years of determination and perseverance to get to where I am today.  However for other adults the giving up or losing hope in ever finding employment can be a serious setback.  As many are unable to find employment, they tend to resort to a dysfunctional existence.  One which is a means more of survival more so than progress.  At times I feel it necessary just to stand up for myself and advocate only for myself.  This is because many adults are different and it is often very hard to get through to them without offending or confronting some back lash.

I avoid as much as possible internal politics.  In fact it even exists within the Autism community and sadly it can be destructive with both bullying and alienation as a result.  I choose not to go down this path. Tomorrow I return to work again and I often wonder if the very advocacy work I am doing is actually getting anywhere? How can I make for a better world when some don't give a stuff about what I do and the efforts which I make?  I tend to think that the best thing is just to advocate for myself. To fight my own battles and obstacles when they come to hand and just to make my life better where I can. 

It is easy to implode when a world doesn't always understand the way you think and function.  Quite simply when others don't understand you feel as though you are on the outer, a mere observer more so than a participant.  For many adults the biggest problem is that employers are not always aware or informed about the thought processes and patterns that exist in the Aspie mind.  Often the line of least resistance is always taken and being a person on the Autism Spectrum makes one vulnerable to not always knowing the correct social skills to defend and explain yourself in difficult situations. 

The biggest challenge today is having the means of working with other adults and providing the necessary pillars and scaffolding of support to assist them to enter the job market or find a means of a better quality of life.  I often feel myself at times if my life is going anywhere but just like what other people, finding friends is always impossible.  It seems almost impossible just to connect with others and to know the necessary social skills to find friends or enter a relationship. Sometimes I can offend without knowing.  I spend most if not all of my life living more so in my head than existing in the physical world.  I often wonder if this part of the mechanics for the evolutionary step forward? 

I wonder if at times also whether I should just walk away from advocating for Autism as I have concerns over whether the world will ever change and its thinking.  I feel at times that as people on the Autism Spectrum are so different that my effort and time may just be going into a lost cause?  The Autism Spectrum should not be used as an excuse to justify dysfunctional behaviour but more so a means of understanding a different way of thinking and functioning.  To avoid the risks of the implosion factor, I try within myself to avoid issues that are going to cause grief and to focus more so on what I can do to try and prod people's way of thinking to understand me better.  The biggest risk with suicide is the thought of others not understanding you and you feeling at a loss and believing that your existence serves no purpose. I find social isolation immunes me a lot from toxic factors and difficult people.  I also try to avoid energies that simply cause me grief and distress.  In my own company I don't have to constantly defend people's prying and more so questioning as to why I am the way I am.  Perhaps one day things will turn around but currently I find myself at times wearing down with trying to make things better for myself.  Finding interests involves some degree of using social skills.

With an Abbott government looking more possible, I think that a focus on providing employment opportunities for people with disabilities, especially Autism should become a reality.  More so I can remember in my own employment history that I obtained a proper job under the Howard Government.  Instead of being forced to accept a welfare payment and undertake directionless courses which existed under the then Keating government, obtaining employment was more so a reality under a Howard Government.  I hope the same applies for others under a future Abbott Government if elected.  These factors alone making it impossible which it did for me when wanting to have a go a chance of entering the job market.  These are my thoughts and I am entitled to them as I have been there and experienced this etc. 

Therefore to answer the question of the implosion factor and how it can be overcome, I therefore believe it necessary that more opportunities and awareness be implemented to better improve the lives of persons on the Autism Spectrum with both awareness and greater understanding.   

The unique and super human evolution

If I started to talk about the realities and possibilities of Atlantis you may think that am I am curious but when I mention the possibility that Atlantis may have been a city containing specialist and higher thinking individuals, you may believe me living in a world of fantasy or make believe.  I wonder about Atlantis and whether it did in fact exist and if it contained higher thinking individuals.  Quite simply these individuals functioning more on a means of acquiring and harnessing intelligence to make milestones with human achievement.  There are many mysteries surrounding Atlantis and whether in fact it actually existed.  Plato described it as a city that came and went quickly and if so why? 

There are various civilisations we know nothing about.  Why for instance were the Egyptians interested in mummification and the Mayans into calendars?  Furthermore, how come there was so much interest in the heavens and how were ancient monuments constructed and for what purpose?  There are some places in the world where only diagrams and drawings can be seen from the skies and furthermore discoveries which defy man and his understanding of the universe. 

Was Atlantis for instance a place where high thinking was able to see people think more on a spiritual level more so than a physical level?  It is interesting how in the past there was so much interest and discoveries made within astronomy.  The emergence of places to harness higher thinking also existed.  For instance and I believe most Aspies exist more and live more in our heads, that our influence in many fields has led to major advancements in the Maths, Science and Physics areas.  It is hard to actually define but perhaps Atlantis was destroyed for a reason of which cannot be explained.  Perhaps it was a city that destroyed itself disallowing future generations the real truths of its existence and functioning? 

As humanity advances and the universe expands so to does the human mind.  Just imagine the universe as a large living brain and all of us are only allowed so much time within our mortal lives a chance of experiencing life but not ever know the real answers as mortality prevents us from thinking beyond our own existence.  Other people and indeed humanity is deciphered through our own minds but how do we know or I know that what I think and feel or what you think or feel is in fact reality?  People seem to spend more time in the physical world than in the spiritual world and the former sadly creates more misery. Greed and consumerism just cause people to become greedy and selfish when little emphasis is placed on our spiritual sense or the other 90% of our brain which in each of us remains untapped. 

Some questions possibly worth answering or pondering are as follows.  Are specialist and unique thinkers evolutionary steps within humanity?  How do you think the concept of Atlantis existing and its existence change your way of perceiving the world around you?  What if there was a superior race and it was so perfect that it was able to enter a higher dimension of human evolution?  Do you think that there are other dimensions which exist and perhaps life forms exist in another dimension?  

Of course writing this blog is only thoughts of an overactive imagination for if you ever saw the movie the Truman Show you may think that everything around you is a stage play and you only exist within yourself?  All thoughts I guess that are just thoughts or perhaps a future stage of evolution?

Perhaps you may want to watch this youtube on Plato and Atlantis http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRwYYkwqV0o

More important updates

Autumn 2013 update

 

On a cool Autumn morning, I thought it an idea to update my blog.  This being the first entry for May 2013!  I have currently been busy with work and other advocacy.  Recently I received an email from Orfield Labs to assist in important research to modify and improve public spaces.  I am currently in the process of doing this as well as offering the input from other adults on the Autism Spectrum via Skype.  I also have been in touch with Clain from Utah in the United States.  Clain has a son on the Autism Spectrum who wants to pursue a career in a specialised field.  I have offered to assist with support and provide feedback to assist the Autism community in Utah.  They are currently trialling a buddy system where an adult on the Autism Spectrum is paired with a non Aspie within a work environment.  As I mentioned to Clain, adults on the Autism Spectrum need a great deal of support and any assistance from those around, especially involved directly and indirectly with Autism would be greatly appreciated. 

As the list grows of adults on the Autism Spectrum in employment, so to does the need or rather I say support from those adults as first time Skype users.  Many struggle to overcome social isolation or even to write text chat within Skype. It feels good when adults can be connected to others within the wider community and to know the issues of mental health and social isolation can be broken down.  Of course unemployment is still a major issues with adults on the Autism Spectrum still representing the highest in the unemployment figures.  It is only a matter of time until things hopefully change in this direction?! 

I hope that within an academic community that more adults will come out of the closet to admit and feel no longer afraid to disclose they are Aspie.  Until more and more adults come forward the path ahead is going to be slow.  However, as I am in touch with more adults, I am reassured that the future direction is positive and it will be only a matter of time before the pigeons come home to roost.  The group which I run for adults, hopefully will one day grow in number and provide a means for adults to work at solutions and better services for persons on the Autism Spectrum now and in the future.  It is  not a matter of if but more so when.  I think Autism is the next important cause which lay ahead. 

In the meantime I thank all those for their support and please stay tuned for the new Australian Autism magazine.  

As far as the NDIS (National Disability Insurance Scheme) is concerned, I think it is a start but still a lot more and a long way still needs to go.  I would like to know what support I can obtain and others I know who have a disability.  It is not merely a tool for re-election but more importantly a means of getting the support and services to those who most need it.  I will be monitoring very closely the coming months and playing a part in democracy in September with the Australian federal election. I have been extremely disappointed with the Gillard government's let down in terms of mental health.  It is time for action on this front. 

Please stay tuned for more updates!

Kind regards
Garry Burge
www.garryburge.com

Thinking outside the box

I often feel at times that I am in a climate of thinking suffocation.  Just being able to think and question can be in itself a difficult task from some others.  What I see in Australia at present is a country where incentive and innovation seem to be non existent.  Also the political situation seems somewhat tedious given the fact that Australia is in one of the longest political campaigns in the entirety of Federation since 1901.  I think the problem with politics is that people seem disengaged by a process that has let them down and also alienated them somewhat over the years.  People need to think more but anything which I say is met with criticism and conformity.  I simply am told what I should think or forced to think when I have my own opinions.  Within the current environment, people with good and professional leadership are sought as well as those with experience.  From both sides and from all political persuasions, there should be a focus on experience and ability more so than mud slinging and criticising.  It seems 4 months out from an election that once again there is no real clear policy outline from all the political parties and a general complacency from people in some ways to just let things happen.  Why don't people think about the upcoming election?  Do they believe everything they see and hear on television?  What is of major importance is the issue of debt and losing control of your economy to the hands of others.  Just like you never pay off your credit card, the bank has control over your spending, so to does the government unless it is financially responsible! 

I often feel with certain people that my behaviours and thinking somehow need modification around others.  Just by thinking the way I do and asking questions in itself seems totally unacceptable.  I like to know of what is happening around me and to try my best to weigh up both sides of an argument as this surely is totally appropriate as a graduate of Political Sciences.  In my own situation, university study which I regarded as a privilege was a means of training my mind to think and question. Just like what you may expect when working out at a gymnasium.  It seems to me that politicians don't always say what they mean and working within the area of advocacy I have first had experience of this.  I work often almost 24/7 into awareness of the Autism Spectrum, writing posts, taking skype calls, and assisting others where necessary.  The thing I find most difficult is that often when I provide advice and feedback that often this is not always sought.  This is why I tend to use the social media as well as youtube.

If we are to get serious about employing persons with disabilities, we then as a society need to foster and garner a much better and embracing attitude from businesses, employers etc.  We need to take on board those with specialised and attention to detail skills within employment.  I feel many are shut out due to fear, complacency, or intolerance as well as over regulation and union domination.  A union should for instance ensure that it assists with standing up for rights within a workplace so as to ensure Occupational Workplace Health & Safety Laws are implemented and that bullying etc do not occur.  In my many conversations with adults on the Autism Spectrum, many tell me that prior to probation or attending a job interview itself is just a difficult task.  It seems odd that perhaps a workplace is aware of Asperger Syndrome that it treats a person differently than to the person who discloses.  Why does this occur and should it continue?  

Politicians I think look after themselves and are more concerned from all political parties about the perks they can expect while serving in public office.  Once politicians were not even paid when serving in parliament. I know my Great Great Grandfather wasn't paid when he served in the Queensland Parliament from 1889 to 1899 within the Ministerialist Party.  Politicians need to focus more on the people they serve and more importantly to be held accountable by them. 

I find it difficult when certain people insist that I should change my way of thinking to think like they do when I can tell you honestly that my way of thinking and functioning is different to their own! Also when I communicate how I actually feel my thoughts may not and mostly do not come out the way or formula that is supposedly sociable acceptable to others.  Also being told that I lack empathy, am a broken record, repeat myself.  If I lacked empathy then why would such comments be really helpful or perhaps I am just supposed to be like Rain Man and let it bounce off me?   People really need to understand that communication exists in two ways.  Perhaps I am just totally deluded as one man thinks in that I can change the world and that I must be conformed or be warned?!  Can't I just exist as myself instead of being told that I am inept and stupid? 

If anyone wants to criticise me then I am more than happy to defend my position and situation to the best of my ability as to be honest I have had enough of being judged and totally misunderstood.  If nobody else will stand up for me I will just do it myself which I have always had to do!  I know many others like me who also are in the same boat and many unable to get work who have very smart and intelligent minds.  Why can't they think outside the box also and be accepted for who they are?

 

Work I will be assisting in

I received the following email today and will assist where I can

Mr. Garry Burge,

My name is Steve Orfield.  I learned of you from Craig Evans at Autism Hangout.  Craig referenced you as someone who can provide accurate insights into how people on the spectrum experience everyday environments.If you’re inspired by our intended work (see below), I would humbly ask for your help (your wisdom) in the research involved with our project. 

My company – Orfield Labs –researches how perceptually disabled populations respond to sounds, lighting, smells, heat/cold and indoor air quality. Our goal is to perform the research necessary to assemble knowledge that helps architects designing buildings better suited (aka: less offensive!) to the needs and desires of these groups.

Our last project – working with the elderly (another sensory-disabled, ignored population) - resulted in new building performance standards for the 90 year old age group. This knowledge is now being used in the construction of more-hospitable hospitals and friendlier, more sensory-friendly nursing homes.We’d like to take this research tool and explore the needs for a better design of schools and housing for the ASD community.

I’ve spoken with a large number of autism non-profits and academics. We’ve been in touch with Autism Speaks, The Herberger Institute, The Mind Institute, The Center for Discovery, Southwest Autism Research And Resource Center – SARRC, Sweetwater Spectrum, The U of California, Arizona State U, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, U of Minnesota, North Carolina State, Texas A&M, Georgia Institute of Technology, The Starkloff Disability Institute, the Institute for Human Centered Design and many others. These groups are excited about our work to help people on the spectrum.  I sincerely hope you are too.

So I’m writing you today to ask for your help in this ground and barrier-breaking work.  Your insights can help generations of those with autism for years to come.  Imagine the impact of sensory-friendly, stress-REDUCING buildings. 

If you’re wiling, please let me know your thoughts by replying to this email, and suggest some times that might work for us to discuss this further. I've attached a letter to this email.

Kindest regards,

Steve Orfield

\

Orfield Laboratories, Inc.

2709 East 25th Street

Minneapolis, MN 55406

612-721-2455 (O)

612-220-7150 (C)

steve@orfieldlabs.com

www.orfieldlabs.com

Some emails I receive

I thought I would provide an email to  help raise some awareness of why diagnosis and support are important.  This email has also been sent to Dr Tony Attwood for his information.

Hi Gary, Your video reminds me of my brother when he was younger. He just died at age 72 and when I traveled 1000 miles to his home I was seriously shocked and dismayed. Clearly he was very depressed, as he had not had a toilet in many years, the ceiling was on the floor, there was a rat nest next to his bed and much more. He was a highly intelligent cataloger for the Library of Congress in Washington DC and his life was a living hell at the end in many ways. His family and friends previously thought he was a unique and interesting and very good person and we never thought to diagnose him. We all respected his right to be different.

A Russian immigrant persuaded him to marry her when he was 65 and she has systematically robbed him and, although we know the people and an organization that he wanted his assets to go to, she forced him in the divorce settlement to leave everything to her and her daughter (who is a lawyer!) His wife never entered his home but saw into it at least once and never told us there was a problem. She also never contacted us when he died, even tho she knew us and had contact info, and she stole his remains as well as his personal effects. She is trying to get his home, bank accounts, life insurance, as well as lifetime survivor monthly benefits EVEN THO THEY WERE DIVORCED. They never lived together, or had intimacy and she said she had never cooked for him.

I think you will agree that Aspies are vulnerable to exploitation. I hope your organization will not only educate to prevent this, but also be advocates and witnesses in the court system of justice.

My brother lived in Washington, DC. I live in Indianapolis. If you know any one to help us, please contact us. This is all new to us and my sister seems to have Aspies as well (and maybe my Dad did too.) Thanks for listening. Good luck. Remember your unique qualities! Marijane

It's 24/7 Advocacy

Every day, second and minute spent in my life is a continual job and getting the awareness out there.  Twice a month I set up and ensure that where we meet for group meetings is both warm, and a safe and non threatening envrionment. Our location is surrounded by greenery and views to the city and beyond. We also meet close to all means of public transport.  Although I am high functioning and can manage as best the work I do, people don't often see this and it can often be difficult.  I take satisfaction in knowing that we now have an adult group for adults run by adults within the southern hemisphere and it is good to connect with others.  The group is a means for others to connect and more importantly to feel as though we are part of humanity even though at times we may not be fully and totally understood.

It would be great to see a means of support for current adults and future ones in Brisbane and this is slowly happening.  For some Aspies just finding a place to connect is in itself a very difficult undertaking. Furthermore just finding groups that relate to interests and people understanding our unique abilities can in itself also be a challenge. Our group is but a means of providing a safe and non threatening envrionment to assist with this. 

The future challenges of finding employment and inclusion still meet with some obstacles but I try my best to overcome these as best as possible.  Advocacy work can be 24/7 as I also talk on skype and connect with adults overseas who may also be needing some support in finding an understanding voice within the community. 

For anyone interested in finding out more about my advocacy work please do not hesitate to contact me via my website www.garryburge.com  I wear many caps and currently do the bulk of advocacy work myself. 

Kind and warmest regards

Garry Burge

Was the 1950's a decade for Aspies?

When I mention the 1950's people would perhaps think I am conservative and a little behind with the times. However, I wonder if the 1950's was a period that was suited better for Aspies?  In a recent article Dr Temple Grandin describes children on the Autism Spectrum benefiting from a 1950's style of education?  It seems an interesting matter as perhaps the 1950's was more structured and focused on routine.  There was more community and fewer distractions like McDonalds, and a throw away society which seems to exist now.  I often glimpse the Coronet Films made in the 1950's which I have included to accompany this post http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNSZ5OfpQbY

This era seems to be more care free.  For instance if you watched Happy Days which was themed on the 1950's you saw friendships, safety, soda, going to the movies and very few threats, dangers and distractions.  Families existed on a nuclear foundation and furthermore rules seemed to be more apparent as well as discipline and self discipline. More importantly friendship and marriage seemed somewhat easier then as there wasn't feminism and other agendas that didn't exist so much back then as there seems to be now.

I think also the 1950's had the life long job and the focus on routine more so than this fast paced throw away nonsense that you get now.  Also people seemed to think more.  Would a person also have benefited from a 1950's style education as Dr Temple Grandin suggests?  Do people respond better to better discipline and direction?  Although this is a short post it is designed to get people thinking.  Maybe it will or it wont but worth a try at any rate?

Does the United States of America need another Eisenhower?

Please watch and listen to this youtube video before you read what it is I wish to say. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWiIYW_fBfY

As a person who has lived in the free world American Presidents have come and gone.  While I respect that the United States is a republic, I have seen presidents come and go.  I can remember the Reagan years in the 1980's and vaguely the Ford and Carter years previously.  I was born when Richard Nixon ran for re election with his election motto "Nixon Now" in 1972.  I have also visited the United States and over time and to this present day know of some good people that come from this land. 

The history of the United States politics is one of diversity depending on how you look at it.  Franklin D Roosevelt secured 4 terms as a true Democratic Party president in that he placed Americans into jobs, tried to strengthen the economy and carry America through the war.  In one of his inauguration speeches he used the term "There's nothing to fear but fear itself".  He also knew of the struggles in everyday life battling with polio and not letting his affliction get to him.  He seemed a warm hearted, caring man who did all his best with his fire side chats to show common human decency.  Indeed he and his wife Eleanor lived in times when television wasn't at the very privacy nor were they aware of the false illusion that it created.  They seemed to be people to look up to and they seemed to genuinely care. 

When Eisenhower died in 1945, Harry Truman became president and then eventually Dwight David Eisenhower.  Eisenhower's presidency seemed to stand out as a genuine one.  He was a good executive having won several stars as a Supreme Commander in Europe.  His experience was to also help him when he became president.  Eisenhower strengthened America not so much for ego or arrogance but for pride and hard core values.  The United States seemed strong and united under his presidency and he seemed to be able to afford a sense of strength and community as well as pride to people around him.  When he served his two terms in 1961, I think he seemed to have some reservations about the future of the United States, especially under its new and young President, John Fitzgerald Kennedy.  The Eisenhower administration seemed to have created a mighty military industrial complex which assisted the United States during the 1960's.  The young Kennedy no doubt sat eye ball to eye ball with the Joint Chiefs of Staff who no doubt were hand picked by Eisenhower.  How would they have viewed Kennedy and how would have Kennedy been advised? 

I think latter presidents have seemed to lack Eisenhower's executive talents and abilities.  I cannot really compare Eisenhower with Roosevelt as both were different and coming from different parties. However, I think that Eisenhower was a no nonsense strong executive who assisted America to become and reach her strong point.  I do not admire a country for its war machine but more so on its pride, respect, and human decency.  America has drifted away over the decades to a country that seems to be in massive debt and decline.  What would Eisenhower think if he were around today?  There are many points which I could discuss about the Eisenhower years but I think it would be good for people to walk away after reading this post with their own thoughts about the Eisenhower years.  How could and should Eisenhower return to America? Of course not technically possible but one to think about all the same.

The ways Aspies communicate

After a long period in hibernation from writing blog posts, I thought I would get back into sharing my thoughts. Tonight as my mind does the talking and my fingers do the walking, I thought I would share my thoughts on how Aspies communicate. As I know many adults from around the world (blowing the NT trait of my own trumpet) I think our language is interesting to observe.  As I have stated, we seem to use more of a focus on intelligence than on the spoken word.  Such thoughts probably send thoughts up people's minds that I am perhaps deluded or sounding odd?  I have found when speaking with others Aspies that I have more of a sense of what is going through their mind and can see when effort is required to form verbal communication.  What society perhaps doesn't understand is that adults or persons with Asperger Syndrome are able to speak words, which severely Autistic people cannot. 

I really cannot understand why with such situations needing to be examined more closely that there is a push for a cure or for a sense of tribalism and conformity.  I simply refuse to accept that the world will not accommodate unique thinking and I find that existing in the regular world makes me feel depressed and uncomfortable.  When I am forced to think and behave as someone I am not, I feel this frustration in that I am unable to exist and forced to repress who I really am.  Being on the Autism Spectrum is like walking on egg shells and what am I supposed to say instead of my identity of being an Aspie?  Am I supposed to under the new DSMV called myself Autism Spectrum?  Does this really make sense and does it in fact sound more odd?  

I find friendships with other Aspies are often intense and the channeling of mental energy is more so evident than the words spoken.  Dispace this with a regular person and often the mental energy already in existence does not seem to connect. Quite simply the inner mind operates on a different frequency and there is often a confuse with motives, thoughts and day to day conversation.  I find that I acquire information through other means and my level of intelligence is not really tapped within a so called IQ test.  Isn't an IT test designed for persons not on the Autism Spectrum? 

I may not speak for all Aspies and I see being Aspie more so as an identity and less so as a disability.  To admit it as a disability implies an immediate sense of being broken and needing intervention.  I wonder why the DSMV removed Asperger Syndrome in its current form as this was a means of Aspies linking to other Aspies. In the moves to 'normalise' the world, persons who are Aspie are forced to exist and think like others with little or no real effort to wear the shoe on the other foot.  We have many attributes but our abilities are not always defined within the regular conventional world.  So with this in mind there needs to be I feel more of an understanding of Aspie communication and an inclusion of our condition as our identity.  I wonder and hope that things will change. 

Welcome to April

I woke up this morning to see a beautiful blue sky and the sounds of the birds as well as a cooler morning. I wonder to myself what to do on April Fool's Day.  More so what to do with the morning?  I sometimes go to the park beside the river to escape the cars and the trees or I might create a youtube video or two?  However, this morning I thought I would try and compose my thoughts in a new blog post to welcome April.

It seems that the television and other forms of media just invade or impose on a person's life so escape is the best resource.  I often talk to friends from around the world on Skype and wonder to myself if some kind of computer or application could be developed to make a visual projection of the person within the chosen location so they could be there like some Star Wars movie. 

Skype is a very useful application because with a mobile device you can actually show a person who you are talking to your own location.  This may be walking down your local street, or being in your office or house with you.  Often the problem is trying to obtain a secure wifi connection in order to allow for a means of communication or finding out whether the person is available so you can talk to them?  I have people from various countries and I try and encourage others to sign up to skype which is free.  You only need to visit www.skype.com and obtain a username and then add yourself to your friend's skype account or visa versa.  Skype is free from computer to computer and a good way to talk freely in your home, work or favourite location.

I wish I could harness the abilities of others from various walks of life from around the globe. Despite few being in paid employment, what would be good would be a means of harnessing their special interests and my own to allow for a more useful means of creativity and injection of skills where necessary.  This concept seems hard to implement but I am slowly working on it.  In my own communication with other adults, Skype is a means of allowing adults interaction with others in often isolated and remote locations.  It may be hard work implementing a conference call but often this can be a means of overcoming social isolation and loniliness.  So why not try it if you are wanting to connect with others around the world? 

It is alarming how fast the year has already gone and hopefully April will be a new and interesting month.  I spoke with Chris Mitchell from Autism Works who was the first friend I made when I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome by Dr Tony Attwood in Brisbane in 1998.  If you are interested please visit where Chris works at Autism Works www.autismworks.co.uk

Imagine the utilisation of intellectual capital

With so many people with unique or more succinctly specialised abilities, what can be done to better utilise these more so than overlook them? Well the answer seems to begin with a focus on an unconventional means which needs to be incorporated within a means that can provide quality outcome.  From my interactions with many global Aspies, I find many without employment and struggling to or more so trying not to focus on the exploits or discrimination of the monetary system.  I often wonder to myself why the harnessing of intellectual capital as one adult described it cannot be used more so than a focus on obtaining money?

The monetary system tends to work against many or most Aspies as it relies on a sense of slavery or more so salesmanship in order to obtain it.  This quite simply is the means of social skills within a social structure which for many Aspies is just simply an overwhelming and draining exercise.  To apply for a job could for instance be seen like considering the purchase of a car with the interview being some kind of organised deal where the employer needs to be won over by salesmanship tactics of the interviewee, in this case being the Aspie.  Quite simply the more the experience and implementation of social skills can be employed, the more likely the person being interviewed can sell themselves within some lottery salesmanship to the potential employer. 

For many Aspies or if not all, the very nature of having to sell one self to obtain employment is simply overwhelming.  We struggle with day to day interaction and having to employ this within an interview means just seems both overwhelming and impossible. Instead of the Aspie feeling a sense of rejection within the interview process, shouldn't there be more of a question mark added to the very concept of the monetary system itself.  There are many Aspies who have or share no interest in a consumerist culture.  Quite simply money is only to be spent where it is absolute necessary but more so a focus is on a specialist interest or trying to figure out or make sense of this world.

My way of thinking is often difficult to comprehend but when you think and function differently to others, then why are you forced or criticised if you are unable to conform to so called standards?  Quite simply conformity seems both stressful and depression inducing.  Why have it at all?  The solution is to see Autism as not a fault or flaw but more so an attribute.  I often see a connection between productivity and efficiency more so than a rejection and push onto welfare.  We have people existing on welfare with the so called label of being disabled or impaired when really the system itself fails to focus on the attributes and qualities that could allow for a diverse means of thinking and quality.  I am in contact with adults from around the world who are delving into the harnessing of our attributes and I think it is about time that conformity and negativity change into more productivity and performance!  Let us get the ball rolling and underway!

The conventions versus the non conventions

Just imagine what it is like when you have a brain that thinks, processes and responds differently to that of others.  The entire process of consciousness is what you are accustomed to but your way of thinking is beyond your control.  By this I mean that the person possessing the unique mind just tries to exist as best as possible.  Sadly others do not always understand and when you try to defend your own persona which you have lived with for the entirety of your life, you are often told to change, lighten up or even stop being repetitive etc. When you try to defend yourself, you either confront misunderstanding or you are told that you just put yourself down and that you are negative.  People don't realise that the mind of many Aspies is literal.  By this I mean what is seen is what comes out without any mental filter.  To change one's ways cannot simply be done with the stroke of a magic wand or so called good fairy.  For the me the world is a confusing place and I often don't always understand the various thoughts, processes and comments which others make.  This is not intentional, it is just the way my mind works.  When conventional tactics are forced onto me, I find them confusing as they are foreign to me and a real struggle.  I find reading and comprehension the most challenging unless I can capitalise my obsession on the chosen prose or information to read.  Fiction novels for some are away to escape but for me they are a means of words which often have little meaning as quite often the social cues are simply all so overwhelming. 

As my eyes have always been weak, I have found that my ears have needed to compensate and for this, my hearing is ultra sensitive.  The sound of a hand dryer in a bathroom sends me into agony as well as creaky doors in a bathroom but I have to use all mechanisms which I can possibly find to deal with this.  For some there is a natural block but for me, it is a forced one.  When I see people, I see them visually but my eyes have difficulty sensing the nuisances which exist all over their body and more so in their face.  I can see sadness, laughter and also another sense which is energy surrounding the person.  You may think that such comments are odd but there are certain clear characteristics of toxicity in some people that can simply overwhelm. 

Throughout my life, I am told that I need to change but surely if I would have forced this, I would have done it years ago?  In fact in my early 20's I tried very hard but to no avail.  It just seems that when I become older that inevitably the world knocks me down.  I know also that I am not alone.  I work hard at friendships. Even a mere 30 minutes of spending with a friend is something I warmly relish but I feel frustrated but have learn to accept that my reciprocation is not always that of someone who is so called 'normal'.  I am thankful that I can communicate but whereas people can easily say words that come from their mouths, for me the words don't always run freely unless of course they relate to my interest. However over time, my interests being my natural means of communication were enough apparently to drive people to boredom.  So after being knocked down once again, I started to reinvent my natural defence which was the only way to me. This was a means of shutting down altogether this so called annoying aspect.  Even today I have been told I am repetitive, a broken record, I must stay calm and need to change.  Such comments are all a reappearance of what I was once told.  I have also been told that I am hard on myself when with my way of thinking, I am simply expressing how I think and feel. I am slowly reading a book by Nick Vujicic called "Life Without Limits".  On reading this book, I think of the struggles that Nick confronted and not to sound selfish or disrespectful of Nick, he is blessed with a very intelligent brain.  Despite him missing both arms and legs, he has learnt to adapt and for anyone with the label of having a disability, he is one to admire. If you are a person with Autism however, the disability is in our mind and in social communication.  People don't see this as I believe many see disability as physical or less so mental.  When I for instance am surrounded by people or with other people, I find that words, thoughts, and communication simply struggles to flow.  I find myself using vast amounts of mental energy to try and train my thoughts to those of others and furthermore often offend them when saying things which are immediately apparent to what is on my mind.  What's more is that when I try to defend myself or my way of thinking, I am given ample opportunity within the very situation to explain or try to understand how I offended.  Often it is just simply impossible or limited opportunities seem to avail themselves. 

I have touched on conformity in my videos on YouTube and in some blog posts but often there are some attempts to force me to think and act like other people when simply my mind just cannot comprehend this very process of thinking.  It is foreign to me and I don't understand it.  It can hurt others but they can also hurt me when they say I have no feelings and lack empathy.  I have experienced pain in my life over the 40 years I have existed on God's earth and furthermore I have also had to endure bullying and being told I would never do this or that. 

Quite simply conventions are necessary in our world but some mustard so to speak  has to be cut on certain situations.  I by no means tolerate rudeness in Autistic people as quite often dysfunctional behaviour may need some minor corrections, but provision needs to be made to assist us to learn and furthermore provide a light between all groups of people.  I am Autistic but I can speak and have been told I am good looking and the list goes on. Really the latter doesn't interest me but it would be good to be understood by the opposite sex better and furthermore a better means of understanding and accepting diversity.  Just because I look 'normal' does not mean that I think like a controlled person also.  I can never understand in psychology the term 'controlled'.  I have heard Dr Tony Attwood use it a fair bit and wonder who is the controller?  The different mindset often feels like I for one need an interpreter to relate to the language which is foreign to me.  So please stop telling me I need to ligthen up, or find a lighter side as I could ask you in return to understand mental exhaustion, and not being able to interpret so called 'normal' interaction!

I hope you can understand the gist of what I am saying.